Agent 47 has been hired to kill you. You have 2 weeks to prepare after which he could show up at any time.

Agent 47 has been hired to kill you.
You have 2 weeks to prepare after which he could show up at any time.
What do you do to survive?

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  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Carry on with my life because I'm not in a videogame.

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I make 2 bloody handprints under the wallpaper in my room and show it to him when he arrives so he'll immediately drop everything and let me inject an unknown substance directly into his neck with his guard completely dropped.

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Hire a team of very hairy and butt-naked guards.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Hire only women so he can't use the dresses

      I beg Karl Fairburne to keep me safe.

      Invest in sunglasses with a fake nose and moustache, fedora and brown trenchcoat

      You're all dead

      I make 2 bloody handprints under the wallpaper in my room and show it to him when he arrives so he'll immediately drop everything and let me inject an unknown substance directly into his neck with his guard completely dropped.

      Make a Party in my private island.

      You survive

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Make a Party in my private island.

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Hire only women so he can't use the dresses

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I beg Karl Fairburne to keep me safe.

  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Invest in sunglasses with a fake nose and moustache, fedora and brown trenchcoat

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Im going to stop picking up any coins a bald frick throws at me

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Have hidden cameras everywhere, offsite surveillance room
    Remove any cupboard, closet or anything that can be used to dump bodies into

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    tweet that agent 47 has been hired to kill me, making it clear that there's a snitch and try to get him to bail out

    alternatively
    contact some organization that has had some member killed by agent 47 (if he exists, one must assume everything that happened in the games is real and all the organizations are, too), and tell them that he is on to me and they could catch him for revenge, then let them deal with him and possibly get paid for the info

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      why would he bail instead of killing both you and the snitch at the same time with a chandelier

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        why would he know who the snitch is?
        meanwhile i was contacted by someone, how else could i know about it? he may want that information

  11. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I'll get a tiny tattoo somewhere where it's not visible.

  12. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I'll go somewhere that's only accessible by an elevator. 47's presence somehow disables every elevator he comes across, so I'm safe.

  13. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Realistically, nothing, assuming no time limit. Even if you could somehow form an absolutely airtight defence against him there's no way it'll hold for long. Guards become lax after three or four months of absolutely nothing happening, and you're holed up in your room that whole time, paranoid and sleep deprived, just waiting for one of them to suddenly spin around and cap you or for a wall to collapse on top of you because it turns out 47 finally decided to make his move that day and had already infiltrated hours ago. Don't make powerful enemies, kids.

  14. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Dye my hair ginger and tell him he needs to bail me out again

  15. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Hire this Tobias Rieper guy as a bodyguard, he looks tougher than 47.

  16. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >THAT is Anon : manchild, full-time shitposter and dicky enthusiast. QUITE the resume.

  17. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I'll undergo surgery and disguise myself as Helmut Kruger

  18. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Fake death?

  19. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    i arm my friendly neighbourhood gay man and he'll take care of the problem for me

  20. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Proposal:

    Prison
    Oil rig
    Jumbo jet
    County fair
    Ski resort
    Black ops military site
    Bridge hostage exchange
    London underground
    Shopping mall

    (no mission stories)

  21. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    BIG

  22. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    climb inside a dresser/crate with my switch and wait for 47 to disconnect after 2h of searching

  23. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    1. Hire an all-black security team
    2. Remove the doors on every bathroom
    3. Have security cameras in every room watching every angle
    4. Have security cameras constantly uploading the footage to multiple secure off-site harddrives.
    5. Send for my long-time personal masseuse, who happens to be a white bald man, with the intention to shoot him the moment I see him.
    6. This all takes place in my new temporary offices, an airport.

    All I can do then is pray to God that I'm not just a sniper mission.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >An interesting choice, 47. Putting that intel about the target mistrusting white males to use, I see. Many might find your choice in makeup distasteful, but I doubt Anonymous will see it coming.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      the same day a Bald conference on baldness is organized in your airport

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Oh yeah? What if I bring some carry-on luggage?!

  24. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Let him do it. I've got nothing to lose.

  25. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I turn off my router.

  26. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Security cameras everywhere and a security guard in every room make everything highly restricted. RFID badges and AI image matching where if the face doesn't match the badge, the entire area goes on lockdown and there is an immediate manhunt for the violator who is then shot on site. Also every guard has their heart beat tied to the alert system and if any one of them has no heart beat detected the entire place goes on lockdown.

    There are also no closets or dumpster bins to hide in.

  27. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I wouldn't let any bald men within 100 yards of me

  28. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    hire an all female staff and security team

  29. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >metadoom
    >no metahitman

  30. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >You have 2 weeks to prepare
    enough time to hunt him down

  31. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    get some gun, after that shoot any bald dude that comes near me(I'll be doing them a favor, since they're a genetic dead-end anyway)

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