How do you handle a poop golem? Immune to stabbing and bludgeoning. Immune to poison. Ice makes it hit harder

How do you handle a poop golem?

Immune to stabbing and bludgeoning.
Immune to poison.
Ice makes it hit harder
Fire makes noxious poisonous fumes.
Water makes it bigger and faster.
Wind and earth just makes a mess.

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Would it be OP to have the golem make the party shit themselves and be stunned for a few rounds

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You pay tribute to the wizard who made them so that his unspeakable aberrations don't menace your township. If he wants gold, women, whatever- pay it- because the alternative of fighting a throng of animate shitheaps is worse.

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I wish people would stop talking about parts of a ship when referring to shit or feces (or faeces, if you must). A hundred euphemisms for dung and everyone always grabs the most confusing one.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Ships are for homosexuals.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'd handle it like a clay golem, just with ooze properties slapped on and an aura that can nauseate.

      If you're confused by the outside of a very specific set of circumstances, you may be autistic.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Anon, what do you think the poop deck was for? You don’t think people went and sat in the bilge, right? That’s not sanitary

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Walk away from the table because I didn't sign up to play Shadow of the Demon Lord.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >How do you handle a poop golem?
    With gloves

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Pressure washer.

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I fight the poop golem by making Skibidi toilet references IC and OOC until the GM dies of cringe or gets the hint and makes the poop golem go away.

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I flush the toilet, but not until I've shoved OP's head in it first.

  8. 2 weeks ago
    SUPER AGGRO CRAG

    Prestidigitation can clean a cubic foot of shit per cast.

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >he realized halfway through his literal shitpost that it had four extremely common weaknesses so he ignored swords and tried to make catastrophic structural damage sound like a benefit

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    What's the consistency of the shit? Are we talking solid log golems or diarrhea golems? A solid log golem would in fact take damage from being sprayed with water if it's enough, it'd lose consistency. A Diarrhea golem would fall closer to a water elemental and probably wouldn't be bothered nearly as much by being sprayed with water.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It would have the consistency of mud. I figure a counter to players using fire would be the methane would cause an explosion, or produce noxious fumes. Either way it would just crisp the outer layers into becoming solid.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The poop golem takes 0 damage.
      It gains +5 speed and saving throws.

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Throw toilet paper at it.

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I get up and leave the fricken table lol

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Freeze it
    Or put him in a paper bag, put the paper bag on the porch of my enemies, light the bag on fire, ring their doorbell, and hide behind some bushes while they stomp out the burning paper bag only to end up with poopgolem on their shoes. I would then laugh heartily.
    >Verification not required.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Freezing it only makes it become a rock/ice golem.

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Throw a seed at it and hit it with plant growth. The plant will either take all of it's nutrients, it gets rooted into the ground, or it mellows out.

    Other option is to trick it into a paper bag and light it on fire.

  15. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >How do you handle a poop golem?
    Summon the Charmin Bears. They'd wipe his ass.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The warrior bears and their mystical containment scrolls.

  16. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Imagine poop golems multiplying by consuming townsfolk and animals within its mass, creating a mud slide rolling through the countryside. Occasional bones scattered behind its trail.

  17. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Toilet golem.

  18. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Destroy water - fetid dirt sculpture

  19. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    By making cringey quips at the DM about how his game turned out very shitty

  20. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I use a goose neck to wipe it out.

  21. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Hot water easily melts shit. Just heat some pots and pour or throw at it and you are done

  22. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Rolled 14 (1d20)

    i roll to seduce the poop golem

  23. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I call upon our resident latrineomancer to cast flush and then we find the golem's master and appropriately fortify his diet with a ton of fiber and some iron.

  24. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Eat it

  25. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Clay golem with a troglodyte's stench, with the DC for the stench adjusted appropriately. Also if we're referring specifically to the Golgothan I also give it a ranged attack where it shoots poo.

  26. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Erase the "e" so that "emet" (life) turns into "met" (death)

  27. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Who the frick made an Indian wizard?

  28. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Poop golems are weak to dung beetles. Dung beetles are sacred to Ancient Egyptians. Therefore, ancient Egyptian magiks will work.

  29. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    >Lead it over a dug-out pit trap
    >Bury it when it falls in
    >Crisis averted and you'll have fertilized crops in the area for years

  30. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    It's a bummer it's as hard as it is to watch this thing.

  31. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I call up my friend Hinsty David. He knows how to handle those things.

  32. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I really wish people would stop injecting their fetishes into games.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >sees a walking pile of malicious poop
      >"Heh... Fetish shit, amirite fellow neckbears?"

  33. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Ice makes him stop moving, moron.
    Fire would end him but yeah you'd poison everyone unless it's an open area, which I doubt.
    Water makes him soggy and slower. If it's a water impact you even potentially blow him up.
    You can just use a druid's nature magic to turn him into compost for his plants or something, or if you're playing PF2e and you have a leshy at the table, force it to eat shit, literally.

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