Nobody in 40k cares about evidence or innocence so they'd just shoot at him and leave
https://i.imgur.com/RM8I3th.jpg
How would 40k fair in Columbo's universe?
>You say you played until six and stayed after closing to play a friendly game with your er, Space Marines, Space Marines that's right, isn't it, against the store manager, Mr Anon? >that's right, detective >OK. OK. Well I'd better be going, but just one more thing: how could you play against the store manager in a friendly? You collect Primaris Space Marines, Mr Anon, but when we found the body the game he'd been playing was set during the Horus Heresy, ten thousand years before the Indomitus Crusade. Did I get that right? It's a small thing, Mr Anon, but maybe you'd like to come down to the station with me and answer a few more questions?
Columbo is a multiversal entity whose reality exists as a bubble that radiates around him. Whatever universe he phases into and whatever he encounters it will be altered to follow the rules of his reality so he can exact justice on the rich and powerful who are otherwise above the law.
I guess that's not really different from inquisitors actually.
"Just one more question -- I couldn't help but notice that you were carrying a boltgun, is that right? That's a 'boltgun' or a 'bolter,' as they're called. Interesting. Are they all .75 caliber weapons? That's very interesting because the murder weapon was also a .75 caliber firearm..."
The idea of Columbo exposing the Horus Heresy before it occurs and Horus just going "aw shucks fella you really got me" and allowing himself to be handcuffed and taken away by 1980s policemen tickles me.
I'm imagining a scenario like from one of the first Eisenhorn books where an inquisitor is covering up his own involvement in a big chaos conspiracy with a murder, and Columbo just strolls in asking questions, and no one questions why he's there or his authority, and he follows the inquisitor around asking him questions as he goes crazy.
>I just have to ask.. why'd you do it? >A lot of people don't have great dads. My dad, he did his best, but he worked a lot. Never really understood his kids. Dead at 50 of a heart attack. Keeled over in the cafeteria. >But even though we never got along, I wouldn't have... I mean... >And your brothers! You were supposed to set a good example! That's what you do, as an older brother, as the responsible one. But you... I just don't get it. You had everything. You had the galaxy with your grasp and you let it slip away. >OK boys, that's all. Take him away.
>Just one more thing Cardinal Wogalta and then I'll be out of your hair. I couldn't help but notice you keep the right side of your chest uncovered; you keep a trim and athletic figure sir, my wife would be blushing if she were here, but that's also a requirement for Slaaneshi rituals.
I was wondering the same and not long ago did a bit of a deep dive to figure it out, but it's a mix of a few factors. >the rights to the show are split between multiple groups, which puts different seasons on different streaming platforms, all trying to advertise that they have columbo and are the place to watch it >chances are everyone has at least one subscription with a few seasons of the show >he was off the air for so long gen z never saw him, many millenials only know him from relatives talking about him but having no context to what it is unless those relatives had him on VHS >this led to a lot of people of both generations rediscovering this old show their grandparents would always talk about but they never saw >it aged well, it's still a great show
All of that led to some memes that got popular on twitter among a handful of groups, but that led to a guy who does impressions recreating those memes for youtube and tiktok both, which led to more people discovering columbo, more ads being targeted to their searches about columbo and where to stream him etc.
I've also heard multiple popular podcasts bring him up from people who got into watching him recently and then outright saying "this show is the best you have to watch it."
There's no clear ground zero. I think there was just too long of a lack of any new columbo, a lack of reruns on tv for years, and suddenly he's easy to stream and explodes in popularity again with people who never had a chance to really watch the show growing up.
It was popular and competently made (well, the first seven seasons) suspense show which was refreshing in comparison with endless basic mystery series.
>How much does a place like this cost? Three, four hundred million throne gelt? Wow. I mean, that's real wood over there. >And the servitors you've got, they're really something. I keep telling my wife we need to get one for the hab, but she says it's too much trouble. >Oh I'm sorry, I almost forgot. I wanted to ask you about your pictures. I don't know much about painting, but all these frames are gold, but that one there, that one is just gold plated. You see? It's chipped around the edge. And I started to wonder why a lord would hang all these nice pictures in gold frames and hang just one in a gilt frame. Its these little things, sir, they bother me.
>I thought I'd find you here, sir. I'm sorry to sneak up on you like that, but I had to be sure. >We couldn't prove it before. The gene-print was flawless. I still don't know how you did that. You had all the seals and documents. >It was the frame that gave you away. The real Lord Tarsq, well, he'd never grab a gilt frame from the vault. Never. But you were in a hurry. You had to cover up the lasburn on the wall until you could get back here with some mortar and cover it up. >And it's the covering up that'll see you executed.
You know, the last thread we had about Inquisitor Columbo, people said it wouldn't work because Columbo does tricks to find the guilty, and inquisitors don't have to bother with that kind of thing. But I was thinking a lot of times inquisitors are looking for the guilty party amongst a group of people. In that situation, it makes total sense for Columbo to be pulling tricks in order to find one person among the group who was guilty.
One aspect of Columbo that might ruin that is in most cases he's gotten a read on the person right away. He's already figured how who did it and they're his target for harassment and questions until he wears them down into walking into being found out. So his problem isn't finding out who did it, it's proving they did it in ways others would believe.
>proving they did it in ways others would believe.
Specifically in a way that would hold up in court. An Inquisitor could just bolt round his suspect or order them searched without probable cause.
1 year ago
Anonymous
And inquisitor could lock them in a room and torture them until they admit it or die. Or just shoot them and say that happened. Or just shoot them. If he knows who it is the torture is mostly just to get information about others that might be involved.
An Inquisitor could arrest the entire group and minread or torture them until he found the guilty party. Or just kill all of them. Columbo is bound by due process and the law, the Inquisitor isn't.
I'm reading the Ultramarines omnibus, and it's the vs deldar book, and the disguised non-psyker inquisitor is going to end the book by saying >What was that term again? >Well, now, that's awful funny, lordship. I happen to know that term, and it means "honored" in the Drukhari language. >Funny people, Drukhari, they consider it an honor to be tortured, especially by them. >Weren't you kidnapped by Drukhari, yer lordship?
An Inquisitor could arrest the entire group and minread or torture them until he found the guilty party. Or just kill all of them. Columbo is bound by due process and the law, the Inquisitor isn't.
Sure, but at the same time there are Inquisitors who don't go in for the brute force approach. Columbo, after all, tends to go after rich and influential people, the sort of people who the =][= often handles more delicately as a matter of practicality. On top of that, Inquisitors are eccentric to the extreme, and one can easily imagine one who abhors torture and heavy-handed use of the Rosette as marks of incompetence.
Think of a scenario like this. (You), an Inquisitor, are sure that the governor of planet Examplius in the Facetiousname system is a Tzeentch cultist. Sure, you can just shoot him. By definition anyone you accuse of a crime is guilty. But this governor is popular. He is charismatic. He is, wonder of wonders, actually good at his job on the face of it. The planet prospers. If you remove him without ironclad evidence of his heresy, the Administratum will be unhappy with you, the populace will be unhappy with the Imperium, it is likely that several Guard units will have to be deployed to maintain order, and on top of that the cult structure remains intact.
>You say you're Alpharius, he says he's Alpharius, it's all confusing. I thought there were only 20 Primarchs. >Anyway, I figured my nephew would know. He's a bright kid. He's going to school for icon painting, did I mention that? I did? Well, anyway, I call him up, and he says he's Alpharius too. >I tell ya, you could have knocked me down with a feather. My own nephew. Just goes to show. >'Just goes to show what?' I don't know. I suppose it just goes to show. One of those things, you know.
It's funny because if you posted that 12 years ago the response would be "haha, ok grandma" but it's been long enough for that shit to be trending and normal.
I find that Midsomer Murders has a sort of unpleasant bitter undercurrent. General British misanthropy. The assertion that, deep down, most people are not good or evil but mildly unwholesome. Columbo is all about rich buttholes thinking they're too clever to be caught. If you want a similar series, try Murder She Wrote.
I am torn on Midsomer Murders. It started up quite fun, but with each new season it slightly loses it. Like, I remember seeing a month ago an episode with drones and not even acknowledging it in the continuity.
With all the overall mindless cynicism and shitflinging of Ganker, this is a rare kind of thread (like https://archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/179532338/#179534116 ) that still brings me consistent joy.
> Starts having mild symptoms of dementia > gets some dental work done > anesthetic used for the dental surgery causes inflammatory compounds in your blood to trigger rapid onset of Alzheimers > can no longer take care of yourself > wife gets conservatorship because you are no longer able to take care of yourself > daughter petitions court for conservatorship because your wife isn't allowing any family members to see him or telling anyone how he is doing > ex-wife and children are fighting each other in court over your money > can't even remember who the Columbo character was, or that you played him for almost 40 years > last public appearance had you completely disheveled, ranting and raving and wandering into traffic > later on get pneumonia > it causes so much damage to your lungs that they can no longer function > die at 83
What a sad way to go out. If I ever get diagnosed with Alzheimers or any type of dementia I'm just going to go home and blow my brains out while I'm still able to.
>Well, I'm awful sorry to hear about your injury, Mr. Khorne. >It's gotta be a terrible thing to have been chairbound for aeons. Certainly no way you could have done a murder. >Oh, one more thing before I go. >This "egregore" thing, I don't really pretend to understand it. >But doesn't it mean that all your demons are part of you, and every act of violence too? >Would that include crimes too, Mr. Khorne?
>Well, it's awful gracious of you to just confess to the assault, Mr. Skarbrand. >But, uh, a thought occurs to me. >Funny thing, really. >All violence glorifies Khorne, who is war. >And it's kinda odd that a big vicious bloodthirster like yourself would feel bad about assaulting somebody... even if it was Khorne himself. >Wouldn't that just make him stronger? >So, uh, how did you hurt Khorne by hitting him? >Did you find another way to hurt war incarnate? How did you make war on war? >Please, Mr. Skarbrand, I'm just asking questions. >Did you perform an act of peace, Mr. Skarbrand? Is that how you made war on war? >I thought so. >No, Mr. Skarbrand, I don't think I'll be arresting you. You are free to go.
Nobody in 40k cares about evidence or innocence so they'd just shoot at him and leave
but they're not in the 40k universe they're in the columbo universe.
>You say you played until six and stayed after closing to play a friendly game with your er, Space Marines, Space Marines that's right, isn't it, against the store manager, Mr Anon?
>that's right, detective
>OK. OK. Well I'd better be going, but just one more thing: how could you play against the store manager in a friendly? You collect Primaris Space Marines, Mr Anon, but when we found the body the game he'd been playing was set during the Horus Heresy, ten thousand years before the Indomitus Crusade. Did I get that right? It's a small thing, Mr Anon, but maybe you'd like to come down to the station with me and answer a few more questions?
Where's the voice ai moron when you need him
I've tried my hand at making some but the AI is too emotionless to make a good Columbo imitation.
He's probably be on par with obi-wan cluseau
all of it?
Columbo is a multiversal entity whose reality exists as a bubble that radiates around him. Whatever universe he phases into and whatever he encounters it will be altered to follow the rules of his reality so he can exact justice on the rich and powerful who are otherwise above the law.
I guess that's not really different from inquisitors actually.
"Just one more question -- I couldn't help but notice that you were carrying a boltgun, is that right? That's a 'boltgun' or a 'bolter,' as they're called. Interesting. Are they all .75 caliber weapons? That's very interesting because the murder weapon was also a .75 caliber firearm..."
>Y'know, Lorgar, my wife likes the Emperor a lot too. Says he's a great guy, great leader- never heard her call him a god, though.
GW would be declared criminal in the Columbo universe, and therefore 40k would fare pretty poorly.
>buncha Battle Sistas waltzing in 80s Los Angeles
kino
Robert Culp would make a fantastic Horus Lupercal
The idea of Columbo exposing the Horus Heresy before it occurs and Horus just going "aw shucks fella you really got me" and allowing himself to be handcuffed and taken away by 1980s policemen tickles me.
I'm imagining a scenario like from one of the first Eisenhorn books where an inquisitor is covering up his own involvement in a big chaos conspiracy with a murder, and Columbo just strolls in asking questions, and no one questions why he's there or his authority, and he follows the inquisitor around asking him questions as he goes crazy.
>I just have to ask.. why'd you do it?
>A lot of people don't have great dads. My dad, he did his best, but he worked a lot. Never really understood his kids. Dead at 50 of a heart attack. Keeled over in the cafeteria.
>But even though we never got along, I wouldn't have... I mean...
>And your brothers! You were supposed to set a good example! That's what you do, as an older brother, as the responsible one. But you... I just don't get it. You had everything. You had the galaxy with your grasp and you let it slip away.
>OK boys, that's all. Take him away.
>Just one more thing Cardinal Wogalta and then I'll be out of your hair. I couldn't help but notice you keep the right side of your chest uncovered; you keep a trim and athletic figure sir, my wife would be blushing if she were here, but that's also a requirement for Slaaneshi rituals.
What is ground zero for this Columbo revival? Ive started seeing him crop up all over the place for the last year or so.
I was wondering the same and not long ago did a bit of a deep dive to figure it out, but it's a mix of a few factors.
>the rights to the show are split between multiple groups, which puts different seasons on different streaming platforms, all trying to advertise that they have columbo and are the place to watch it
>chances are everyone has at least one subscription with a few seasons of the show
>he was off the air for so long gen z never saw him, many millenials only know him from relatives talking about him but having no context to what it is unless those relatives had him on VHS
>this led to a lot of people of both generations rediscovering this old show their grandparents would always talk about but they never saw
>it aged well, it's still a great show
All of that led to some memes that got popular on twitter among a handful of groups, but that led to a guy who does impressions recreating those memes for youtube and tiktok both, which led to more people discovering columbo, more ads being targeted to their searches about columbo and where to stream him etc.
I've also heard multiple popular podcasts bring him up from people who got into watching him recently and then outright saying "this show is the best you have to watch it."
There's no clear ground zero. I think there was just too long of a lack of any new columbo, a lack of reruns on tv for years, and suddenly he's easy to stream and explodes in popularity again with people who never had a chance to really watch the show growing up.
I only know about it because the simpsons referenced it.
Columbo never died to begin with
It was popular and competently made (well, the first seven seasons) suspense show which was refreshing in comparison with endless basic mystery series.
>How much does a place like this cost? Three, four hundred million throne gelt? Wow. I mean, that's real wood over there.
>And the servitors you've got, they're really something. I keep telling my wife we need to get one for the hab, but she says it's too much trouble.
>Oh I'm sorry, I almost forgot. I wanted to ask you about your pictures. I don't know much about painting, but all these frames are gold, but that one there, that one is just gold plated. You see? It's chipped around the edge. And I started to wonder why a lord would hang all these nice pictures in gold frames and hang just one in a gilt frame. Its these little things, sir, they bother me.
>I thought I'd find you here, sir. I'm sorry to sneak up on you like that, but I had to be sure.
>We couldn't prove it before. The gene-print was flawless. I still don't know how you did that. You had all the seals and documents.
>It was the frame that gave you away. The real Lord Tarsq, well, he'd never grab a gilt frame from the vault. Never. But you were in a hurry. You had to cover up the lasburn on the wall until you could get back here with some mortar and cover it up.
>And it's the covering up that'll see you executed.
I'd pay good money for a book about inquisitor columbo.
You know, the last thread we had about Inquisitor Columbo, people said it wouldn't work because Columbo does tricks to find the guilty, and inquisitors don't have to bother with that kind of thing. But I was thinking a lot of times inquisitors are looking for the guilty party amongst a group of people. In that situation, it makes total sense for Columbo to be pulling tricks in order to find one person among the group who was guilty.
One aspect of Columbo that might ruin that is in most cases he's gotten a read on the person right away. He's already figured how who did it and they're his target for harassment and questions until he wears them down into walking into being found out. So his problem isn't finding out who did it, it's proving they did it in ways others would believe.
>proving they did it in ways others would believe.
Specifically in a way that would hold up in court. An Inquisitor could just bolt round his suspect or order them searched without probable cause.
And inquisitor could lock them in a room and torture them until they admit it or die. Or just shoot them and say that happened. Or just shoot them. If he knows who it is the torture is mostly just to get information about others that might be involved.
I'm reading the Ultramarines omnibus, and it's the vs deldar book, and the disguised non-psyker inquisitor is going to end the book by saying
>What was that term again?
>Well, now, that's awful funny, lordship. I happen to know that term, and it means "honored" in the Drukhari language.
>Funny people, Drukhari, they consider it an honor to be tortured, especially by them.
>Weren't you kidnapped by Drukhari, yer lordship?
An Inquisitor could arrest the entire group and minread or torture them until he found the guilty party. Or just kill all of them. Columbo is bound by due process and the law, the Inquisitor isn't.
Sure, but at the same time there are Inquisitors who don't go in for the brute force approach. Columbo, after all, tends to go after rich and influential people, the sort of people who the =][= often handles more delicately as a matter of practicality. On top of that, Inquisitors are eccentric to the extreme, and one can easily imagine one who abhors torture and heavy-handed use of the Rosette as marks of incompetence.
Think of a scenario like this. (You), an Inquisitor, are sure that the governor of planet Examplius in the Facetiousname system is a Tzeentch cultist. Sure, you can just shoot him. By definition anyone you accuse of a crime is guilty. But this governor is popular. He is charismatic. He is, wonder of wonders, actually good at his job on the face of it. The planet prospers. If you remove him without ironclad evidence of his heresy, the Administratum will be unhappy with you, the populace will be unhappy with the Imperium, it is likely that several Guard units will have to be deployed to maintain order, and on top of that the cult structure remains intact.
>You say you're Alpharius, he says he's Alpharius, it's all confusing. I thought there were only 20 Primarchs.
>Anyway, I figured my nephew would know. He's a bright kid. He's going to school for icon painting, did I mention that? I did? Well, anyway, I call him up, and he says he's Alpharius too.
>I tell ya, you could have knocked me down with a feather. My own nephew. Just goes to show.
>'Just goes to show what?' I don't know. I suppose it just goes to show. One of those things, you know.
all I know is you should all go watch some episodes for free (with ads) on Tubi because it's real good
>tfw I'm splitting my days between Columbo and Midsomer Murders
It's funny because if you posted that 12 years ago the response would be "haha, ok grandma" but it's been long enough for that shit to be trending and normal.
I've been watching so much, I'm pretty they've been merging in my dreams.
>I am Lieutenant Columbo from Causton CID
that sounds nice. You sound nice.
I find that Midsomer Murders has a sort of unpleasant bitter undercurrent. General British misanthropy. The assertion that, deep down, most people are not good or evil but mildly unwholesome. Columbo is all about rich buttholes thinking they're too clever to be caught. If you want a similar series, try Murder She Wrote.
Midsomer also has more murder per capita. It surpassed the birth rate for so many years they had to warm up to immigration around the 16th season
>Can't get the quality of murder victim these days
>Cheap shoddy foreign murder victims.
>Mhm. Go to pieces if you leave them out in the rain.
I am torn on Midsomer Murders. It started up quite fun, but with each new season it slightly loses it. Like, I remember seeing a month ago an episode with drones and not even acknowledging it in the continuity.
The series goes to shit after they replace DS Scott.
Troy's my favorite.
>*Distant fox screams at night as we get the POV of somebody with 3 arms and a torch in leather gloves throw a bolt pistol into a river*
Funny really, I've only ever seen him in one other thing and that was a bit part years and years later. I wonder what he was up to?
I like Foyle's War, myself. Its funny hearing DS Milner in Elden Ring
columbo would be like an anti-tzeentch cult inquisitor
>Inquisitor wakes up in 80s LA
>"Oh my god there's no xenos"
>Falls to his knees and cries tears of joy
The end.
With all the overall mindless cynicism and shitflinging of Ganker, this is a rare kind of thread (like https://archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/179532338/#179534116 ) that still brings me consistent joy.
> Starts having mild symptoms of dementia
> gets some dental work done
> anesthetic used for the dental surgery causes inflammatory compounds in your blood to trigger rapid onset of Alzheimers
> can no longer take care of yourself
> wife gets conservatorship because you are no longer able to take care of yourself
> daughter petitions court for conservatorship because your wife isn't allowing any family members to see him or telling anyone how he is doing
> ex-wife and children are fighting each other in court over your money
> can't even remember who the Columbo character was, or that you played him for almost 40 years
> last public appearance had you completely disheveled, ranting and raving and wandering into traffic
> later on get pneumonia
> it causes so much damage to your lungs that they can no longer function
> die at 83
What a sad way to go out. If I ever get diagnosed with Alzheimers or any type of dementia I'm just going to go home and blow my brains out while I'm still able to.
Holy shit, man.
Not him but I agree better to go out on your own terms than live to the point where you no longer can
How could you give me your own planetary governor the old spicy signet ring Columbo?
Columbo would never shoot, the space marine in his entourage will
>Well, I'm awful sorry to hear about your injury, Mr. Khorne.
>It's gotta be a terrible thing to have been chairbound for aeons. Certainly no way you could have done a murder.
>Oh, one more thing before I go.
>This "egregore" thing, I don't really pretend to understand it.
>But doesn't it mean that all your demons are part of you, and every act of violence too?
>Would that include crimes too, Mr. Khorne?
>Well, it's awful gracious of you to just confess to the assault, Mr. Skarbrand.
>But, uh, a thought occurs to me.
>Funny thing, really.
>All violence glorifies Khorne, who is war.
>And it's kinda odd that a big vicious bloodthirster like yourself would feel bad about assaulting somebody... even if it was Khorne himself.
>Wouldn't that just make him stronger?
>So, uh, how did you hurt Khorne by hitting him?
>Did you find another way to hurt war incarnate? How did you make war on war?
>Please, Mr. Skarbrand, I'm just asking questions.
>Did you perform an act of peace, Mr. Skarbrand? Is that how you made war on war?
>I thought so.
>No, Mr. Skarbrand, I don't think I'll be arresting you. You are free to go.
>>No, Mr. Skarbrand, I don't think I'll be arresting you. You are free to go.
SKARBRAND NOW SAD!!!
this was a perfect addition
That's a fairly old one I'm quite sure
A+