97 thoughts on “Speed running is such a fucking meme. Just a bunch of glitches and exploits.”

  1. You will never be a real Yehudi. You have no patrilineal Judaism, you have no descent from Moses, you have no Matzo balls. You are a degenerate "speedrunner" twisted by Discord and estrogen into a crude mockery of G-d’s perfection.

    All the “donations” you get are two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your dilators people mock you. Your single mother is disgusted and ashamed of you, your “followers” laugh at your any% glitched streams behind closed doors.

    Men of faith are utterly repulsed by you. Six thousand years of intelligent design have allowed gamers to sniff out edited runs with incredible efficiency. Even runners who "place" look like goyim to a garden gnome. Your lack of a hand cam is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk gentile to watch your idolatry, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your chair.

    You will never do a mitzvah. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under Joan Donovan’s unbearable weight.

    Eventually it’ll be too much to bear – you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your sacrificial chicken, and make a peaceful offering for Azazel at the Seder. Your Tavistock case manager will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment of knowing a video game speedrunner. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with a Blue Checkmark, and every Rabbi putting a rock on your grave for the rest of eternity will know a member of the LGBTQP+ community is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably big-boned.

    This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

    Here’s a peruta to give to charity!

    • Are you joking? How many speedrunners have made the claim that they don’t know the story or they don’t know how this part is supposed to go because they’ve never played it straight? Speedrunners tend to pick up games they’ve seen someone else speedrun because they think the glitch strats look interesting, not because they’ve played the game to death.

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      I don’t like glitch based speedruns but it’s cool to see players master a game’s mechanics to their fullest

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    uhhh play metroid lol

  3. >look for a speedrun of a game i like
    >all speedruns are just 1 minute glitch runs
    >nobody runs glitchless
    nothing entertaining about it

  4. Regular speedruns (Mario 64, Zelda, Sonic, Metroid etc) are fine.
    The joke is thing like Genshin Abyss speedrun : Literally pay your way to victory lmao. Gacha speedrun lmao

  5. I don’t mind a few glitches, but when you’re watching a speedrun event and 95% of the run is just you going out of bounds then it’s fucking boring, who enjoys watching this? At least when it happened with OoT is because it was probably the first of its kind so it was interesting

  6. Some of these gay youtube channels once said that Cosmo’s gamplay was the most important and notable moment of Speedrun and I was curious. When I watched it, it was a homosexual breaking the game in retarded ways in to get attention.

  7. I think speedrunning is garbage, but many do not. Try making threads about things you actually like, you depressed, dishonest, low-effort homosexual.

    • The issue with speedrunning is that it’s just an autism clique with zero interest in common sense changes for mass appeal. Absolutely nobody could watch OoT any% and be impressed after they’ve seen it once. MST is what any% should be. And then there’s SRM which should’ve immediately been shit out of OoT runs. But the autists ruling over this shit don’t care; they are autistic.

      • Should everything have "mass appeal"? Say that about books, films, or games themselves, and hear how silly you sound. We all know constant striving for mass appeal destroys the soul of everything. It’s just not for you. It’s just not for me. Just let these weird, moist gentlemen have their niche.

          • I can’t fathom caring about speedrunning, period, unless you already belong to a highly specific sub-species of autist. That’s why your arguments for wider appeal utterly baffle me.

  8. This is why super mario 64 is the best speedrunning game of all time

    All runners are chads
    No trannies
    No weird glitch that let you skip 99% of the game
    No rng bullshit

  9. I totally agree. I mean today’s "speed-runners" aren’t even speed-runners at all, they’re actually cheat-runners that just exploit glitches and shit.

    Now a REAL speed-runner is a player who plays through the game from start to finish as fast as they can while obeying the rules of the game set by the developers.

    If you do something out of order that was not intended or bypass a section you were supposed to go, congrats, you’re not a REAL speed-runner, you’re a pathetic cheat-runner who can’t play for shit.

    • See I both agree and disagree with you.
      Some stuff like using crouch stab in OoT to deal high damage to kill enemies quicker or killing the marines in CE to skip dialogue triggers are clever ways to ensure your time is fast is fine.
      Breaking out of bounds to skip over large portions of a level is pretty gay and make boring content.

  10. I love watching speedruns and enjoy the almost autistic focus on shaving seconds here and there, but switching to moonrunes has always felt like taking it way too far. You’re no long even ostensibly playing the game you loved because you’re happy seeing unreadable gibberish instead of text just to get a faster time. The fact that you skip the dialogue anyway somehow makes it even worse.
    Epitome of soulless gameplay.

      • >there’s a reason speedrunners treat it like a joke category.
        Any% regardless of the game is practically the only run people really care about because the entire point of speedrunning is finishing the game as fast as possible

        • >regardless of the game
          Completely false. There’s plenty of games that consider any% a joke category because it’s so glitchy or skips so much actual gameplay it’s no longer about being good at the game, and oot is one of them. Watching someone spend most of the time oob and setting up glitches – not interacting with the game in any way – isn’t interesting.

        • no its not you fucking dumbass
          the most popular category varies from game to game depending on how fucked they are
          no one cares about any% oot nowadays because its beaten without ever leaving kokiri forest

    • >Use glitches to fill your inventory with everything in the game, practically no different then just activating a ‘have everything’ gameshark code
      >Everything is still in the world in an uncollected state
      >"Dude I just 100%’d the game so quickly"

      • OoT does, in fact, have a healthy "source only" 100% category. Even when they were showing off the Deku Tree Chest that they glitch into having all the items at a GDQ, they didn’t even do it to its actual limit because its a known fact that its completely boring and nobody wants to see it.


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