TF2 Team Fortress

ITT only the best update ideas
No balancing fixes

>Add "Player is toxic" option to kick screen
>But when someone picks it, the window that pops up replaces the kick reason with "I am butthurt"

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Remove spy's knife
    >Give him a massive penis that's constantly hanging out of his pants
    >Jiggle physics
    >When he walks up behind someone the penis becomes erect
    >You jam it up their butthole
    >Instakill

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    before you're allowed to pick medic to play you have to first sit thru a 5 minute video of him getting violently ass raped by every merc on the team to give you a good idea of what playing him entails
    as a bonus it will discourage medic gfs

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    make the pyro racist

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      That's already in the game

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      That's already in the game

      >mmp,mm-mmphh-mp mmmpp!
      how did valve get away with this

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Audiosprays enabled globally.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      that's actually a good update which will never happen never ever lol

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Give Soldier an assault rifle.

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You get banned from casual matchmaking for a week if you're kicked more than 20 times in one day

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Lol look at this little gay always playing friendly and never saying or doing something that upsets some loser and gets him erroneously kicked
      What a mama's boy

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I think being toxic shouldn't make you get kicked 20 times in one day, the only people who get hit by this should be bots

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Yeah, except you suddenly added an incentive for bots to join games and kick real players just to get them banned. morons think there is such an easy solution to everything. This shit happens already and bots usually want to stay in the same game as real players not kick them.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >an incentive for bots to join games and kick real players just to get them banned.
            you
            do realize bots would absolutely want this
            right?
            most of them are there because the creator is a spiteful wee Black person whos mad at the game, they already kick players all william nelson, having a penalty for that will just make em do it more

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Bots already kick players. Name one time you've been kicked 20 times in a day by bots, it just doesn't happen. At most, a few times. If it's an issue, bump up the limit to 30 or something that no real player will get, but bots will be racking up easily

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              every issue that you think will affect bots will actually only affect players
              its like the gun control problem
              making guns illegal wont stop people who wanna murder because MURDER IS ALREADY ILLEGAL
              likewise bots already cheat, if you set up a "solution" theyll just cheat around it
              remember the "muting F2Ps" solution? yeah turns out bots dont give two shits of a frick about what but real players get fricked
              anything you can come up with that CAN affect real players, WILL affect real players

              remember, a player only (usually) has 1 account
              a botter has dozens

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Countries with gun control literally have less gun crime you moronic burger.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                u idiot bro?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Those countries have stabbings daily.

                Your country actually has to teach kids school shooter procedures in case there's another one.
                >Those countries have stabbings daily.
                Yes restricting violent crime in that manner is an improvement.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Your country
                no we dont
                am not american bro, america is unique in that
                they dont have a gun problem
                they have a Black problem

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                So how does that explain every shooting not caused by a Black person?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                less of them

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Does your IQ match the number of your chromosomes

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                No such thing as a shooting devoid of Black persony

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous
              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                https://www.statista.com/statistics/476456/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-race/

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Once again the white man proves he's better at ANYTHING a homie can do, including shooting people. homies out there holding their Chinese auto Glocks sideways and spraying crowds but only the white man has the accuracy and dexterity to reach the number of fatalities breakpoint to be used in statistics that don't let you see the source or more information without an account.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Those countries have stabbings daily.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                now look up statistics of gun related crime for white people only as compared to blacks only

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                now look up statistics of gun related crime for white people only as compared to blacks only

                oh wait fugg lmao he beat me to it

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >remember the "muting F2Ps" solution?
                Yeah that legitimately cut down on the amount of micspam we had to deal with.

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Op was so buttmad about being kicked for being an annoying gaylord he made a thread on Ganker about it.

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Bring back Quickplay
    >Completely gut Casual and Competitive matchmaking, and put Quickplay back in its rightful place.
    >Keep map toggles though.
    >No map vote after 2/3 games where everyone disconnects, it keeps going and players don't have to disconnect after the end of a game.
    >Team Scrambling, either by vote or automatically if the scoreboard is heavily lopsided towards one team.
    >Voting to extend the map timer (and also enable one more round before map switch if possible).
    >As compensation, give all players medal cosmetics based on their final Casual and Competitive ranks.
    Also:
    >Enable sprays on Valve servers again, but have the feature be disabled by default and after the update; re-enabling sprays shows a confirmation, warning users that sprays may contain offensive, unrated content and asking them if they're sure they want it enabled.
    >Ditto for decal items.
    >Set sv_pure back to 0, workarounds already exist for sv_pure 1 anyway.
    I saved the game.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The only real solution. Quick play was the superior way to play. Comp players don't touch or care about the competitive mode because it's garbage and not maintained. We have our own avenues of playing the game that way.
      Casuals main issues are team stacking and the mass amount of rage quitters after every round. Fix those and you fix the amount of non games that currently plague games where bots don't absolutely stuff a teams momentum.

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >boo hoo, I got kicked

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      t. just kicked a guy for having a funny teleporter or saying the homie word or something

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    revert the game to 2014

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Personally I think we could just undo all the moronic nerfs made for youtubers/comp players.
      I sort of like being able to pick weapons up off the ground. It's nice for when I've accidentally crafted my shortstop or something

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I miss the Beggar's Bazooka-style Panic Attack most, but also
        >Equalizer/Escape Plan should never have been split
        >Original Axtinguisher was fine
        >Sandman is worthless now
        >150 health Special Delivery scout was fun
        >Croc O Style headshot immunity was hillarious

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Yeah, I prefer the beggar's panic attack, I guess maybe I shouldn't have only clarified nerfs, since the panic attack change was literally made to give incel dane a a straight upgrade to the shotgun with no spread

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    kek, i bet you got booted for being a menstruating little homosexual

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >boo hoo, I got kicked

      >They kick people for being "toxic"
      Overwatch 2 is that way, please take your complimentary dildo on the way out

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous
        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          the way the TF2 community insists that TF2 is in the prime of its life and healthier than ever and pretends that Overwatch is "dead" when Overwatch 2's playerbase likely dwarfs TF2's actual playercount despite being a dumpster fire is incredibly funny to me

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            were not talking about "alive" or "dead" here
            were pointing out that one game gives a crap if youre "le toxic" and the other one doesn't, end of, take it or leave it

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              We're literally in a thread where OP needed to have a cry about getting kicked after shitting up a server

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >[headcanon]

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            What's more funny to me is that 100k+ subscriber youtube channels, with 400k-1M video viewerships will go on hour long schizophrenic rants about how nobody is playing TF2 because Eric didn't personally ruin some weapon they were crying about, or they're painfully oblivious to the cheating issue affecting literally ALL of gaming and think it's entirely contained to TF2.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              i dont know what or who youre talking about but considering how hyper specific this post sounds im guessing youre fuming about a youtuber that upset you personally

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                You know exactly what I'm talking about, and it's hilarious that you're pretending otherwise.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                no anon, i actually dont

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              TF2's steam activity is heavily botted anon and your denial of this is just pathetic.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Oh no I'm so sure that for every person playing they each have a thousand bots and this isn't something that would be both rationally and logistically moronic, if you stopped seething about a goofy hat game for about 5 seconds and thought about it.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Oh no I'm so sure that for every person playing they each have a thousand bots
                That's not even the claim you moron.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                It's called hyperbole you moron.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Precisely, you don't know how to argue without resorting to it because you're an idiot.

                I mean for frick sake:
                > they each have a thousand bots and this isn't something that would be both rationally and logistically moronic
                You've basically admitted that the argue claim isn't "rationally and logistically moronic" because you felt the need to exaggerate the numbers yourself.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Waaah you made fun of me you lost the debate
                Shut up moron.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Yes, choosing to make fun of someone instead of make an actual argument does mean you lost.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                nta but hes kinda right

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Whether or not I make fun of him has no bearing on how moronic it'd be if any of the wild claims about how the majority of the TF2 playerbase not being real immediately fall apart.
                Just like the earth doesn't magically become flat because I make fun of those idiots and refuse to have an "honest" conversation with them.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                but youre being stupid

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I'm being stupid for not immediately accepting The absurd premise of there being 6 bots for every player GLOBALLY.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                That's still isn't the claim.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Checked teamwank
                Checked the steam numbers.
                It's about 6:1 difference.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                But the youtube video that the original post was whining about to begin with makes the claim of it being 67% bots.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I do not care, all of these schizophrenic "Every TF2 player doesn't real" things are interchangeable.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                How do you know? How do you know that the video in question hasn't made a solid argument when you're basically demonstrated at this point that you haven't even watched it?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                What you're doing is called a gish gallop.

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Cut the respawn time in half and do something about hackers/bots.

    That's literally all they need to do to keep TF2 fun and replayable.

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Remove all forms of quickplay and matchmaking. Force people to engage with the Server Browser.

    The weak should fear the strong.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Quickplay was good because it DIRECTLY put traffic into servers and bypassed shit like mirroring.
      Server browsers are fricked these days because people will put up dozens of mirrors for their server on the list.

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    erase matchmaking from existence and any evidence of it ever being there

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Make the fempyro official, and prevent sv_pure from blocking her.

  16. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Kick ALL snipers.

  17. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Aside from the big, impossible one of "address the game's technical debt somehow"...
    >Dedicated casual servers cut down to 10% of what they are if that, queue is made slower
    >Competitive queue completely removed, nobody fricking uses it anyway
    >Servers reinstated as Valve Servers, sprays and decals and custom models/textures all allowed (make the player enable them manually in settings if the morons who don't understand the "online interactions not rated by ESRB" notice complain)
    >Quick Play returns, now you can enter an arbitrary map to search for, a gamemode, or even some server tags
    >After any casual match, you have a shortcut to be dumped into a Valve Server with some similarities to this one (usually map or at least gamemode)

  18. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous
  19. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Change the autobalance so that instead of relying on a moronic matchmaker (forcing teams low on players to wait for people to connect) you just switch the teams of whoever is newest to the server.

    Yeah. It's that fricking simple to make a tolerable autobalance. Autobalance only pisses people off because they get switch after they've gotten invested in the game. That isn't going to happen when the autobalance doesn't touch them because they've been on the server long enough.

  20. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Revert every single weapon to its most OP (fun) state

  21. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    make fempyro canon and make her 40 pounds heavier

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >make her 40 pounds heavier
      in what places

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        equally distributed to match the vanilla pyro hitbox by giving her an even fatter ass and a little belly

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        All in the breasts, Steve!

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Good choice!

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >tit overflow with visible sweat
            OOOUUUGGGHHHH

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            god imagine just literally suffocating between those mounds

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          All in the HUH?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous
  22. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    hmm
    bots in thread

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Fine shot, mate!

  23. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Charge $2,000 for 1 copy of TF2.
    Aimbot epidemic will be gone within a week.

  24. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    why can none of you bawds just behave yourselves itt

  25. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >1 class banned
    >rotates daily

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