What if I know jack shit about Harry Potter?

What if I know jack shit about Harry Potter?

  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    it's a prequel so you're fine

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    that might make it better

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    then you won't be disappointed like me when you find out they didn't include Diagon Alley at all

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      What I don't get it that you look old instead of young. Are you even a first year?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        no you're a 5th year for some reason

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          No, you're like fourth or fifth year.

          Impossibly uncomfy.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            fuck you, enjoy our railroaded chosen one narrative where you mostly roam around the Scottish highlands clearing goblin camps

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            you get to murder and curse people while fighting ~~*goblins*~~ it's going to be great.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              it's going to be a generic open world action RPG and you know it

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        No, you're like fourth or fifth year.

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >What if I know jack shit about Harry Potter?
    Here's all you need to know.

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    what the fuck tranniebros

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >not even ten posts before the chud circlejerking started
      almost a new record

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    can you be a korean girl in it? or are they not part of the diversity

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      sauce?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        bruh it's literally in the filename

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Gives me nothing but a dead chaturbate and instagram profile.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Eunji Pyoapple

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Imagine throwing a chair at that window, shattering it as she leans against it. Wouldn't that be funny or what?

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Then you are one of the lucky few blessed with the childlike innocence that comes from ignorance about the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

    Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

    >a-at least the books were good though

    "No!"

    The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

    I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >MOGS!
      >MOUNTS!
      >CHEEVOS!
      >BUYING HP MARKS YOU FOR LIFE!
      >:|

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Diana Wynne Jones is the superior fantasy author who writes about school age british children

    >you will never be able to summon Chrestomanci in his fancy clothing to suck your dick

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      weird way to spell Ursula K. Le Guin

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Kid name Harry is said to defeat big bad evil guy Voledmort in prophecy, so Voldemort goes and kills Harry's entire family but his killing spell bounces off of Harry b/c muh mother's love and kills him. Except Voldemort doesn't die that easily, so he spends the entire series reincarnating in various ways to try to kill Harry but always fails. There you go. Also Dumbledore is gay.

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There was this evil wizard named Tom Riddle who had a fucked up childhood and was a psychopath. He started calling himself Lord Voldemort and was a giant wizard supremecist, so he got a gang of wizard neo nazis together and started murdering people who weren't pure blood wizards. A psychic wizard had a vision and wrote down a prophecy about a child that would destroy him. He figured that the prophecy was about this kid named Harry Potter so he murdered the kid's parents, but when he went to kill the kid, his killing spell backfired and killed him instead because love is apparently some almighty shield when it's convenient for the story. But Voldemort was actually a Lich that split his soul into several different phylacteries (called horcruxes in the story). So while the story is going on, Harry realizes he's a wizard, starts going to epic wizard school, and inadvertently destroys some of Voldemort's phylacteries during his adventures. But they revive him and he starts doing Nazi shit again, and then at the end there's a big battle in the school and a ton of people die but because Harry loves everyone they're protected from the bad guys and they finally kill Voldemort.

    Also I want Hermione and Merula's feet on my face, thanks.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >because Harry loves everyone they're protected from the bad guys
      that's...not what happens

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Oh that's right I forgot about the elder wand shit. Wasn't there something about the love thing protecting everyone though? Last time I read it was literally when it came out so my memory is a little foggy.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >feigning ignorance in order to be extremely passive aggressive
          just go back to shitposting the threads kid. youll get better results, babbys first psychopath over here

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Did someone hurt you?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I actually misremembered, the sacrifice bit was the key to the protection, it didn't just happen because Harry loved them really hard

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just watch the movies before the game comes out if you really feel like you need to

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You might have a better time than the typical HP fan, actually

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Rowling has always been quite funny because even though she's desperate to please her tumblr/woke twitter fanbase her real worldview is Victorian to the core.
    All of her books are run through with themes about bloodlines, pedigree, glorification of social class and a worship of the public school system that makes Tom Brown look like scathing satire. There are even slaves and undesirables treated like semi-sentient fauna out in the woods. It's also a very insular, parochial world with a strong xenophobic bent.
    She's always trying to put fires out because she's clueless and tone-deaf about what young sjws want to hear. When she made that map of all the other schools outside of Hogwarts I had to laugh, you could've painted half of it over with "here be golliwogs" and it would've been no less true to sentiment. It's why her attempts to pander like turning Hermione black or making the headmaster an old queen comes off as clumsy at best.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >themes about bloodlines, pedigree, glorification of social class
      but they spend all their time showing how fucking retarded caring about all of those things is

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just watch the movies when you have some time.

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