Why is it so fucking boring? I just played three hours of Twilight Princess to get to the first dung…

Why is it so fucking boring? I just played three hours of Twilight Princess to get to the first dungeon and I’m so nonplussed I don’t even want to play the fucking dungeon anymore. I swear even Skyward Sword felt like it had more going on in its slow ass opening than this.

71 thoughts on “Why is it so fucking boring? I just played three hours of Twilight Princess to get to the first dung…”

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    Jeff Gerstman of the infamously "low" 8.8 score mentioned on a Bombcast a few years back how Gamespot’s scores back then were generated by a spreadsheet that weighed different scored aspects and spat out a number, and if it were up to him to just give it a number he would’ve happily scored even it lower.

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  2. Fuck this game. I encountered so many glitches playing this shit. Worst mainline Zelda game, just an overall joyless experience, fittingly paired with its drab aesthetics.

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  3. It’s poorly paced, half baked husk of some good ideas. The dungeons are all forgettable, items have very limited uses and lots of overlapping, and most of the cast are just under-developed to make any impression.
    I’ve said it for 15 years now, and will say it again: TP is the worst 3D Zelda.

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  4. TP has a notoriously slow first part. And before you out yourself as one of those homosexuals who thinks a 2 hour slow intro is "too much work" I’ll point out how fucking long Twilight Princess is.

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  5. I get what you mean OP. I’m at Kakariko at the moment and even the first dungeon was shitty, not to mention my wallet has been full for about 2 hours now with nothing to buy and no upgrades in sight.
    WW was fun as soon as you made it to the town island, but this just keeps dragging on and on.

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  6. TP is bad. It’s just a soulless version of OOT without any of the genius game design decisions and the minimalism that made OoT do interesting

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  7. >Be in sixth grade
    >Talking to normie friends
    >Wii games come up
    >"Yea I like Twilight Princess"
    >They give me the look of distaste
    >"omg Anon what did you just say?"
    >"Uhh the Zelda game?"
    >They then proceeded to make fun of me
    >Think they must associate Twilight with the vampire movie
    >tfw I liked Twilight movies too
    >tfw I saved that moment, let it simmer for years
    >Fuck one of dude’s crushes
    >Tell him I brought her over and watched Twilight
    >Fucked his Princess

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    • >be me in seventh grade
      >my friend and i are growing distant
      >winter break
      >come back to school
      >he asks me if i got and played twilight princess for christmas
      >say yeah and we share a moment of recognition
      >drift apart for the next two years
      i miss school man.

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        • >spinner is never used to traverse dangerous terrain outside of Arbiter’s
          As much as I adore this game, I’ve never understood why they dropped that particular idea.

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          • there’s a couple spinner section in the overworld for heart pieces and you have to use it twice(?) in the temple of time

          • Yeah, it kept the rail systems and switch usage but you never use it to cross something like quicksand or a patch of dangerous ice or something to that effect outside of Arbiter’s.

          • I don’t think you’re ever required to use the spinner for that, you can make it through all of the quicksand sections normally in wolf form

          • I was counting those as rail obstacles more than quicksand ones, there’s no reason to ever get off the spinner because you’re trying to get on a rail. I’m pretty sure you can move around in the big room fine without the spinner but the rails everywhere just make that unnecessary.

          • Guess it’s something I’ve never tried then. Even so, it allowed Link to traverse quicksand without turning into a wolf so the idea naturally lends itself to further possibilities from that point. Using it to cross dangerous terrain in short gaps seems like a natural fit for the item.

          • oh yeah, I agree that they should have expanded on the idea, I just don’t thing they utilized it very well even in arbiter’s grounds.

  8. Snowpeak Ruins > Arbiter’s Grounds > City In The Sky > Lakebed Temple > Temple of Time > Hyrule Castle > Goron Mines > Forest Temple > Palace of Twilight

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        • it seems long because of the path you take, you just do one big plus shaped path through the main room to get the poes. then it’s just one straight shot from the mini boss dude all the way to the end with a tiny detour for the boss key. there’s almost no backtracking required.

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    • >Snowpeak Ruins

      I’m surprised how great that dungeon ended up being. I haven’t played TP since I was a kid and that’s the only dungeon I have real memories of. I can remember t he bosses for the others but Snowpeak Ruins is the only one I can actually remember some rooms of the dungoen. That place was comfy af.

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      • Revisiting it recently, it’s surprising how tight it is for a 3D Zelda dungeon. It’s basically a 2 floor house but it packs in so many little shortcuts and backtracks. It’s a dungeon that utilizes its limited space to great effect, not to mention the charming context the dungeon works under. Blizzeta is honestly one of the better boss encounters on top of that and the ice giants are a contender for the best basic enemy type in the game. It’s like they put almost all of the game’s best ideas into that one dungeon.

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  9. Man, I don’t remember if it was this game the one that gets easier as you progress or harder(like it should) I just remember that the game feels very empty.

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    • TP’s difficulty is uniformly easy. It does scale with your abilities, it just almost never actually gets tough. HD’s Hero Mode with the Ganondorf amiibo fixes the weak damage output and overgenerous heart drops, but it doesn’t fix the too passive AI and lack of meaningful fail state. That all said, it does still have the Cave of Ordeals at least.

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  10. the dungeons are really good. once you get to the second act, you won’t have to deal with the tears, although honestly those never really bugged me except for lanayru’s.

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    • >Be in sixth grade
      >Talking to normie friends
      >Wii games come up
      >"Yea I like Twilight Princess"
      >They give me the look of distaste
      >"omg Anon what did you just say?"
      >"Uhh the Zelda game?"
      >They then proceeded to make fun of me
      >Think they must associate Twilight with the vampire movie
      >tfw I liked Twilight movies too
      >tfw I saved that moment, let it simmer for years
      >Fuck one of dude’s crushes
      >Tell him I brought her over and watched Twilight
      >Fucked his Princess

      >6th grade
      holy fuck I feel old, I waited in line to buy this game after work

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  11. game is a commitment, slow start until the ball gets rolling, then it’s epic set pieces one after the other, then climatic showdown with zant and then ganon, then it’s over and leaves you feeling empty, it’s the best worst feeling games can give

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  12. The intro does go on too long and honestly, the first third of the game in general can seem a tad slow. But God, I love the atmosphere and dungeon design of this game so fucking much. If only it were even remotely challenging outside of like 2 puzzles.

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    • I’ll honestly take them over pre-Dragon Roost WW. The first "dungeon" being an extended stealth section that takes your sword away literally 10 minutes after you get it leaves a far more sour taste in my mouth than any part of TP’s opening hours.

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        • Unique, sure. Don’t think a stealth section that long belongs in Zelda. Even TP didn’t drag its intro stealth bit out half as long, and OoT had the right idea entirely by relegating the concept to a handful of top-down screens.

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          • >the shit doesn’t belong in zelda
            OoT made such an impression on me that I quite like stealth. TWW had the best stealth, though I suppose BotW had to handle it differently.

          • I think the whole concept would have gone over better if stealth was an actually viable method of dealing with enemies in the other areas, as is it’s really isolated to the fortress. if you could sneak up on enemies and dispatch them in normal gameplay as well it would make more sense.

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