>tfw no story driven Taiko no Tatsujin or Project Diva in the same spirit of Whiplash >tfw Miku will never chuck a chair at you and insult you if get even a single "Safe" note
Missed opportunity.
The second best original good movie I saw recently was The Holdovers, which is American, but I don't know if "Hollywood" (whatever that means anymore), was involved.
>Holdovers
Good shit, but I hate how every single fucking film needs to be a period piece these days. It didn't need to be. The movie could've worked today.
Unironically Puss in Boots 2.
My aspie friend took me to see it and I expected nothing from a sequel to a decade old spinoff film of fucking Shrek, but it brutally mogged every Pixar flick that came out in the past 5 years.
There's a difference between adapting a book to what's happening right now.
Hell, I'd go as far as to say this has nothing to do with the Burton remake either, cause at least it was clearly just his autistic passion project.
Hollywood just can't make shit fly anymore. They obsessively need existing 'properties' to get anything off the ground.
Why? Could be they're blindly following what their AI's tell them since they spend so many millions on people's data. Could be as simple as stubborn boomers learning nothing after the past decade of Hollywood eating itself and just insisting 'it'll work this time like it did for marvel'
Capitalism has killed originality. Like vidya they go for sure fire hits and safe bets now.
You want big screen originality, go see movies from Xwood's overseas.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
>go see movies from Xwood's overseas.
Aren't foreign film scenes super dead?
Like, in the 50's-80's you had all of europe making uberkino. You had French comedies, you had Italian giallo, you had weird shit from Russia. Hell, even my irrelevant ass country (Greece) had a bit of a domestic movie industry.
But since the 00's it feels like it's all disappeared and the only thing left in it's place is shitty, pretentious arthouse student films intended for internal consumption within festivals. Not wider audiences.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
My favorite film, Holy Motors, is a 2012 French film so they do still make them
But yeah nowadays it's mostly US and Japan shitting out content
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Capitalism has killed originality.
Which is ironic, because most of the writing hires are products of literally decades of nepotism in various institutions and has virtually nothing to do with the actual fiscal viability of products.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
False because capitalism is a system that promotes creativity the strongest due its fundamental tenet of competition.
Everything you're saying is correct but that has nothing to do with the fact that it was already a "franchise" long before now.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
man i was so sad this past halloween, went to the store to buy a bag of the good wonka stuff and it was all shitty chocolate and none of the good shit like nerds, runts, or bottle caps
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
>it was all shitty chocolate and none of the good shit like nerds, runts, or bottle caps
I find it ironic that the chocolate is the most popular Wonka candy in the books and movies, but in real life all the sugary candies are way better, and the actual Wonka bars and those chocolate donuts don't taste right. Also nerds are super easy to find, it's gobstoppers and runts that are hard to find.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
That's just the differences between the British and American candy markets. The book makes a lot more sense when you know the background that the at the time of writing the English high-street chocolatiers genuinely were extremely secretive and engaged in widespread corporate espionage against each other (analogous to North America's Cola Wars)
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
It's a fucking crime that the Wonka bar just doesn't exist anymore. It was delicious but the fucking Wonka bar was JUST to promote the Charlie movie and they never made it again but they still use it to promote things
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
>It's a fucking crime that the Wonka bar just doesn't exist anymore.
it still does wtf, it's just batshit expensive
Why did they make Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, anyway? Like I know that’s the name of the original book but, I forgot a bit about it actually like was it a sequel or remake? Was it good? I watch the original once every couple years cause Gene Wilder’s portrayal is outstanding, genuine passion is shown from that man.
For the most part, it's morefaithful to the book, with the exception of the awful original ending. I didn't really think it was very good, especially when compared to the old movie, but it might be worth watching if you just like Tim Burton's stuff.
1971 is objectively superior, but 2005 is fine in its own right. It's a closer adaptation to the book and has some actually neat production values, but it's also slathered in the Burton-style of weirdness that's fun for a minute and then quickly becomes too annoying and silly. Casting is perfect for everyone sans Wonka, but that's only because Wilder is impossible to live up to, and Depp isn't completely horrible either. Also "that" scene in 2005 beats out the one in 1971.
'05 Wonka tries too hard to be zany and comes across as annoying, and 05 Charlie is a golden boy Mary Sue. '71 Wonka is eccentric and unpredictable in a believable way and Charlie is flawed but has a good heart. Mike is the only modern character who is better written imo. I'll fight you, anon. -Captcha n2dat. Yes I am.
Executives are terrified of risking things on new IPs so keep trying to bank on nostalgia instead. And if they’re really lucky, they can stumble on the next MCU
half of the revenue from movies comes from toys/candies/etc you sell at the side. I dont mean transformers themed oreos, more like selling the actual stuff you see in the movies. people eat that up like there's no tomorrow and the revenue from it is insane. wonka is easy mode cuz they use it as promotion to sell chocolate >source: my butt
No one. The only reason Gene Wilder agreed to do the original was because they let him turn Wonka into a character you could literally never trust. From that very first scene of him shambling out of the factory then doing a front roll you don't know if you can ever trust him. The "remake" 30 years later was made by people who didn't understand this and just thought the film was LE WACKY CHOCOLATE FACTORY XDDD". I hate everyone so much.
And yet was a much worse and far less memorable movie because none of the actors involved had an ounce of vision. Curious!
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
I agree with that, but what you're describing here
No one. The only reason Gene Wilder agreed to do the original was because they let him turn Wonka into a character you could literally never trust. From that very first scene of him shambling out of the factory then doing a front roll you don't know if you can ever trust him. The "remake" 30 years later was made by people who didn't understand this and just thought the film was LE WACKY CHOCOLATE FACTORY XDDD". I hate everyone so much.
is a bunch of bullshit
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
It's the singular thing that made the central character of Willy Wonka in the original film so captivating. Cry all you want, but this is why movies are so shit nowadays. Nobody has any vision for anything, it's all so safe, everyone thinks they can just read the script and it'll be a big hit.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
>in the original film
Sure, but the Burton movie adapted the book, not the movie.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
It doesn't matter one ounce of flying fuck what was adapted. What matters is whether the end product is any good. If the original director had told Gene Wilder to go fuck himself because what he wanted wasn't in the book he'd have been a retard.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
Agreed.
3 weeks ago
Anonymous
>What matters is whether the end product is any good
Too bad none of the movies are good.
Wonka's timeless, dude. Anyway, like other dude said, there's a new one coming out that's sure to be dogshit. If there's something I really needed, it's even more elaboration on Willy Wonka's backstory.
>Wonka's timeless, dude.
agreed but plastered on a console?
>TC will probably be worse than Depp >Prequel, meaning the factory tour and actual timeless tale won't be in the movie >WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S THIS? THERE'S naggerS EVERYWHERE >Chances of a blueberry scene are slim so architects and DeviantArt users can't be assed to save it
DOA
>prequel
These illiterate chucklefucks are aware that there's a second book, right? One that so far has never been touched? But fuck me, maybe it's better that way, leave it pure for at least a little while longer.
no one fucking want's this. not even the actors. they even put the main zoomer actor on snl to shill it and no one gives a shit. just more IP judaism to keep the story out of anyone's hand or god forbid let it be in the public domain
Wonka's timeless, dude. Anyway, like other dude said, there's a new one coming out that's sure to be dogshit. If there's something I really needed, it's even more elaboration on Willy Wonka's backstory.
I mean I guess it's fair to call both this and the console similar but the pinball machine is a lot more involved normal for them to have that sort of theme design. The xbox just has a name slapped on it basically with an overpriced hunk of chocolate.
It's funny how the author of the book that the movie was based on hated the movie yet the movie is way more famous and still revered today.
Most people don't even know there was a second book that took place after the first book/movie's events.
why did he hate the movie? >Most people don't even know there was a second book that took place after the first book/movie's events.
the Great Glass Elevator, right? i remember reading that many years ago and it felt disjointed as hell and had weird lovecraft shapes-in-corners stuff going on
He didn't like Wilder in the lead role as he made the character 'too pretentious', hated how sappy the movie was in general and thought the entire thing was way too optimistic in tone.
Dahl pretty much hated any adaptation of any of his works though.
>hated how sappy the movie was in general and thought the entire thing was way too optimistic in tone.
He gets painted as this whimsical figure just because he was an eccentric and successful in children's fiction, but people tend to forget he was originally a horror and mystery writer with a somewhat dark demeanour as a person.
The common moron on the street is way more familiar with the Wilder movie or even the Depp movie (which took even more liberties with the book regarding Wonka's character) than Dahl's book.
I don’t see how that’s surprising. It’s a story about a fantastical factory full of magical mechanical marvels. That’s like the perfect theme for a pinball table.
It's honestly fucking wild an entire fetish was born from some guy thinking, "wouldn't it be wacky if a person could turn into human fruit?". Tim Burton making violet even bigger and exposing her belly definitely didn't help.
I feel like the size is more of a result updated social views. Like, yes, the Wilder one was still silly looking; but with how some people are now, they could end up that size. So, you'd have to make it impossibly big to avoid offending anyone.
Who the fuck is this for.
Who the fuck asked for this.
Genuinely. There were probably hundreds of people involved in this. From decision makers to marketing people to designers to every intern along the way to the factory. And nobody questioned it.
Maybe nobody expected it to be bought. Just a dumb contractual obligation or something boring and bureaucratic like that.
I hate corporations.
>one midgit indian was every oompaa loompa in the movie
Whatever they paid him, it wasn't enough. That guy had to do the same dance move for several takes and kind of know how to play the guitar, bass, and drums.
>Be me >Microshaft announces they made a Willy Wonka Xbox >Buy it >get hungry >eat Xbox >fucking die >realize it wasn’t actual chocolate >What were they thinkin!
friend: "uuuuh where's my Xbox Series X special Wonka™ edition?"
me, with my belly shaped like a Xbox Series X special Wonka™ edition: "no idea *burp*"
>One example of the newly modified text was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory describing Augustus Gloop as "enormous" instead of the original 1964 version's "enormously fat."
pfhahaha
>Ganker wins the tour because chocolate rivers, magic chewing gum, fizzy lifting drinks, squirrels, and teleporters are forced soul for redditors
Would watch
Reddit would hate Willy Wonka for being a white male who just wanted to make candy for children instead of dedicating all of his time to performative woke bullshit.
Ganker would love Willy Wonka because someone would be constantly reposting the Liveleak video in webm form and every anon would come to know that each Wonka bar you bought represented another orange midget dying horrifically in a freak industrial accident.
>Ganker wins the tour because chocolate rivers, magic chewing gum, fizzy lifting drinks, squirrels, and teleporters are forced soul for redditors
Would watch
>Willy Wonka but a game developer >The tour group walks in to the "Battlepass Room" where all the fun, colorful cosmetics are added into the Battlepass for games! >Everyone in the group runs around, gawking at the colorful outfits, meanwhile Ganker stays back, saying it has no effect on gameplay and is soulless. >Wally the Whale, one of the gold ticket winners, has his face pressed up against a particular screen. >A cosmetic selling for $100 000 USD >He starts snorting and grunting, yells at Wonka to let him buy it. >"Are you sure? It's just a prototype, besides, you could buy so many other things with that mo-" >Whale screams that he doesn't care and starts calling everyone poor >Wonka sighs and enables the transaction, the horrendous outfit now Wally's to own. >After peacocking around the room, showing everyone his new cosmetic, it suddenly disappears >The whale screeches at Wonka to bring it back, it's his, HE owns it. >"I'm terribly sorry, but I DID say it was a prototype, it's just a bug, it'll be fixed soon." >I WANT MY COSMETIC! I WANT MY COSMETIC! FUCK YOU ARE YOU POOR?! ARE YOU PO- >He falls into the Battlepass chute to everyone's shock. >He shows up as a common-tier character, practically useless in value. >The Oompa Loompas start to walk into the room...
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do, >I've got another puzzle for you. >Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee, >If you are wise, you'll listen to me.
>What do you get from a purchase in-game? >A virtual item, it's always the same. >Why not enjoy what you already have, >Instead of spending on a skin or or some battle pass?
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee, >Gaming should be fun, not a spending spree. >Play and enjoy, don't rush to spend, >Your wallet's well-being, we do recommend!
>No need for coins, gems, or endless loot, >These microtransactions are a fruitless pursuit. >You'll pay and you'll play, but at what cost? >When the game's charm and your money's lost.
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dall, >Choose games wisely, or not at all. >Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dart, >Play with your heart, not with your card!
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do, >I've got another puzzle for you. >Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee, >If you are wise, you'll listen to me.
>What do you get from a purchase in-game? >A virtual item, it's always the same. >Why not enjoy what you already have, >Instead of spending on a skin or or some battle pass?
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee, >Gaming should be fun, not a spending spree. >Play and enjoy, don't rush to spend, >Your wallet's well-being, we do recommend!
>No need for coins, gems, or endless loot, >These microtransactions are a fruitless pursuit. >You'll pay and you'll play, but at what cost? >When the game's charm and your money's lost.
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dall, >Choose games wisely, or not at all. >Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dart, >Play with your heart, not with your card!
The best part about Dahl is his extremely intentionally choreographed deathbed expression of love to everyone he knew and personally invited to watch him die only for his actual last words to be "OH FUCK" as his doctors gave him a shot of painkillers
>Three (3) major film adaptations of the original book >Not one actually accurately depicts how the book was in either style or substance
The book is not meant to be some tired hagiography of either Charlie or Wonka. No one has managed to understand this in 50+ years despite children getting it.
I can forgive the adaptations of the book doing their own things, but making a prequel is just a completely asinine choice, as you're effectively trying to make up an origin story for a character who is at his core just the equivalent a magical imp in human form.
Let's say Slugworth pays Miss Trunchbull to break in to the Wonka Factory and steal the Everlasting Gobstopper. She's not going to take the subtle approach. How far does she get, and what percentage of the Oompa Loompas are dead afterwards?
>Entering the factory: polevaults through the windows, landing directly in the chocolate river, getting sucked up by the tube where she punches her way out, swimming the entire length of the river to the inventing room, she's pursued by several oompa loompas who attempt to give chase but they're too short and drown >Trunchbull drinks the fizzy lifting drink 'cause she's fucking thirsty; nothing fucking happens because she's too much of a fucking tank. >Kicks the door down to the inventing room killing two oompa loompas who were standing behind it, sending the oompa loompas into a panic. "SomeRatsAreGonnaDieToday.wav" >Shotputs a christmas pudding through the chest of one oompa loompa, hurls a javelin into the skull of another. >Eats the gum, turns blue, does squats and returns to normal while strangling two oompa loompas with her bare hands and crushing the skull of another between her powerful thighs >Sees the gobstopper machine, leaping stomps onto an oompa loompa standing nearby causing massive internal injuries, tears the machine out of the ground, hammer throws it out the window, the centrifugal force of the spinning machine impacting several oompa loompas, killing them instantly. blood everywhere. >Squats down, preparing to leap out another window, several oompa loompas latch on to her as she launches >They fall off mid-air, die from the impact. >Trunchbull grabs the gobstopper machine and drags it all the way to Slugworth's without breaking a sweat.
Charlie is better than Willy, you cannot convince me otherwise >t. read the FUCKING book Also I fucking miss wonka bars they were so great I hate nestle
>find the golden game pass ticket >redeem it >at the xbox factory it's a shitload of pajeets dressed up like oompaloompas >it's hard to tell if they're singing or not with the way their ghastly curryspeak gibberish sounds >there's a whole line of them poised over a conveyor with molds, that they're furiously spraying diarrhea onto >the molds go in to an oven, and the baked shit is popped out of the molds as the components for the xboxes
no transparent console no buy
>console Red Rings
>Xbox melts
>money stolen
>you get nothing
T-thanks Wonka.
I thought it was funny, Anon
lel
Good day, sir!
Americans are so fat they want to eat video games
Imagine being computers
so fat you look and see food
What even happened to this
Nvidia is still working on a card that runs cool enough to not incinerate the chicken.
underrated post
>implying it's not the Intel CPU that provides the heat
>willy wonka and the chocolate factory is half a century old
>charlie and the chocolate factory is almost two decades old
...who wanted this?
There's a new Wonka movie being made.
I saw the trailer and I was utterly repulsed.
Hollywood is such a fucking wasteland.
What's the last original good movie you saw?
No one can think of one in less than 10 seconds.
Whiplash
>tfw no story driven Taiko no Tatsujin or Project Diva in the same spirit of Whiplash
>tfw Miku will never chuck a chair at you and insult you if get even a single "Safe" note
Missed opportunity.
Anatomy of a Fall, which is French.
The second best original good movie I saw recently was The Holdovers, which is American, but I don't know if "Hollywood" (whatever that means anymore), was involved.
>whatever that means anymore
elite pedos
Saw Holdovers last night. Absolutely wonderful movie, didn't want it to end. Anatomy of a Fall looks great as well, looking forward to seeing it.
>Holdovers
Good shit, but I hate how every single fucking film needs to be a period piece these days. It didn't need to be. The movie could've worked today.
Banshees of inisherin.
Probably Dredd.
Borgman
Unironically Puss in Boots 2.
My aspie friend took me to see it and I expected nothing from a sequel to a decade old spinoff film of fucking Shrek, but it brutally mogged every Pixar flick that came out in the past 5 years.
>"Original film"
>Shrek spin-off 2
no wonder you liked the film, you're a brainlet
I saw one just two days ago: They Cloned Tyrone
Killers of the Flower Moon was also good. So was Oppenheimer
The Matrix
Holy shit, its "free guy" the first thing that popped in my mind is free guy, hollywood has really died
Why are they trying to make fucking this of all things into a franchise in the first place.
No clue. Creatively bankrupt producers greenlighting it.
YOu mean in 1972?
There's a difference between adapting a book to what's happening right now.
Hell, I'd go as far as to say this has nothing to do with the Burton remake either, cause at least it was clearly just his autistic passion project.
Hollywood just can't make shit fly anymore. They obsessively need existing 'properties' to get anything off the ground.
Why? Could be they're blindly following what their AI's tell them since they spend so many millions on people's data. Could be as simple as stubborn boomers learning nothing after the past decade of Hollywood eating itself and just insisting 'it'll work this time like it did for marvel'
Capitalism has killed originality. Like vidya they go for sure fire hits and safe bets now.
You want big screen originality, go see movies from Xwood's overseas.
>go see movies from Xwood's overseas.
Aren't foreign film scenes super dead?
Like, in the 50's-80's you had all of europe making uberkino. You had French comedies, you had Italian giallo, you had weird shit from Russia. Hell, even my irrelevant ass country (Greece) had a bit of a domestic movie industry.
But since the 00's it feels like it's all disappeared and the only thing left in it's place is shitty, pretentious arthouse student films intended for internal consumption within festivals. Not wider audiences.
My favorite film, Holy Motors, is a 2012 French film so they do still make them
But yeah nowadays it's mostly US and Japan shitting out content
>Capitalism has killed originality.
Which is ironic, because most of the writing hires are products of literally decades of nepotism in various institutions and has virtually nothing to do with the actual fiscal viability of products.
False because capitalism is a system that promotes creativity the strongest due its fundamental tenet of competition.
Everything you're saying is correct but that has nothing to do with the fact that it was already a "franchise" long before now.
man i was so sad this past halloween, went to the store to buy a bag of the good wonka stuff and it was all shitty chocolate and none of the good shit like nerds, runts, or bottle caps
>it was all shitty chocolate and none of the good shit like nerds, runts, or bottle caps
I find it ironic that the chocolate is the most popular Wonka candy in the books and movies, but in real life all the sugary candies are way better, and the actual Wonka bars and those chocolate donuts don't taste right. Also nerds are super easy to find, it's gobstoppers and runts that are hard to find.
That's just the differences between the British and American candy markets. The book makes a lot more sense when you know the background that the at the time of writing the English high-street chocolatiers genuinely were extremely secretive and engaged in widespread corporate espionage against each other (analogous to North America's Cola Wars)
It's a fucking crime that the Wonka bar just doesn't exist anymore. It was delicious but the fucking Wonka bar was JUST to promote the Charlie movie and they never made it again but they still use it to promote things
>It's a fucking crime that the Wonka bar just doesn't exist anymore.
it still does wtf, it's just batshit expensive
What little I've read of this sounds kino. It would make for a decent film or even a game.
Why did they make Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, anyway? Like I know that’s the name of the original book but, I forgot a bit about it actually like was it a sequel or remake? Was it good? I watch the original once every couple years cause Gene Wilder’s portrayal is outstanding, genuine passion is shown from that man.
For the most part, it's morefaithful to the book, with the exception of the awful original ending. I didn't really think it was very good, especially when compared to the old movie, but it might be worth watching if you just like Tim Burton's stuff.
The violet scene gave me funny feelings as a kid
1971 is objectively superior, but 2005 is fine in its own right. It's a closer adaptation to the book and has some actually neat production values, but it's also slathered in the Burton-style of weirdness that's fun for a minute and then quickly becomes too annoying and silly. Casting is perfect for everyone sans Wonka, but that's only because Wilder is impossible to live up to, and Depp isn't completely horrible either.
Also "that" scene in 2005 beats out the one in 1971.
'05 Wonka tries too hard to be zany and comes across as annoying, and 05 Charlie is a golden boy Mary Sue. '71 Wonka is eccentric and unpredictable in a believable way and Charlie is flawed but has a good heart. Mike is the only modern character who is better written imo.
I'll fight you, anon. -Captcha n2dat. Yes I am.
Executives are terrified of risking things on new IPs so keep trying to bank on nostalgia instead. And if they’re really lucky, they can stumble on the next MCU
half of the revenue from movies comes from toys/candies/etc you sell at the side. I dont mean transformers themed oreos, more like selling the actual stuff you see in the movies. people eat that up like there's no tomorrow and the revenue from it is insane. wonka is easy mode cuz they use it as promotion to sell chocolate
>source: my butt
Imagine being so American you watch a movie and your first thought is "I should go buy the food Tony Stark was eating"
... who wanted it?
No one. The only reason Gene Wilder agreed to do the original was because they let him turn Wonka into a character you could literally never trust. From that very first scene of him shambling out of the factory then doing a front roll you don't know if you can ever trust him. The "remake" 30 years later was made by people who didn't understand this and just thought the film was LE WACKY CHOCOLATE FACTORY XDDD". I hate everyone so much.
the "remake" had more in common with the source material than the "original"
And yet was a much worse and far less memorable movie because none of the actors involved had an ounce of vision. Curious!
I agree with that, but what you're describing here
is a bunch of bullshit
It's the singular thing that made the central character of Willy Wonka in the original film so captivating. Cry all you want, but this is why movies are so shit nowadays. Nobody has any vision for anything, it's all so safe, everyone thinks they can just read the script and it'll be a big hit.
>in the original film
Sure, but the Burton movie adapted the book, not the movie.
It doesn't matter one ounce of flying fuck what was adapted. What matters is whether the end product is any good. If the original director had told Gene Wilder to go fuck himself because what he wanted wasn't in the book he'd have been a retard.
Agreed.
>What matters is whether the end product is any good
Too bad none of the movies are good.
The IP owner.
oh, that's gay.
>Wonka's timeless, dude.
agreed but plastered on a console?
Time for another blueberry scene.
We would only be so lucky make it a fucking milf this time
Since it's supposed to be a prequel, I doubt you'll see it unless an Oompa Loompa does it
I know you're right, but the reality still burns me
I don't want it unless they inflate all the female cast like they did with Violet.
nah, blueberry naggers are a blight on the expansion community. make it tasteful belly inflation instead
why the fuck is that twink is every movie now
Just some rich israelite fucktoy.
>Look it up
>Main heroine is black
Color me surprised.
no we've got too much colouring already
day ruined
please tell me that dog is female, I want to fuck her cookie
>TC will probably be worse than Depp
>Prequel, meaning the factory tour and actual timeless tale won't be in the movie
>WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S THIS? THERE'S naggerS EVERYWHERE
>Chances of a blueberry scene are slim so architects and DeviantArt users can't be assed to save it
DOA
I love and yet hate knowing how true it is that the lack of something like that fucking scene makes it lose almost all interest on people
I apologise for nothing.
As you shouldn't. I'm just mad I can't get a modern berry scene, much less one with an adult woman
>Wonka literally fired his staff and employed a tribe of black plantation slaves
The producers either did not think this through or this is going to be a blaxploitation film about how Wonka is a white supermacist.
>prequel
These illiterate chucklefucks are aware that there's a second book, right? One that so far has never been touched? But fuck me, maybe it's better that way, leave it pure for at least a little while longer.
>WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S THIS? THERE'S naggerS EVERYWHERE
>made bythe guy that created the best movie ever. Padington
ITS GOING TO BE KINO
Yeah with timothy can't spell his name. Sounds like another flop, Charlie and the Chocolate factory should've ended with the burton movie.
no one fucking want's this. not even the actors. they even put the main zoomer actor on snl to shill it and no one gives a shit. just more IP judaism to keep the story out of anyone's hand or god forbid let it be in the public domain
>new Wonka movie
ah yes willy wakanda and the nagger factory
Yeah that was the original book. The movies changed it.
Wonka's timeless, dude. Anyway, like other dude said, there's a new one coming out that's sure to be dogshit. If there's something I really needed, it's even more elaboration on Willy Wonka's backstory.
I mean, they made a fucking pinball machine out of Willy Wonka.
It's a surprisingly complex table.
does your ball turn into a blueberry
No, that's the Twilight Zone pinball.
only if I don't whack it for a week
You know, when I opened that image my first thought was, "damn, a pinball table would be a sweet project to make".
I mean I guess it's fair to call both this and the console similar but the pinball machine is a lot more involved normal for them to have that sort of theme design. The xbox just has a name slapped on it basically with an overpriced hunk of chocolate.
also willy wonka is gonna be a nagger isn't he
No, but he will be Timothy Chalamet
It's funny how the author of the book that the movie was based on hated the movie yet the movie is way more famous and still revered today.
Most people don't even know there was a second book that took place after the first book/movie's events.
Jesus that gave me a stroke
why did he hate the movie?
>Most people don't even know there was a second book that took place after the first book/movie's events.
the Great Glass Elevator, right? i remember reading that many years ago and it felt disjointed as hell and had weird lovecraft shapes-in-corners stuff going on
He didn't like Wilder in the lead role as he made the character 'too pretentious', hated how sappy the movie was in general and thought the entire thing was way too optimistic in tone.
Dahl pretty much hated any adaptation of any of his works though.
He would probably have liked Depp's Wonka better.
>hated how sappy the movie was in general and thought the entire thing was way too optimistic in tone.
He gets painted as this whimsical figure just because he was an eccentric and successful in children's fiction, but people tend to forget he was originally a horror and mystery writer with a somewhat dark demeanour as a person.
>the movie yet the movie is way more famous
lol nope
The common moron on the street is way more familiar with the Wilder movie or even the Depp movie (which took even more liberties with the book regarding Wonka's character) than Dahl's book.
That ain't all they made.
I don’t see how that’s surprising. It’s a story about a fantastical factory full of magical mechanical marvels. That’s like the perfect theme for a pinball table.
Execs
Yeah who asked for this?
>Series S
Smart. The people who would buy that probably only play Candy Crush anyway
Well I bought Beisraeliteeled 3 on my Series X so
the gene wilder movie is a timeless classic that children of all generations watch
I'm a zoomer (fr fr) and grew up with the remake.
That one Blueberry Inflation scene is still affecting fetishists over 50 years later
It's honestly fucking wild an entire fetish was born from some guy thinking, "wouldn't it be wacky if a person could turn into human fruit?". Tim Burton making violet even bigger and exposing her belly definitely didn't help.
I feel like the size is more of a result updated social views. Like, yes, the Wilder one was still silly looking; but with how some people are now, they could end up that size. So, you'd have to make it impossibly big to avoid offending anyone.
That scene gave me nightmares for weeks as a kid, then puberty happened. Fml.
Who the fuck is this for.
Who the fuck asked for this.
Genuinely. There were probably hundreds of people involved in this. From decision makers to marketing people to designers to every intern along the way to the factory. And nobody questioned it.
Maybe nobody expected it to be bought. Just a dumb contractual obligation or something boring and bureaucratic like that.
I hate corporations.
Looks like shit but at least original shit.
Why can't Sony make any interesting limited-edition accessories?
Good cuz i needed an upgrade
HOLY ACID CUM
they'll do this shit but not bring back those truffle donuts
choccie~!
choccie gaem~! YAY!!!
XBOX ON!
Finally a good reason to post this
I'll never not laugh at "so fat you look and see food"
>Imagine being at computers
Is there cockroaches in it
Not videogames
Ganker is over there
Imagine being at Xbox so fat you look and see food
who would win
Can you eat it?
a new wonka film full of ugly blacks - i can't wait!
>Oompa loompa doopa-tee-doo
>We're going to throw a spear in you!
bet they won't even make a simple "is that chocolate on your skin" joke, the cowards
kek
This is why the tim burton movie will always be superior to the censored orangeshit from the 70's
>one midgit indian was every oompaa loompa in the movie
Whatever they paid him, it wasn't enough. That guy had to do the same dance move for several takes and kind of know how to play the guitar, bass, and drums.
>tim burton
I wonder how many of his movies didn't have Johnny Depp or Helena Carter in them
IMAGINE BEING AT COMPUTERS
PLAYSTATION WILL GET NOTHING YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR
The shitbox
Why does Xbox constantly keep doing non-video game related things?
the best part of the movie was that bitch getting sent down the garbage chute by Willy Wanker lmao.
Heard that the controller is actually edible but the console won't be.
that makes sense, since there's nothing to play on xbox anyway
But where are the video games, Phil?
Chocostation has no games
nice color for the controller, does it have obnoxious WONKA logs all over it that you can't see from that angle?
>Be me
>Microshaft announces they made a Willy Wonka Xbox
>Buy it
>get hungry
>eat Xbox
>fucking die
>realize it wasn’t actual chocolate
>What were they thinkin!
Burton's movie continues to be the best one
Look, if it doesn't turn my gf into a huge fucking berry when she plays, I don't want it
stop that, reverse it
Turn three sixty degrees and walk away
friend: "uuuuh where's my Xbox Series X special Wonka™ edition?"
me, with my belly shaped like a Xbox Series X special Wonka™ edition: "no idea *burp*"
Remember that the book is now censored to not upset Americans
>One example of the newly modified text was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory describing Augustus Gloop as "enormous" instead of the original 1964 version's "enormously fat."
pfhahaha
I think Roald Dahl would kill those editors personally with his bare hands.
Fake news. The change only ever happened in Bongland and the publisher backpedaled after they (rightfully) got shat on for it.
>WANKA XBOEN REAL
have a nice day nagger
Willy wanker :DDDD
Oomba Loomba :DDDDD
The tinfoil controller is awesome.
WE WANT IT WE WANT IT WE WANT
Oh dang, it's a wrapped controller, no painted as foil...
YOU GET NOTHING
YOU LOOSE
NO GAMES, SIR
I was so disinterested in that thread that I just ignored it. Can't believe I missed out on such a kino btfo.
Oompa loompa doompety doo
Starfield flopped and Forza too
Oompa loompa doompety dee
Nobody wants to buy MW3
>Xbox
>Nothing but boring slop released for the past 5+ years
>PS
>Nothing but boring slop released for the past 5+
When are these companies going to realize buying the console with no games is fucking worthless, MAKE GOOD GAMES FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are hundreds of games on PS5 not on Switch and there around 50 games playable on PS5 but not PC. 46.6 million sold.
>games on PS5 not on Switch
>games playable on PS5 but not PC
Holy shit that's some extra devious marketing speak right there.
Why?
But the movies told me TV and video games are le bad
what's with MS and these retarded collaborations?
is this meme dogshit really how they try to garner attention and sales? how about making some fucking games?
>ctrl + f "blueberry
>5 results
based
Tim Burton one was better that the boomer one
>sweepstakes to win it
>needs a twitter account
gay
Don't mind me, just "pirating" these fizzy lifting drinks.
Can you pirate me that gum while you're at it
you will acquire them legally and at full price!
If Willy Wonka were real, Ganker would insist that his chocolate is for redditors and choke down Slugworth chocolate just to be contrary.
>implying reddit wouldn't shill slugworth chocolate and cancel wonka for being a white male.
Tom and Jerry aren't reddit, fuck off
>Ganker wins the tour because chocolate rivers, magic chewing gum, fizzy lifting drinks, squirrels, and teleporters are forced soul for redditors
Would watch
Reddit would hate Willy Wonka for being a white male who just wanted to make candy for children instead of dedicating all of his time to performative woke bullshit.
Ganker would love Willy Wonka because someone would be constantly reposting the Liveleak video in webm form and every anon would come to know that each Wonka bar you bought represented another orange midget dying horrifically in a freak industrial accident.
>Willy Wonka but a game developer
>The tour group walks in to the "Battlepass Room" where all the fun, colorful cosmetics are added into the Battlepass for games!
>Everyone in the group runs around, gawking at the colorful outfits, meanwhile Ganker stays back, saying it has no effect on gameplay and is soulless.
>Wally the Whale, one of the gold ticket winners, has his face pressed up against a particular screen.
>A cosmetic selling for $100 000 USD
>He starts snorting and grunting, yells at Wonka to let him buy it.
>"Are you sure? It's just a prototype, besides, you could buy so many other things with that mo-"
>Whale screams that he doesn't care and starts calling everyone poor
>Wonka sighs and enables the transaction, the horrendous outfit now Wally's to own.
>After peacocking around the room, showing everyone his new cosmetic, it suddenly disappears
>The whale screeches at Wonka to bring it back, it's his, HE owns it.
>"I'm terribly sorry, but I DID say it was a prototype, it's just a bug, it'll be fixed soon."
>I WANT MY COSMETIC! I WANT MY COSMETIC! FUCK YOU ARE YOU POOR?! ARE YOU PO-
>He falls into the Battlepass chute to everyone's shock.
>He shows up as a common-tier character, practically useless in value.
>The Oompa Loompas start to walk into the room...
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do,
>I've got another puzzle for you.
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee,
>If you are wise, you'll listen to me.
>What do you get from a purchase in-game?
>A virtual item, it's always the same.
>Why not enjoy what you already have,
>Instead of spending on a skin or or some battle pass?
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee,
>Gaming should be fun, not a spending spree.
>Play and enjoy, don't rush to spend,
>Your wallet's well-being, we do recommend!
>No need for coins, gems, or endless loot,
>These microtransactions are a fruitless pursuit.
>You'll pay and you'll play, but at what cost?
>When the game's charm and your money's lost.
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dall,
>Choose games wisely, or not at all.
>Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dart,
>Play with your heart, not with your card!
Bravo anon, more please.
I like the 70s one more but the Depp version isn't bad, it's pretty funny and has good songs, don't get why people are acting like it's unwatchable.
I feel like it's less of "bad" and more of conflict between Burton's take on movies and the mood of the book itself.
hahaha can you imagine being inflated into a blueberry hahahaa
hiring all those indians finally paying off
>You can't actually eat it
Roald Dahl is spinning in his grave
The best part about Dahl is his extremely intentionally choreographed deathbed expression of love to everyone he knew and personally invited to watch him die only for his actual last words to be "OH FUCK" as his doctors gave him a shot of painkillers
IMAGINE BEING AT CONSOLES AND YOU THINK OF FOOD AHAHAHAHAHAH
>Three (3) major film adaptations of the original book
>Not one actually accurately depicts how the book was in either style or substance
The book is not meant to be some tired hagiography of either Charlie or Wonka. No one has managed to understand this in 50+ years despite children getting it.
I can forgive the adaptations of the book doing their own things, but making a prequel is just a completely asinine choice, as you're effectively trying to make up an origin story for a character who is at his core just the equivalent a magical imp in human form.
>Come with Ganker and you'll be
>In a board of pure machination
>Take a look and you'll see
>Into your machination
Let's say Slugworth pays Miss Trunchbull to break in to the Wonka Factory and steal the Everlasting Gobstopper. She's not going to take the subtle approach. How far does she get, and what percentage of the Oompa Loompas are dead afterwards?
I wonder what Ganker thinks about the Wonka v. Slugworth rivalry
>Entering the factory: polevaults through the windows, landing directly in the chocolate river, getting sucked up by the tube where she punches her way out, swimming the entire length of the river to the inventing room, she's pursued by several oompa loompas who attempt to give chase but they're too short and drown
>Trunchbull drinks the fizzy lifting drink 'cause she's fucking thirsty; nothing fucking happens because she's too much of a fucking tank.
>Kicks the door down to the inventing room killing two oompa loompas who were standing behind it, sending the oompa loompas into a panic. "SomeRatsAreGonnaDieToday.wav"
>Shotputs a christmas pudding through the chest of one oompa loompa, hurls a javelin into the skull of another.
>Eats the gum, turns blue, does squats and returns to normal while strangling two oompa loompas with her bare hands and crushing the skull of another between her powerful thighs
>Sees the gobstopper machine, leaping stomps onto an oompa loompa standing nearby causing massive internal injuries, tears the machine out of the ground, hammer throws it out the window, the centrifugal force of the spinning machine impacting several oompa loompas, killing them instantly. blood everywhere.
>Squats down, preparing to leap out another window, several oompa loompas latch on to her as she launches
>They fall off mid-air, die from the impact.
>Trunchbull grabs the gobstopper machine and drags it all the way to Slugworth's without breaking a sweat.
overall I'd say pretty good haul.
10/10
oh, so there's a new wonka movie coming out next month. just found out
Charlie is better than Willy, you cannot convince me otherwise
>t. read the FUCKING book
Also I fucking miss wonka bars they were so great I hate nestle
Isn't this prequel magically filled to the brim with blacks, despite there being zero in the original movie? Weird how that keeps happening.
It makes sense, where do you think all the chocolate cake from
Came
>that one game based on the burton movie that plays like trying to eat a 55 gallon drum's worth of sawdust
What the fuck is Microsoft doing
Fucking hell how many times can you remake a film. I cant wait for the British to make their own version and call it Wanka xD
>cover console in shit
>call it chocolate
>find the golden game pass ticket
>redeem it
>at the xbox factory it's a shitload of pajeets dressed up like oompaloompas
>it's hard to tell if they're singing or not with the way their ghastly curryspeak gibberish sounds
>there's a whole line of them poised over a conveyor with molds, that they're furiously spraying diarrhea onto
>the molds go in to an oven, and the baked shit is popped out of the molds as the components for the xboxes
Why?