You find out your real father is Cthulhu. What do?

You find out your real father is Cthulhu.
What do?

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    debu

    AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
    HEEEEELP ME Black personMAAAAAAAN

    • 2 weeks ago
      name fag

      That cat can't help you where you are going

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Ok. So?

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I post in the horror thread instead of making a thread about it.

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I have sex with my hot cultist sister.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Can I have sex with your hot cultist sister too, anon?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      That was daddy dagon, not daddy cthulhu. Your hot cultist sister is probably more tentacles up top instead of tentacles down bottom like she was.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    If my half siblings looks like this I don't think someone who is a son of Cthulhu would look remotely human

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Put that shit away before someone turns into a living mummy.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Hey now, one of Yog-Sothoth's sons looked human enough to pass as long as he had clothes on. And Yog is an Outer God, while Cthulhu is just a Great Old One.
      The other one was super fricked up though.

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Check to see of the revelation made my dick transform

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It has, you now have four testicles(no two are the same size or shape)and when you reach maximum arousal the glans unfolds into a bunch of tentacles.

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I go out of my way to be racist.

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Give him a big hug
    I finally have a father :')

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Realize my mother is the biggest prostitute in all of reality.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous
  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Not possible, if I had been a horrible abomination my entire life I would be a very different person with very different experiences, not to mention my genetics being vastly different.

    If we're saying I appear as I am now with some yet unseen difference that doesn't have any impact apart from learning my true father is some horrible thing I don't know. I guess try to prove his existence through the same means, and try to alter mankinds scientific, and political course to devise countermeasures for my space father?

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Take him to court. He owes me over a decade of child support.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      PAY THE CHILD SUPPORT YOU SONOFAprostitute

      Sue for child support

      Child support is sexist extortion and the women who collect it are all greedy, worthless prostitutes. In this day and age, there's simply no excuse for a woman allowing herself to get preggers. They have access to hundreds of varieties of birth control.
      >Derp muh condoms. Just wear rubbers. Derp.
      That's how myself and all 3 of my siblings were born. Our dad wore rubbers. It's also how half my friends were born. Their dads wore rubbers. Rubbers leak, break, etc.. Especially if you have a dick over 6 inches.

      I have a better solution. Hold women fully accountable for their refusal to remain virgins til marriage and their refusal to take birth control and for everytime they poked holes in condoms.

      Face reality. Women and their orbital simps are all total trash.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >t. deadbeat dad

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          >Derp muh derpbeat derp.
          >I'm so funny. Derp.
          I have no kids, fatty.

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Black personMAN SAVE ME, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I dunno, ask Lovecraft

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Impossible, my mom isn't Japanese.

  15. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Give my real dad a hug.

  16. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Obviously do my best to be the favorite son

  17. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Do I get anything?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Sex.

  18. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    PAY THE CHILD SUPPORT YOU SONOFAprostitute

  19. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Try to learn to control my Eldritch power to give humanity some kind of leg up against cosmic horrors. It's extremely likely that plan is doomed to fail, but it's worth a shot. At that point, it's the only thing worth doing.

  20. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Ask mom about the fish rape.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >rape

  21. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Team up with my human dad to kill it.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >human dad
      You mean the cuck who simps for your prostitute mother.

  22. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    that explains why I'm so ugly
    but at least I would have wanted some powers you know, to compensate

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Your dick is a tentacle.

  23. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >You find out your real father is Cthulhu.

  24. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    It could be EVEN WORSE

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The funny thing about pro-Anglo-saxon racism of Lovecraft was that he kinda ignored concepts of genetics, nationality, race (lol) etc and decided who is more or less Anglo-saxon based on their culture and education.
      His wife was Rusiaan-israeli but he genuinely loved her.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Ask to be turned into some 7 ft monster with tard strength like Wilbur Whateley

        AND her cooking if the wikipedia article is to be believed

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          The funny thing about pro-Anglo-saxon racism of Lovecraft was that he kinda ignored concepts of genetics, nationality, race (lol) etc and decided who is more or less Anglo-saxon based on their culture and education.
          His wife was Rusiaan-israeli but he genuinely loved her.

          He was a profoundly maladjusted and dysfunctional geeky incel. Exactly like how terminally-online anime-obsessed boys with severe aspergers have difficulties in life. In Lovecraft's case, there wasn't anime - but there were 19th century trashy pulp novels in his grandfather's attic. It's why his prose was painfully archaic by comparison to his real time period. It's why he had no idea how human relationships actually work because his notions about life and romance came from silly Romantic-era trash all about the petty drama of landed gentry - where work is never mentioned and women were hyper-passive swooning fleshlights while the men were intelligentsia gravely concerned with microscopic animalculae, planetary orbits and luminous aether.
          Remember the stinky boy in your class who yelled memes referencing fricking vtubers / hoe-girlve or anime villain special attacks? The one who LITERALLY pronounced "uwu" while presenting a rose to a girl and Naruto running away?
          That's Lovecraft. Except his anime was Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (published in 1818) and Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven (published in 1845) and Jules Verne's Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea (published in 1860). That kind of thing. When you read his work, the references to his favorite influences are absolutely shrieking from the page. He was creative in some ways. But the things most people comment about regarding his style... are NOT what he was creative about.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Well, first of all, it seems I would need to have a serious discussion with my mother.
            What happens after depends on whether I start getting something similar to the Innsmouth look.

            >ugh how dare this person who grew up as a sickly child with night terrors not match us fellow cookiecutter socialites
            The only fricking thing that even approached real criticism was your stance on his archaic writing style. Which is a pretty weak criticism when you give no reasoning as to why that should be a bad thing and when him and everyone else on that list are literary legends in spite of your opinion.

            Everything else was some sort of deranged rambling of a slave to society's whims playing the role of the browbeaten Aesop—nothing but a spergout over imagined strawmen and assumptions of superficial bullshit in the life of someone who died over 80 years ago. Idpol conformism has rotted your brain and turned you into a pseudointellectual with some form of vitriolic personal vendetta against a long-dead phantom because he was a br*t-obsessed Teaboo who gave his cat a funny name.
            Perhaps your next post should be a thesis lambasting Van Gogh for his mental illnesses, Beethoven for his deafness, or perhaps you should simply take your meds.
            Anime site, by the way.

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              It wasn't a criticism of his work. Which you shouldn't pretend to be competent enough to say anything about, given your demonstrable lack of reading comprehension.
              Maybe if you spent less time gooning over anime e-girls you'd not struggle so much with the big words like "it" and "the".

              Why do you do this? Why lie about something you clearly know nothing about?

              ... Looks like you don't know anything about the man, but you feel qualified to call other people liars for some reason. How embarrassing for you. Try learning something about a topic before you speak up, next time. It'll save you a lot of shame in the future.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >It wasn't a criticism of his work
                Yeah; it was the inane ramblings of a politics-obsessed moron regurgitating its NPC programming and kvetching over the sociopolitical beliefs of someone born before anyone still alive today. Obviously, you're incapable of any criticism and instead simply seethe and shit yourself over perceived wrongthink according to the whims of your neuroses.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Why do you do this? Why lie about something you clearly know nothing about?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It wasn't a criticism of his work. Which you shouldn't pretend to be competent enough to say anything about, given your demonstrable lack of reading comprehension.
            Maybe if you spent less time gooning over anime e-girls you'd not struggle so much with the big words like "it" and "the".
            [...]
            ... Looks like you don't know anything about the man, but you feel qualified to call other people liars for some reason. How embarrassing for you. Try learning something about a topic before you speak up, next time. It'll save you a lot of shame in the future.

            Why are anti-Lovecraft gays like this?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Remember the stinky boy in your class who yelled memes referencing fricking vtubers
            Underage b& outing himself lmao

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            Bro I was just joking that according to the article he put on the pounds after marriage due to his wife forcing him to eat better (and have sex supposedly)

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              >well fed
              >well sexed
              Based wife. Was she hot?

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >Remember the stinky boy in your class who yelled memes referencing fricking vtubers / hoe-girlve or anime villain special attacks?
            I'm kind of an oddball because I did my highschool entirley online well before covid, but I thought anime and vtubers where common hobbies now. what are your fellow kids doing these days of eternal online lifestyle.

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              No idea, I don't tolerate anime-e-girl pfp users when they apply to my games, so I never have to find out.

              I can agree that lovecraft was a geek with clear inspirations from childhood literature, but it's so weird when you morons call a happily married man an incel. You're just throwing words of power randomly, hoping they'll make people agreee with you.

              His marriage was late in his life (relative to the expected timeline for men of his era), famously unhappy (for her, and explicitly as she commented because her role in the marriage was as his personal mommy-maid) and it didn't last. And that's before we begin to talk about his actual correspondence and other personal writings on his unhappiness with his social and romantic relationships especially regarding women.
              This is not something you have to speculate about, anon. He literally wrote all about it. Thousands of pages all about it.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            I can agree that lovecraft was a geek with clear inspirations from childhood literature, but it's so weird when you morons call a happily married man an incel. You're just throwing words of power randomly, hoping they'll make people agreee with you.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >Well known shut in nerd was a nerd and not a normalgay
            Fire is hot, water is wet, news at 11!

  25. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sue for child support

  26. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Apologise formally all the Calamari I have eaten in exchange for never hearing about the wedding night cheers

  27. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    My PC was 3D printed in a magitech pod. They don't have parents at all, only siblings.

  28. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I say "This world stopped making sense. Idiot Blind God, wake up! I invoce thee!

  29. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Continue sleeping. What do you want me to do, the stars aren't yet right.

  30. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

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