Mine died 17 months ago and I don't have any excuse myself not to do it. I don't have a gun, but I have a knife. I just need the courage to do it. The pets I have are the only reason why I haven't really done it yet, and the remaining family I have that convinced me to go back to college and get the degree I was working on is keeping me somewhat occupied, at least some times. But I can't see myself going on another 30, 40 years. I just don't see the point, I don't see some bright future, some light at the end of the tunnel when I finish my degree. I don't see how a piece of paper is supposed to make my future better when I don't have anything to live for besides my pets, but they can find a better home than I ever gave them. That's what I think when I finally do it anyway. Anyway, I finished Elden Ring. That was an alright game.
Übergay bro, there is nothing to live "for", you just live. Enjoy the good things and endure the bad. There is no reason to deprive yourself of your ability to experience the world.
Waitin for my old granpa and grandma to die so I can most probably kms.
It's getting harder by the day, and the only thing keeping me pushing is the fact that they would both die from schock if I put my neck on the train tracks.
So patience for a little bit more.
I'm gonna break the pattern and say, it's been pretty good. I didn't get a job this summer which is disappointing, but I've been having a lot of fun with all the freetime, been studying spanish, travelled a bit, passed my driving test and of course, played my favorite vidyas along with some new ones. I'll be going rowing on the sea for a week as well, things are looking up.
I am literally slowly going insane mainly because I have lost my will to live, but life's going well so there really is no reason to stop.
I recommend you sad gays play Metro 2033 and Transistor this summer, they're both exceptional.
I have no friends, spend all day inside on Ganker, and spend my nights daydreaming about my video game husbando. I kind of did it to myself really, by refusing change and drifting away from online friends. Most days I feel neutral. Not really anything. It's dull. Nothing goes on. But I'm not bored. I do it all day, sleep, then do it the next day. No hopes, no dreams, no desire to change, but at least the suicidal thoughts and overwhelming panic are gone. At least I can sleep again. At least I'm out of the psyche ward.
There's that.
Kinda feel like trash. Mental health bullshit is basically leaving me with no energy or drive. That and my chest/breathing has been a bit sore ever since I caught a fever a month back. I know I should go to a doctor, but I barely have the energy to get out of bed.
Trying to write stuff, but that energy just isn't there. Been trying to get back to it for weeks and it sucks since there are people genuinely asking me when the next chapter will come out for my stupid shit. I want to at least be able to write, but I can't focus, and then I feel guilty because another day passes where my stories go untouched.
Hoping it all will pass soon. It's taking much longer than usual to shake this funk.
Appreciate the thought, but I write terrible Deltarune fan fiction. Not gonna inflict that cringey nightmare on anyone unless they specifically ask for it. I've got original stuff I'm working on right now, even have 20 pages done on one thing. But, like I said, the energy just isn't there. And I want to update some of my existing stories first since there are people that genuinely want to see a continuation.
But man, just don't have much in me at the moment. Like, I sat down a bit ago to write, and now my chest is so goddamn sore that I can barely focus anyway. Probably gonna be another night without any progress, which blows.
>Unless they ask for it.
Arlight, I'm asking. Ive read all kinds man and Im interested regardless of the content. That lethargy you're talking about in regards to writing...I know that feel.
You're sweet anon, but seriously, don't torture yourself with it. I'm on AO3 and FanFiction by the name of Kastek. It doesn't seem like it enjoys me throwing the link into a post, so yeah, look it up if you genuinely want to.
It's all trash, but it makes me happy. I just desperately want to get back into it already. If I can get past this feeling and finish a chapter of my main thing, I feel like I can really get my original stuff going. I don't know. I'm gonna keep trying tonight, see if I can't at least get a few thousand words done on this chapter.
Thanks for the interest. Makes me feel better in a weird way.
yeah A03 links have been filtered for a while due to some one spamming them with a bot a while ago and it just never getting over turned
kind of gay but that is Ganker moderation for you
2 years ago
Anonymous
Yeah you haven't been able to post a Lenny either since I've been browsing. And I've been browsing for a while...
Thanks m8, now I got something to read tonight. I hope you get your fire stoking again in regards to writing. When I use to write and get in those lethargic slumps I just forced myself to write inane shit until it eventually flowed into what I originally had thought to be the next part or segment. If that didn't work I hit the gym and I felt better regardless if I had better direction or not.
2 years ago
Anonymous
Appreciate that. Hope you enjoy some of it, or at least don't cringe too hard from it all. I rag on the whole deal, and it is super goofy, but I do have a lot of love for what I've made.
And yeah, I tried writing some greentexts for a thread on /trash/ for a while. They were a great way to shake the rust off, but now that I'm getting back into proper "important" chapter writing, I'm drawing a blank. Might be right, may need to go for a jog or something. Probably sulked long enough. Or write more goofy shit, don't know. Thanks anon.
yeah A03 links have been filtered for a while due to some one spamming them with a bot a while ago and it just never getting over turned
kind of gay but that is Ganker moderation for you
Bummer, but all it takes is one guy fricking it up for the rest I suppose. Wonder if it's just Ganker or if it's sitewide.
2 years ago
Anonymous
Enough sulk, Go take that walk/jog it'll be cathartic I promise.
Am 22. Strongly considering the rope because my options are bleak. >Go to college (not cut out for) >Wage cuck it for the rest of my life (bye free time, 2 jobs to pay rent solo) >Miraculously develop creative skill and passion, and become self-employed, working from home.
I thought I would have achieved the latter by now, considering I basically spent the last 4 years at this computer, making videos and trying to make games. But:
99% of my videos end up in the trash because freeware editing studios suck dick, and I'm talentless. Games suck because I'm a lazy frick and coding makes me want to die, and now I'm pretty sure I have to drop Unity. Whoops.
Hey man, I can tell you ain't saying all the details but anon to anon: I've been there, thus why I'm posting this.
So ain't going to tell you gets better because it don't. Personal stuff never magically gets better: You force it, you earn it, you make it yourself if you must. Live not for anyone but yourself, use whatever spite or resolve you have left to forge ahead. Maybe you'll create the next Cave Story or iji but only if you keep going and actually work on it. >Games suck because I'm a lazy frick and coding makes me want to die
So what if it sucks? I bet you it's better than the worst shit we've played. Hell fnaf was relatively basic in code and look at how that went. Just work with what you got. >I have to drop Unity. Whoops.
Look into Godot, it's completely open source and it can use C#. Also better for business.
Also don't worry about >no free time
You'll have free time, you'd be surprised.
Find a nice trade that pays well. You can have a healthy work/home life, and a job that you 100% don't care about after you leave for the day/weekend isn't a bad thing at all. Careers are dumb, the idea of working yourself to a bone then getting a job that your life revolves around is dumb.
I've been better man, I just don't know anymore.
Feels like I've burned up all my juices, but I'll live.
Just feels like shit, this board went to shit, feels like every day there's some newbies and normalgays and they just keep flooding in. Feel like I was robbed of my favorite hobby and now I get to sit and watch as everything gets worse: I try to have hope though, try to argue that it'll get better eventually.
this
I have survived through pure cope and endurance for the last 14 years of my life
i've became perpetually apathetic at age 15 and nothing has been changed that.
I was right then and I am right now life is pretty bland and shitty 99% of the time the rest is either ok or horrific
I did very nice things to Heather Mason just a few hours ago. Her fee to do nice things with men is extremely affordable since she is struggling financially as a single mother of two (canon).
I'm fine, although I finally caught Covid last week. In terms of health effects, it's been a big ass nothingburger so far, like a mild cold not even worth mentioning. The only annoying thing is the loss of smell. Hope that gets better soon.
irrational feelings of guilt, anhedonia, lassitude, etc
get help if you need it. depression isnt a personal failure or weakness. it can be helped but its gonna take time and effort.
you are worth it
diablo immortal showed me how fun an arpg mmo is but at the same time, broke me by making nearly everything some stupid gacha model.
for example, all skills suck ass if you dont have the right equipment but getting the right equipment might take weeks so i am stuck progressing and killing stuff at a snails pace just so i might get a 0,01 percent chance to get the equipment i need to not suck as. meanwhile, any arpg makes their skills at least somewhat useable and fun without that gear gacha. I had fun with diablo 3 and grim dawn from start to finish. Now, thanks to the multiplayer aspect of immortal i cant go back to these games and am forced to wait for diablo 4 whcih hopefully fixes this shit. Back to modded killing floor 1 i guess but still, im kinda pissed
No. I moved in with my cousin from my nice room at my mom's house. The room is small, it's always fricking hot. I finish school in a little over half a year but then what? Go to grad school? Frick I love the idea of adding 85k debt to my already impressive 55k. I fricked up. Don't dream big, go for something middling and safe.
I haven't slept in a day and I'm an athlete. Have to film in less than 4 hours. I hate my career choice, I hate that I have no skills outside of this stupid fricking sport, and lastly I'm old and tired. I also drank today after being sober for like a year. Starting the day off with fricking failure.
Ride bikes, done it my whole life. I make enough money but I don't live well. 10 year ago that wouldn't be an issue but my body is stacking injuries and now it is an issue.
Damn sorry to hear dude, makes sense sports at any level frick up your body and you have a ticking clock no matter what. Start looking into a career change now before it's too late, yeah the adjustment period will suck but it's better to get it in motion before you're completely unable to ride bikes and need to start flipping burgers or sucking off dudes to pay rent. And don't feel bad. I wasted 13 years of my life and have nothing to show for it, at least you spent that time doing something you probably loved at some point.
I'm 28 right now, but I've been completely sober for a year and I feel like it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm just after finishing college and finally have my degree, so I guess a job is the next thing I'm starting to look for, so I can get money together to learn to drive, buy a car, and move out of my parents house.
I feel like I'm a bit behind the rest of my friends that went to college in their late teens & finished in their early twenties, but there's nothing I can do to control that. I'm moving forward. Gonna get my fitness in check too, and make sure I'm developing good habits.
I was going through a bit of a rough patch there for a few weeks cause of post-graduation depression, and although I'm still a single virgin, typing this out has shown me that I'm actually in a pretty good position in my life right now.
I don't have that much time to play video games anymore, and only really finish 3-4 a year, which I don't see changing in my thirties. That's okay, though. Is this a common thing among older Gankerirgins?
I can't connect with anyone on a human level
I'm not a >tfwnogf type, I don't want a romantic relationship, I just want to feel like a human being. but I never did anything in my youth, haven't left the house in over 7 years, and continue to waste away day after day as I see people who are clever, interesting, and actually worth being around succeed. a lot of people post the NPC meme as a way of saying they're not sheeple, but I think it's real and I'm an NPC, I don't really think so much as just act on impulse. Whenever I start to get close to someone, I realize exactly how shallow of a person I am and start cutting them off after tricking them into thinking I'm more interesting than I really am to the point where I feel like an hero'ing would at least disrupt the empty routine that my life has become.
anyways I've been playing rune factory 5, the first game in the series was the first thing I played on the ds but this game is pretty disappointing overall
Doesn't the guy who made this think he's a woman?
Yeah
Why do you think the OP comment is "hanging in there"
>guy
no I'm not
not really
if my mom dies i'm killing myself
Mine died 17 months ago and I don't have any excuse myself not to do it. I don't have a gun, but I have a knife. I just need the courage to do it. The pets I have are the only reason why I haven't really done it yet, and the remaining family I have that convinced me to go back to college and get the degree I was working on is keeping me somewhat occupied, at least some times. But I can't see myself going on another 30, 40 years. I just don't see the point, I don't see some bright future, some light at the end of the tunnel when I finish my degree. I don't see how a piece of paper is supposed to make my future better when I don't have anything to live for besides my pets, but they can find a better home than I ever gave them. That's what I think when I finally do it anyway. Anyway, I finished Elden Ring. That was an alright game.
Übergay bro, there is nothing to live "for", you just live. Enjoy the good things and endure the bad. There is no reason to deprive yourself of your ability to experience the world.
Waiting to see something crazy happen like nuclear war or societal collapse is the only thing keeping me going.
no i wish i were dead
Just trying to get through uni
Waitin for my old granpa and grandma to die so I can most probably kms.
It's getting harder by the day, and the only thing keeping me pushing is the fact that they would both die from schock if I put my neck on the train tracks.
So patience for a little bit more.
I am losing my grip on reality
im drinking beer and jacking off
Hanging in? Definitely. Going anywhere? No. I don't know what I'm doing or why.
Yep I'm doing fine
some days are better than others, but I'm pretty "meh" about things right now.
I'm gonna break the pattern and say, it's been pretty good. I didn't get a job this summer which is disappointing, but I've been having a lot of fun with all the freetime, been studying spanish, travelled a bit, passed my driving test and of course, played my favorite vidyas along with some new ones. I'll be going rowing on the sea for a week as well, things are looking up.
I am literally slowly going insane mainly because I have lost my will to live, but life's going well so there really is no reason to stop.
I recommend you sad gays play Metro 2033 and Transistor this summer, they're both exceptional.
hey at least you're making something of yourself, I wish there was a cure that tells the "existential crisis" part of my brain to shut the hell up
I feel pretty good, except I just wish I WAS FRICKING HORNY GOD DAMN IT I FEEL BORDERLINE CASTRATED
Same except with hatred for minorities
stop taking your meds
It's been months since I last went to the gym and I feel my old chonkiness coming back I just wish I could gather enough motivation to be slim and fit
God fricking damn it
I have no friends, spend all day inside on Ganker, and spend my nights daydreaming about my video game husbando. I kind of did it to myself really, by refusing change and drifting away from online friends. Most days I feel neutral. Not really anything. It's dull. Nothing goes on. But I'm not bored. I do it all day, sleep, then do it the next day. No hopes, no dreams, no desire to change, but at least the suicidal thoughts and overwhelming panic are gone. At least I can sleep again. At least I'm out of the psyche ward.
There's that.
Kinda feel like trash. Mental health bullshit is basically leaving me with no energy or drive. That and my chest/breathing has been a bit sore ever since I caught a fever a month back. I know I should go to a doctor, but I barely have the energy to get out of bed.
Trying to write stuff, but that energy just isn't there. Been trying to get back to it for weeks and it sucks since there are people genuinely asking me when the next chapter will come out for my stupid shit. I want to at least be able to write, but I can't focus, and then I feel guilty because another day passes where my stories go untouched.
Hoping it all will pass soon. It's taking much longer than usual to shake this funk.
>Trying to write stuff
What's yah write bud? Got a link or something?
Appreciate the thought, but I write terrible Deltarune fan fiction. Not gonna inflict that cringey nightmare on anyone unless they specifically ask for it. I've got original stuff I'm working on right now, even have 20 pages done on one thing. But, like I said, the energy just isn't there. And I want to update some of my existing stories first since there are people that genuinely want to see a continuation.
But man, just don't have much in me at the moment. Like, I sat down a bit ago to write, and now my chest is so goddamn sore that I can barely focus anyway. Probably gonna be another night without any progress, which blows.
>Unless they ask for it.
Arlight, I'm asking. Ive read all kinds man and Im interested regardless of the content. That lethargy you're talking about in regards to writing...I know that feel.
You're sweet anon, but seriously, don't torture yourself with it. I'm on AO3 and FanFiction by the name of Kastek. It doesn't seem like it enjoys me throwing the link into a post, so yeah, look it up if you genuinely want to.
It's all trash, but it makes me happy. I just desperately want to get back into it already. If I can get past this feeling and finish a chapter of my main thing, I feel like I can really get my original stuff going. I don't know. I'm gonna keep trying tonight, see if I can't at least get a few thousand words done on this chapter.
Thanks for the interest. Makes me feel better in a weird way.
yeah A03 links have been filtered for a while due to some one spamming them with a bot a while ago and it just never getting over turned
kind of gay but that is Ganker moderation for you
Yeah you haven't been able to post a Lenny either since I've been browsing. And I've been browsing for a while...
Thanks m8, now I got something to read tonight. I hope you get your fire stoking again in regards to writing. When I use to write and get in those lethargic slumps I just forced myself to write inane shit until it eventually flowed into what I originally had thought to be the next part or segment. If that didn't work I hit the gym and I felt better regardless if I had better direction or not.
Appreciate that. Hope you enjoy some of it, or at least don't cringe too hard from it all. I rag on the whole deal, and it is super goofy, but I do have a lot of love for what I've made.
And yeah, I tried writing some greentexts for a thread on /trash/ for a while. They were a great way to shake the rust off, but now that I'm getting back into proper "important" chapter writing, I'm drawing a blank. Might be right, may need to go for a jog or something. Probably sulked long enough. Or write more goofy shit, don't know. Thanks anon.
Bummer, but all it takes is one guy fricking it up for the rest I suppose. Wonder if it's just Ganker or if it's sitewide.
Enough sulk, Go take that walk/jog it'll be cathartic I promise.
Am 22. Strongly considering the rope because my options are bleak.
>Go to college (not cut out for)
>Wage cuck it for the rest of my life (bye free time, 2 jobs to pay rent solo)
>Miraculously develop creative skill and passion, and become self-employed, working from home.
I thought I would have achieved the latter by now, considering I basically spent the last 4 years at this computer, making videos and trying to make games. But:
99% of my videos end up in the trash because freeware editing studios suck dick, and I'm talentless. Games suck because I'm a lazy frick and coding makes me want to die, and now I'm pretty sure I have to drop Unity. Whoops.
Hey man, I can tell you ain't saying all the details but anon to anon: I've been there, thus why I'm posting this.
So ain't going to tell you gets better because it don't. Personal stuff never magically gets better: You force it, you earn it, you make it yourself if you must. Live not for anyone but yourself, use whatever spite or resolve you have left to forge ahead. Maybe you'll create the next Cave Story or iji but only if you keep going and actually work on it.
>Games suck because I'm a lazy frick and coding makes me want to die
So what if it sucks? I bet you it's better than the worst shit we've played. Hell fnaf was relatively basic in code and look at how that went. Just work with what you got.
>I have to drop Unity. Whoops.
Look into Godot, it's completely open source and it can use C#. Also better for business.
Also don't worry about
>no free time
You'll have free time, you'd be surprised.
Find a nice trade that pays well. You can have a healthy work/home life, and a job that you 100% don't care about after you leave for the day/weekend isn't a bad thing at all. Careers are dumb, the idea of working yourself to a bone then getting a job that your life revolves around is dumb.
Oh, I'm always doing fine.
haha yeah just a little sleep bro, thats all I need...
I've been better man, I just don't know anymore.
Feels like I've burned up all my juices, but I'll live.
Just feels like shit, this board went to shit, feels like every day there's some newbies and normalgays and they just keep flooding in. Feel like I was robbed of my favorite hobby and now I get to sit and watch as everything gets worse: I try to have hope though, try to argue that it'll get better eventually.
I'm having a really bad rosacea attack, can't sleep and its making me depressed.
think i'll play fear or somethin
Had a bit of a breakdown since I'm moving out next week and yesterday was the last time me and my mates hung out.
Did you mate with them?
Mate, I wish I had mates I wanted to mate with
My mom is dying but I have a baby girl on the way, so I'm doing alright
Frick off normalgay.
>noooooo you need to be a miserable mess
Frick off loser
>noooooo you need to be a miserable mess
Yes
this
I have survived through pure cope and endurance for the last 14 years of my life
i've became perpetually apathetic at age 15 and nothing has been changed that.
I was right then and I am right now life is pretty bland and shitty 99% of the time the rest is either ok or horrific
Where do you think you are dumb Black person
It used to be better but now it's filled with almost purely mentally ill moron
morons*
I blame smartphones
>buy food that says "Party Size" or "Family Size"
>eat it all alone
haha!
im going to do nice things to heather mason
I did very nice things to Heather Mason just a few hours ago. Her fee to do nice things with men is extremely affordable since she is struggling financially as a single mother of two (canon).
I'm fine, although I finally caught Covid last week. In terms of health effects, it's been a big ass nothingburger so far, like a mild cold not even worth mentioning. The only annoying thing is the loss of smell. Hope that gets better soon.
irrational feelings of guilt, anhedonia, lassitude, etc
get help if you need it. depression isnt a personal failure or weakness. it can be helped but its gonna take time and effort.
you are worth it
>a thread full of winners who usually laugh about wagies
diablo immortal showed me how fun an arpg mmo is but at the same time, broke me by making nearly everything some stupid gacha model.
for example, all skills suck ass if you dont have the right equipment but getting the right equipment might take weeks so i am stuck progressing and killing stuff at a snails pace just so i might get a 0,01 percent chance to get the equipment i need to not suck as. meanwhile, any arpg makes their skills at least somewhat useable and fun without that gear gacha. I had fun with diablo 3 and grim dawn from start to finish. Now, thanks to the multiplayer aspect of immortal i cant go back to these games and am forced to wait for diablo 4 whcih hopefully fixes this shit. Back to modded killing floor 1 i guess but still, im kinda pissed
No. I moved in with my cousin from my nice room at my mom's house. The room is small, it's always fricking hot. I finish school in a little over half a year but then what? Go to grad school? Frick I love the idea of adding 85k debt to my already impressive 55k. I fricked up. Don't dream big, go for something middling and safe.
I haven't slept in a day and I'm an athlete. Have to film in less than 4 hours. I hate my career choice, I hate that I have no skills outside of this stupid fricking sport, and lastly I'm old and tired. I also drank today after being sober for like a year. Starting the day off with fricking failure.
Stop being such a glum c**t holy shit
Put on some nice music and relax you miserable fart
I'm going to play games and eat some breakfast, which will help. Just hate it when you can't properly recharge. It makes a foul mood even worse.
What sport? What level athlete are you that you don't make a decent living?
Ride bikes, done it my whole life. I make enough money but I don't live well. 10 year ago that wouldn't be an issue but my body is stacking injuries and now it is an issue.
Damn sorry to hear dude, makes sense sports at any level frick up your body and you have a ticking clock no matter what. Start looking into a career change now before it's too late, yeah the adjustment period will suck but it's better to get it in motion before you're completely unable to ride bikes and need to start flipping burgers or sucking off dudes to pay rent. And don't feel bad. I wasted 13 years of my life and have nothing to show for it, at least you spent that time doing something you probably loved at some point.
im gonna hang alright
It's almost 5am, I am not okay.
I'm 28 right now, but I've been completely sober for a year and I feel like it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm just after finishing college and finally have my degree, so I guess a job is the next thing I'm starting to look for, so I can get money together to learn to drive, buy a car, and move out of my parents house.
I feel like I'm a bit behind the rest of my friends that went to college in their late teens & finished in their early twenties, but there's nothing I can do to control that. I'm moving forward. Gonna get my fitness in check too, and make sure I'm developing good habits.
I was going through a bit of a rough patch there for a few weeks cause of post-graduation depression, and although I'm still a single virgin, typing this out has shown me that I'm actually in a pretty good position in my life right now.
I don't have that much time to play video games anymore, and only really finish 3-4 a year, which I don't see changing in my thirties. That's okay, though. Is this a common thing among older Gankerirgins?
I can't connect with anyone on a human level
I'm not a >tfwnogf type, I don't want a romantic relationship, I just want to feel like a human being. but I never did anything in my youth, haven't left the house in over 7 years, and continue to waste away day after day as I see people who are clever, interesting, and actually worth being around succeed. a lot of people post the NPC meme as a way of saying they're not sheeple, but I think it's real and I'm an NPC, I don't really think so much as just act on impulse. Whenever I start to get close to someone, I realize exactly how shallow of a person I am and start cutting them off after tricking them into thinking I'm more interesting than I really am to the point where I feel like an hero'ing would at least disrupt the empty routine that my life has become.
anyways I've been playing rune factory 5, the first game in the series was the first thing I played on the ds but this game is pretty disappointing overall