>good aligned party
>set in the Belle Epoque
>The party is greeted by a vision of Saint Denis
>He asks the party to sink and/or level Paris
>the last century and a half have made it to cringe to bear
>Bonus points if it kills as few as possible and extra points for getting what few holy relics are left out
How do you plan it?
>*Brring Brring!*
>"Javol, who isct dist?"
>"Wilhelm, we're getting together a team"
>"Vhat isct ze job?"
>"Paris"
>"I vill be there"
If we can get Vicky and Nicky on our side too then we're set.
>wilhelm
>(woah) Vicky
>Nicholas
Couldn't you at least get the Austrians to do it? They are at least Catholic
They deserve a chance at redemption after Napoleon. For some reason as soon as a Hapsburg steps into a war room he becomes moronic
If you want to win you make sure the Austrians are on the other side.
Sure, frick it we can even get the ottomans and spainiards in too! Maybe the Swedes too!
Come at us, bros!
isn't Depardieu (the Obelix actor) now Russian?
He has triple nationality, French, Russian and Emirati (UAE).
Cultists have infested the Catacombs and are infusing the bones and corpses within to sink Paris.
In sinking Paris, the cultists aim to add the souls and corpses of the Parisian residents to their cadre of the damned.
In so doing, they will open a gateway to Hell itself, and flood Europe with armies of Darkness.
Have the cultists be backed by a magnate seeking to merge or buy out corporations in the steel, cotton, opium, gunpowder, oil, and weapons trading.
In so doing the Magnate aims to control the majority shares of weapons and arms manufacturing as he pushes international politics towards open warfare, with the desire only to own the bullets and the bandages of war.
He bankrolls the cultists because they promise him a world war.
He gives the cultists money, muscle, and equipment to carry out their misdeeds within the Catacombs.
The only way for the party to stop the cultists is to collapse the catacombs, which are so heavily entrenched beneath Paris that it would crumple the entire city, killing hundreds of thousands, and doing billions in property damage.
>In so doing, they will open a gateway to Hell itself, and flood Europe with armies of Darkness.
That already happened.
It was called Robespierre and then Napoleon
Then run with that angle.
The Magnate wants to be a second Napoleon, the Cultists promise that they will put him at the head of an undefeatable army.
The Magnate thinks that they mean the French army, and he'll just be supplying them with logistics.
When in reality they mean a demon army that doesn't need bullets and bandages, and he's being played by the cultists while THINKING he's got the cultists dancing to his tune fricking with international intrigue.
Also basically the plot of the Sherlock Holmes movies with RDJ. Fine films them
>send agents to infiltrate all the gasworks in the city
>turn off the gas everywhere at once for a few minutes during the night
>turn the gas back on
All the gas lamps are extinguished when the residual gas in the lines runs out, then when the gas is turned back on, the lamps flood the streets and buildings with gas. Eventually, each gas cloud will reach an open flame somewhere, then boom. Hundreds of explosions all across the city, creating too many fires to contain. Press F for la belle Paris.
S to spit
s
That would work in literally any other major city in the world, but Paris was the first city to electrify. By the late 1870s, they'd replaced their gas lamps with electric bulbs, meaning you can't blow up "belle epoch" Paris with sabotage.
> have plan the works literally anywhere else
> paris has to be special
completely in character for paris
>a vision of Saint Denis asks me to destroy Paris
I put down the opium pipe and absinthe, realizing I'm going mad from the vices of this degenerate age.
Then I set out for one of the French colonies like Algeria of Indochina and set about oppressing the heathen locals for God and profit.
>I put down the opium pipe and absinthe, realizing I'm going mad from the vices of this degenerate age.
>the best Parisian game is not to play
>Dennis smiles as you abandon the shithole
>the rats weep in sorrow as you leave
>Mandate that the men have to shower and women have to be faithful to their husbands
>Fight off the hordes of rats that now rule the city
>When they all leave I begin to demolish buildings
>Feel really guilty to what I did to Marseille and especially Lyon
"This was a mistake"
t. The Gaulic Parisii, probably
Move to Verdun
I'm sure it will be a great place to settle down in the coming years
Remind me when exactly the Belle Epoque was?
Right before ww1
Imagine edwardian england but instead of toads in motor cars and comfort, in paris you have electricity and cum everywhere
Okay. So why on the eve of WW1 would demolishing paris sound like a good idea? I mean France goes on to win the war, it's not like they couldn't bring in the army to shoot the party.
I'd rather hunt vampires in the underground or something.
Because it smells like piss, and is filled with rats and communists.
Almost everything that made it beautiful was ripped out in the revolution
That's a pretty bold statement when you remember that Napoleon literally bulldozed the medieval city to build the modern incarnation of paris, and the Revolutionaries didn't do that. I mean they did do a lot of vandalism, but they didn't rebuild the city. In fact most of the old rich mansions got turned into museums and other state buildings (such as the Louvre).
Also if it stops smelling of piss, then it's not really Paris, innit? It'd be like if you got rid of all the drunks in Glasgow.
>comparing commies to rats
Thats fricked up, rats can be cute and somewhat necessary to a society
The period between the end of the Franco-Prussian War and the start of WWI.
>Denis
>Oppression of the masses who are forced to finance the entire system without a single say where their money is spent? Based, I hecking love financing pleasure palaces and incompetent public policy with window taxes!
>Noooo not the heckin kingerino! He was just linking up with a foreign army!
>But what about the pretty buildings? They were torn down 200 years after the revolution!
>Just casually kill between 2 million and 12 million people because return to tradition!
Saints don't speak English and they don't speak bullshit, begone Satan!
>an angry rat on the banks of the Seine types away on a phone someone dropped, hell bent on defending his homes honor
A rat has more virtue than a m*narchist
The paris is filled to the brim with the virtuous
>Paris is filled to the brim by the virtuous
that was in the Iliad, not in the Belle Epoque
You morons replaced a french king with an Italian emperor and no real gains were made. You have to emancipated israelites, twice
Do you not see how that was a bad thing?
Corsicans don't identify as Italian. They may have problems with the French, but there's a reason none of them are eager to be part of Italy.
Napoleon also managed to advance through merit on revolutionary ideals, going from a low-level officer who in the monarchy days was kept from advancement in favor of inbred french nobleman idiots, to distinguishing himself as the most capable commander of France. Now he became emperor by locking away all the French Politicians in a house until they declared him complete leader, but he saw the French conquests of northern italy, spain, the Austrian empire, the dissolution of the HRE and establishment of several client-states, and a brief alliance with Russia, while fighting off five coalitions to specifically depose him.
bruh your city is litterally the "California" of France. Everyone else cringes and feels embarrassed when you guys are mentioned
What city?