ITT: we write new Elder Rangz DLC "lore". I'll start
>In the Age of...Darkness...There was a...
ITT: we write new Elder Rangz DLC "lore". I'll start. >In the Age of...Darkness...There was a...
ITT: we write new Elder Rangz DLC "lore". I'll start
>In the Age of...Darkness...There was a...
>but the light outgrew the darkness...and its use...
>and then the darkness clouded OP's mine as he comes to the realization that his thread is never gonna pick up no matter how hard he samegays...
>someone fricked their brother
>it's okay though they said 'no homo'
israeli people are cool.
>The Profaned Prolapse puckers once more.
>george rr martin was there just so he didnt have to finish winds of winter
>and the lightened darkness fought the darkened light leading to the foundation of the dusk realm of dawn
>and that foundation was made with cement but the workers employed to do so were fired halfway through due to union difficulties
>And amongst those fired union workers a tainted soul emerged fueled by its anger towards capitalism.
>Then Gandalf the Gray, and Gandalf the White, and Monty Python, and Holy Grail's Black Knight
>The balance between the darkened light and the lightened dark felt threatened and their forces decided to send their champions against the valiant souls who dared to oppose its will
>only Zanzibart, Proclaimer of the Dawn, could withstand the darkfog of Mega Mog
That's the actual lore of Aeterna Noctis, word for word
And then Bindle the Redeemer went to the lands beyond to forge the chrysalis or some shit
>The echoes of the shattering still could have been felt as...
>Kranuk, the last of his kind, cast down his mighty hammer.....
>INCELLIUS… CHUDLEY… FRIENDS, FORGIVE ME!
>RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
>It should have been the end......
>But after many years, Ligma, the king's son, found the dark shaft....
>One man decided to take upon himself..
>Vidonik, the holy spear of the dark court.
>The ligrand twins, dancers of the bright wind.
>Lady maleska, temptress of the moonlight
>Gordika, queen of the forbidden
>The balance would stop at nothing to see its champions come victorious
>...and until now, this battle has no end. For the deserts sank in water...
>But in a deep dark rooted forest hidden of all, was a legendary smithy working on the one weapon that could shatter them all....
>...and in the lightness, bind them...
>And after a thousand days and a thousand night, it was done, the one weapon that could strike fear in the obscure light of the dark brightness that had plunged the world in chaos for so long ....
>...yet only one soul could wield it. The darkness-lightness-bringer, as the legends tell. Many were cut down in the illuminated realms....
>but while loss brought light, dark brought shadows. And with shadows came war. Starved, groaning war. Molokinatrops, the Lord of those who flinch.
>Altreapos, shadows cast on the face of the one who had climbed the war of lords once more, for it repeats.
>Klammiketh, the fat frick
>to gather that which was lost... from the place that was forgotten...
>Only the circumcised shaft, gift of the long nosed gods would offer to its wielder the power to raise the costs of souls rendering the will powerless. But getting it would prove to be a challenge many would lose their life to.
And then Zanzibart, seeker of light, brought light to the world
>At last Cornelius of the marble halls figured it out, but none would listen....
>Disaster..... was inevitable....
>and then Rellannananinina, the Carian Queens third cousin twice removed, fricked Melmasmagorg, Lord Radagon and Queen Marikas illegitimate son, concieved at a run down motel near the far off land of El Paso.
>But the greed of the Chicano tribe knows no bounds, and their thirst for holy papers kept the war raging...
>It was this act that brought back the darken light that fought the lighten darkness, that then revealed that miquella
>It began with the forging of the Great Rings
>Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings
>Seven to the Dwarf-lords, great miners and craftsmen in their mountain halls
>And Nine, nine were gifted to the race of Men who above all else desired power
>For within these rings bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived for another Ring was made.
>In the Land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a Master Ring to control all others, and it's within this Ring he poured his cruelty, hi malice, and his will to dominate all Life.
>One Ring to rule to rule them all.
>When Chemalina the graceful whipped out her futa wiener, only Angadorius the glutton could quell her fury..... but he's no longer here........
>...now, fearsome warriors known as OP dutifully take on this duty.
But the light of the first sun wavers...
The messed up thing is that the writing is so pretentious ans stupid especially in the dlc that some of these lines wouldn't surprise me
The real messed up thing is the fart sniffing fanboys who think this is great writing and will defend it tooth and nail.
>When the sun goes down... the moon comes up...
>But when the moon goes down... What follows is a quiet longing...
GOMSLOP, THE FOUL TRAITOR
>"WHO DARES COME YO DISTURB MY FEASTING"
>*Drops his poop covered roasted leg*
>"YOU, THAT STENCH!! I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU,WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO OTHER DEMI-FRAUDS. HOW YOU TREATED SHEMALI THE CUM GUZZLER AND QUEEFALA THE FART HUFFER. BUT YOU WONT ATAND CHANCE AGAINST MEEEEEEE
>*epic orchestral diarrhea noises track starts playing*
>Drops to half-health
>OH MY HOLY SLOP...GRANT ME THY BROWN BOON...THY FECAL INHERITANCE....LEND ME THY STRENGTH...
>Reaches intp his butthole and pulls out a single condensed log of shit
>AHHHHH YOU WERE IN MY ASS ALL ALONG.....GUIDE MY HANDS...SO I MAY STRIKE THIS PURLOINER OF SCAT!
>*Healthbar refills*
>GOMSLOP, DIVINE HEIR OF SCAT
>...and then troony Miquella used the power of incest homosexual homosex to turn you gay, thus shattering the skibidi tree
It was Skibidon The Pozzed who unleashed the miasma to The Middle Grounds.
BUT, Zanzibart prevailed in his effort to...
...teach Myrmidon of Loss that above all, he should forgive himself...
>The last orphan....
>The forgotten chapel...
>The champion of the endless gray...
>Lady Alta of the clouds....
>The inhabitants of the deep lake....
>When Zanzibart forgave him... Zanzibort appeared....
>MENARIO, ARTISAN OF THE MOLD PASSAGES
>Yes, indeed… It is called CWCville. Maybe you’ve seen it, perhaps in a dream.
>Then the fourth legion, the mightiest warriors of the chanic south all gathered around the holy lake... forming the divine insignia of a hero past.... only one sentence escaped their mouths.... "Lake's closed"
>ZESTIMUS, CHAMPION OF THE NIGHT VALLEY
>Roller the slopper once mighty... now vanished into the lands of never stars... broken shield of... forgotten lords...
>generic cinematic slop starts playing
>But all of the lost children came together.... to oppose the chosen kin... a battle..... that has since been forgotten....
>... REMEMBERER the fourth, son of rememberer the third and blade of memory, rallied an army to regain the remembrance...
>and now but one remains... and only he... remembers....
>X to try and remember
>Achievement unlocked: Remembered
> Son of despair and guilt, he is the perfect vessel for anger, a fact that has not escapes his soon-to-be mento, milewiener the dicktator of the penisula.
>*cough* *cough* sorry, one second... *COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH* ah frick, jesus fricking chtist. sorry about that. anyways...
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOREEE
elden ring lore is the most gayest pretentious piece of shit ever created
bravo kojima
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH.....
RISE NOW
YE homosexual
>for that is our curse
This is honestly one of the best threads I've had to pleasure to be a part of on Ganker in forever.
>Fartsniffius the wise warned them.... but it was too late... their sisters... already gave birth...
>Logicius the defender, liquicious the sneaky and volaticius the fog were born. Soon their prowesses led them to be know as the fraternity of scat.
Pajeets of the Poo Valley
>The redeemers... gathered as one... their hands up holding the precious... Cowitus three times son and mother of Pajeet lord of Cakas
>Soon the brown flood came down on them...
>An even remembered... as the great redemption...
>The dung on the streets told a tale... The keys grasped by the feeble maid, yet Ser Designatio attempted in vain to warn them... That it could not be redeemed.
>And then the dragon Anguligaherezikel kidnapped the princess Maeiylaena, hidden from sight of all by the Great Grand Gardener Gaeltanaer. Anguligaherezikel and Maeiylaena brought forth the Divine Drake Lord, Meanguziaeln, who had four wings and seventeen wieners bound in a braid, earning him the name wieneratail (pronounced wieneratiel).
>And Meanguziaeln managed to defeat the Great Grand Gardener Gaeltanaer, who hired the Usurped to slay Anguligaherezikel and rescue Maeiylaena. Luckily, the Usurped were defeated by Maeiylaena's older sister, Maeyilaena, who was a girlboss with the power of Darkcursehexes, capable of slaying any foe.
>With the Great Grand Gardener defeated, Eden, the Illuminated Garden, could finally prosper. But the Ancients, in their endless want of balance, would soon bring the Calamity of Tromcarch, causing the Bloodscar to appear on the remaining Usurped, beckoning them to usurp the Garden from Meanguziaeln and bring forth the Age of the wienerless.
>But Maeiylaena's half sister Myaloniea who is made from her finger cut off in the future by their brother and father of Myaloniea, Milosiano but both of them exist in parallel coexisting timelines, Melonitardo the wise found a way to connect them which created another being known as Miyaloniea, but also the previous sisters still exist and also each of them have 4 clones trapped in pocket dimensions, but once the dark stalker arrives there will be fricking in the ass homosexual shit Black person
>But only the Selected Usurped, one who would be without both name and wiener, would be blessed with the awesome power of Lightblessfire. The Selected Usurped would come from nothing, seizing this power from one of the Ancients, the Pyromantic Pyremancer Pyro, and his fate would be to burn the Illuminated Garden to crisp.
>Only the wielder of Lightblessfire would be capable of defeating the Chosen.
>Maeiylaena, The Dragonboned
>Maeyilaena, The Darkened
>Myaloniea, The Fingerborn
>Milosiano, the Fingercutter
>Melonitardo, The Wise
>Miyaloniea, the Confluxing Chaos
>And the clones of each of them, (which would be fought in a 40 dollar DLC). Only by taking the power of these Chosen could the Selected Usurped take on Meanguziaeln the wieneratail and his father Anguligaherezikel, who died of aids or something and is now a huge undead dragon with tentacles for wings.
>We forgot about the Dark Stalker, but he's in the lore somewhere.
The fact that this mirrors the plot of the original Dark Souls and only changed a few names and details feels very truthful to the FromSlopware formula.
Only now 99% of the characters have similar names.
How about some item descriptions. They reveal so much about the world's depth.
>The jar of dark yellow liquid. Created by Rennilo, The Pale. During his early years of seclusion, Rennilo used these jars to seal his deadly toxins. The legends says about thousands of them scattered in The Middle Mountain. Inflicts poison damage.
>Hammer. It is said that blacksmiths created hammers. Long ago, someone crafted this hammer using blacksmith tools. It is speculated that the hammer was forged using heat.
The Blade of Pajeetius
>A brown rusted straight sword coated in a vile toxic sludge, inflicts Fecal Rot upon contact
It is said Pajeetius hailed from a distant land where waste flowed through rivers freely. He voyaged on a holy pilgrimage seeking redemption but none could attest if he himself was ever redeemed...
>forgotten by the wearer... forgotten by the founder... forgotten by the gods and time itself...
>ring of moot
if From Soft wanna mix up the formula next game, our character should arrive during the main story instead of showing up after its over to tidy up what remains of the world and kill all the gods and kings who were left crippled and battling CTE in the wake of the actual main story we weren't present for. lmao
That'd require them to have actual npcs and towns.
Like you ever want to intervene into a fight between two bossess and decide whom to help.
Floritormi's rags
Floritormi the stacker of shombrio used these rags to wipe his ass.
>Before the times of the fog... the scholars of the north would put down their words in the marble halls...
>But when Jannicus the Unpaid of the ceramic deeps heard of the sacrilegious act.... he had them wiped from history.... only Ben E. Wader, the chaste yet lives to tell the tale...
>Falkos, who once stood tall now seeks respite from the fleeing shadows, he once sought to master the flame of Clomborgio, but discovered the truth behind the library of Shimaniopa. The fumes which corrupt those who falter cannot be tamed, for it is the nature of man to release fumes.
>And he fardded and shidded
>Sanjay, The Redeemer (first phase, light brown colored armor)
>"Hot a What Baababhiat! I kiss your full body!"
>Sanjay, The Holy Cow Knight (dark brown colored armor)
>"Modi, Forgive me..."
>Ahhh... Elehaj... kingdom of sins... divinity... scorn...
>No sins left... every deed already accustomed...
>The time has come for a new age to come
>For lands beyond our circle are restless and greedy
>Elehaj... Come with us...
>No place left to be... Hurela... Forgive me....
>Nailed Longwood
>It is said that simple weapons create simple fights. However, it seems that a lack of people with simple desires left proofs this theory false. Not that it matters in a world devoidant of honest scholars.
>Causes bleed status effect (47)