40k lore be like
>In the dawn of the 38th millenium, Rumbleguts Fartypants of the traitorous Mortus Terrificus legion unleashed Nurgle's Stinking Wind on the planet Phallus Minor. 80 Imperial star systems were destroyed. In response, the loyalist Murder Angels launched the 350th crusade that lasted 4 centuries and wounded Rumbleguts Fartypants before he escaped into The Warp. 126 Imperial star systems were destroyed. The 3 factory worlds that survived the crusade still enjoy a commemorative 2 minute break between 9 hour shifts in the mines. The Inquisition once executed 900,000 citizens when one accidentally let his break overrun to 2 and a half minutes. During this time the Xenos did nothing of note.
Fairly accurate.
Shame that Black Crusade went out of print, because if my 2-year campaign is anything to go off of then it would play out:
> in the 41st millennium, the warband… erm… what was their name again? Have the scribe flogged for his inattentiveness, anyway their leadership, for their lieutenants were far too much of dysfunctional, posturing prima-donnas to allow any one among them to hold authority over the others, decided (2-1, one abstaining, and one not understanding the question) to strike a blow against the chaos lord “boot-licker the vile” for having somewhat slighted them and they took that personally. They sowed a path of carnage and destruction across the sector. All until they got bored/distracted and veered off to go harass some xenos/imperial world for interesting loot and to dunk on their enemies. And lo, did the chaos gods smile, and did indeed bestow upon them a gift, that they did not refuse, for to refuse might offend the gods, but they locked that shit away deep in a vault somewhere because no sword, axe, or bolter should growl at its owners.
> All the while the Imperium forces believe them to be some unified force of chaos, the fools.
> OH! Right! Boot-Locker the vile! Still gotta frick that guy up!
Still trashy, but far more entertaining.
>farted on the Emperor’s little dick
It would be really, really funny if the Emperors dick was the only part of him that hadn't decayed. Like the rest of him has slowly rotted away for a few lumps of decomposing meat, but his wiener and/or balls are in pristine condition.
>During this time the Xenos did nothing of note.
It’s too real and hurts so bad
with how xenos are treated its for the best to be ignored
At least you got a mention!
>The necrons were sleepy and the eldar did jack shit for 65 million years
Nowadays sure, it’s found a way to devolve from the already low standards of trashy dystopian pulp it was in the 2000s. Not even going to argue that.
-And your point being?
wasted digits on talking like a gay
>chaos attacks some sector/planet we’ve never heard of before but is a huge deal somehow
>imperium launched counterattack
>wins but chaos achieved its just as planned that will never become relevant again
>Xenos are a minor annoyance
I’m so tired bros
Don’t forget the bit where 2 named characters face off, the bad guy gets dunked on so badly it makes his lore look like a joke, but then both escape without any injury that would affect the plot
Shameful part is, this was a rewrite, for a decade or more, the lore was:
> Abaddon launches his 13th black crusade, bigger than anything before, big enough to rival the Horus Heresy in sheer scale. And epically face-plants at Cadia, just an absolute defeat. A few war bands manage to escape but the bulk of the crusade is repulsed at Cadia and slink back into the eye, never to rise to the threat they promised to be.
> but with the seeming end of one threat loomed yet greater dangers still. For the ancient Necrons were rising again, and the Tyranid menace from beyond the Galaxy itself continued to probe ever deeper, suggesting that what we’ve seen thus may be merely scouting parties to an even greater hive fleet that’s barreling towards us. And ever still, the slow, decadent decay of the Imperium itself threatens to collapse under its own weight at any moment.
Maybe that’s why xenos got pushed to the background, they were taking up too much of the spotlight before.
I lost track of comings and goings after the timeline was rolled back to before EoT with 4th, did they really push it back forward and retcon the campaign results before the current rewrite?
Yes.
Probably not as embarrassing as Storm of Chaos in WHFB, when Chaos got tarpitted in that one village in the middle of nowhere for weeks before GW forcibly accelerated them, followed by Archaon's assault on Middenheim going backwards from the east wall where he himself was.
never forget orcs won WHFB
Logically it makes so much more fricking sense for Necrons to be the big bads. They can tame gods, are incorruptible, and can literally just contain the Warp. In a just world, they would be creeping across the galaxy building additional pylons to keep chaos out while exterminating everything in their way.
But GW is convinced that only human drama can sell, so not only do we get Good marines v Evil marines, but they also go and frick the lore on Necrons too so they’re just another multi-colored in-fighting faction like everyone else
They're right, only human drama can sell--and only human drama should.
>They're right, only human drama can sell--and only human drama should.
The wider world of sci-fi fiction begs to differ.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children_of_Time_(novel)
More people should really read C.J. Cherryh's stuff, like the Chanur books or Foreigner, which focus on aliens more so than the humans.
>C.J. Cherryh
Based
Based.
This is a lie pushed by corporations, because they know focusing on 'the characters' makes it easier to market a franchise.
You need to free yourself from the corporate brainwashing.
Unless, of course, you're a marketer yourself, in which case you should have a nice day today. It should be fairly simple for you to do; you won't even need to leave a suicide note for you loved once, since, as a marketer, you're incapable of love.
>spouts reddit tier lies
>trannie crons should be big bad
Lol, lmao even
t. redditor
>MY LE EBIC EBIL SPOOKY SCAY SKELLINGTONS
so cringe just do more umm khorne please.
>Maybe that’s why xenos got pushed to the background, they were taking up too much of the spotlight before.
Chaos used to be a minor background threat, reminder fricking dark eldar got a starter set before chaos did, their first starter set was Dark Vengeance in 6th edition. Before that it was Orks and Nids and other ayylmaos as the primary threat to the galaxy.
Chaoswank destroyed WHFB and it's currently ruining 40k, I'm so fricking sick of poorly plagiarized shit from Moorwiener ruining the setting
As with all things in 40k it can be blamed on the Ultramarines. GW decided humans sell so the good guys and the bad guys have to be humans
But it’s 40k.
Everybody’s the bad guy.
Tell that to Matt Ward
Matt Ward can kiss my ass after he had Necron and Blood Angels bro-fisting
Necrons should be big bad, simple as
And/or tyranids, they work too.
You should have tyranids as the big bad with stories focused on all other factions trying to take them on independently, getting smashed, and begrudgingly temporarily putting aside their differences to try to stem the tide of The Great Devourer together. Sometimes they lose, sometimes they win and fall back to old rivalries.
Anybody that thinks 40k should have a bug bad is a marvel tier moron and is the reason this hobby is dying.
*big bad (includes bugs)
We already have a big bad. It’s chaos At least Necrons aren’t as whiney Oh wait GW ruined that too
Reddit tier take
Don't tell me who the good guys are, I'm taking bets that you're a commie though.
Did that sound funny in your head?
>no fun allowed
don't know about his, but it sounded funny in mine.
It sounds funnier in yours.
>t. fatty mcfatfrick le burgerfat
I mean, you're not charging rent for it living in yours, so clearly you think it's valuable.
it continuously annoys me that 40k has lore at all
the entire franchise should've just been a wordless collection of aesthetics
>here are the catachian jungle fighters or whatever
>their backstory is every vietnam war movie + lasers
>who is the emperor?
>he's the guy you praise. end of story
>what was the horus heresy?
>it was when all the space marines who liked horns started a fight with all the space marines who liked scrolls
>>what was the horus heresy?
>>it was when all the space marines who liked horns started a fight with all the space marines who liked scrolls
I chuckled
Your approach intrigues me. I will make note of it and attempt to create something using it at a later date.
>>it was when all the space marines who liked horns started a fight with all the space marines who liked scrolls
What about the dudes who like both?
bisexuals
2nd legion be like
I mean that's basically it. Half of the fun is that the aesthetic themes of 40k are ALSO its narrative themes. Most people who play 40k understand little if any of its intricacies because you don't need to.
Scrolls, Horns, Hearts, Skulls sounds like a 40k card deck. Actually I'm surprised it isn't one.
*sip* yup, this one’s going on the 40k meme channels
The real question is whether it's going to be a nasally brit doing the voice, or is it going to be one of the ones with a voice of thunder and granite?
>During this time the Xenos did nothing of note.
F-frick you
The duality of gamer
>During this time the Xenos did nothing of note.
waiting until someone screenshots it and posts on Twitter, titling it as "anon summaries warhammer 40k"
put me into screencap
for real though, why so many people post screenshots of Ganker threads
9gag been reposting Ganker memes since the late 2000s. Normies always have been looking for content here.
>for real though, why so many people post screenshots of Ganker threads
littering. Ganker, being the cultural equivalent of trash, is everywhere and a lot of it can be seen in the worst dumps.
>for real though, why so many people post screenshots of Ganker threads
Ganker was originally created so conversations could be sporadic, anonymous and impermanent.
Sharing screenshots were a way of sharring funny moments before archives existed.
Narrativley 40k works best on a small scale, ironically.
I would rather read more localised stories than stuff that advances or explains the large scheme of things.
Imperium bas a faction vs. Chaos as a faction is so far removed from things I care about.
Earlier Gaunt's Ghosts novels are a good example. There the setting is what it's supposed to be: a backdrop for a story. The real meat is in the detail. how tiny cogs in this absrudly gigantic machine work.
This is very true. It's the reason stories like vraks and huron's crusade work so well. All the galaxy ending marvel shite has done terrible damage to the feel of 40k.
>be Amhuntepokekamus Rashragiuar
>Wake up from my 9 gorillion year slumber
>cyber yawn
>GEE I WONDER WHAT MY PEOPLE ARE UP TO.flac
>crypt in ruins held together with scarab woven duct tape and the laments of my people
>let's see who's awake!
>everyone is as moronic as I am
>Well, frick
>let's spend 12 entire years(only 3 seconds of my perception) climbing out of the crypt tomb so I can see what's outside
>oh no, it's a horde of monkeys smashing nuclear rocks together
>welp, better spend another 10 gorillion year to fire up our Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 BC v4.0 Beta b***h machine to eradicate them
>maybe then my front lawn will be clean
>fricking zoomers
>frick I just remembered that one guy I hate I should go frick with him by warping space and time for several millennia
>once we were kangs.digitalpapyrus
>During this time the Xenos did nothing of note
*sip* yeah, OP posting the good fluff. Most based and trad, fellow grog.
*tssss-crak* *slurp* yup it’s the kind of lore that makes you miss bright green bases
>During this time the Xenos did nothing of note.
too accurate
mesa think jaba is real!
What?
if jabba wasn't real then we all spent a lot of time on tatooine fricking around for no reason
Necrons are having a civil war.
Every xenos should have infighting now
You’re saying that just to make me angry specifically
only Votann and Nids left then huh, every other xenos race is already infighting to some degree, even Tau
>only votann and nids
Some Tyranid Fleets actually fight each other to consume and absorb the other's biomass. Hive Fleet Hydra specializes in hunting down defeated splinter fleets and eating them.
oh shit had no idea hive fleets would infight
then we just need space dorfs to fight over shiny rocks and you've got all your xenos infighting checked out
>we just need space dorfs to fight over shiny rocks
Lol. That's already covered. The Votann Codex states that one of the aggressive Votann subfactions will sometimes skirmish and have standoffs with other Leagues
GW, as predictable as the sunrise.
It literally makes my blood boil. It all comes down to what faction of b***hy infighting humanoids has the armor you like best.
It literally makes your blood boil? Has my OC Khorne warband come to life and made a Ganker account?
Tyranids and Necrons should be roughly equal galaxy-ending threats. It should be a situation where they run into each other occasionally and take the pressure off everyone else for a while.
I wasn't aware secondaries knew about Rumbleguts Fartypants
Only 9 hours? Thats actually really decent even in irl, you soft handed high stepping citybird
lrn2read
>2 minute break
>between 9 hour shifts
So its basically an 18 straight hour shift.
>ywn have his belly on top of your head
Why even live?
Y'all nasty
gross
Yikes
fatgays are only fatgays because they've never been fat and that proves to be more true everyday
So outing yourself as a fatgay is actually a flex?
What makes you say that?
nobody who's actually been fat idolizes or fetishizes it except in public as a cope or when trying to shame others into fricking them. every other fat person has the decency to feel some shame about it
Well that’s a lie.
You need to get out and touch grass more often.
>t. copes b. heavyhaunches
i know they are ashamed of it
source: i am one
There is a subset of chub4chub. It does seem to be rarer than little guys going for big guys, but it happens.
I like silly 40k lore or lore that's out of control but in broad brush strokes like describing a faction, setting, technology or battle and less with the emphasis on OP DBZ charavter smashes.
This thread is taking a weird turn and I don’t like it
its genuinely terrifying that gw paypiggies 100% unironically believe the warhammer lore is peak fiction
Absolutely beautiful.
>Xenos did nothing of note
I legitimately chuckled.