>Bard player tries to frick everything that moves
>Everyone is annoyed but says nothing due to politeness
>New campaign
>First time DMing
>Bard rolls a Aarakocra fighter with 18 CHA
>Tell bard most birds don´t have dicks
>Bard ragequits the group
>Never hear from bard again
What is the dumbest shit that has happened in your group anon?
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They suggested we play D&D.
That was pretty fricking dumb, but fortunately we found out that it was more fun to watch movies and YLYL videos, or play video games than try to do something that isn't even enjoyable to any degree.
Be better.
Same, a guy in my group suggested this once, then we all laughed heartily and started our session of Lancer instead. It really is hard to go back to D&Dogshit after playing better games.
>Lancer
>Better
At least try to be realistic or no one will fall for your stupid bait
Hey, Lancer clearly is the best superhero skirmisher system available right now.
What should I play for high fantasy then?
You can do whatever you want.
None of those posts were telling you what to do, they were just answering OP's question of what dumb things their groups have done.
Shadow of the Demon Lord to cleanse your palette with a straight up better d20 skills-lite system with an official setting nobody gives a shit (heh) about. Then, once your table is sufficiently opened up to the idea of playing non-D&D you hit them with the GURPS.
They both suck though
It doesn't matter if you personally think they suck (they absolutely don't), they are objectively better games than D&Dogshit, and that is the trash you're trying to Claw out from.
>Calling D&D shit
>Recommending Shadow of the Turd Lord
Is cyberpunk good?
I like it.
Filtered
Yeah, an activity that's moronic and boring tends to filter people who don't enjoy boring and moronic activities.
If only you knew what the frick you were talking about, this would not be such a boring and moronic conversation
On the contrary, it's quite funny to see idiots get mad over people who don't use D&D to have fun.
Well, laugh it up, chucklenuts
>Bard rolls a Aarakocra fighter with 18 CHA
EL PATO
Our party's rogue wanted to fight a novle to protect the honor of a maid he was groping. The noble, previously established as a master duelist, proceeded to whip his ass in a one-on-one fight.
Also the girl went off with the winner anyway.
Should have stabbed him in the back
I actually expected him to do something clever like poison him before the fight or swap out his sword. But it was a mano-o-mano match, and he lost.
Since he was dual-wielding, I think he only landed like one hit
>hand to hand
>dual-wielding
So he cheated then?
Such is the righteous fate of all simps
I remember this one from the player's perspective, lol.
>Also the girl went off with the winner anyway.
brutal
I had a bright wizard like that in wfrp. Tried playing womanizing swashbuckling leader stereotype while lacking in both ic/oc charisma, knowledge of the setting, understanding of mechanics, and common sense. Never succeeded in seduction and burned through two fate points in a single session trying to melee some bigass norse motherfricker instead of burning the living shit out of him.
It's much more fun to reminisce of his antics than it was to suffer through them, though.
Our party's That Guy made 3 Chaotic Evil backstabbing player killers in a row, each of which the entire group ganged up on and killed the instant he pulled some shit.
>first was an orc barbarian who kept trying to steal shit like we were playing Skyrim or something
>attempted to sell the party out to a dragon the instant he learned the dragon existed
>we knocked him out, tied him up, cut his throat, and then fed him to said dragon
>the second one was an orc fighter who also kept trying to steal shit
>he attempted to push me off a cliff while we were passing through a canyon
>we stabbed him until he was unconscious, threw him off the cliff he tried to push me off, and then shoved a few boulders down after him for good measure
>also, we were traveling with an army that really liked me and was suspicious of him, so I'm not really sure what his plan here was
>the third character was a human cleric
>dont remember what it was, but I remember the character had a moronic name
>kept unsubtly summoning shit to ambush the party
>we just left him to die in the middle of nowhere
After the third character he left the group and I never saw him again.
Why would he try to push you off a cliff?
Because he failed to frick me over earlier when he tried to steal a magic ring from me.
Well, at least he was playing orc correctly
Gonna repost my experience last year from another thread. Interestingly its pretty much the opposite of OPs complaint as I was playing the bard and didnt even get to do anything before the other morons ruined things.
>be me
>first time playing 5e in over 5 years
>last time tried to get into it by being DM for my friends
>they had fun but we didnt get very far and nobody was super duper into it
>this time playing at female friend's house
>she actually knows people outside of an inner circle of 5 because lolextroverts
>really she just wanted to play because I showed interest and she and her autistic sister had been wanting to do a game forever
>she fills the other player slots with
>fat acquaintance from school
>nerdy basedboy from school
>basedboy's father who acts like a grognard but is actually a normalgay
>she literally tells me that she doesnt really like the two guys she invited but they are the only people she knows who would say yes to doing a game
>despite this we try and make it work
>game time
>I couldnt make it for session zero so I get introduced to the party and told what they had done last night which is:
>frick the barmaid
>kill the barmaid
>light the bar on fire
>lay low to not get caught by the guard
>wtfiswrongwithyoufricks.jpg
>OOC they are the party so I make up an excuse for my character to be interested anyways
>get into character and do a overly suave and soft accent and introduce myself
>these motherfrickers are floored that I am talking to them as a character
>onions ignores and tries to ask DM what I might have to do with his backstory motivation
>fat frick is silent and just stares creepily at DM
>dad also is silent and just watches me and DM do our thing
>autistic sister does actually try to interact but is playing a delusional child who pretends to be a wizard by putting duct tape on everything so she just interjects schizophrenically with "I put duct tape on the guards knee to make him feel better!" or some shit
>proceed to RP with DM for 10 minutes trying to disperse the guard for characters I havent met or gotten to know yet as the rest of the party just sits there and watches
>DM decides that enough time has past that the party has snuck out of the crowd and can go on their way
>I disengage from conversation with the guards and move to follow them
>none of these motherfrickers have given me a single reason to join them or even a character to latch onto, but they are the party so I make an excuse to walk up to them with "you seem like useful people to know"
>basedboy says cool and immediately gos to KNOCK OUT THE HIGHEST RANKING GUARD IN THE CROWD AND DRAG HIM TO AN ABANDONED BUILDING TO BE INTEROGATED
>DM lets this happen because quite frankly she doesnt have enough experience to handle a derailment of the magnitude that this kind of thing would actually cause
>once the guard is in the chair and tied up all eyes turn to me
>dad and fat frick STILL havent said anything in character, but since Im the one with a charisma score above zero in game (and IRL apparently) Im the one who has to do the talking
>incriminate the frick out of myself interrogating a guard captain and it turns out that all the damn basedboy wanted to aks him about was shit he put in his backstory that has nothing to do with the campaign plot hooks we have been given
>through an incredible amount of bullshit manage to turn the interrogation into a negotiation and end up making the guard a contact who will feed us info and favors if we do underworld shit for him
>time passes and I manage to help the DM wrangle these tards out of the city to go investigate the plot hook
>a delusional child who pretends to be a wizard by putting duct tape on everything so she just interjects schizophrenically with "I put duct tape on the guards knee to make him feel better!" or some shit
high tier character concept
Sounds awful, I rather play videogames than deal with this crap
>we come across an npc farmgirl that the DM obviously wanted to show off and act as her sorta-but-not-really-DMPC
>bard instincts activate
>lay on the charms and try to chat up the girl both for the RP fun of it and also because getting off on the right foot with an obviously important NPC will be good for the campaign moving forward
>DM and I are having fun with it and even though my rolls are shit I try to downplay my failures with wit
>party doesnt help me with this
>they dont even RP
>they fricking laugh and make fun of me for being a manprostitute and then tell me that trying to have sex with a girl I just met is kinda creepy
>Black personallIdidwascomplimentherhair.rage
>this coming from the same group of buttholes that FRICKED AND MURDERED A BARMAID
>manage to get us rooms for the night at the farmhouse no thanks to the rest of the party and we end session
>DM has very uncomfortable look on her face, fake smile and all
>sister is obviously regretting her choice of meme character since shes the only other one actually PLAYING a character
>everyone say they had lots of fun (apparently sitting silently for the whole fricking game and watching two people awkwardly roleplay for an entire party is fun) and pack up to leave
>fat frick takes the leftover bag of chips with him
>no, nobody brought snacks except me and the DM
Suffice to say that campaign didnt last long. I feel like I'm the only player who WASNT That Guy in that game. Fat frick got silently booted a session later since he wouldnt engage at all beyond staring with a neutral expression. He got replaced by basedboy's non binary sister who proceeded to be just as boring as her family members. But hey, at least she didnt split the party and then fail to make time for 3 sessions in a row like her dad. Still took time to call me, not my character, a creep for playing a horny bard like a horny bard though. The one upshot of this failed campaign is that Basedboy actually started to roleplay by the end. He might turn out alright.
This story is a classic, and not in a good way. It always surprises me that players like this still exist, but I suppose it really shouldn't.
To be fair, said players outside the dad and autistic sister had never played before. They were all high school nerds who had always heard about but never gotten to play. Still, they had plenty of time to figure out what they would want to DO in a campaign if the got the chance. I sure as shit didnt sit around like a wet towel on my first chance i got to do a TTRPG. I asked a lot of stupid questions but I actually tried to ENGAGE with the game I said I wanted to play.
>I sure as shit didnt sit around like a wet towel on my first chance i got to do a TTRPG. I asked a lot of stupid questions but I actually tried to ENGAGE with the game I said I wanted to play.
I have this same fricking experience all the fricking time. People begging me to play or DM for them, then when I get them to the table, they just sit there like a bump on a log unless I hold their hand and tell them specifically what to do. It's infuriating.
The NPC meme is real!
DM in on-again-off-again relationship with a player took him to a private RP sesh in her room for like an hour while the rest of us were expected to just hang out and frick around. They weren't even just fricking each other, that's the worst part. They were actually doing private romance RP while everyone else was ignored.
>They were actually doing private romance RP while everyone else was ignored
Holy Based
>Playing Deadlands for the first time because the GM tells me its a really cool game set in the wild west with magic and shit.
>DM gives me an undead cowboy to play, saying it makes him harder to kill but occasionally my animating spirit will paly tricks on others.
>Game starts with us crossing a bridge.
>DM rolls a hidden dice, takes control of my character and says he tries to push another character off the bridge, WTF.
>All the party turn on my character and blow my character away.
>DM hasnt another character handy for me to play so expects me to watch the rest of the session play out.
>I leave early and never play the game again.
Where is the "bard tries to frick everything" meme even coming from? I feel like it is a self-perpetuating story without any basis in reality. Then again, I never played DnD.
I think it originally comes from the polymorphed dragon meme because they were bawdting it up and it just took off from there. It made the notion seducing the dragon to defeat it a viable option and then made seduction bards a thing. Typical D&D dragonlance type slop.
That's the oldest trick prank in the book, trying to frick everything as a bard.
Now that ragequitting? That's stupid and show that you are probably better without him.
Unless he had a REALLY bad day but I doubt it.
Bards are CHA machines.
They are also Chaotic.
Do the math.
I didn't want to know that.
He should have played as a duck.
20+ cm
More reasons to be a superior Runequest player.
I kek'd at "corkscrew shaped vegana"
Maybe duckcels should learn they are not entitled to sex with female ducks to earn their respect.
>What is the dumbest shit that has happened in your group anon?
In a WFRP 2e game, a halfling insisted on keeping the sword of a daemon of Nurgle. He had this argument with us while the building we were in was burning down. We eventually had to shoot at him to keep him from leaving with it. He went deeper into the fire, suffocated, and died.
>new campaign with new system with my friend group
>read all the rulebooks, create characters etc
>one player says he won't play with us because WoW Dragonflight drops next week
>I post a juicy dragon hunk with a veiny wiener as a reaction to this in the GC, as one of our players explained what a scalie was during a previous campaigns downtime
>GM (who has been my friend since we were 13 and has never GMd before) throws a fit and cancels our game as well as our friendship
It wasn't the funniest joke, but I think it was a pretty stupid situation all in all. I would say the jargon in our group had been pretty similar for years, but mabye something changed without my knowledge.
Needs more context. What about that made him rage?
I think it might have been the dick. It could also have been the fact that I didn't take the jab (as a joke) or that he recently got a girlfriend and could possibly be conducting a purge. I'm also a depressed loser if that wasn't obvious. I like the dude and I told him to hit me up whenever he had cooled down. He canceled our annual trip to a friend's grave, and that shit hurt tbf.
>I think it might have been the dick
all right I lost
Nah he's an butthole, this isn't on you. That level of reaction to something like that, even if it did actually bother him, is completely ridiculous.
>He canceled our annual trip to a friend's grave, and that shit hurt tbf.
Did he at least say he was going to visit him by himself? Because that would be extremely petty and disrespectful to your dead homie if he’s literally not willing to visit him just because he’s mad at you. Either way the situation is childish in general.
is right he should be willing to talk it over. Especially over something with no real consequence and you didn’t think anything of or didn’t mean any ill will if clearly
Even if you weren't on the same page on what counts as acceptable banter in your group, ending a friendship over something like that seems so drastic that I think there must've been something else going on in that guy's life. I'd also be tempted to say that you're probably better off this way. Even if your dickposting was genuinely hurtful and offensive for some reason unknown to you, cutting ties over a one-time unintended misstep instead of talking things through is no way for a friend to act.
This is funny enough that it took me until the second to post to question why you had gay dragon porn ready.
In my defense, I just googled it like I did now. That said, I find the furry/scalie community unintentionally hilarious and I'm somewhat impressed by the amount of depravity and the amount of money people spend on commissions of their OC.
You are the butthole and gay for that porn shit, but your friend is a blizzard slave. So meh
If I had a nickel every time I encountered a person who played as their cannibal OC pastel pony I would have two nickels. One person was so fricking stupid he didn't understand why eating a corpse in the middle of a battlefield surrounded by human guards as a bad idea. I hate public gaming.
Roll up to a town where magic is illegal, myconid sorcerer comes up and the first thing he does is cast a lot of super obvious magic on the guards and make a scene then act surprised when we called him an idiot and let the guards have him.
I have a friend who is a bad role-player. He was in my group for years, and he always fricked around. His antics added up to the point I started losing players because I went to bat for him.
Saltmarsh 5e
>friend makes a paladin who follows Hextor
>character's reason for being in town is to help push tensions in town to the breaking point
>instead, he is openly proselytizing in the center of town
>he also threatens the NPC in town who deals in magic items
Eberron 5e
>friend plays a rogue
>has this neat concept of a King's Citadel spy working as a double-agent for the Trust
>never does anything with it
>group infiltrates a secret House Cannith workshop to extract another House's deep-cover agent
>they find the foreman and interrogate him
>friend proceeds to start torturing the foreman when they already have all the information they need
>all hell breaks loose between the foreman screaming and the group arguing
Outside of that, he does these characters who are only funny to himself, like a cleric who worships Sam Hyde.
>like a cleric who worships Sam Hyde
Your friend sounds like a shithead.
>Tell bard most birds don´t have dicks
>he rage quits
Should've just played an anthro duck.
>most birds don´t have dicks
Technically they only have dicks.
>>Tell bard most birds don´t have dicks
>>Bard ragequits the group
Most birds have fully functional tongues, I don't see what the problem is
One time, someone actually suggested playing 5e D&D. That was pretty fricking dumb, let me tell you.
>most birds don't have dicks
But that's wrong, what the frick.
>What is the dumbest shit that has happened in your group anon?
Guy joining our online group to play a grizzled wienersure warrior who was also a womanizer and then missing more and more sessions before ghosting us because the social anxiety from typing anonymously on a keyboard was too much.
Worst TTRPG experience I've ever had.
>Brother invites me to do D&D with a few folks
>I know most of them, but I haven't met one player and the DM
>We're doing this online by the way
>Before session zero, the DM puts out a survey
>Literal 30 page survey about "player safety"
>Asking for pronouns, triggers, etc
>This motherfricker is doing his actual god damn thesis at college on "player safety in TTRPG"
>I am not joking
>Triggers include "Slight danger, vampires, undead, politics"
>Motherfricking WATER is a trigger
>This guy messages me ahead of time to complain that I didn't fill it out
>I try to explain "yeah, do whatever"
>Wrong answer kiddo
>He Human Resources my brother into making me fill this out.
>Session zero
>My brother is coming home from work on the train so he won't be there
>7:00PM, DM is yammering on about house of leaves
>9:00PM , DM is yammering on about his band tattoos
>11:00PM, DM is comparing himself to Ernest Hemmingway
>The only time the game came up was to try and smear me as a racist for playing a Hadozee
>Midnight, my brother comes in, and asks what's going on
>I'm thoroughly sauced at this point, haven't spoken in hours
>Just glad to catch up with my brother
>Love you man
We never played. I hope with every fiber of being that he didn't graduate.
Playing a hadozee is racist? Okkkkaaayy
With that attitude I bet the college fast tracked him. Gotta get the true believers seeded into high positions after all
>I hope with every fiber of being that he didn't graduate.
Probably a tenured professor by now, sorry. Glad to hear you have a good relationship with your brother, though. That's great, not everyone does.
>house of leaves
That is simultaneously the most boring and most interesting book I'm still in the process of muddling through.
I'm glad I don't play anymore, I don't think I be able to stomach this modern generation of Roleplayers.
that's really funny considering Ernest Hemmingway is widely regarded as kind of a dickhead by a lot of people
also this lmfao, reminds me when my friend picked a black guy in a video game on a PC at my highschool and the angry kid just said "You can't play a black guy! That's Racist!" like dude what are you talking about you are the one implicitly saying playing as a black character is abnormal or in the case of that DM you had implicitly saying much worse lmfao.
GM gave us a superweapon in the first session. It was a fallout game but with some supernatural stuff for some reason. We later found out he was ripping things from Fallout Equestria. He gave us a revolver with all 6 shots and each one was apparently a nuclear weapon. He was unable to comprehend that we had not read his precious fanfic so he had to retcon our TPK when one of us innocuously used the revolver on an enemy in close range. Even though it was a hit he had the player miss and the bullet fly off into the distance and we all freaked out at the mushroom cloud. A couple of sessions later he tried to spring an entire city of hyper fast hyper aggressive zombies on us and we just noped out and nuked it from a nearby hill. I still laugh to this day to the sound of him slamming his keyboard and yelling about how we "ruined all his hard work" and "there goes the next three sessions!" He was never the same after that. We never got another really threatening enemy, he never made another real map, nothing.
>hfw he realized we still had 4 more nuke bullets and an actual sense of self-preservation
>spoiler
honestly not the worst thing to pull stuff from. it reads like a tabletop adventure and had some interesting ideas.
>What is the dumbest shit that has happened in your group anon?
Guy wanted me to run an adventure for him in BESM for anime hijinks, begs me for WEEKS to do it, then when I run it, he basically refuses to play.
>Hey, I'm gonna make your friend you invited play as an exchange student in your house as part of your background.
>>Him: Oooooh no, I kill myself.
>ha ha...you know there's no death in this game, right? You just go unconscious? C'mon, what do you do?
>>Jump out the window to kill myself.
Literally every single thing he said was some permutation of killing himself. It wasn't even a suicidal thing, he was just stubbornly refusing to play the game without ever communicating what his problem is. That guy had some severe mental problems to be sure.
>Player wants to play wizard
>Player doesn't want to memorize spells
>Makes melee fireball wizard
>Never casts fireball
>Repeat this process 18 times over 6 years
i encounter this a lot. D&D martial caster divide doesn't account for players either picking the worst possible spells or straight up not knowing how to use them. I remember gifting a fellow player in a 5e game these OP shoes that let you cast Bigby's Hand a few times per week (my barbarian had no spells but ruined several big monster encounters by grabbing one with the hand and grabbing the other with my PC's huge barbarian body. I had to give up the boots because an item came up that my character would want more for lore reasons. Anyways long story short that item was never used for the rest of the duration of the campaign because the player consistently forgot his spells and abilities lmfao. Fun player but his next character was a fighter and he's much more effective on the field purely by virtue of not having to do much but charge people with a sword lol
>D&D 5e
>level 8 party has braved four floors of a mega dungeon of my making
>for this expedition they return to the first floor, purely by interest of what there might be that they haven't seen yet
>run into deadly monsters
>they just stand their ground and fight them
>actually succeed, they are very advanced characters compared to the floor they are on, but they're also wounded now
>luckily they're on the first floor of the dungeon! getting outside to rest is easy!
>decide to rest inside the dungeon for literally no reason
>don't choose a particularly safe chamber either
>ignore the dungeon master's foreboding "are you sure?"
>gnolls attack!
>the party has no resources left from brute-forcing trolls and big constructs and shit
>only the ranger has been playing like a champion fighter, so he barely used his spells yet!
>gets caught in the front line and suffers a complete lapse of judgement
>doesn't disengage, retreat, dodge or even fight back
>decides to cast cure wounds on himself every turn instead
>the gnolls kill and decapitate him before the rest of the party can defeat them and escape the dungeon
This is the most pointless death I've ever had playing this edition of the game.
>What is the dumbest shit that has happened in your group anon?
<me: Sure you're high level but are you sure you want to go into Ravenloft alone? Fight Strahd by yourself?
>him: Yeah lets do this!
First floor hallway, gets attacked by a wraith, loses 2 levels
>him: I kill myself
>me: you know you can see a cleric and get them back right?
>him: I don't care, I wanna die
>me: Maybe this was just a bad dream you had and you wake up back in the inn before you entered the realm?
>him: I take my sword and disembowel myself
>me: okay, lets burn your character sheets.
I've told this story a long time ago, but:
>Friend discovers I play TTRPGs
>Wants to try CoC
>Okay, set something up.
>Have to do it over chat cause of place and time restraints
>"Cool. I'll do it like a text-based adventure. You cool with that?"
>"Yeah! That sounds fun."
>"Great. Then I won't hand over your stat sheet, I'll just tell you what is important in the scene and what happens. Is htat cool?"
>"YEah! I'm super excited, I love this!"
>Create little mini silent hill-esque game for him
>Get to first area going into fog-enshrouded town
>"You investigate the garage. In the oil(?) puddle, you find a key."
>"I take the key."
>"The only other thing around here is the locked door."
>"I shoot the door."
>". . .what?"
>"I shoot the door."
>"Uh, are you sure you want to do that as a police officer?"
>"Yup. I shoot it."
>"You don't want to check anything out or...?"
>"Shoot it."
>Roll dice.
>"Congratulations. You shoot the door handle and damage the only thing that you could use to unlock it. It is now jammed and stuck."
>"...wait, inventory?"
>"Key."
>"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRICK"
>He logs off
>Never messages me or talks about the game ever again.
That is a special kind of autism bro wtf
Adventure Call worthy stories
>In an apocalyptic campaign. The setting is clearly end-of-times, cthulhu-inspired stuff.
>In the penultimate battle, we stop a mad sorcerer from obtaining some of kind evil, cursed spear. We now own the spear.
>Final battle comes, the world is literally breaking apart. Mood is grim. Entire party makes what they assume is their last stand against not-Cthulhu's avatar.
>Me: We should use that cursed spear.
>DM: You could use the cursed spear.
>Other players: We can't use the cursed spear! It's cursed!!!
The ending was still pretty metal but I definitely regret not using the damn thing.
TBF there's another world where the greentext is
>they use the cursed spear and we lose because we all got cursed
>why would you ever use an obviously evil item, even against an evil thing?
Saying SotDL is different from D&D is technically correct in the way that horse shit is technically different from cat shit; sure, the former is good for soil and the latter is bad for it, but they both cone from an animal's butthole.
Much like both systems are pumped out of a figurative butthole.
Neckbeardia thanks you all for the contribution!
you're so scared of a vague threat of random people you'll never meet that you shut down any genuine attempt at talking about your hobby with the (mostly) genuine people in clear view.
lmao half this board is bots you fricking spammer dipshit
I get the feeling you've said all of this more than once
Are these bots in the thread with us right now?
Yes