>DM: Alright, time to start our 5e level 1 campaign fighting some goblins, run me through the characters you guys wanna make

>DM: Alright, time to start our 5e level 1 campaign fighting some goblins, run me through the characters you guys wanna make
>Player 1: Son of the archduke of Baldur's Gate who saved the city from utter destruction but it's secret nobody knows just like batman and he's banished form home and became a powerful warlock bounty hunting in the nine hells and he also does male ballet also he's black
>Player 2: Elf rogue twink powerbottom vampire spawn who's lived hundreds of years in the shadow, seducing and bareback fricking 7,000 people for his abusive master
>Player 3: A wizard from Waterdeep. He's so skilled that his ex-gf is the goddess of magic that he had lots of SEX with, he has netherese technology implanted in his body, and he's buddies with Elminster ^_^ oh and he's a pansexual ethical bawd / nympho btw wanna see a magic trick?

What would you do as the DM in this situation?

Homeless People Are Sexy Shirt $21.68

Nothing Ever Happens Shirt $21.68

Homeless People Are Sexy Shirt $21.68

  1. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Set up the opening so they all end up killing each other.

  2. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I say "none of that shit is going to work, sorry. You're level 1. Your backstory is your mundane life before deciding to become an adventurer and we're humans only. I don't care if you want to do weird sex shit but it's going to be fade to black."
    If they don't comply then I just find better players.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Larian handled you. They're all level 1 because of Illithid mindwipe.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Okay but what's BG3 got to do with this level 1 goblin fighting campaign? You don't even see a goblin until level 2 in BG3. In this situation I'm not running BG3 I'm running a normal campaign that starts with goblins but my creatively braindead players just made characters from a video game.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          You're running a campaign using d&d 5e, starting at 1st level fighting generic goblins, and you have the nerve to call your players creatively braindead?

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            Yes. You don't have any idea what I can do with a couple of goblins and 1st level challenges.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              >Ha, this goblin mob as a SPEAR, bet you were expecting a HANDAXE
              >Lets see how they handle THREE GOBLINS
              >I'll even give one a spell or something :^)

              Truly a master class in creativity. Bravo.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            Yes, and if you think any of those things signal a lack of creativity, then you don't even know what creativity is.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              lol braindead imaginationlet

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                > To cope with not knowing what creativity is
                > I will show people that I don't know what imagination is!
                You are less imaginative and creative than a normalgay. You are not superior, but inferior.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                lol you don't know what imagination is

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                > no u
                > lol
                Don't feel bad about not knowing what imagination is. Dimwits like you help midwits feel better about themselves.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            Picking a different system, starting at a different level, and fighting a different monster has zero bearing on the creativity of a gm. If you don't create characters that fit the adventure, though, and chose a video game character instead, then you really are creatively braindead, and that gm of the simple campaign is likely your superior. Realize this and learn from the goblinchad.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >You don't even see a goblin until level 2 in BG3
          Technically you see them as the ship crashes before hitting level 2.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Then just be an adult and tell them those characters don't fit the campaign. Why are you running games for people you don't like?

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Playing 5E would be my biggest problem with that. I don't even hate 5E, or DnD in general, it just seemed like a functional but bland system when I tried it, not really bad but with nothing aside its popularity going on for it over other alternatives.

        That works in BG3 because it's not, in fact a low-level campaign about fighting goblins, and it's very beginning makes it perfectly clear that there are bigger things going on.

        I like the game.
        But Jesus fricking Christ I've been griping since the early access that it's an awful reference for the way (even pretty high powered as it is compared to earlier editions) 5E assumes to be played.
        And I get the distinct feeling its going to make new players even more annoying than the Critical Role crowd when their entry point proudly champions the kind of character backstory shittery that has rightfully been a joke for decades (and does a terrible job setting expectations for the kind of adventuring low level characters can reasonably get up to).

        While it may be true that the game will give new players bad assumptions, I think videogames are a very different beast compared to tabletop, even videogames based on TTRPG systems. I don't think it'd be good for vidya to be overly worried about how similar to a typical TTRPG campaign it is, either.

        >i can't just go around fricking kids in america like i can in Eurostan because free humans will shoot me.
        Sounds rough

        Why were kids the first thing that came to your mind when someone mentioned sex?

        It's amazing to me that what's almost a caricature of shitty mary sue backstory writing and deviantart sex-obsessed fanfiction that would get someone run out from most tables ten years ago has become actual, high-profile WoTC-approved media experienced by millions of people.

        It say's something about our society.

        The same people that did that shit as teenager grow up and rise in managerial position in these companies. Picrel was probably a tumblr fanfiction writer homosexual in his youth.

        Don't pretend any of this is new. Well, maybe the sex obsession, though so far in my playthrough there's been a lot less of that than /tg/ claimed. There's nothing in the character backstories that couldn't as well have been in late 90s cRPGs. Every character in BG3 is downright grounded compared to the Nameless One.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      i dont like humans goodbye

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >humans only
      You play no games.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Your backstory is your mundane life before deciding to become an adventurer and we're humans only.
      Dwarfs, Orcs, and Elves can't have lived mundane lives?

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        I don't care whether they do or not. Humans only. Stop arguing.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        More likely just one of those people who pretends that cutting out the usual fantasy races automatically makes their setting better somehow.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          It does, moron.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            How, exactly? Seems like it's still the usual shit, but now there aren't elves, dwarves, and orcs.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        What's the picture have to do with what you said?

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Posting a girl makes it more likely that people will look at your post. Notice all the inane topics started with a lust provoking image. Try it sometime when you want attention.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            Fair enough.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        This picture justr brought back memories. someone posted this picture on tumblr and (mostly Black folk) people started screeeeeeching about how she was stealing japanese culture and when she explained she got it from her host family they started threatening to kill her for having white privilege.

        tumblr was a literal zoo

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Blacks just viscerally hate white people, especially when they're just chilling and having a good time. They're full of envy and resentment against beauty.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Blacks just viscerally hate white people, especially when they're just chilling and having a good time. They're full of envy and resentment against beauty.

          Blackfatigue is setting in even with all the normies I know.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Come on, we all know that actually means your players leaving to find a better DM.

  3. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >DM: Alright, time to start our 5e
    I would simply not be in that situation but I suppose the solution solution that predicament is to tell them that their only job as playerscum is to make characters that suit the premise I give them.

  4. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >overimportant backstory
    legitimate criticism

    >sex is le bad
    Don't care! I wish americans would stop being such enormous fricking prudes.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >i can't just go around fricking kids in america like i can in Eurostan because free humans will shoot me.
      Sounds rough

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >I can only envision sex as between an adult and a child
        Huh.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          You are a repressed pedophile and probably also a homosexual.

          Playing 5E would be my biggest problem with that. I don't even hate 5E, or DnD in general, it just seemed like a functional but bland system when I tried it, not really bad but with nothing aside its popularity going on for it over other alternatives.

          That works in BG3 because it's not, in fact a low-level campaign about fighting goblins, and it's very beginning makes it perfectly clear that there are bigger things going on.

          [...]
          While it may be true that the game will give new players bad assumptions, I think videogames are a very different beast compared to tabletop, even videogames based on TTRPG systems. I don't think it'd be good for vidya to be overly worried about how similar to a typical TTRPG campaign it is, either.

          [...]
          Why were kids the first thing that came to your mind when someone mentioned sex?

          [...]
          [...]
          Don't pretend any of this is new. Well, maybe the sex obsession, though so far in my playthrough there's been a lot less of that than /tg/ claimed. There's nothing in the character backstories that couldn't as well have been in late 90s cRPGs. Every character in BG3 is downright grounded compared to the Nameless One.

          Because America is comically drenched head to toe in hypersexual imagery and culture, and the only taboo against sex that remains is the anti-pedo one, maybe? Frick, you people think America is prudish when it's the capital of porn and degenerate sex culture, it really does sound like you're pedophiles.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Because America is comically drenched head to toe in hypersexual imagery and culture
            I think it is way Americans are dealing with their puritanical heritage and right now they are overcompensating for that. But there is definitely still undercurrent of puritanical "sex bad" thought.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              The "sex bad" stuff is, as it always has been, from the extremes. The extreme left hates it because it "objectifies women" or whatever while the extreme right hates it because "THINK OF THE CHILDREN" or "MUH BOOK" or whatever.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              On the contrary, "chastity bad" is the prevailing cultural meme in America you weirdo fricking predditor, you're just delusional because you want sexual access to children and anything short of that is "prudish" to you.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                A very concerned mother of America typed this post

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Damn, that's a looot of projection my burger-eating friend.

                He's 100% right though.
                All of this cuck shit, troon shit, black worship, anti-white racism, etc. is popularized by American media. Even the Anti-American stuff in Europe is regurgitated from Americans.

                I hear people complain about American culture all the time but the fact is that they worship coastal American culture.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Damn, that's a looot of projection my burger-eating friend.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                > t. Thinks about kids and sex literally every day

                No one thinks “chastity is bad” except the horny dudes trying to frick the (small percentage) of girls who are waiting for marriage (virtually all of whom bend the rules by sucking wiener and anal, as well as weird Mormon dryhumping, btw)

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                > No one thinks chastity is bad
                > By the way, virtually all the chaste are sucking wiener and doing anal
                You are what a porn addiction does to a motherfricker

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Where do you get this shit from? Most delusional post I've seen in a while, and we're on Ganker, so that's saying a lot.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            America is the capital of porn and degenerate sex culture BECAUSE it's prudish. Because all of that shit is considered 'gross' and 'taboo.'

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            America is the capital of porn and sex culture? Wow, you really need to get out more.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        You are a repressed pedophile and probably also a homosexual.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          To be fair, raping children is essentially a human right for muslims in your average EU country and germany did at one point turn their version of CPS into a child delivery service to pedophiles to "prove that pedophiles are kind loving people too."

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            Fricked up shit in Germany = all EU countries. Man, that's like saying you can blame someone living in Texas for what happens in California.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        I’m not role playing sex with a fake woman and a bunch of dudes.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          much more fun to do in LARP

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >wishing that prudes would stop trying to force everyone else to pretend sex isn't a thing that happens is the same as being a degenerate groomer

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Pretend sex isn't a thing
          Why are you trying to make others RP your sexual fantasies on any level? Why are you trying to get sweaty DMs with cheeto fingers to mimic a drow woman in orgasm?

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Whatever helps you cope, kidfricker.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            You're the one who jumped straight into "kid fricking," so it kind of seems like you may be projecting just a bit.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

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              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                jesus, why are straightoids so mentally ill?

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Are you implying that ~90% of the general population of humanity are mentally ill, extrapolating from cursory observation of a single case on an internet imageboard?

                Or are all homosexuals just this touchy?

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

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              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Incredibly normal post from a guy who totally isn't owned or anything

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                There should be a mental health requirement to use the internet.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Go back to your NAMBLA meetings.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        You deserve a crown for all the seething you caused.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        bro, who the hell mentioned that? seek help holy shit.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I don't even care much about the sexual stuff normally because whatever. I hate it in Baldurs Gate 3 though because it feels like a hormonal 16 year old's idea of sex and your whole party acts like creepy sex pests that keep pestering you for it even after you turn them down.
      Plus the choices tended to be really bad at pointing out which ones led to sex so having accidental gay sex was so common they apparently put out a patch to clarify it, though I don't know exactly what that changed since AC6 has been eating up my free time the last few days.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >waah I hate sex
        Go be gay somewhere else

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          No. The world will change to suit me or be destroyed.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      No. I'm not going to sit there and verbally tickle the pickle of a grown man. You don't have to be a prude to not want to become someone else's impromptu fap fiction author.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      D&D is a dungeon crawler wargame. Sexuality is not to be included. You are not permitted to reply to this post. Euroscum opinions are invalid.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        And it's not like soldiers ever showed excessive skin or had sex with camp followers or anything
        moron

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Not soldiers in my game. Talk back to me again and I'm taking your kneecaps.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >I wish americans would stop being such enormous fricking prudes.

      This every time you talk with americans online. Every. Time.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      In a role-playing video game, I agree that whining about sex-related things is childish. In a tabletop game where most of us don't want to help that guy get off, it's fine to exclude that shit.

  5. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I like the game.
    But Jesus fricking Christ I've been griping since the early access that it's an awful reference for the way (even pretty high powered as it is compared to earlier editions) 5E assumes to be played.
    And I get the distinct feeling its going to make new players even more annoying than the Critical Role crowd when their entry point proudly champions the kind of character backstory shittery that has rightfully been a joke for decades (and does a terrible job setting expectations for the kind of adventuring low level characters can reasonably get up to).

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      The solution is to run higher level games. If the players know the mechanics of BG3, they can probably handle the mechanics of higher-level tabletop characters. It's not an exact one-to-one, but it's close.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >vidya will have a bad influence on tabletop
      You're decades late to the party, Bethesda murderhobo simulators have been a disaster.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Payback for DnDogshit's influence on vidya

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      This is why I’m tempted to get back into 5e and play games with random strangers. I want to see firsthand what (if any) effect BG3 actually ends up having on new D&D players.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      The backgrounds are legit so bad they feel like self referential jokes.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Eh, they explain most of them being powered down within the game and they do all share a unifying theme of having a hook in them above and beyond the illithid tadpole. Really I would criticise how they changed the tadpole plot from the EA more than the NPCs being conveniently depowered adventurers.

        Gale is definitely the probable highest level/most extreme pre-depowering, but he also isn't that out of whack for FR. Mystra canonically does select and frick powerful wizards.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          That and ruleswise all a wizard gotta do to go from pretty strong to b***h-mode is to lose their spellbook. Going from hundreds of spells to about a dozen.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            >his wizard uses a spellbook
            ngmi

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I'm skeptical that gale is going to have that kind of resonance. He's not wyll levels of boring but I have seen a collapse of anyone playing "Clearly this is just me average white/latin male in a fantasy setting" like

      The same people that did that shit as teenager grow up and rise in managerial position in these companies. Picrel was probably a tumblr fanfiction writer homosexual in his youth.

      . Nowadays it's more people are wont to create their waifu.

      You forgot to mention that the netherese technology implanted is in effect an atomic dead-man switch. If he gets killed, the party has to rush to resurrect him in a couple of days or there's will be city-buster nuclear explosion. Also, it is a piece of Krarsus crown.

      I haven't finished it but I was constantly expecting Karsus to show up in a repeat of sourcerer king rex I am not sure if he does or doesn't

      So who among the roster will be the new Drizzt/ Minsc/ Legolas people will want to copy for the OC donut steal?

      None, really. Maybe astarion and vampirism. Tieflings feel like old busted mundane now I am not really sure what's the new it-race.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Larian are always pretty bad at this stuff.

      They over write their characters and have them blow their narrative loads far too early.

      I was playing Pathfinder Wrath of The Righteous right after BG3 and the characters were so refreshing. Most don’t have amazingly eventful backstories but there’s enough hooks there to get you interested / have them in your party for areas you think are of importance to them.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        BG3 has better female companions while WotR has better male companions

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Nah, succubus waifu kicks the shit out of any BG3 female character.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            lol
            >it’s okay when I get off to it

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >WotR has better male companions
          That's a low bar
          >BG3 has better female companions
          That's an extremely low bar

  6. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Honestly after the first time around not starting your 5e games at minimum level 3 is insane.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Nah, that early stage where you're scrambling to survive and dealing with tiny threats can be the most fun part of the campaign. Most DMs are more likely to screw up the middle or (if they ever play them) high levels of the campaign.

  7. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I really dig Gith lore so I'm playing a typical Githyanki soldier that will slowly realise Vlakith is a tyrant as she adventures with the party
    >I'm a Tiefling ex slave that escaped Hell and I have a big axe and a bigger heart
    >oh everyone's playing a dark character? who's the evil god of Faerun? I'm gonna be a eeeeevil cleric!
    I'd play with my female players that didn't make cringe power fantasy characters

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      The tiedlijg is the personal enforcer of one of the princes of hell, and shadowheart is the chosen of Shar.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Tiefling. Frick. This is what I get for phone posting.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        she's not the chosen of Shar unless you kill the aasimar

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >shadowheart is the chosen of Shar.
        >player character cleric turns out to be quite important to their deity for some reason
        most basic cleric character arc in history, anon complains anyway

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        She didn't start out as the chosen. That's actually decent tabletop character creation, when you have to earn your cool shit.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I wish I had female players without (thinly veiled) cringe power fantasy issues.

  8. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Rocks fall everyone dies except the githyanki

  9. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Alright, lets go.

    > Player 1: You wake up in the Material Plane. Your memory is fading, like a nightmare you know you had, but can't quite recall. You know that you escaped Hell, but don't remember exactly how... or what the cost was. The memory loss, you start to understand, is probably a consequence of the water of River Styx. There is too many things you don't know (or remembers) about yourself, but going on adventure and putting your skills into use will help remember. Every time you level up, you will not be actually learning, but remembering old abilities you had before all this. Everything feels oddly deterministic, like dejavu. And yet, you can feel, and know, that just beyond the next achievement lies an answer for something new. You need to keep moving. Keep fighting, keep discovering and rediscovering who you're truly are. When you're pondering about this, roll Initiative. Goblins erupt from around you, and they want blood!

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Player 2: Your master is a pervert, but his ambitions are finally starting to become interesting. You have to move up in the ladder, find useful information. In order to do this, you have to spend some time as an adventurer and build some reputation as a do gooder - for when time is right, you will use this newfound reputation to be alone with a very old, very powerful and very eccentric rich lord that likes to sponsor expeditions. You must win his trust, so... how about starting your work by dealing with those goblins? Remember, this mission is all about fighting, spending time with other adventurers and maybe, if you're good enough, be really one of them. But when the time comes... your master will demand your obedience. Will you ask your new friends for help or betray them all?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Player 2: Your master is a pervert, but his ambitions are finally starting to become interesting. You have to move up in the ladder, find useful information. In order to do this, you have to spend some time as an adventurer and build some reputation as a do gooder - for when time is right, you will use this newfound reputation to be alone with a very old, very powerful and very eccentric rich lord that likes to sponsor expeditions. You must win his trust, so... how about starting your work by dealing with those goblins? Remember, this mission is all about fighting, spending time with other adventurers and maybe, if you're good enough, be really one of them. But when the time comes... your master will demand your obedience. Will you ask your new friends for help or betray them all?

      Player 3: You see Elminster and your ex-girlfriend goddess fooling around, mocking you, cucking you and taunting you. You discover through some unexpected (and maybe one time only) use of your netheresian tech that they find amusing that an incompetent nincompoop such as you think yourself as an equal. When you confront them, they challenge you: you must become a great wizard, starting from scratch, as nothing more than an apprentice. In order to win this challenge, you have to relinquish all you influence an reputation, building everything from the ground. A new name, a new legend. If you win, they both will be your slaves, for there is nothing more admirable than a humble wizard who proves himself through sheer willpower. If you lose, you will be forever a joke for them, and no amount of fooling around (with men or women) will satiate you.

      Then, there's goblins right there. They seem like good targets for some firebolt practice...

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Player 2: Your master is a pervert, but his ambitions are finally starting to become interesting. You have to move up in the ladder, find useful information. In order to do this, you have to spend some time as an adventurer and build some reputation as a do gooder - for when time is right, you will use this newfound reputation to be alone with a very old, very powerful and very eccentric rich lord that likes to sponsor expeditions. You must win his trust, so... how about starting your work by dealing with those goblins? Remember, this mission is all about fighting, spending time with other adventurers and maybe, if you're good enough, be really one of them. But when the time comes... your master will demand your obedience. Will you ask your new friends for help or betray them all?

      [...]
      Player 3: You see Elminster and your ex-girlfriend goddess fooling around, mocking you, cucking you and taunting you. You discover through some unexpected (and maybe one time only) use of your netheresian tech that they find amusing that an incompetent nincompoop such as you think yourself as an equal. When you confront them, they challenge you: you must become a great wizard, starting from scratch, as nothing more than an apprentice. In order to win this challenge, you have to relinquish all you influence an reputation, building everything from the ground. A new name, a new legend. If you win, they both will be your slaves, for there is nothing more admirable than a humble wizard who proves himself through sheer willpower. If you lose, you will be forever a joke for them, and no amount of fooling around (with men or women) will satiate you.

      Then, there's goblins right there. They seem like good targets for some firebolt practice...

      >The players backstories are moronic. I know, I'll fix this by making them more moronic.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >The players backstories are moronic. I know, I'll fix this by making them more moronic
        Fighting fire with fire, baby.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Nah. You genuinely thought the backstories were good and are now pretending to agree with criticism to save face. It's not working.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Sometimes the only way out is through.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          "If not over, then through" - The Dark Urge

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            pave my path with corpses, build my castle with bone

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Complaining about DMs being creative. You are part of the problem.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Shut up

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Player 2: Your master is a pervert, but his ambitions are finally starting to become interesting. You have to move up in the ladder, find useful information. In order to do this, you have to spend some time as an adventurer and build some reputation as a do gooder - for when time is right, you will use this newfound reputation to be alone with a very old, very powerful and very eccentric rich lord that likes to sponsor expeditions. You must win his trust, so... how about starting your work by dealing with those goblins? Remember, this mission is all about fighting, spending time with other adventurers and maybe, if you're good enough, be really one of them. But when the time comes... your master will demand your obedience. Will you ask your new friends for help or betray them all?

      [...]
      Player 3: You see Elminster and your ex-girlfriend goddess fooling around, mocking you, cucking you and taunting you. You discover through some unexpected (and maybe one time only) use of your netheresian tech that they find amusing that an incompetent nincompoop such as you think yourself as an equal. When you confront them, they challenge you: you must become a great wizard, starting from scratch, as nothing more than an apprentice. In order to win this challenge, you have to relinquish all you influence an reputation, building everything from the ground. A new name, a new legend. If you win, they both will be your slaves, for there is nothing more admirable than a humble wizard who proves himself through sheer willpower. If you lose, you will be forever a joke for them, and no amount of fooling around (with men or women) will satiate you.

      Then, there's goblins right there. They seem like good targets for some firebolt practice...

      Rolling with your players' nonsense tends to lead to fun games. Don't let the negativity of the zoo make you feel bad.

  10. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >"Alright, i tried. No more 5e for you homosexuals, we're starting an intensive re-education program. Here, roll these d10 and d6, you're making some character for a wfrp 1e game"
    Nothing beats playing a full random chargen clunky-ass high-letality picaresque pesudo-renaissance game with lots of gallow humor to wash away moronic vidya powerwank.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Ay yo, what's the best WFRP edition? I want to subject myself to mudcore with some Chaos on top

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Black person if you want to play op powerwank i'm all in, it's just baseline expectations regulation. It means the characters will start at 6-8 level instead of 1st and they will be fighting aberrations/demons instead of goblins. It's just that simple.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          No I'm actually asking for recs

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        2e if you want rule consistency, 1e if you want SOVL (it's ass clunky unbalanced shit but has an inherent charme as only something akin to a true passion project can). You can evaluate by yourself.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      power fantasies are good and no one will ever play your cringoid system that nobody ever heard of

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        It says that your opinions are wrong and WOTC's are right. Cope and seethe b***h. You'll be dead soon and no one will remember you.

        Actually you are forced to play along. You will drink the onions, you will get vaccinated, you will eat the bugs, and you will suck the dick. Enforcers are on their way to your residence.

        Anon...

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Speak in complete sentences if you have anything of value to say. I know you don't.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sure, because forcing people to play games they don't want to play works out so well. Some of us actually play games with our friends.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Most players don't care about the system unless it's complicated and they have to buy stuff. The obsession people here have with them is unusual.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Dude, no. Once they learn one system, players will b***h about having to learn another. Maybe if you get them to learn more than one, but for normies even learning one system is a big ask.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            I feel like my group is really weird because we demand to swap systems with each campaign, a campaign usually lasting around half a year (we meet weekly).

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Honestly this. Players largely don't care (at least once you've established yourself as a good friend/fun at the table). The bigger problem has always been on the DMs who don't want to spend time learning how to run another system.

          This is largely because they have fooled themselves into believing that it's any work to run another system. I mean you have to learn some base rules, but largely the GM is allowed to make anything up in any of these games. Literally you can run most games without EVER rolling dice as a DM.

          Even in D&D, it's fairly easy to turn attack rolls from monsters into 'dodge/soak' rolls by players

  11. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I would say "sounds great guys!", disappear from chat, and never touch D&D again, instead deigning to design an actual game I can run and play.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Have you tried not playing D&D... online and with strangers?

  12. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    It’s established that the tadpoles made them weaker than they really were. What now OP?

  13. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >What would you do as the DM in this situation?
    Leave.
    Simple as.
    Oh, wait- fine, I'll be nice. Explain to them why each of these ideas is absolutely fricking awful, and encourage them to make better characters. If they don't, don't DM.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      It's a little bit yas-drama-queen of you to storm out immediately, but setting your ground rules as a DM is perfectly fine.

  14. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Roll with it. The only way I'm GMing 5e is if someone is paying me a lot of money to do so. At that point awful players are a par for the course.

  15. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    It's amazing to me that what's almost a caricature of shitty mary sue backstory writing and deviantart sex-obsessed fanfiction that would get someone run out from most tables ten years ago has become actual, high-profile WoTC-approved media experienced by millions of people.

    It say's something about our society.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      The same people that did that shit as teenager grow up and rise in managerial position in these companies. Picrel was probably a tumblr fanfiction writer homosexual in his youth.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >a caricature of shitty mary sue backstory writing and deviantart sex-obsessed fanfiction
      So, Forgotten Realms?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >sex obsession
      >vampire seduces his prey and the guy who was in a relationship with a goddess (you know, that ultimate symbol of status short of becoming a god) also ploughed her
      You're not very clever.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      It says that your opinions are wrong and WOTC's are right. Cope and seethe b***h. You'll be dead soon and no one will remember you.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      It's amazing to me that someone would think tabletop games and video games benefit from exactly the same type of characters and storytelling.

  16. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Since my friends know not to spill all their secrets like that, it won't be a problem. They'll do what the origin characters do on the select screen: a quick summary with none of the extra shit so we can play and see if the characters gel.

  17. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    If all players come up with the same kind of idea about the game, you might just as well embrace it.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      You know you're not forced to play along right? To me is preferably putting away the game directly rather than try to work with that expectation whiplash, i would propose some board game, vidya or straight going out as an alternative.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Actually you are forced to play along. You will drink the onions, you will get vaccinated, you will eat the bugs, and you will suck the dick. Enforcers are on their way to your residence.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Try making friends with people who are a little more compatible with you. My friends all have different tastes, but in general we're not completely separate.

  18. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I wouldn't be in that situation because CRPG are not PNP. What works and is done in a video game is not what works and is done in a real life game, which you would know if you played either.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >newhomosexualtry isn't a thing
      People tend to reference the things that introduced them in the hobby, i still remember decades ago at my lgs, other than the nth Black person asking for the nth dritzz clone, 15-17 years old homosexuals asking to make minsc, cernd or some other character from bg 1 and 2 in ad&d 2e. Heck, these were the sane ones comparatively, i have seen some edgy teen wanting characters like raziel from legacy if kain.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Before this BGs had waned in popularity but you could still see Bloodlines influenced in new VtM players, also lel imagine if Bloodlines 2 was made by a very popular company like Larian and actually got released, with the threads also about it this place would turn into /vrpg2.0/

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Larian is/was a niche AA studio. Their last game, DOS2, was popular but niche, and clearly limited in scope by presumably budget.

          Bg3s success is for them unprecedented and really what "puts their name on the map"

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            They were niche before DOS2, you're underestimating how successful that game was

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              Maybe I am, but frankly I wouldn't put it up there with the "big name releases", it was very successful for a CRPG but it didn't really break "outside its market" from what I can tell.

              Comparing it to BG3 is comparing morrowind to skyrim, or witcher 1/2 to witcher 3

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >i have seen some edgy teen wanting characters like raziel from legacy if kain.
        That teen sounds rad. Raziel fricking rules.

  19. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >A wizard from Waterdeep. He's so skilled that his ex-gf is the goddess of magic that he had lots of SEX with, he has netherese technology implanted in his body, and he's buddies with Elminster ^_^ oh and he's a pansexual ethical bawd / nympho btw wanna see a magic trick?
    I wonder why you're forgetting the whole "and then he tried something he shouldn't have because he was super wienery and lost all his magic and friends and now has to eat shoes to avoid dying"

  20. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >who's lived hundreds of years in the shadow
    That's literally every elf rogue you fricking moron, living for hundreds of years is a mundane fricking thing in DnD with countless fricking races living for hundreds of years
    >but why are they still low level
    Because dnd is fricking stupid and every old elf should be like level 20 but isn't because of balancing

    You also got thr backstory wrong, he only got 1000 of the 7000 (roughly) given there's 7 vampire spawn and 7000 victims ritually bound to them.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >living for hundreds of years is a mundane fricking thing in DnD
      D&D elves start around a century and barely reach 800 years of life without some deus ex machina reason to have them older fricking nogame.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >barely reach 800
        In other words I'm entirely correct.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          They 're decrepit at that point nogame

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            Yes you fricking moron, elves are "old" at 800. Meaning a 400~ year old elf is the equivalent of starting your human character at 40.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              Still not "a thousandS years old" character like that mongoloid i replied to stated.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                No one has stated that someone lives for thousands of years, learn to read.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              Nta but aging parameters wildly changed through edutions, picrel is from 3e where a 350 years old elf was considered "venerable" (older than "old") and a rogue elf (to call back the original post example) couldn't start older than 134 years old by RAW.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Because dnd is fricking stupid and every old elf should be like level 20 but isn't because of balancing

      And I should be able to speak fluent German, but I haven't used the language in 15 years, and can now barely translate a written sentence.
      If you aren't using your skills, you'll lose them, and elven brains don't work very differently from humans. And a dangerous professions where you level up have a tendency to cut your lifespan short. It doesn't matter how good you are if you find yourself outnumbered 10 to 1, at the wrong end of a Fireball.

      Behind every level 20 elf, there's dozens or hundreds of of others who died to a lucky orc with a rusty axe.

  21. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Alright, time to start our 5e
    I turn 360 degrees and leave

  22. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >ethical bawd
    Please, explain.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      He's okay with non-monogamy. He's not mad if you frick other character and his relationship with mystra is still romantic even if he pursues other people sexually. But he also doesn't endorse "Cheating", i.e. he won't be in a relationship with you if you're monogamous with someone else.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        I have no words.
        Thanks for an explanation.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Huh, well I guess that's more ethical than being a normal bawd.

  23. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I declare tl;dr and move on

  24. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Starting at lvl 1
    >In modern DnD
    Your mistake, homosexual. Ever since 3.X, starting at any level below 5 is just utterly redundant, and prior to that, starting at actual lvl 1 was also self-flagellating, making 2 the default
    >b-but
    But what? It's 2023. At this point the fact DnD is poorly designed is a common knowledge

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      And just so be clear:
      Their backstories don't matter one fricking bit. They might all start as Johnny the human 18 yo farm boy, who wants to go on his first big adventure after a lifetime of tending cows, and starting lvl 1 would still be a clear sign of incompetent DM, because the game just doesn't fricking work.
      If you so fricking insist on playing "le mundane starterpack" and are aghast about people having any sort of backstories, WFRP is a thing. Not only it doesn't have any problems with starting characters (in)competence, but also pretty much makes them all random nobodies by design, since backstory is an actual part of the game, rather than "whatever you write in the box".
      You fricking newbie nevergame

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        This post should be paraded around every time some homosexual pops up and b***hes about no-games.
        Its so blatantly obvious that you never played Tabletop that I feel secondhand embarassment just form reading it.

        No, Character werent always like that.
        No, "Mundane" is not bad. Its called BASIC FRICKING STORYTELLING. Its the Heroes'Journey, you go through adventures and you incorporate what happens to your character during your adventures.
        The reason you dont see an issue with that your ignorant homosexual who has been so inundated with modern storytelling where everyone has to have a tragic backstory and be a unique special-snowflake that it doesn't even tickle your fricked up dopamine-receptors anymore.

        You are like that homosexual who has to put a gallon of ketchup and 5 pounds of seasoning on your food because your tastebuds have been fricked for such a long time that you cannot even entertain the idea of eating a fresh meal without it.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >he said
          >posting a comparison where both examples are fricking garbage, except one is a parody and the other isnt supposed to be

  25. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Players shoehorning Baldur's Gate 3 origin characters into DM's game.
    cringe
    >DM running Baldur's gate 3 campaign so players can shoehorn their own characters instead
    the real shit
    Already got plans in the works with the players. Already 3 have chosen their characters: an ogre(as in Warhammer fantasy ogre) pirate, a goblin wizard, and a half orc monk.

  26. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Have you tried not playing D&D?

  27. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I think Wyll's and (sort of) Astarions are mostly fine. If I was DMing this and wanted to convert for table top, I'd dial Wylls story back to maybe like a young nobles son convinces a band of flaming fists to follow him to stop this threat, they're all nearly dead and so he makes a pact with Mizora whe she herself aids them in battle to turn the tide and even promises wyll gifts, but in exchange he must serve her. He makes the deal to save his comrades but is now the puppet of the demon. His rash decision cost the lives of the cities finest and now he's bound to a demon and can't be trusted forcing his father to exile him. Its mostly the same but it just changes the fight to be believable. Astarion's only sketchy part to me is that he is hundreds of years old, I've never been a fan of adventurers being THAT old but in the game he's not some particularly amazing assassin, he's just great at lying. Gales story can absolutely get fricked. Remove that he's an archmage and you can keep either one of he fricked mystra and broke her trust or is friends with elminster. I'd accept a player who read about a cool lore character and wants to know them, that gives me more opportunity to use that character if i want, but he has too many main character moment type events. I think my biggest issue though is honestly halsin and the returning bg1-2 companions, they're all incredibly experienced and are, by the time i get them, weaker than my party.

  28. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Is the joke that these are the actual in-game characters?

  29. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    All of those backstories can be perfectly fun, interesting, and gel together in the right campaign. Just not with the morons at your table.

  30. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    You forgot to mention that the netherese technology implanted is in effect an atomic dead-man switch. If he gets killed, the party has to rush to resurrect him in a couple of days or there's will be city-buster nuclear explosion. Also, it is a piece of Krarsus crown.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Its only a dead man's switch after mystra modified it.

  31. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    So who among the roster will be the new Drizzt/ Minsc/ Legolas people will want to copy for the OC donut steal?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >DM can I play a Bhaalspawn?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Shadowheart 100%

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >e-girls already cosplaying shadowheart
        Sometimes being normie is a good thing.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I had a player doing something close to Astarion backstory was, and had an unseffurable personality
      Also had a Githyanki who acted very close to Lae'zel, zealotry of Vlaakith, voicing style and c**tiness.
      I'm expecting people who wants to do a Bhaalspawn

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        To be fair, Lae'zel's behavior is very typical for a githyanki.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Don't remind me. I really like Githyanki and always wanted to play one, but I assume now everyone's gonna be like "ooooh he's like Lae'zel from BG3! You're copying BG3, anon!"

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            > people will say I'm copying bg3
            Oh noooo. That means you don't get to look cool and creative for picking a race outside the phb!

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              If I wanted to look cool and creative for picking a race outside the phb, I would've played this dude by now. I'm saving him for a game with a lot of wacky planehopping shenanigans like Spelljammer or Planescape, because playing a Gith in grounded fantasy Europe is moronic and pointless.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                >Picking a monster race
                >"creative"

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Yes, if I was someone who believed that, I would've played a Githyanki in a regular fantasy campaign. That's what I just said.

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                >grounded fantasy Europe
                This is the Warhammer 40k novel of TT settings. Just pure regurgitated slop following cliche world building. Why would you do something interesting

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                > If I wanted to look cool and creative
                You've already put your worries about being accused of copying bg3 out there. It's too late to pretend like you don't want to look cool and creative.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            lae'zel is played pretty straight for a gith'yanki

            You won't get as much shit as the drow renegade good guy clones.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          It is, and she evolves into a very good & interesting character later on
          but what works in a vidya is not the same as in a ttrpg session,the player herself was unsufferable outside of just "roleplaying" the character, and having some uncooperative in a regular campaign is just painful

  32. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why is Minsc alive? Isn't it like 125 years later?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      He was petrified and stood in Baldurs Gate as a statue, till the spell was broken. Its explained in the DnD comic series

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Why is Minsc alive? Isn't it like 125 years later?

        It's also explained in the game at multiple points.
        What doesn't make sense is Jaheira living a mile from the minsc statue and doing nothing about it.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          apparently no one knew the statue was the actual Minsk. People just took it as a monument to honor him.

  33. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Adjust my campaign according to account for their high-stakes backstories, perhaps by having them escape a nautiloid and run into mind flayers and red dragons and so on right from level 1.

  34. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    In all fairness, I feel that Level 1 characters are basically nobody, and without any important backstories. Your backstory should only matter if you get to, like, Level 5 or whatever. Until then you're a literal red-shirt.
    If you die before that, well, you were never important, you know?

  35. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Larian have done an amazing job of replicating the authentic 5e experience

  36. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >DM starting the campaign with zero setup or explanation for the players beforehand
    As DM I tell the players before we even play or make characters
    >I'm running a 5e campaign, everyone is starting at level one, and the premise is that you're raiding a goblin camp. Think about your bottom level character and why they're fricking around in a dumb goblin camp with each other

    Then when we sit down, everyone has the same expectations

    That's DMing 101

  37. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Because its a video game. It has a set narrative you, the player, get to interact with. Giving your companions larger then life backstories lets you interact with said backstories. It might come as a suprise, but dealing with a powerful vampire lord and Elminster is far more enjoyable then some grumpy farmer parents.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >there's nothing in between Elminster and some grumpy farmer parents.
      Sure.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        True, for instance the archduke of Baldur's Gate.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      If it's just a videogame thing, how come Pathfinder videogame companions do just fine? They feel a lot more grounded and less contrived even while on a way higher higher level, leading crusader armies and hellknight legions.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >grounded
        By what metric what does this even mean this is a buzzword on this board.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          It means everyone is a moron in capable of travel, racism has to occur every five seconds or it’s fake, and for some reason despise having an entirely different set of weather, geography, physics, meta physics, culture, natural resources, and the presence of magic than earth said planet and world happened to develop exactly like three-five countries on earth.
          Also you gotta take an IRL culture and just add elves to it.

          You now have a grounded fantasy game /tg/ will jerk themselves raw over despite none of it making sense. tldr just historical fiction

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            >happened to develop exactly like three-five countries on earth
            This is the worst part of “low fantasy” no one even bothers to try to do anything unique Nevermind the world building style itself is anathema to it

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Are the pathfinder characters OCs? I thought they were from the setting.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          you are correct, you can't play as them
          in bg3 the core companions are origin characters, meanwhile you can pick up other, non origin companions that are more grounded
          >Halsin, a humble archdruid of a small grove
          >a brainwashed drow
          >Jaheira and Minsc

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            I wouldn't call minthara particularly grounded in the sense that she was a noble scion of drow royalty that was eventually (forcibly) recruited and made a relatively high ranking commander for the bad guy forces. She's definitely not "low level character" material, but she has less overarching grand plotlines than the companions.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              Somewhat relatedly on the topic of "traits PCs should or should not have", she is an excellent way of making an evil PC work in the party without any particular conflict.

              Shes driven towards a common goal and doesent cause any particular conflict on her own, being mostly pragmatic and invested in the various characters in the party from both ideological and practical points of view (encouraging and wishing to assist their self development, both to have them self actualize in the way she believes they should and because they can grow to be more useful assets)

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Kingmaker had fairly grounded characters, but Wrath had some that were over the top.

  38. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Son of the Archduke is just talking a big game or their warlock patron fricked them over because they broke a deal
    >Vampire is depowered by not drinking enough blood and being subjected to slow burn sunlight poisoning
    >Literal schizophrenia and/or is actually a netherese magical construct with implanted memories
    Done, they're all level 1.

  39. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Son of the archduke of Baldur's Gate
    Not inherently an issue. A problem child who's been sent into the world to learn his place and earn his right to succession is a great idea. One problem: I don't run shitty premade settings, so they'd have to change it to something in the setting primer or ask me about similar settlements.
    >who saved the city from utter destruction but it's secret nobody knows just like batman and he's banished form home and became a powerful warlock bounty hunting in the nine hells
    I say no, that's not something a level 1 character has done. That could be something they're aiming to do by adventuring but not something they've done.
    >also does male ballet also he's black
    Irrelevant beyond maybe a skill proficiency in Performance or something.
    >Elf rogue twink powerbottom vampire spawn
    First of all tell them twink is not an appropriate descriptor for my table nor is powerbottom, and that vampires aren't a player race option.
    >who's lived hundreds of years
    I mean they're an elf, that's just being in your 30s.
    >in the shadow, seducing and bareback fricking 7,000 people for his abusive master
    Not appropriate for the game I'm running. Try again.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >A wizard from Waterdeep.
      Again, not running the homosexualry realms, find a different location from the primer or talk to me.
      >He's so skilled that his ex-gf is the goddess of magic
      Setting is monotheistic with a single goddess, who does not consort with mortals in such a manner. Also while they could certainly be a prodigy by taking... well, the Prodigy feat at 1st level (as I disallow Vuman and use a custom human + give everyone a 1st level feat with some restrictions) and taking expertise in Arcana, they are still 1st level.
      >that he had lots of SEX with
      Again, not appropriate.
      >he has netherese technology implanted in his body
      That's not even a thing, but if you want some sort of implants or body mods you can dip 3 levels in Artificer later and use my homebrew Bodysmith subclass.
      >he's buddies with Elminster
      Again, not the homosexualry Realms, so there is no Eliminster, but you could be the star pupil of an elite archmage of some renown who's been sent out into the world as a sort of final test. Again, level 1.
      >he's a pansexual ethical bawd / nympho btw wanna see a magic trick?
      I don't know what any of those words mean other than bawd and nympho but that is not an appropriate thing for the game.

      TLDR I tell them what's wrong with their characters, make them read the primer and make characters that fit the setting and tone of the game, and if they refuse kick them and replace them because players are a dime a dozen and I can easily find better replacements, though why I'd be GMing for anyone not in my regular pool of players I can't tell you.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >A wizard from Waterdeep.
      Again, not running the homosexualry realms, find a different location from the primer or talk to me.
      >He's so skilled that his ex-gf is the goddess of magic
      Setting is monotheistic with a single goddess, who does not consort with mortals in such a manner. Also while they could certainly be a prodigy by taking... well, the Prodigy feat at 1st level (as I disallow Vuman and use a custom human + give everyone a 1st level feat with some restrictions) and taking expertise in Arcana, they are still 1st level.
      >that he had lots of SEX with
      Again, not appropriate.
      >he has netherese technology implanted in his body
      That's not even a thing, but if you want some sort of implants or body mods you can dip 3 levels in Artificer later and use my homebrew Bodysmith subclass.
      >he's buddies with Elminster
      Again, not the homosexualry Realms, so there is no Eliminster, but you could be the star pupil of an elite archmage of some renown who's been sent out into the world as a sort of final test. Again, level 1.
      >he's a pansexual ethical bawd / nympho btw wanna see a magic trick?
      I don't know what any of those words mean other than bawd and nympho but that is not an appropriate thing for the game.

      TLDR I tell them what's wrong with their characters, make them read the primer and make characters that fit the setting and tone of the game, and if they refuse kick them and replace them because players are a dime a dozen and I can easily find better replacements, though why I'd be GMing for anyone not in my regular pool of players I can't tell you.

      >three Farerun characters
      >NO NO NO THIS IS NOT A FORGOTTEN REALMS CAMPAIGN
      autism

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        I don't care what official setting they're from, I'm not using official settings and I refuse to on the principle they're all steaming soft-serve dogshit. I make my own settings, I make my own races, and I've even redone all the classes and subclasses. You're either using what's in the primer or you're fricking off and I'm replacing you with people who aren't morons with shit taste.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Sure, sure. Like all those DMs who are too good to use premade settings, I'm sure your setting is great. It's not just a magical realm of all your fetishes. Have fun with that.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      stfu incel

  40. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >NOOOOOOOO HOW DARE A VIDEOGAME MAKE YOU REGAIN YOUR POWER NOOOOOOO
    Fricking seriously? It’s not a tabletop campaign you stupid fricking morons why do we keep having this stupid fricking thread just make a baldurs gate 3 thread instead of this dumb shit. Why the frick does this board look like Twitter half the time

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Why the frick does this board look like Twitter half the time
      Because it's been infested with twitter/misc/ incels since 2016 and 99% of the people who give a frick about traditional games either went to /qst/ or left Ganker entirely.

  41. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Find some adults to play with.

  42. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >What would you do as the DM in this situation?
    Easy:
    >I want to play X thing that don't fit the campaign.
    >No.

  43. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    You need to find players who play as dwarves, they know how to have brevity in a backstory.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      This is gold. Thanks

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >gold
        Yeah, Reddit Gold.

  44. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I hoped I could ignore the "Origin" characters and make my own custom party, but you can only hire non-voiced pre-made characters, and even those hirelings are super speshul. Icewind Dale had the right idea and it was never, ever tried again in a mainstream rpg because Bioware romance homosexualry took over the industry like a tumor.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      You can, withers can recruit all the blind custom dolls you want. But you are correct, people don't put energy into making characterless nobodies and instead try and make interesting companions.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Genuinely frick off. These "Custom characters" just meant blank pointless figures with no character, and if that's what you want you shouldn't be playing RPGs.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        have a nice day moron. RPGs are for making numbers go up and nothing else.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        The personalities I can imagine them having are better than what the writers can come up with.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >You can’t just make your own party in a D&D video game! You’ll miss out on the award winning Larian writing!

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >my son, you must choose
          >party of characters with story, personality and actual character
          >or party of dolls you play dressup with better

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >why dont RPGs just have non-people as my party in an RPG instead of characters, darn bioware
      Bioware did not invent NPCs with personality and story.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >NPCs with personality and story.
        Do I have to explain to you the difference between frosting on a cake and a cake entirely made of frosting?
        Because thats what both the NPCs in BG3 and Modern Bioware games were.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Personality and story are not the "frosting" to the cake that is a character, they are the actual base of it. And then superficial and unimportant things like "but what do they look like/whats their alignment/whatever" go on top to add some potentially nice but ultimately not super important bonuses

  45. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Thank you for turning based, /tg/. If only Ganker was like that too..

  46. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Archduke of baldurs gate
    but.. the gate dosent have an archduke? They are ruled by the council of 4 right?
    lore change?

  47. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    oh hold on guys we have a new player joining us, tell us about your character
    >player 4: My rancid blood whispers to me, kill! kill! and kill again! My ruined body yearns to reap death in this world and when this foul urge calls it possesses my WHOLE being! Injured, beyond repair I know nothing besides this. I must resist the dark urge, lest it consume my mind. I must discover who I was and what happened to me, before my twitching knife hand writes a tragedy in blood!

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I want to create a character like this but replacing it with "good urge" where I would do the goodest of things for no reason like donating my entire earnings to a random kid if I fail a check.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >My rancid blood whispers to me: live, laugh, love
        >My ruined body yearns to reap joy in this world, and when this righteous Urge calls, it possesses my whole being
        >Injured beyond repair, I know nothing besides this: I must resist the Bright Urge, lest it consume my mind
        >I must discover who I was and what happened to me... before my twitching handshake-hand writes a comedy in tears of joy.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      is dark urge the "that guy" origin?

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yes, at least if you play along with it. It's literally a voice in your head telling you to murder hobo.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Every origin is the "that guy" origin.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Edgelords are always welcome at my table. Especially if they're overall friendly and agreeable but there are those random instances where they get set off. It's a favorite trope. I am very biased though because one of my favorite character I ever played was a Necromancer from Luskan who was the most diplomatic and open minded person in the party, but the moment he met anyone who could be described as "Nobility from Luskan" he went berserk.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      The black lines that divide her into seventeen pieces.
      Through the neck, back of the head, from the right eye to the lips, upper right arm, lower right arm, right ring finger, left elbow, left thumb, left middle finger, left breast, from the rib to the heart, from the stomach to the abdomen in two places, left groin, left thigh, left leg, left toe, all of them.
      As I pass by her,
      not even taking a second.

      Truly, in an instant, entirely.

      I "dismantle" her into seventeen pieces of meat.

      There is the choking scent of blood.
      The cuts are very clean, so her insides don't spill out.
      Only the color of red goes across the ground.
      Strange.
      There is nothing in the room. Nothing but the girl's scattered limbs and me, standing there dumbfounded.

      "---What---"

      A sea of red blood is spreading over the floor.
      In my hands, I grip my knife, the murder weapon.

      "She's----dead."

      Of course she is.
      She wouldn't be human if she was alive.
      "Wh----y?"

      There's nothing to ask.
      I just did it with my own hands.
      With my own hands, cleanly and instantly, I cut apart this girl I don't even know.

      "I----killed her?"

      Yes, there's no mistaking it.
      Or am I mistaken?

      There's no reason for me to do such a thing.
      That's why it's a mistake. It has to be a mistake.
      But I had no reason from the start.
      That's why it's a mistake. It has to be a mistake.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        shit this is literally just tsukihime

        welll...

  48. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I would probably just start zettai.

  49. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    damn Larian really mindbroke the no fun allowed homosexuals who inhabit this board huh?
    >NOOOO YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE AN ACTUALLY COOL BACKSTORY THAT CONNECTS AND IS RELEVANT TO THE WORLD AND PLOT
    >NOOOO YOU CAN'T JUST USE PERSUASION TO GET ENEMIES TO KILL THEMSELVES
    >NOOO YOU CAN'T JUST BUY MAGIC ITEMS FROM RANDOM VENDORS
    >NOOO YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY USE KNOCK INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY HAVING A SMALL ARMY THROWN AT YOU
    bg3 is what a campaign would look like when run amongst normal people instead of a few poor saps and their power tripping gay dm

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Having an overwritten backstory where you're super special isn't "actually cool". What's "actually cool" are the actions that you do, not the story that you have pre-written.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      YOU CAN'T JUST USE PERSUASION TO GET ENEMIES TO KILL THEMSELVES
      Try to imagine an IRL situation where you could sweet talk some biker gang members into killing each other. You've never met them before, so have zero research done. The gang members have known each other for years, maybe even from birth. How exactly do you persuade one to kill the other?

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >How exactly do you persuade one to kill the other?
        by destroying them with facts and logic
        but to give you a serious answer your example is disingenuous and you are a moron.
        You do not just convince random creatures to kys, the people you can convince are typically unhinged abominations or easily manipulated cultists.
        The sharrans in the house of healing are the best example of this. Their entire degenerate cult worships death, convincing them to turn on each other or kill themselves by throwing their own religion back at them is both fitting and logical

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Wrong board

          Based correct opinion haver.

          [...]
          Getting gangs or other criminal conspiracies to turn on eachother is one of the chief tactics used by law enforcement to get convictions today. It's not hard to extend that logic to full on betrayal in a fantasy setting.

          Please notice I said "have zero research" and not "you have all the time you want and infinite resources"?

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            nta but you're a moron, they already show you what they're doing and this could easily be solved by a history/religion check in this context since people actually go out of their basement unlike you

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        To be fair to Larian the only two opportunities I’ve seen of this are:
        1) convincing a mentally unwell demon who is bound by a curse to stay in one place until everyone who hears his voice dies to shoot some faceless underlings and his pet cat

        and

        2) convincing an extremely mentally ill surgeon in a nightmare land to let his Silent Hill nurse attendants operate on him, killing him

        Neither of these are getting in between a tight knit biker gang

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Based correct opinion haver.

      YOU CAN'T JUST USE PERSUASION TO GET ENEMIES TO KILL THEMSELVES
      Try to imagine an IRL situation where you could sweet talk some biker gang members into killing each other. You've never met them before, so have zero research done. The gang members have known each other for years, maybe even from birth. How exactly do you persuade one to kill the other?

      Getting gangs or other criminal conspiracies to turn on eachother is one of the chief tactics used by law enforcement to get convictions today. It's not hard to extend that logic to full on betrayal in a fantasy setting.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      this the backstories in bg3 are what happens when the player and the dm actually collaborate to come up with a backstory
      the
      >you must he random schlub with no relevance#4591
      is a crutch for dogshit DMs

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Your criteria are the crutches you use to avoid thinking about the tone of specific campaigns. You're a dimwit.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      If you want fricking "charm person" then write "charm person" on your character sheet and cast a fricking spell.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        The only instances of "[Persuasion] have a nice day" I saw were in Act 2, and 3/5 of those were against completely insane shadow-cursed zombies. The other ones required you to impersonate a high-ranking member of a cult and swindle your victim into thinking they've been magically protected, and to convince a suicidal ghost to commit suicide respectively.

        All the others are just convincing someone that you belong here or convincing disgruntled mercenaries that they'd be better off without their current boss.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Larian OCs are never fun. I remember just how bad the OCs in DoS2 were and they're just as bad now.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >the only way to have a cool backstory that connects and is relevant to the world and plot is to make it an overly grandiose Mary Sue power fantasy
      Kek, whatever you say That Guy

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >NOOO YOU CAN'T JUST BUY MAGIC ITEMS FROM RANDOM VENDORS
      That is correct troony, there will be no shopping sessions in my game, you will find magic items in treasure hoards and in treasure hoards alone, and thry will be what I deem them to be, and you will use that HRT damaged brain to get the most out of what you get even if it wasn't your first choice and you will learn to love the magic items I bequeath upon you

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Nope. The rulebook indicates how many magic items are for sale in a settlement of a given size and provides a method for rolling for them. Suck my dick lol

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >rule book has shit rules in
          Classic WOTC

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            nah buying items is good stay furious

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              Nah, buying items is gay, stop being gay

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                nah, not buying items is gay, stop being gay

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                troony Ganker brainrot cope, real chads find their magic items. Stop coping, quit seething, cease dilating

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                nah chads do what I do and virgins do what you do, gg ez no re

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                Incorrect, I am the primordial chad, you are the quintessential virgin

              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous
              • 9 months ago
                Anonymous

                > I am the primordial chad,
                Woah! Post body with timestamp so that I may bask in your magnificence!

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      You have never played a roleplaying game.

  50. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >What would you do as the DM in this situation?
    Tell them to frick off with this shit and use the characters we rolled up last session.

  51. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >character background: cool but rude

  52. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Player 1
    Well if it's a secret clearly nobody noticed so their clearly not that powerful. Also clearly a goblin clan that stole something from a devil they owed, and the contract reset their power until sufficient revenge against the goblins occurs

    >Player 2
    The elf rogue is under a permanent unless dispelled geas to act like a vampire. They don't actually need blood and sunlight doesn't hurt them, but if they don't act like it the geas does.

    >Player 3
    Mystra is a bawd. Also a wizards skills are Arcana, History, Investigation, Nature, and Religion. So one of these was clearly why he got her attention (besides the bawd part). With her just humoring them about their assumption it was spellcasting.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I like the headcanon of Mystra being an easy lay that spreads her legs for anyone who picks up a spellbook

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Read some of the novels that Greenwood actually wrote, and it's totally true.

  53. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Get up and leave.
    This is unsalvageable and even interacting long enough to frick with them is just testing my own sanity.

  54. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >you MUST be a bland nobody of unassuming origin and background
    >no fun allowed
    Its you good thing you dont play games

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >There's nothing in-between nukeman goddessfricker and jim the son of the shepherd
      You sound like this

  55. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Your job as a GM is to weave your players moronation into something usable or boot them from the table. Anyone who disagrees with this is a shit.
    frick you.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      No frick you, working together with your friends in setting a game is one thing, jumping through hoops for reworking no effort inane shit is another and it's NOT your obligation doing the latter in any capacity. The gm has to enjoy himself as much as the players.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >or boot them from the table
        please read

  56. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    As a DM I don't see anything wrong with any of these.

  57. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Let them have their epic backstories and then let them job to a couple bandits.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      schizo

  58. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'm going by what you wrote and not by the game as I haven't played it...

    > Player 1 No issue there, I don't know what he did to save the city, it could be an evil pact or something, the banishment might be to preserve the son... he does ballet? did he take a skill point in performance or he sucks at it? Don't care about the skin color... but yeah Looks like a noble background or something alike...

    >Player 2 I'm surprised he's not playing a bard.. so what? They like to frick and have a vampiric master out there, NICE! You gave me one villain with the vampire and way to make problems for you all.. you fricked the daughter of a noble house and now her father wants revenge or something alike... You fricked the daughter of the tavernman and he is not going to allow you to stay there... You fricked a hag disguised as someone and something happen, so many possibilities...

    >Player 3 Ok, interesting... Maybe the netherese technology made him have the delirious involving the goddess of magic and he believes that, maybe he was dating a cleric of that goddess at the same time? he's buddies with Elminster? hum.. it could be someone posing as him, eventually the real Elminster shows up and is like: who the frick are you? and then I have a quest as to find the guy posing as Elminster, what do they want? Do they know about the netherese tech? Is this their actual goal? Oh you are a pansexual ethical bawd? Have fun with the rogue...

    If you can't work with that, I'm sorry for your players as your creativity is probably shoved up somewhere..

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >If you can't work with that
      You're not working with that; you're changing it and pretending you're not.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah, it's probably better just to be honest and say no outright, or actually work it into your campaign.

  59. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    2: Elf rogue twink powerbottom vampire spawn who's lived hundreds of years in the shadow, seducing and bareback fricking 7,000 people for his abusive master
    >What would you do as the DM in this situation?
    Assuming he's a cute twink irl as well pull him aside and ask if he's up for some sex after the game

  60. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Realize that the rules for what goes in tabletop RPG with real people compared to video game RPGs you play solo are different and stop being a sperglord.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      The problem actually is, is that these games are at THEIR worst played solo. They're literally made for multiplayer when there is no DM or the DM doesn't feel like prepping anything.

      I don't know a single soul who got BG3 or DOS2 for the solo experience which makes the cringey companions all the worse. Like Larian clearly wasn't collecting any statistics on their last game and that almost everyone was engaging with it as a multiplayer game first and a single player game second.

      All these crpgs try to capture the TTRPG experience, but like keep focusing on a weird solo experience. You'd think they'd try and make something robust and multiplayer minded first.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Dude. Frick that opinion.

        DOS1 was Multiplayer all the way. Played it with my buds. It was great.

        DOS2 and so far what I've played of BG3? Having more real-people in your game cuts off character stories, some side quests (especially true in DOS2), and for both games limits more than helps your dialog options.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          My exact experience too, I finished BG3 with 3 others of my usual crew and we couldn't complete a single companion storyline except Halsin's, while handling conversations in general was a complete clusterfrick that depended entirely on whoever triggers a quest flag first on accident. Basically anyone who isn't the face of the party was allowed to speak with anyone lest they accidentally triggered a chain of events

          fantastic for lol so randum murderhoboing and stumbling upon another player's hilariously awkward sex scene at least

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          That's exactly my point. I don't know why the frick they did that.

          People got this game to play with others, but it's dogshit from a story perspective. They put way too much emphasis on these dogshit companions that people do not want to engage with.

          People want to play with their friends. It's really not complex. It's the ONLY reason DoS2 took off. If that game was another godawful single player crpg everyone no one would have bought it. This is also precisely why NWN got huge when it did btw.

          >I don't know a single soul who got BG3 or DOS2 for the solo experience which makes the cringey companions all the worse
          An alien typed this post what the frick

          >I don't know a single soul who got BG3 or DOS2 for the solo experience
          literally 99.9999% of people playing those games. The multiplayer is just there to frick about with after you already played the game properly.

          Literally the majority of people got it to play with friends. Sure they have a solo campaign when they aren't playing with friends, but if you polled steam and asked 'would you have gotten this if it wasn't multiplayer?' You'd see the real popularity.

          There's a reason that Pathfinder game didn't take off.

          I think you are pretty much just autists. Out of three very distinct friend groups, only ONE guy got it to play solo. Everyone else, the physics nerds, my TTRPG group, and my homosexual friends ALL got it with the intention of playing it with at least one other friend.

          It's like a huge selling point of the game

          You guys literally don't know why these games are even popular and shows.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            Samegayging doesn't make your dogshit opinion true. Most people play this solo, and want to engage with the story and characters. I don't want my friends hopping into my playthrough and making shit decisions that screw everything up. Maybe for a third playthrough, if I ever get that far.

            • 9 months ago
              Anonymous

              Yeah, I'm sorry, you're an autist. That isn't how people engage with the game and that's not why it's popular. The characters and story aren't even good. It's the same cringey larian companions with their same cringey stories.

              There's nothing to screw up. The experience is largely the same outside the companion quests.

              Do you really think normies have magically become obsessed with the crpg genre? No, they have a c**ty RPG where they can play with friends and hop around the landscape and say frick you to stupid NPCs that the creators take far too seriously.

              If it was an actual well written story, I'd give you a break, but it's not. It's literally d&d slop which is why they have to have multiplayer in order to make any money at all.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            got this game to play with others
            No they didnt. They play with others as a side thing to frick about with in game after already experiencing the game. No one buys larian for the multiplayer.

            >You guys literally don't know why these games are even popular and shows.
            Larians most popular games, the ones that took off and became really successful, are the ones with a heavier narrative focus which is disrupted by having a 2nd player there, something you b***h and moan about in this very fricking post.
            The vast majority of people did not, do not and never will play these games multiplayer. It is a good selling point feature, gives the game replayability if you already beat the story and dont want to do it again, but it is not why these games are successful.

            And appealing to your very real friends which im very sure definetly exist wont change that.

          • 9 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Literally the majority of people got it to play with friends.
            You are literally smoking crack if you think of the 5 million people that bought this buggy shit that the majority of them ONLY got it to play an even more buggier version of the multiplayer

            Do you have a source other than the dancing fairies in the crack pipe? How the frick did you get here

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          DOS2 was good multiplayer but I wish it mentioned that custom characters would cut off important story stuff, or I would have just picked one of the origin characters.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >I don't know a single soul who got BG3 or DOS2 for the solo experience which makes the cringey companions all the worse
        An alien typed this post what the frick

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >I don't know a single soul who got BG3 or DOS2 for the solo experience
        literally 99.9999% of people playing those games. The multiplayer is just there to frick about with after you already played the game properly.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Single player is the only way they can be role playing games, in multiplayer its just endless running around getting le loot and talking about unrelated shit on the mic. Basically the same as most 5e gays like to play tabletop.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Never played it myself but I think NWN multiplayer had dming in it

  61. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'd play with people who are my friends and on the same page regarding the kinds of games we want to play, so this situation would never happen.

  62. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >What would you do as the DM in this situation?

    Finally.
    Some players that actually make interesting characters, AND didn't have to resort to off the wall races (Not that I have an issues with those... it's just nicer when people don't)

    Ok. I can tell this group and campaign is actually going to go great.

    .. Also. Wizard? You're just trying to make a knock-off Elminster right? It's ok, just tell me straight.

    Also don't think this is going to end up like that new vidja game. We're going MUCH deeper into LOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Now that's how a DM should act.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I'm going by what you wrote and not by the game as I haven't played it...

      > Player 1 No issue there, I don't know what he did to save the city, it could be an evil pact or something, the banishment might be to preserve the son... he does ballet? did he take a skill point in performance or he sucks at it? Don't care about the skin color... but yeah Looks like a noble background or something alike...

      >Player 2 I'm surprised he's not playing a bard.. so what? They like to frick and have a vampiric master out there, NICE! You gave me one villain with the vampire and way to make problems for you all.. you fricked the daughter of a noble house and now her father wants revenge or something alike... You fricked the daughter of the tavernman and he is not going to allow you to stay there... You fricked a hag disguised as someone and something happen, so many possibilities...

      >Player 3 Ok, interesting... Maybe the netherese technology made him have the delirious involving the goddess of magic and he believes that, maybe he was dating a cleric of that goddess at the same time? he's buddies with Elminster? hum.. it could be someone posing as him, eventually the real Elminster shows up and is like: who the frick are you? and then I have a quest as to find the guy posing as Elminster, what do they want? Do they know about the netherese tech? Is this their actual goal? Oh you are a pansexual ethical bawd? Have fun with the rogue...

      If you can't work with that, I'm sorry for your players as your creativity is probably shoved up somewhere..

      Alright, lets go.

      > Player 1: You wake up in the Material Plane. Your memory is fading, like a nightmare you know you had, but can't quite recall. You know that you escaped Hell, but don't remember exactly how... or what the cost was. The memory loss, you start to understand, is probably a consequence of the water of River Styx. There is too many things you don't know (or remembers) about yourself, but going on adventure and putting your skills into use will help remember. Every time you level up, you will not be actually learning, but remembering old abilities you had before all this. Everything feels oddly deterministic, like dejavu. And yet, you can feel, and know, that just beyond the next achievement lies an answer for something new. You need to keep moving. Keep fighting, keep discovering and rediscovering who you're truly are. When you're pondering about this, roll Initiative. Goblins erupt from around you, and they want blood!

      Based DMs I'd be happy to play with

  63. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Starting a 5e campaign below level 10
    Cringe.
    But I'd force them to play pre-made characters

  64. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    What’s with the weird ass writer wish fulfillment in the BG3 cast

  65. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    as a rule to prevent this type of scenario. if im running a level 1 or level 0 campaign. i limit character back story to one simple sentece, independant clause.
    you cant have a 'philosophers' sentence.
    with every new level you may , if you wish add an extra sentence to your backstory.
    low level characters dont deserve backstory and it should-ideally- be emergent from the gameplay.

  66. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >player has being “haunted” as his background
    >he mentioned it in game once
    >at first it was funny now goes randomly back stabbing, lying and attacking people says being evil randomly is part of the roleplay.
    >killed my pet spider that I tamed.
    >says we can’t meta game cuz we don’t have the knowledge about “his past” and how “his haunting” works.

    How do I convince DM to perform a lobotomy to pacify “evil spirits” in his mind? My character had a father who was a doctor/barber so I should know the procedure.

    Read someone there a gland in middle of the brain that’s has a connection with like spirits/psychic shit. That’s good enough right?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Just get drunk and rape him, and claim they can't metagame because they don't know how your character reacts to hard liquor.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        based
        also make sure you describe how you put it in with no lube

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      These people need to be confronted IRL. Simply say "stop being a fricking idiot" at his face and watch everything crumble.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        >it’s just a game bro I’m just playing
        Another person tried so thought be fun to do something he can’t object to since it’s roleplaying.

        I’m just gonna paralyze him, and attempt say it’s the only option since we know it’s an evil spirit and just trying to close the third eye/ portal/ cut the tether.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        > I am going to be confrontational, and my opponent will crumble!
        Oh, your kind and your overconfidence.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      You just let him attack people without intervening?

  67. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Sex positivity good
    Masturbatory and cheap, self-indulgent writing bad

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Writing that you are above masturbatory self-indulgent writing is itself masturbatory self-indulgent writing. If you didn't already know you were moronic, now you do.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        I am, in fact, above things that are objectively bad. Sorry you have no taste and no standards.

  68. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'd be more mad as a player about the DM narrating a fricking cutscene for 15 minutes before the session.
    A cutscene told from the narrator's pov no less, not even the characters'.

    Who wrote this campaign, Matt Colville?

  69. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    BG3 does not start at level 1 however. The fact you're encountering higher-CR things near the beginning should have clued you into that

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      What level does BG3 start at?

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        It starts at level one. You hit second level after exiting the tutorial area and fighting a couple Intellect Devourers. Then you go fight gobbos.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          So why did you lie and say it doesn't start at level 1 when it starts at level 1?

  70. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    I wish the game had allowed custom characters to sort of feel out a pre-defined list of backstory options. I'm playing druid and I appreciate the druid story option, but the game still refers to me usually as being from Baldurs gate, familiar with the city etc. It'd have been nice just to have a "what city if any do you hail from?" type thing. The weakest part of the game compared to table top is that my own character feels less like a living being and more a conduit to interact with the actually interesting characters.

  71. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Haha AWESOME because these goblins love to RAPE
    >Yep! So much RAPE that you're all going to enjoy this ER(A)P(E) session
    >I'm glad you're all women irl otherwise it wouldn't be as fun for go lin RAPE
    >Your overly complicated backstories will add a lot of social and political issues to the campaign

  72. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Larian's excuse is that the tadpoles fricked them up. Wyll even explicitly says that he used to have more powers before getting tadpole'd.

  73. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Player 4: "Can I play Jester?"
    >DM: "No"
    >Player 4: "Can I play a devil?"
    >DM: "No"
    >Player 4: "Can I play a warforged?"
    >DM: "No"
    >Player 4: "Can I play all 3?"

  74. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Astarion is a legitimately good character though

  75. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    honestly probably my biggest gripe with playing a warlock is that I just can't see a reason for someone to enter a contract with a fiend only to end up as a lvl 1 warlock.
    Like sure it works for a character being fooled or desperate. But what are some interesting reasons for entering a demonic pact, where the recipient still comes across as reasonably smart.
    I even considered just being a cultist but that just is a different blend of being fooled into it.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      I ran a pirate game where one of my player's backstories was that his father made a pact with a kraken, that happened to include his firstborn as a successor. So the player started, well at level 5 because that's how far in the game were at the time, but theoretically could have started at level 1.
      Part of the pact is that he gets sick when away from the sea for too long, so he was effectively forced to become a sailor with daddy issues.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        that is interesting, but what I am really looking for is a reason one would willingly/knowingly enter a pact with the fiend without being coerced into it.
        In the scenario you are describing it isn't your character that made the choice, the choice was made for him.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          Most fiendish deals don't ask for your soul, at least not directly. They may ask for worship (which may not even damn you without other evil acts on your part... all you have to do is to pray to the devil in question once in a while, even that brings some extra power to the recipient, but as it's not as good as your soul, and you'll probably get less in return) or a service (which may be harmless or even seemingly good, like disrupting with the fiend's rival's plans, but also may serve as a basis for more regular exchange of services between the two... it may lead you to Hell anyway without you ever signing your soul away). Your first contract may be pretty minor, to serve as a gateway drug, to get you to make more deals, or get you in a situation where you do have to sign your soul away to save yourself.

  76. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    How did so many normalgays infiltrate this hobby?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      You'll be dead soon 🙂

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Getting mad at "freakshit" and supposedly "mary sue" characters are the hallmarks of a normie

        Keep seething while people are having fun.

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          enjoy being dead 🙂

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      By seeing something they might enjoy and trying it out. (scandalous!)

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      Because autistic screeching isn't sufficient to keep the gates anymore.

  77. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Will's backstory is easily handwaved when you recognise he's a huge hypeman - the guy refers to himself in the third person as "The Blade of Frontiers" aka he's a massive c**t.
    The backstory is thus he and his massive rich boy ego got tricked by Mizora that 3 cultists outside of Baldurs gate were going to destroy the city and that only he could possibly stop them with a dash of her help.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      And that 3 morons (Well like 26 but whatever) could summon TIAMAT.

      If it was that easy to summon TIAMAT she'd have been summoned as often as fricking bhaalspawn appear.

      that is interesting, but what I am really looking for is a reason one would willingly/knowingly enter a pact with the fiend without being coerced into it.
      In the scenario you are describing it isn't your character that made the choice, the choice was made for him.

      "a reason one would willingly/knowingly enter a pact with the fiend without being coerced into it." and "also smart reason"

      >The signer's soul is not part of the contract. Rather it could be the souls of the already damned (avoiding wyll's situation where rule lawyering got an innocent but literally heartless tiefling targeted).
      >As part of the contract the signer's soul will upon inevitable damnation (I'm assuming a pact sign = your soul goes to hell when you die) will be appointed at a higher rank (skip lemure and go right to bone devil and whatnot).
      Dovetail to this the signer is already screwed for their afterlife fate. So this is an upgrade. Might be their soul was already claimed/destined for a worse fate and so they are making a good deal of a bad circumstance.

      Devils are always going to try and screw you over, so you just have to figure out a way that the signer was able to screw the devil over but still sign it. It's clearly possible and happens in storytelling aplenty. Mizora's desperation is a clear avenue you could take with a warlock contract. The devil needs the signer more than the signer needs the devil so the contract is written in a way that benefits the signer. Again, the trope obligates the devil wins - but there's also the trope of the devil being outwitted.

      Not every fiend is just according to keikaku tzeeentch.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        Also
        >Something far more powerful than the devil has claim on the signer's soul first.
        >Until contract is completed the soul is not exchanged.
        IE forbidden donut.

      • 9 months ago
        Anonymous

        very good, thank you

        Most fiendish deals don't ask for your soul, at least not directly. They may ask for worship (which may not even damn you without other evil acts on your part... all you have to do is to pray to the devil in question once in a while, even that brings some extra power to the recipient, but as it's not as good as your soul, and you'll probably get less in return) or a service (which may be harmless or even seemingly good, like disrupting with the fiend's rival's plans, but also may serve as a basis for more regular exchange of services between the two... it may lead you to Hell anyway without you ever signing your soul away). Your first contract may be pretty minor, to serve as a gateway drug, to get you to make more deals, or get you in a situation where you do have to sign your soul away to save yourself.

        that is just being manipulated with extra steps

        • 9 months ago
          Anonymous

          >that is just being manipulated with extra steps

          Sure, that's the point. If a devil shows up and tells you to sell your soul, most people would tell him to frick off. But if he offers lesser (but still useful) reward for something seemingly benign, like helping to destroy a demon cult, a lot of people... even smart people... will think "Hey, that wasn't so bad, maybe I could make more deals in the future and get away with it too!" and then be very (but briefly) surprised when they wake up falling into Styx when they die.

          Pazuzu was infamous for doing the same shit. The first one is a freebie if you're Good... so why not call again in the future?

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      And that 3 morons (Well like 26 but whatever) could summon TIAMAT.

      If it was that easy to summon TIAMAT she'd have been summoned as often as fricking bhaalspawn appear.

      [...]
      "a reason one would willingly/knowingly enter a pact with the fiend without being coerced into it." and "also smart reason"

      >The signer's soul is not part of the contract. Rather it could be the souls of the already damned (avoiding wyll's situation where rule lawyering got an innocent but literally heartless tiefling targeted).
      >As part of the contract the signer's soul will upon inevitable damnation (I'm assuming a pact sign = your soul goes to hell when you die) will be appointed at a higher rank (skip lemure and go right to bone devil and whatnot).
      Dovetail to this the signer is already screwed for their afterlife fate. So this is an upgrade. Might be their soul was already claimed/destined for a worse fate and so they are making a good deal of a bad circumstance.

      Devils are always going to try and screw you over, so you just have to figure out a way that the signer was able to screw the devil over but still sign it. It's clearly possible and happens in storytelling aplenty. Mizora's desperation is a clear avenue you could take with a warlock contract. The devil needs the signer more than the signer needs the devil so the contract is written in a way that benefits the signer. Again, the trope obligates the devil wins - but there's also the trope of the devil being outwitted.

      Not every fiend is just according to keikaku tzeeentch.

      I just want to pipe up to say this is actually a nod to Marshall Ulder Ravengard appearing all over Rise of Tiamat

  78. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Player 4: I want to play a Changeling who is a professional impersonator named Amon Gus

  79. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah. And?

  80. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    First, starting at level 1 is for morons, homosexuals, and players new to TTRPGs. Best level to start is level 3, though depending on the type of campaign you want to run, starting at level 5-8 can also be very interesting.

    Second, if starting at level 1, I wouldn't even let the players come up with those backstories in the first place. I'd let them know from the get go that their PCs are completely new to adventuring, fresh out of their villages, towns, or wherever the frick they lived all their lives. Folk Hero background banned.

    • 9 months ago
      Anonymous

      >First, starting at level 1 is for morons, homosexuals, and players new to TTRPGs.
      Filtered.

  81. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I'm playing a Baldurian noble
    >I'm playing a Baldurian Magister
    >I'm playing a Waterdeep scholar
    >NO NO NO STOP MAKING DND CHARACTERS, I'M LOSING MY MIIIIIIIIIND
    Why is /tg/ like this?

  82. 9 months ago
    Anonymous

    It's simple: start a lvl 20 campaign instead

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