Suddenly arrows literally headshot and kill your party's horses! Hundreds of bandits suddenly appear in the middle of the road and hold you at bowpoint! But there's a subversion this time...
"We're sorry, we're literally being forced into a life of crime because the government is oppressing us by not giving us money! We can't afford food, we need to steal to buy food for us and families! Now give us everything you have so we can afford food for us and families!"
Your whole party suddenly feels sad and sorry for these poor bandits. They're not bad guys, they've just been literally forced into crime because of the government. What does your party do to solve this problem morally?
Literally the same exact thing they would do to solve the problem of 100 armed enemies practically
>slaughter them all
"Not my problem, i'm chaotic neutral"
>If you horse headshotting assassins could really clump up shoulder to shoulder we might be able to fireball all 100 of you in a couple rounds since we have two wizards and I assume none of you will succeed at uncannily dodging.
>Fireball 100 assassins who are packed like sardines in a room
>100 assassins all succeed in the roll and avoid all damage
>"Uncanny." says the wizard
Give man Goodberry and he will be fed for a day.
Teach him to cast Goodberry and he will be fed for the rest of his life.
you can't teach good berry it's on the divine spell list
nu uh
"Ok, LOL."
Slaughter them all anyway.
DM gets angry and calls us Murderhobos.
Am I the butthole?
I don't have a mount also I have Cut from the Air, Combat Reflexes and 10ft threatening area, if they're able to hit anything inside said area with an arrow they might as well start defeating dragons and gain tons of gold instead of complaining
But in order to further the conversation:
>You killed our horses, there is your food, and be thankful we don't take this personally, now move. Now, if you want to start again and maybe gain our sympathy in a way that make us help you kick out that unjust government...
*smacks lips*
Okay, where?
>What does your party do to solve this problem morally?
Kill them. No bandit, no problem.
>No bandit, no problem.
No bandit, now the we can take down the kingdom.
Recruit them, train them, turn them into a proper army. Use said army to start a proper revolt against the king. Smile, DM. This is your campaign now.
>Your whole party suddenly feels sad and sorry for these poor bandits.
Ask why they don't use their obviously incredible archery skills to hunt for food instead of attacking strangers, and call the GM a homosexual.
Headshotting a horse is not hard because horses have big heads...
But small brains, like certain people I could name.
You don't want to shoot a horse in its face. They hate that.
Choosing to kill and steal to survive is an evil choice, which makes them bad guys. My party slaughters them effortlessly with no moral dilemma whatsoever.
"Comrades, the revolution is afoot. Join us and cast down your oppressors!"
>We need money
>So we killed your horses instead of stealing them
Why is OP always a homosexual?
Not long ago my character killed a hobogoblin commander & his small army hiding in a cave by sealing all the exits & letting them suffocate, all because when they ambushed us they put a stray arrow into my mule.
If a bunch of bandits kill my mule I'm gonna go even harder. I'd except an alignment shift if it meant killing all of them. A man's choices are his own, he should accept the consequences. These bandits have choices & they chose wrong. They could have chose to hurt the government that oppressed them instead of innocent traveller's.
>they can't afford any food
>but they just killed a bunch of horses
Dude. There's a shit ton of food now.
Do you know what "morale" is?
I'm going to guess not, considering your "for us and families" caveman speak.
Learn English.
We'd rape them to death, ethically.
>the government is oppressing us by not giving us money
I don't follow.
The government doesn't just give out money.
Unless it's to another country fighting a proxy war or to promote the queer agenda.
This, if they were being taxed too heavily (read: at all) I'd have sided with them.
>Look man, it has DND in the subject field, that means it's a legit /tg/ thread!
Is this a Neckbeardia content scraping thing?
Considering the exact same thread (just reworded) was posted like a week ago, then probably.
If that's so, how can we make posts that crash their algorithms or servers?
Put so many racial slurs in your posts that it would be too much trouble for them to blur or edit out.
Its just some sperglord making elephant talk threads to shit up tg while also having his buddy ban people who calls him out
Actually on a reread I think this may be satire
The only moral dilemma here is whether to kick the moronic DM in the balls and leave or to just leave the table.
Either way, I'm going to play an actual game.
"You just killed the horses, you have enough food for some time, and you owe us. Make a move and your children will become fatherless."
Very well, I cast wish, I use wish to duplicate plane shift
I plane shift a bandit to the negative plane. In his place a nightwalker spawns.
I maintain a safe distance while the nightwalker feeds off of the bandits
If there's hundreds of bandits working in unison, they could have already organized against the government.
More to the point, a group that size shouldn't be able to support themselves attacking small groups.
do whatever is more quirky, the DM will surely appreciate it.
They're lying. So they get the ACK.
There's a reason horse theft to say nothing of killing them was a hangable offense as late as the 19th century.
honestly its amazing at how fricking long you are doing this garbage.
>Hundreds of bandits
So there’s at least two hundred of them and they have a food issue?
I think I see the problem here, they need to split up or organise their own state because they can probably lay siege to a castle with that many people.
Now the real question is what work do they and their families do? I don’t think they would be farmers so they must operate out of a town or city, come on OP we need more details.
Not my problem bros, our party is from that advanced kingdom where everyone who can't find work is put to work in the lumberyard or shipyards.
I mean even I work in the shipyards when I'm not out adventuring.
players refusing to accept being robbed when the odds are stacked against them hate the game part of the role-playing experience
I am not playing a video game with you, this is interactive storytelling with rules, sometimes you CANT win and your characters struggle as well as the emotions that we go through is why we are here, not to live out a guilt free paradise of murder and avarice.
that being said I'd just give them my possessions even if they weren't forced if a self insert but most characters I'd play would handle it circumstantially but the most common sentiment (knowing that I usually play good spectrum or CN on a path to becoming good) is that they'd give stuff but ask for at least to be spared rations to make it to their next destination or the means to hunt (even if they're not specd for survival), just something enough for him not to die. if they're being truthful they'd probably have at least a little mercy on the guy l, right?
>I am not playing a video game with you
>sometimes you CANT win and your characters struggle as well as the emotions that we go through is why we are here
There are video games where it's literally scripted for you to lose and the main character struggles with the ramifications in the narrative, so I don't get where your line for separation is.
>that being said I'd just give them my possessions
I thought you said you weren't playing a video game. There are video games that give you this option.
>knowing that I usually play good spectrum or CN on a path to becoming good
Ah, like those video games that give you alignment/context sensitive options. I thought you weren't playing a video game, Anon.
>N-NOT ALL VIDEO GAMES FOLLOW THE T-TROPE S-SO I DONT K-KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT!!!
cope
>A-ANON WASN'T FOOLED BY M-MY FALSE EQUIVALENCY OF C-CALLING [THING I DON'T LIKE] V-VIDEO G-GAMES AND I NEED TO R-RESPOND BUT I HAVE N-NO ACTUAL ARGUMENT!!
And it's over. Your concession is accepted.
How tragic. This really moves my epic level wizard heart. I'll cast a metamagic locate city and then rain of fire to solve the problem.
>Your whole party suddenly feels sad and sorry
Lol. Lmao.
>"We're sorry, we're literally being forced into a life of crime because the government is oppressing us by not giving us money!
Did the government literally cast a spell on all of you to strip you of your free will? No? So you chose the life of crime out of your own free will to avoid starvation? You do understand that killing you now would not be against my code of ethics? Ohh well, I'm sympathetic to your cause, so I will train and lead you to overthrow the government, but you will have to be ready to die for your freedom.
If you're physically strong enough to engage in armed combat for food, you aren't starving. I fight them, lethally if necessary.
>Here, have the horsemeat of our horses you killed so needlessly. If you're hungry, take it and leave. Else, die.
I sigh and say, I knew I shouldn't have taken the Wierdness Magnet Disadvantage and then my Sense of Duty (Local Lord) kicks in and I capture them and drag them to the dungeon.
Sounds like a bunch of dindus. Bet they had ample opportunity for jobs and are just being lazy.
>Your whole party suddenly feels sad and sorry for these poor bandits.
No we don't.
They're not bad guys
Yes they are.
>they've just been literally forced into crime because of the government.
No they haven't.
>What does your party do to solve this problem morally?
Kill them all.
>What does your party do to solve this problem morally?
Kill them all?
Everyone is a victim of circumstance, OP. If these bandits really wanted to turn their lives around they would have done some kind of social activist movement. They didn't though. They outsourced their issues, thought the government was way too strong (because they're cowards), and began preying on the people they deemed weaker than themselves.
>You can't kill hundreds of bandits! The Action economy will tear you apart!
We don't have to kill hundreds of bandits all at once.
We just have to kill maybe 15-25 in a short enough time frame to cause them to lose moral and route. *Then* we can kill hundreds of bandits.
Wait, wait. Wait. Hold on.
>because the government is oppressing us by not giving us money
We slaughter them *even harder* because this wording implies they're either communists or they were previously employed by the government and stiffed pay.
Rolled 2, 8, 5, 8, 3, 5, 3, 9, 14, 19, 5, 15, 12, 14, 11, 15, 18, 7, 14, 17, 19, 18, 10, 14, 1 = 266 (25d20)
Tonight, Murderhobo Anon is going to learn about the magic of the Action Economy.
Rolled 16, 12, 4, 6, 16, 2, 11, 16, 17, 3, 11, 13, 8, 2, 18, 7, 12, 15, 3, 14, 1, 19, 12, 14, 1 = 253 (25d20)
Whoops, limit of 25. Hold on, we'll just do three more to get a nice even 100.
Rolled 1, 12, 5, 1, 6, 19, 12, 16, 6, 6, 18, 7, 1, 11, 7, 16, 14, 15, 12, 13, 5, 4, 11, 13, 15 = 246 (25d20)
Rolled 5, 16, 16, 11, 14, 14, 15, 19, 3, 5, 9, 15, 9, 18, 3, 5, 1, 7, 14, 13, 7, 17, 9, 4, 9 = 258 (25d20)
Last volley. This is 100, but hundreds implies a heck of a lot more, but honestly this gag is taking too long as is.
>be me
>be ecoterrorist/arsonist druid
>take the death of the horses personslly
>chase them done with a fleet of conjured animals
>burn their houses to the ground
>with them inside and bees to assault them if they think of leaving
>Your whole party suddenly feels sa-
Gonna stop you right there, because no my character doesn't.
>GOVERNMENT isn't giving them money
>hundreds of seemingly talented hunters/poachers unable to make a living
They're just lazy and unwilling to work.
>kills my horse
>I name all my horses in every game
Yeh it's killing time sob story or not
My archdruid becomes enraged at the murder of his horse. "YOU HAD A CHOICE!" he screams, kills all the bandits, their families and children, does the same to the government and all it's leaders and employees. He then sets free all their horses and takes one for his own.
My Necromancer tuts to himself, re-animates his dead horse, then offers all the bandits a way they can get revenge on their government while never needing to worry about food ever again.
They have families and children? Oooh, extra XP!
Rolled 1, 18, 16, 6, 9, 6, 20, 14, 16, 2, 16, 10, 5, 20 = 159 (14d20)
>163 and fourteen rolls to go
Anon, I don't think it's looking good for you. Unless you threw up a Wind Wall, but you're dealing with similar numbers if it turns into a melee fight, with a chance that as they're flanking you, they're rolling with Advantage
Rolled 5, 9, 5, 5, 8, 6, 7, 6, 6, 7, 7, 10, 7, 8 = 96 (14d10)
Well color me moronic, I rolled the wrong DICE!
255 total Damage, enough to 1 shot an Ancient Crystal Dragon. Anon's right, these boys need to get organized and bring death and action economy to the big bruiser monsters of the world. Or the Government, whichever.
I merely stomp and scream and cry until the DM takes it back.
>What is DR?
>Suddenly arrows literally headshot and kill your party's horses!
As opposed to the arrows figuratively doing that? Why use literally? Just write the same sentence without it.
>hundreds of bandits who can perfectly headshot horses
>they aren't overthrowing their government
>100 horses approach noiselessly
>every single horse of the party instantly killed
>"Sorry for killing your horses lmao please help us"
>"Please help us, the DM is 5Ebrained and can't write a story above a 7th grade level"
This is why factions owning hexes and having lairs solved dumb stuff like this.
Multiple fireballs.
>Your whole party suddenly feels
If you, as a DM, tell your player how their characters feel, you're doing it wrong.
This.
DM, you do not get to tell me how my character feels unless my character fails a will save related to some kind of mind alteration spell. Go write a book, it's clearly what you want to be doing anyway.
>commoners
>who can coordinate a 5 man strike
>headshotting horses at a trot
How is anyone oppressing you and why don’t you just hunt if it’s so bad?
Maybe don't have them kill the horses? That's an easy way to get players to kill them. Fell trees so they can't go forward, then surround them.