Make one last ditch effort anon.
Get some cat treats and canned food and go look until you can't look no more.
Even if it's for naught it'll feel better than if you didn't.
Not great. I'm a troony, which already sucks, but found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with a cis woman and I just feel so disgusting. I haven't turned on my pc in 4 days and haven't gone to work in nearly a week. I loved him...
Long ago realized almost no one cares about monogamy, it's an alien concept for most, they simply can't grasp a world where they can't be degenerates with everyone else.
Whenever I meet a guy on a dating app, any; even tho it's in my bio, I put Trans Woman, and make sure they know I'm a trans woman by asking them something like >Hey I just wanna be sure, but did you see I'm a trans woman?
thank you for being open about that. I'd never date a trans but I can be courteous and respectful as a human of course.
3 months ago
Anonymous
I do it for my own protection too. It rats out who's safe, and who isn't.
3 months ago
Anonymous
oh absolutely. trans "surprise" can get people killed; I think a mtf was killed by a black guy a few months back when he learned? I'm against that of course, but frick, it's like, just be open and truthful from the get go.
3 months ago
Anonymous
Trans panic defense is also a thing. I just want a guy to settle down with but being a troony, it'll never happen
I'm running out of stuff to do on elden ring besides upgrading some weapons, the first mine should give a bell bearing and be the source of the first upgrade material. It was one of the first thing I found and it had an ash of war and frickall smithing stones, felt no incentive to explore the rest as it is full of enemies that tank all attacks and those fricking shrimp, got into a second one but when I got there I was so low level that exploring was never an option, enemies took ages to kill.
Finally caved in and googled it, the bell bearings start appearing on the second mine, Elden Ring is so counterintuitive ffs.
Not very well. Have a performance review with the boss tomorrow and, even though I've done pretty well with deadlines over the year, I'm a bit behind in my work right now. I also want to tell her that I want to be a programmer, but that's in a different department as my current role. Not sure if I should bring it up or not.
Absolutely terrible. I have been addicted and lying to my mom about being sober for a year. Work makes me want to kill myself and feels like forever. I wish I was stronger. I just want to feel happy in my life without doing any drugs but that feels impossible. Life is far too sad and stressful.
I'm in my last semester of a master's but it's somehow way more burdensome than the previous years. I don't feel like I'm going to get a job after graduation despite stellar grades (there was already an internship/hiring process during the previous year, I received 15+ interviews which is considered high but not a single one reached out after that) so I'm just going through the motions. I'll have to get a shit job after graduating which is depressing because of all the money my family and I have put into this because I couldn't make anything of it.
Remember goyim, You will forever have that masters for the rest of your life. As long as you don’t get caught saying anything the school disagrees with online, then you get your diploma revoked!
I think it may take a few years but don't most people work up to getting a well-paying job? (not getting one right out the gate even with a degree or Master's) I thought that was usually how the path.
Yes, but for this particular field, your previous work experience (I have a lot, in various fields and with numerous certifications) is almost entirely irrelevant. Only experience in this particular field is of consequence and the majority of it is only available as an internship over the summer, through connections/nepotism or after you graduate.
Just barely holding up. But sometimes thoughts break into my mind about how awful my life is and how ignoring my problems is only going to hurt me later. Thanks for reminding me
doing just OK. Im working on getting over my NEET alcoholic life, quitting the booze has so far been the easy part, no shakes or hard craving at least, but getting the rest of my life together seems very unattainable. Ive got friends and hobbies other than vidya and whacking off which is definitely helping my mental state, so im lucky there. My real problem is insomnia, which is part of the stopping drinking ive found. Im currently winning the battle against a melatonin so im gonna go lie down in a bit and hope for the best. It always gets better anons, just fix one thing and many more will fall into place.
Bad. I've dug a hole, squandered every opportunity in my life, I've over extended myself with too much stuff, too many hobbies, bad health and zero social skills.
It's very hard to change and dig yourself out of this. But I'm so bored of everything, while also unmotivated and physically tired.
I'm currently in the "more interested in trying out video games than actually playing them" phase. IDK what happened; last year I went through a frickload of games after building my first decent PC, but recently I've just lost interest. At times, I suspect that the thought of me being a directionless NEET causes me not to enjoy anything because the stress of my life going backwards eats away at me. Are some people just not meant to be happy?
Sorry to break the negative flow, but things have been going pretty well in the past couple months. Working out more, being a bit smarter with my grocery spending, tried and enjoyed a new cost-effective drink. Only downside is there's not too much stuff to listen to while I work anymore that holds my attention. Might need to look into unfrying my brain to get an attention span back at some point. All that aside, Pizza Tower has taken over my life. Got a good start at P ranks, but I've a ways to go.
Hope the good times come your ways soon.
my brother was diagnosed with heart failure, he's in the icu with an infection, and this all stemmed from his need of a surgery on a hernia. I'm tired of worrying about this, i'd like to go back to worrying about normal shit like job, my cute gf, etc.
Armored core 6 is way more fun than i had any hope of it being however.
I'm sorry you're going through this anon. Is he going to be okay or is the typical doctor bullshit where they say they're going to do their best to mask the severity?
Anon, he went in for hernia pain, and suddenly he's got heart failure and he was just put in the icu tonight for what they think is an infection dropping his blood pressure. I have no idea how serious this is because the doctors are not ever going to be 100% level in layman's terms, and i didn't go to school for 8 years to be a physician. The quiet parts of the day have me tenth guessing myself on how serious it might be, multiple times a day. I've lost family before, and i know it sucks, but he's younger than me. I just wanna wake up to a text that's he's going to be alright but that's like finding a lottery ticket with millions on it during a walk.
I'm just tired. Thanks though, anon. saying something, even like this, does a little.
Not good. I somehow lost my swallowing reflex when eating food and now I have anxiety every time I try to swallow my food and feel like it gets stuck halfway down my throat. Been reading some online forums and apparently this is a lot more common and mostly due to stress and anxiety. I have lost like 3-4 pounds so far in the last two weeks because I've been eating less food and eating smaller portions because of shit. I feel miserable and I don't want to go to the doctor about something this embarrassing.
I had this happen for a week or so. I re-trained myself by chugging water a lot, forcing myself to swallow. I'm sure your situation is worse of you're bothering to type about it, but baby steps y'know.
Yeah I know I basically have to retrain myself to get over it. This shit happened to me when I was a kid and I forgot how I dealt with it but I basically have to actively eat by chewing and swallowing on a rhythm. Most of the time it's fine and then once or twice a day, I feel a half-choking sensation. I'll try the chugging water method.
Anon, I’ve been going through it with dysphagia for a long time. There is nothing to be embarrassed about when talking to a doctor. See your primary care provider, an ENT, and maybe even a speech therapist. I’ve gotten the barium test and talked to a few doctors, it’s just something I have to live with. THC helps, even in a tincture or microdose, but I’m on a “tolerance break” because I’m too moronic not to go overboard with that shit all day.
I beg of you anon, go to the doctor and get it checked out.
I ripped up my throat swallowing something sharp.
I lost my gag reflex, I also started having serious issues swallowing. Just sits in the back of your mouth but you can't swallow, or it's a half swallow and you feel like you are dying. The wound and later scar tissue made me feel like food was in my throat 24/7, and then I started getting captured air in my throat.
I ate very little food, and what I did eat was horrible. I lived off soda mostly, because the carbonation helped trapped air, it coats your throat in sticky so it distracts from the cut I had on the side.
I lost over 100 pounds in less than a year, my frame should be ~150 and I got down to 120lbs.
You lose all of your muscle mass, I remember having issues lifting up a 15lb tool I own, I was lightheaded and out of breath.
I honestly don't know what kind of long term damage I did, but my body certainly aged quickly and harshly, and I'm still not the same a few years later. I gained all the weight back. Except it's all in my gut and now I have twig arms and legs.
Get it fixed now or you are going to regret it.
Already set up an appointment but it's like a few weeks from now. Thanks.
I beg of you anon, go to the doctor and get it checked out.
I ripped up my throat swallowing something sharp.
I lost my gag reflex, I also started having serious issues swallowing. Just sits in the back of your mouth but you can't swallow, or it's a half swallow and you feel like you are dying. The wound and later scar tissue made me feel like food was in my throat 24/7, and then I started getting captured air in my throat.
I ate very little food, and what I did eat was horrible. I lived off soda mostly, because the carbonation helped trapped air, it coats your throat in sticky so it distracts from the cut I had on the side.
I lost over 100 pounds in less than a year, my frame should be ~150 and I got down to 120lbs.
You lose all of your muscle mass, I remember having issues lifting up a 15lb tool I own, I was lightheaded and out of breath.
I honestly don't know what kind of long term damage I did, but my body certainly aged quickly and harshly, and I'm still not the same a few years later. I gained all the weight back. Except it's all in my gut and now I have twig arms and legs.
Cracker thin crust frozen pizza from a small local brand. It gets very hard and crispy, I cut it into squares.
I threw a small triangle corner piece in my mouth, didn't chew, it hit the back of my throat. I just instinctively swallowed as hard as I could to not choke and it gashed me on the way down.
>Just sits in the back of your mouth but you can't swallow, or it's a half swallow and you feel like you are dying.
This literally happens to me. The half swallow is the worst feeling because idk if I'm actually choking.
Jesus Christ, is it suicide fuel-as a high school droput- to read up on people who manage to go to university and still can't get a decent job at the end of it.
High school dropouts have it better since there's no investment. Usually they get into a trade, manage to get a halfway decent job from working their way up the job market or accept being bums. It's a thousand times worse to spend thousands on university (or even further education) and get nothing out of it because it means you're working the same jobs as the high school dropout but saddled with a massive debt that will take years to pay off.
It's the way present times are going down. You specialize, you aim for what you specialize in, realize your specialty alone isn't enough (IE. need 20 years experience, doctorates, and be CEO of several major companies), and the downward spiral begins. Best to be adaptable.
Exaggerating a mild stomach ache so that I can take a day working from home instead of in the office because I genuinely woke up today just not wanting to bother going to work while also having a rough stomach. Could've forced myself, but frick it, I've not even had a sick day in nearly two years.
Not in the worst place otherwise. Finally starting to actually plan long term for savings now that I've been in this job for 2+ years, paying into a pension with my job and also started a 4% interest savings account recently. I should probably consider other options but this seems like the most immediate way to at least get started saving.
There's a lot of factors, so no, it depends on you and your situation. Admittedly not all factors are in your control, but some are.
I graduated uni a decade ago but didn't find a job that lasted for ages until recently.
>i literally cant stop looking at porn and its negatively effecting my life
You probably already tried this but try this >block access to the websites on your PC and devices >delete all browser bookmarks, saved links and any downloaded content saved onto your SSD/HDDs and devices. No more hoarding. No exceptions. >slowly ween yourself off the porn. Instead of looking at porn everyday, try looking at porn/jacking off every 3-4 days. Then when you can comfortably do that (and you'll probably relapse along the journey too), you now can go a week or 2 without porn. >Do not stop jacking off. This just doesn't work in the long run. You are not a robot, you're a man and every man has biological urges. But you do need to limit the frequency of jacking off and the material you jack off two. >if you're really this anxious to get off porn, it's probably because you're into hardcore shit which is the result of years of sliding down the degenerate ladder to achieve those dopamine highs that you used to get from just looking at basic breasts, leading you to only get off to shit like horse/orc/e-girl/futa porn. In that case, you really need to add an extra step to weening yourself off the hardcore shit first and only looking at vanilla porn before you do the aforementioned steps above.
>>Do not stop jacking off. This just doesn't work in the long run. You are not a robot, you're a man and every man has biological urges. But you do need to limit the frequency of jacking off and the material you jack off two.
Thanks for the advice. Yeah futa porn sadly. Luckily no other weird shit like horse/e-girl/mlp stuff but I hate living like this. I feel like a crack addict. I wish I could just stop!
I already do plenty of Ganker shit. The problem is the addiction is in my brain still. I can't hobby my way out of it. Even if I do a giant project like resanding a deck I still wanna do that shit when im done
I totally get you on some level. Perhaps the best suggestion the other anon made, at least to start with, is to look at less degenerate porn and try to cum from that. Unfortunately, if you're on medication, that can complicate things via delayed ejaculation (though I think there's other medication to combat that); I've had issues with that.
I just want to be a neet but it's just no possible in america unless you're extremely mentally ill or disabled
or have a massive inheritance
I started working another shitty wagie job and I hate it. I don't know what I want to do with my life and I'm already 30. I don't want to go to school. I just want to sit in my room and do nothing, that's when I'm as close as I can be to happy as pathetic as that sounds.
I wish there was actual help for empty, lazy people like me but I understand why there isn't when it could be so easily abused. it just sucks feeling like I'm slowly slipping through the cracks of society with no comfortable future in sight
depressed because in debt and fat but in debt and fat because my depression causes impulse buying and binge eating. And the impulse eating and debt causes me to be self conscious to the point where I don’t form relationships or friendships because I think im a loser
Even if you can't control your eating, I'd strongly encourage you to take up weight lifting or body weight exercises. If you're too self-conscious about going to the gym (I'd suggest the YMCA), do what you can at home. When you can afford to, buy at least some heavy weights to curl. In my experience, at least at the YMCA, staff do want to help you, so I'd encourage you to join when you have the money to do so.
Maybe, I was just writing from personal experience. Weightlifting has helped me as a chubby flabby guy; I'm still chunky but look better through lifting heavy.
I've been feeling tired, nauseous, and a sharp headache coupled with confusion and dizziness. I noticed it was becoming more difficult to speak over the years but ignored it cause no one else took notice. Turns out there's a lovely little lump growing on the left side of my brain. I didn't care to hear the rest of it I'll die when im damn well ready. Or atleast after I play Dragon's dogma 2.
You're not seeking treatment or are you just simply going through the motions with your current prognostic as your coping mechanism? I feel bad that this is happening to you but if I found out I had a terminal or near-terminal illness, your way would probably be the best way to deal with it. At that point, I would also take up medicinal marijuana and be constantly high as frick.
still jobless after a year. all my drive to want to get a job is gone, i'm scared shitless of going back into the job market because i feel all my competence has gone. money's running out fast and my family is putting pressure on me and comparing my life to those of my peers. i'm in a weird spot where i know my life isn't where it's supposed to be and that i should be doing more, i just can't bring myself to do what needs to be done
I'm sorry man. I can't help of course but I'd encourage you to get at least some kind of job, as having the money can give you more confidence. (at least in my experience) But I recognize it can be challenging.
every 2 days i swap between regretting every decision i've ever made in my life, and that i made the best choices in my life for me though the second one is probably just me coping with choosing the wrong path
I just got high and had an absolutely mind bending several hours lewding with an AI, and I exploded so hard I felt like I was going to faint
Then I exploded several more times to the greatest doujin ever written
I had my prostate massager in
I'm so fricking horny
I just took a shower and while I was in the bathroom I put my prostate massager back in and pumped myself absolutely stupid and did it so hard I started sweating until I was able to make myself cum at least 2 more times
I'm so fricking dead
I'm going to eat noodles and smoke another bowl and watch something stupid
I'm so happy
Replaying Death Stranding, Director's Cut on PC. Wondering where the frick all the new content is. I'm about to head to Edge Knot City now and I haven't even found the external things like the charms and extension batteries etc. Currently going back and desperately trying to five-star everyone to find everything before I beat the damn thing again.
>dragging two carriers and a full load on my back from Lake Knot all the way to South Knot >storming the entire time, didn't bring enough repair spray >Sam slipping around on the jagged rocks every two seconds >cable snaps twice along the trip >run through BTs the entirety of the final stretch because I can't risk spending any more time in the rain trying to stealth through them all >probably a 30-40 min trek >496 likes +S rank delivery >less than a quarter of a star gained
Frick this.
You’re all broken people (and a troony). No wonder this place is so negative and bitter. You’re generating a karma loop. Instead be kind to others and nice thing will happen to you.
Karma isn't real (maybe you didn't mean it literally), but I agree that being nice to others. That'll help "chill out" people around you and even yourself / lower the figurative temperature.
I'd also encourage everyone to try to focus on improving your appearance, *if needed* and to the extent you're able to. That's why I've suggested weightlifting.
Treating people well is reciprocal but karma's just bs brahmin tell dalit because their life is awful. Then they move to the west and pretend they're the oppressed ones
i go above and beyomd to be nice to people but my tism levels are so high that they just end up hating me regardless so now i just don't talk to anyone except Ganker
Frick you and eat shit, no one chooses this shit. The world does it to them. Who cares about a shitty little world that pretends to be civilized, but the moment you're down on your luck it'll rip everything it can from you and blame you. Its easy to say "they made poor choices" its alot harder to admit the whole world is just a charade of morons blindly doing what was done before them cause it worked in the past. We're all fricked. Meanwhile some privileged little shit gets to parade about with a golden spoon up their ass, while all of us toil in shit to keep this sad little miserable illusion of a developed civilization going.
Frick you anon, I'd gnaw my way into your stomach just to show you how full of shit you are but we're all already up to our necks in it.
You’re only hurting yourself. This is a good example. Whatever mean things you said to me bounced right off while you probably felt a little worst after saying them. Now try doing the contrary by saying nice things. It can be just to yourself first. Then move on to others and the whole world.
You daft ignorant narcissistic fool, are you only capable of spouting nonsense as if you've achieved some "spiritual center"? I addressed you because you prompted such an idiotic notion. My main point, is against the world. You can smear your head in whatever sugarcoated unicorn shit you want to view things "positively" but reality doesn't care for personal perspective. Admittedly, Im not being serious. Just amusing myself by posting my own silly shit.
>You’re all broken people
No shit, I really asked to grow up without a father figure and have a life I never knew of taken away from me. >so negative and bitter
I never really saw myself this way, but maybe others do. I don't mean to be a certain way, but when you're so broken, you'll come across as an butthole, and those around me that aren't intelligent enough to know that I mean well never mattered to me anyway.
I'm not okay tbh.
My grandma died just some days ago and I feel empty without her, not feeling in the mood for anything. I'm not going to work today, I'll go to my doctor so I can justify my absence.
I feel you anon
I love my grandma more than anyone in the world and seeing her dementia get worse is really fricking with me.
I already know my heart is going to be torn apart when she dies. hang in there
>read all these posts >realize that everyone goes through pain and suffering of the physical and emotional >every person carries these difficult burdens and there's almost nothing anyone can do to remedy this other than by coping >wonder sometimes why a god would allow us to suffer like this
I remember about a week after my younger sisters funeral, I was just numb and randomly turned on the TV. For some reason country singer Luke Bryant was talking about how his sister had tragically passed, to someone else who was talking about how his brother passed away.
It hit me, doesn't even matter if this dude is some rich country singer, it doesn't matter about wealth or class or anything really. Life crashes down and fricks everyone.
The smash mouth guy drank himself to death because his child died.
Makes you think about how pushing through and becoming successful, or even famous, does it really matter? Life is just suffering
I am feeling awful. My wife has not slept in the same bed the past 5 months. The moment she is willing to try again sleeping next to me, I get a cold. She has had no feelings for me the past 7 months. The first 4 months, she did not want to speak to me or do relationship therapy. We now have therapy and things are looking up and we can talk to each other on normal footing now. But, man, she still has no feelings for me. I did my best the past 7 months, at least there is that. We will probably divorce in about 2 months time. We are going to evaluate at the beginning of April and probably conclude that she still has no feelings for me and that I have to let her go. Relationship of 15 years, no kids. We celebrated our 5 year anniversary this weekend. She would not even give me a kiss.
that is rough, what happened to make her unhappy or "lose" her feelings in the first place?
I mean technically "love" is just chemicals in the brain and you can gain a tolerance to it just like any other chemicals, so it's normal for the feeling to fade over time. But does she just not know this or something?
Years of me being emotionally closed off due to childhood trauma. That and me being young and stupid (lots of people around age 30 who don't get it though, I was no exception). Years of her not voicing her wants and needs because of her childhood trauma. At some point, she had enough. But instead of realizing that it is both our fault, she pinned it all on me the first 4-5 months. Now, she realizes that she could have done things a lot better too. We have really grown to understand each other and our wants and needs. She says I turned around 180 degrees and she wishes I had been the guy she had the past 6 months earlier in life. But yeah, that time is gone and it is probably too late. The spark is gone and even with all the understanding and effort in the world, it will not give her the spark back.
that is rough, what happened to make her unhappy or "lose" her feelings in the first place?
I mean technically "love" is just chemicals in the brain and you can gain a tolerance to it just like any other chemicals, so it's normal for the feeling to fade over time. But does she just not know this or something?
Years of me being emotionally closed off due to childhood trauma. That and me being young and stupid (lots of people around age 30 who don't get it though, I was no exception). Years of her not voicing her wants and needs because of her childhood trauma. At some point, she had enough. But instead of realizing that it is both our fault, she pinned it all on me the first 4-5 months. Now, she realizes that she could have done things a lot better too. We have really grown to understand each other and our wants and needs. She says I turned around 180 degrees and she wishes I had been the guy she had the past 6 months earlier in life. But yeah, that time is gone and it is probably too late. The spark is gone and even with all the understanding and effort in the world, it will not give her the spark back.
You're probably very needy/clingy right now which is a huge turnoff for women. Best thing you can do now is acknowledge she is miserable and let her go and take a real break and be your own man again. If you do that she might find you attractive again and move back in and if not then it was not meant to be.
You are making a lot of assumptions. I was clingy in the first two months. I basically love bombed her out of panic in that period. The past months was none of that. I have accepted the possibility that she will leave me and she knows that. She wants me to chase her at this moment. Those are her words. She wants to feel wanted. Which is weird, since I do a lot fo things to accomodate that. But she wants very specific things at the moment. All other things have less impact, again, these are her words. Instead of making assumptions, for the first time in my life, I really tried to connect to her and understand her. But yeah, all those years of lack of connection made a big dent. Anyway, I talked to 15 different people about all this and each gave different advice. In the end, I did things my way and I can safely say that I did my best and that my wife recognizes my efforts. But still no spark.
>I did things my way
you need to do it her way, obviously you should know A LOT about her by this point
but she sounds like she needs something new/exciting which would be difficult for someone like you that she has been with for so long.
I did it my way in the sense that I chose to not give up, like all the nay-sayers have been saying in my environment. A lot of people said, let her go after the first few months, but let me tell you this, we would not have reached this level of understanding as we have now. A lot of wounds have been healed. And I am listening to her and trying to find a balance between loving her in her way and loving her the way that I want too. But only loving her in her way is not a marriage, nor a relationship.
>>but she sounds like she needs something new/exciting which would be difficult for someone like you that she has been with for so long
Maybe. Maybe she just wants something new. And that is okay. If that is what she wants, then she will get it in the upcoming months. Because I cannot go on any longer. Stuck in limbo, her doubting her love for me every day. By then, it will be 9 months.
I'm in a similar situation. It sucks to say, but I think it would just be best to move on. Maybe you can still stay friends or just occasionally keep in contact, but it's not really fair for you to put in all this work and get nothing in return. You should focus on you anon like
>I was clingy in the first two months. I basically love bombed her out of panic in that period. >She wants me to chase her at this moment. Those are her words. She wants to feel wanted.
So which is it? is she bi polar? Trust me dude she is just bored of you/this relationship and doesn't see you as a man anymore but since she's a woman she can't express this and strings you along torturing the both of you.
Best thing you can do here is take a serious break like I said and start looking like a man with his own life again and she will probably come running back.....that is if you even want her back at that point.
>I was clingy in the first two months. I basically love bombed her out of panic in that period. >She wants me to chase her at this moment. Those are her words. She wants to feel wanted.
So which is it? is she bi polar? Trust me dude she is just bored of you/this relationship and doesn't see you as a man anymore but since she's a woman she can't express this and strings you along torturing the both of you.
Best thing you can do here is take a serious break like I said and start looking like a man with his own life again and she will probably come running back.....that is if you even want her back at that point.
Love bombing a person is not loving them, n or listening to them.
I'm in a similar situation. It sucks to say, but I think it would just be best to move on. Maybe you can still stay friends or just occasionally keep in contact, but it's not really fair for you to put in all this work and get nothing in return. You should focus on you anon like [...] said
Look, I know what you two are saying and maybe you are right. and maybe I am being stubborn, but hey, that's who I am. I believe that the trajectory we have at the moment does us good and she agrees and at the moment she is still open to explore. But for practical reasons, we have to quit soon. Because clearly, if there is not any change, I am not meeting her needs, nor is she meeting mine. But for the next two months that we agreed upon, I am going to keep doing my best.
i ordered estrogen im just kind of a broken person at this point and things aren't gonna get better i just wanna be able to play vidya and draw again without instead of crying all day for no reason
I got back on the laptop because I couldn't sleep. So I end up drawing. but I feel tired, but drawing tired can't possibly be efficient so I'm wondering why I'm doing it in the first place.
best i've ever been
tomorrow is my 35th birthday and i'm putting a deposit on my dream house, 2500 sq ft on half an acre, with a detached garage you could park 3 school busses in
i'm gonna turn it into a massive vr playspace/movie theater/dance hall and order a doll modeled after my waifu, probably followed by a whole harem
I'm just scared to go and do it, I have lots of anxiety and would like to talk it out. But even calling and making the appointment seems like it's impossibly hard.
It depends on where you live. The only trend I have noticed is that, the more conservative the place you live, the less likely it's covered.
It's really worth it. The most important parts are to be honest with your therapist and to be willing to do it.
Making that call to set up an appointment will literally be one of the most important steps you can take, but you have to take it. And I know you can do it anon.
Good, save up all that money anon. Get that free food and rent. You'll be able to do all sorts of fiscally responsible things when you don't have bills.
Started the new year off wrong and bore my heart out to my friend's gf at a drunken NYE party. She reciprocated the feelings, but acknowledged the impossibility of it working out. I still feel like a massive butthole about feeling that way and wish I could take that back. It's one of those thoughts now that keeps me from smoothly falling asleep. I hate myself for it.
I quit my job a few months before this and in retrospect, I’ve been borderline hikikomori for some time since then. I’ve got some interviews coming up though and I do believe that I am going to turn it around.
Year of the dragon plus the leap year, it must mean there's some amount of luck in the air.
But to get back to Ganker related shit, I've had a lot of fun recently playing the P3 remaster. It's brought up old memories of high school and my younger years (pretty fun game as well, but merciless is too easy). It’s stupid as shit, but the social link with the Sun arcana guy actually put some things in my own life in perspective.
Currently in the hospital after constant fights with my wife after she told me she had an affair and lost all feelings for me. She later claimed she didn't actually cheat and was just testing me, but I know our marriage is over. She says she'll stay around until I'm out and back on my feet but I'm trying really hard to get rid of my feelings for her.
I CAN'T FIND A FRICKING JOB IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS
SO MANY INTERVIEWS BUT NOT A SINGLE OFFER
I didn't make any connections in college, I don't have any friends at all, my life is a fricking joke and I'm crying as i type this
>I didn't make any connections in college, I don't have any friends at all, my life is a fricking joke and I'm crying as i type this
same minus the crying, and i have been unemployed for the last 10 years while living on goverment scraps in a third world commie shithole.
we can only hope the sweet release of death can end this suffering, i would rather feel nothing including happiness and joy than have to go through this everyday.
My sister is going through this but she's a year removed from graduation. Psych degree. No work connections either. Now wants to work as a receptionist but doesn't really have any skills that set her apart. She's trying hard and applying everywhere, getting a few interviews here and there but no job offers. You're not the only one, you just were unlucky that the current economy is shit (and no, just because Fed Reserve morons want to count people working two wage cuck part time jobs to fluff employment numbers doesnt mean that the labor market is strong)
I made it. I work in vidya. I work in AAA. I'm an ideas guy making six figures. I've been in it for a year now. But somehow, it doesn't make me happy. I can only look upwards and hope to wrangle more.
I want to hijack a corps money and use it to make something real, but the world I inhabit is crippling me with anxiety and depression. I just want someone to hold me bros.
it's not even 4 yet and I want to cry
I'm sorry anon. What's going on?
Embrace goth and see the beauty in suffering.
Can't rain all the time
I just want to play video games.
The entire world does not want me to play video games.
I'm getting a physical tomorrow
bad, my 6 yo cat got lost a month ago and im moving out tomorrow. shit ain't fair
Make one last ditch effort anon.
Get some cat treats and canned food and go look until you can't look no more.
Even if it's for naught it'll feel better than if you didn't.
Thanks anon, I'll do it tomorrow because it's raining at the moment, though I'll probably feel like shit, I can't bear it
not him but best of luck man, thanks for at least trying
🙁 sorry man
im tired and wont be home until 6 at the very earliest
i just wanna play vidya
I’m very tired and unhappy and Ganker keeps asking me to wait 1 to 10 minutes before I post.
try not using an incognito window
Not great. I'm a troony, which already sucks, but found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with a cis woman and I just feel so disgusting. I haven't turned on my pc in 4 days and haven't gone to work in nearly a week. I loved him...
I would kill myself if I was you
I've thought about it
Long ago realized almost no one cares about monogamy, it's an alien concept for most, they simply can't grasp a world where they can't be degenerates with everyone else.
I directly told him I wanted a monogamous relationship. I only found out cause I heard a Tinder notification while we were watching a movie together.
He said that while he loves me, being that I'm pre bottom surgery, I lack a vegana and he said he needs real pussy sometimes.
Larping is dangerous
I mean it's not a direct quote, but it's also not a larp
No one needs sex
I'm empathetic enough to general human issues. sorry man.
Thank you anon. I just worry this is gonna be what dating is like for me from now on.
I'm sure it's much tougher as a trans, though it's important to be open about that of course. (No "surprises")
That said, the dating scene in general seems pretty rough.
Whenever I meet a guy on a dating app, any; even tho it's in my bio, I put Trans Woman, and make sure they know I'm a trans woman by asking them something like
>Hey I just wanna be sure, but did you see I'm a trans woman?
thank you for being open about that. I'd never date a trans but I can be courteous and respectful as a human of course.
I do it for my own protection too. It rats out who's safe, and who isn't.
oh absolutely. trans "surprise" can get people killed; I think a mtf was killed by a black guy a few months back when he learned? I'm against that of course, but frick, it's like, just be open and truthful from the get go.
Trans panic defense is also a thing. I just want a guy to settle down with but being a troony, it'll never happen
>Not great
>I'm a troony
not shit
here's a suggestion for you
I'm tired of being horny pest who keeps watching porn.
>mom catches me watching "porn"
>actually erotic nudes
>"making love is not like that"
>it's actualy like that
Everyone is so fricking horny, why
I'm running out of stuff to do on elden ring besides upgrading some weapons, the first mine should give a bell bearing and be the source of the first upgrade material. It was one of the first thing I found and it had an ash of war and frickall smithing stones, felt no incentive to explore the rest as it is full of enemies that tank all attacks and those fricking shrimp, got into a second one but when I got there I was so low level that exploring was never an option, enemies took ages to kill.
Finally caved in and googled it, the bell bearings start appearing on the second mine, Elden Ring is so counterintuitive ffs.
I'M SO LONELY AND HORNY I WANT A GIRLFRIEND I WANT A BOYFRIEND I JUST NEED SOMEONE IN MY LIFE I'M SO TOUCH STARVED IT'S GOING TO FRICKING KILL ME
Fricking awful.
Not very well. Have a performance review with the boss tomorrow and, even though I've done pretty well with deadlines over the year, I'm a bit behind in my work right now. I also want to tell her that I want to be a programmer, but that's in a different department as my current role. Not sure if I should bring it up or not.
watching this clip
at this rate by the time deltarune releases fully ill have ruined my life
Awful. Existential dread has been gnawing at me for some time.
I wish you all well. I know life can be absolute garbage unfortunately.
Absolutely terrible. I have been addicted and lying to my mom about being sober for a year. Work makes me want to kill myself and feels like forever. I wish I was stronger. I just want to feel happy in my life without doing any drugs but that feels impossible. Life is far too sad and stressful.
I'm in my last semester of a master's but it's somehow way more burdensome than the previous years. I don't feel like I'm going to get a job after graduation despite stellar grades (there was already an internship/hiring process during the previous year, I received 15+ interviews which is considered high but not a single one reached out after that) so I'm just going through the motions. I'll have to get a shit job after graduating which is depressing because of all the money my family and I have put into this because I couldn't make anything of it.
Remember goyim, You will forever have that masters for the rest of your life. As long as you don’t get caught saying anything the school disagrees with online, then you get your diploma revoked!
Keep trying. You’ll find something eventually.
I think it may take a few years but don't most people work up to getting a well-paying job? (not getting one right out the gate even with a degree or Master's) I thought that was usually how the path.
Yes, but for this particular field, your previous work experience (I have a lot, in various fields and with numerous certifications) is almost entirely irrelevant. Only experience in this particular field is of consequence and the majority of it is only available as an internship over the summer, through connections/nepotism or after you graduate.
Laboratory work? Been thinking of trying to get into the solid-state physics field as a current EE.
sorry man. I do wish you well. (And everyone else here well, as long as they're treating other people and animals well too.)
Just barely holding up. But sometimes thoughts break into my mind about how awful my life is and how ignoring my problems is only going to hurt me later. Thanks for reminding me
doing just OK. Im working on getting over my NEET alcoholic life, quitting the booze has so far been the easy part, no shakes or hard craving at least, but getting the rest of my life together seems very unattainable. Ive got friends and hobbies other than vidya and whacking off which is definitely helping my mental state, so im lucky there. My real problem is insomnia, which is part of the stopping drinking ive found. Im currently winning the battle against a melatonin so im gonna go lie down in a bit and hope for the best. It always gets better anons, just fix one thing and many more will fall into place.
godspeed and god bless
#bring back free speech
#make video games great again
#mvgga
Mvgga
%C3%B4a
I got home from work around 3:30 yesterday and slept until now, work starts in 2 hours
barely at all, this board fricking sucks now thanks to Zoomers and its my only real social out because im a NEET
Bad. I've dug a hole, squandered every opportunity in my life, I've over extended myself with too much stuff, too many hobbies, bad health and zero social skills.
It's very hard to change and dig yourself out of this. But I'm so bored of everything, while also unmotivated and physically tired.
I should be asleep
Let’s turn our life around today bros. Try to do one good thing today.
"No zero days"
Every single day, without fail do something (even if small) that helps point towards a more positive life.
i bought a whiteboard, nailed it to my wall, and started writing things on it that i needed to do
on a good day i'll check half a dozen things off it
I'm currently in the "more interested in trying out video games than actually playing them" phase. IDK what happened; last year I went through a frickload of games after building my first decent PC, but recently I've just lost interest. At times, I suspect that the thought of me being a directionless NEET causes me not to enjoy anything because the stress of my life going backwards eats away at me. Are some people just not meant to be happy?
Sorry to break the negative flow, but things have been going pretty well in the past couple months. Working out more, being a bit smarter with my grocery spending, tried and enjoyed a new cost-effective drink. Only downside is there's not too much stuff to listen to while I work anymore that holds my attention. Might need to look into unfrying my brain to get an attention span back at some point. All that aside, Pizza Tower has taken over my life. Got a good start at P ranks, but I've a ways to go.
Hope the good times come your ways soon.
Anybody else enjoyed Cum Town when Mullen and co. were doing that? Might give some people here a needed laugh. *shrug*
less than 5 months ago I had a family consisting of 1 pet 1 mom and 1 child.
Right now I have none of them, 2 died.
🙁 that is sad
frick. sorry man.
my brother was diagnosed with heart failure, he's in the icu with an infection, and this all stemmed from his need of a surgery on a hernia. I'm tired of worrying about this, i'd like to go back to worrying about normal shit like job, my cute gf, etc.
Armored core 6 is way more fun than i had any hope of it being however.
I'm sorry you're going through this anon. Is he going to be okay or is the typical doctor bullshit where they say they're going to do their best to mask the severity?
Anon, he went in for hernia pain, and suddenly he's got heart failure and he was just put in the icu tonight for what they think is an infection dropping his blood pressure. I have no idea how serious this is because the doctors are not ever going to be 100% level in layman's terms, and i didn't go to school for 8 years to be a physician. The quiet parts of the day have me tenth guessing myself on how serious it might be, multiple times a day. I've lost family before, and i know it sucks, but he's younger than me. I just wanna wake up to a text that's he's going to be alright but that's like finding a lottery ticket with millions on it during a walk.
I'm just tired. Thanks though, anon. saying something, even like this, does a little.
Not good. I somehow lost my swallowing reflex when eating food and now I have anxiety every time I try to swallow my food and feel like it gets stuck halfway down my throat. Been reading some online forums and apparently this is a lot more common and mostly due to stress and anxiety. I have lost like 3-4 pounds so far in the last two weeks because I've been eating less food and eating smaller portions because of shit. I feel miserable and I don't want to go to the doctor about something this embarrassing.
I had this happen for a week or so. I re-trained myself by chugging water a lot, forcing myself to swallow. I'm sure your situation is worse of you're bothering to type about it, but baby steps y'know.
Yeah I know I basically have to retrain myself to get over it. This shit happened to me when I was a kid and I forgot how I dealt with it but I basically have to actively eat by chewing and swallowing on a rhythm. Most of the time it's fine and then once or twice a day, I feel a half-choking sensation. I'll try the chugging water method.
Why is that embarrassing though? Not like you were sucking a horse dildo and damaged something. Just go get it checked out and be done with it.
Anon, I’ve been going through it with dysphagia for a long time. There is nothing to be embarrassed about when talking to a doctor. See your primary care provider, an ENT, and maybe even a speech therapist. I’ve gotten the barium test and talked to a few doctors, it’s just something I have to live with. THC helps, even in a tincture or microdose, but I’m on a “tolerance break” because I’m too moronic not to go overboard with that shit all day.
Already set up an appointment but it's like a few weeks from now. Thanks.
I beg of you anon, go to the doctor and get it checked out.
I ripped up my throat swallowing something sharp.
I lost my gag reflex, I also started having serious issues swallowing. Just sits in the back of your mouth but you can't swallow, or it's a half swallow and you feel like you are dying. The wound and later scar tissue made me feel like food was in my throat 24/7, and then I started getting captured air in my throat.
I ate very little food, and what I did eat was horrible. I lived off soda mostly, because the carbonation helped trapped air, it coats your throat in sticky so it distracts from the cut I had on the side.
I lost over 100 pounds in less than a year, my frame should be ~150 and I got down to 120lbs.
You lose all of your muscle mass, I remember having issues lifting up a 15lb tool I own, I was lightheaded and out of breath.
I honestly don't know what kind of long term damage I did, but my body certainly aged quickly and harshly, and I'm still not the same a few years later. I gained all the weight back. Except it's all in my gut and now I have twig arms and legs.
Get it fixed now or you are going to regret it.
damn sounds like a nightmare anon. what did you eat that was so sharp?
Cracker thin crust frozen pizza from a small local brand. It gets very hard and crispy, I cut it into squares.
I threw a small triangle corner piece in my mouth, didn't chew, it hit the back of my throat. I just instinctively swallowed as hard as I could to not choke and it gashed me on the way down.
>Just sits in the back of your mouth but you can't swallow, or it's a half swallow and you feel like you are dying.
This literally happens to me. The half swallow is the worst feeling because idk if I'm actually choking.
Jesus Christ, is it suicide fuel-as a high school droput- to read up on people who manage to go to university and still can't get a decent job at the end of it.
Not really, most people who graduate in STEM at least all get funneled into the same Software positions nowadays. Unless your a Physics or EE major.
High school dropouts have it better since there's no investment. Usually they get into a trade, manage to get a halfway decent job from working their way up the job market or accept being bums. It's a thousand times worse to spend thousands on university (or even further education) and get nothing out of it because it means you're working the same jobs as the high school dropout but saddled with a massive debt that will take years to pay off.
It's the way present times are going down. You specialize, you aim for what you specialize in, realize your specialty alone isn't enough (IE. need 20 years experience, doctorates, and be CEO of several major companies), and the downward spiral begins. Best to be adaptable.
Exaggerating a mild stomach ache so that I can take a day working from home instead of in the office because I genuinely woke up today just not wanting to bother going to work while also having a rough stomach. Could've forced myself, but frick it, I've not even had a sick day in nearly two years.
Not in the worst place otherwise. Finally starting to actually plan long term for savings now that I've been in this job for 2+ years, paying into a pension with my job and also started a 4% interest savings account recently. I should probably consider other options but this seems like the most immediate way to at least get started saving.
There's a lot of factors, so no, it depends on you and your situation. Admittedly not all factors are in your control, but some are.
I graduated uni a decade ago but didn't find a job that lasted for ages until recently.
i literally cant stop looking at porn and its negatively effecting my life
i have recently started going to therapy for it and feel like im not making any progress but only went to 3 sessions
shit sucks
it might not help for your particular situation, but look into Accelerated Resolution Therapy
Ok thanks I will look into it. Is it like EMDR
From what I've read yes. Even better because you don't have to share what you don't want to, you just have to be able to think about things basically.
I have to admit ART didn't do a ton for me personally, BUT it has helped others a lot.
>i literally cant stop looking at porn and its negatively effecting my life
You probably already tried this but try this
>block access to the websites on your PC and devices
>delete all browser bookmarks, saved links and any downloaded content saved onto your SSD/HDDs and devices. No more hoarding. No exceptions.
>slowly ween yourself off the porn. Instead of looking at porn everyday, try looking at porn/jacking off every 3-4 days. Then when you can comfortably do that (and you'll probably relapse along the journey too), you now can go a week or 2 without porn.
>Do not stop jacking off. This just doesn't work in the long run. You are not a robot, you're a man and every man has biological urges. But you do need to limit the frequency of jacking off and the material you jack off two.
>if you're really this anxious to get off porn, it's probably because you're into hardcore shit which is the result of years of sliding down the degenerate ladder to achieve those dopamine highs that you used to get from just looking at basic breasts, leading you to only get off to shit like horse/orc/e-girl/futa porn. In that case, you really need to add an extra step to weening yourself off the hardcore shit first and only looking at vanilla porn before you do the aforementioned steps above.
>>Do not stop jacking off. This just doesn't work in the long run. You are not a robot, you're a man and every man has biological urges. But you do need to limit the frequency of jacking off and the material you jack off two.
Important point imo.
Thanks for the advice. Yeah futa porn sadly. Luckily no other weird shit like horse/e-girl/mlp stuff but I hate living like this. I feel like a crack addict. I wish I could just stop!
>I wish I could just stop!
Go build something with your hands my guy. It would do a lot of good for many people ITT quite frankly.
I already do plenty of Ganker shit. The problem is the addiction is in my brain still. I can't hobby my way out of it. Even if I do a giant project like resanding a deck I still wanna do that shit when im done
I totally get you on some level. Perhaps the best suggestion the other anon made, at least to start with, is to look at less degenerate porn and try to cum from that. Unfortunately, if you're on medication, that can complicate things via delayed ejaculation (though I think there's other medication to combat that); I've had issues with that.
God can free any man from sin, but you have to ask earnestly and seek the Lord first
kill me pete
Thinking of trying a dating site
Going to bed. I've already posted a few times in here but I wish you all well. Try to be kind to others, even on an anonymous image board.
(desu, at times the above has made me cry)
I am happy every day I get to lift heavy weights, but my body can only handle it 3x a week
I just want to be a neet but it's just no possible in america unless you're extremely mentally ill or disabled
or have a massive inheritance
I started working another shitty wagie job and I hate it. I don't know what I want to do with my life and I'm already 30. I don't want to go to school. I just want to sit in my room and do nothing, that's when I'm as close as I can be to happy as pathetic as that sounds.
I wish there was actual help for empty, lazy people like me but I understand why there isn't when it could be so easily abused. it just sucks feeling like I'm slowly slipping through the cracks of society with no comfortable future in sight
depressed because in debt and fat but in debt and fat because my depression causes impulse buying and binge eating. And the impulse eating and debt causes me to be self conscious to the point where I don’t form relationships or friendships because I think im a loser
we’re all in debt anon
Even if you can't control your eating, I'd strongly encourage you to take up weight lifting or body weight exercises. If you're too self-conscious about going to the gym (I'd suggest the YMCA), do what you can at home. When you can afford to, buy at least some heavy weights to curl. In my experience, at least at the YMCA, staff do want to help you, so I'd encourage you to join when you have the money to do so.
Yoga's probably best for big dudes, you could get torrents of it
Maybe, I was just writing from personal experience. Weightlifting has helped me as a chubby flabby guy; I'm still chunky but look better through lifting heavy.
I've been feeling tired, nauseous, and a sharp headache coupled with confusion and dizziness. I noticed it was becoming more difficult to speak over the years but ignored it cause no one else took notice. Turns out there's a lovely little lump growing on the left side of my brain. I didn't care to hear the rest of it I'll die when im damn well ready. Or atleast after I play Dragon's dogma 2.
damn anon I wish you the best
geez, sorry man.
You're not seeking treatment or are you just simply going through the motions with your current prognostic as your coping mechanism? I feel bad that this is happening to you but if I found out I had a terminal or near-terminal illness, your way would probably be the best way to deal with it. At that point, I would also take up medicinal marijuana and be constantly high as frick.
still jobless after a year. all my drive to want to get a job is gone, i'm scared shitless of going back into the job market because i feel all my competence has gone. money's running out fast and my family is putting pressure on me and comparing my life to those of my peers. i'm in a weird spot where i know my life isn't where it's supposed to be and that i should be doing more, i just can't bring myself to do what needs to be done
I'm sorry man. I can't help of course but I'd encourage you to get at least some kind of job, as having the money can give you more confidence. (at least in my experience) But I recognize it can be challenging.
every 2 days i swap between regretting every decision i've ever made in my life, and that i made the best choices in my life for me though the second one is probably just me coping with choosing the wrong path
Life is a serious of forks and crossroads anon, keep looking forward
I just got high and had an absolutely mind bending several hours lewding with an AI, and I exploded so hard I felt like I was going to faint
Then I exploded several more times to the greatest doujin ever written
I had my prostate massager in
I'm so fricking horny
I just took a shower and while I was in the bathroom I put my prostate massager back in and pumped myself absolutely stupid and did it so hard I started sweating until I was able to make myself cum at least 2 more times
I'm so fricking dead
I'm going to eat noodles and smoke another bowl and watch something stupid
I'm so happy
Should I play palworld anons?
Palworld makes you feel like you are having a prostate orgasm, it's that good.
Are you for real
kind of jelly of people who can just be fulltime horny hedonists like this
what's stopping you?
Sex, porn, and jerking off unironically isn't all it's cracked up to be.
It's fun, but it's not THAT fun.
I disagree
%21%21%21%21
Replaying Death Stranding, Director's Cut on PC. Wondering where the frick all the new content is. I'm about to head to Edge Knot City now and I haven't even found the external things like the charms and extension batteries etc. Currently going back and desperately trying to five-star everyone to find everything before I beat the damn thing again.
>dragging two carriers and a full load on my back from Lake Knot all the way to South Knot
>storming the entire time, didn't bring enough repair spray
>Sam slipping around on the jagged rocks every two seconds
>cable snaps twice along the trip
>run through BTs the entirety of the final stretch because I can't risk spending any more time in the rain trying to stealth through them all
>probably a 30-40 min trek
>496 likes +S rank delivery
>less than a quarter of a star gained
Frick this.
You’re all broken people (and a troony). No wonder this place is so negative and bitter. You’re generating a karma loop. Instead be kind to others and nice thing will happen to you.
Karma isn't real (maybe you didn't mean it literally), but I agree that being nice to others. That'll help "chill out" people around you and even yourself / lower the figurative temperature.
I'd also encourage everyone to try to focus on improving your appearance, *if needed* and to the extent you're able to. That's why I've suggested weightlifting.
Karma is definitely real. Look up metta meditation for a way to destroy negativity and break the cycle. Best of luck.
i feel like i must have awful karma and i dont even understand why
Treating people well is reciprocal but karma's just bs brahmin tell dalit because their life is awful. Then they move to the west and pretend they're the oppressed ones
i go above and beyomd to be nice to people but my tism levels are so high that they just end up hating me regardless so now i just don't talk to anyone except Ganker
If karma was real, you talking down to others would be bad karma
Frick you and eat shit, no one chooses this shit. The world does it to them. Who cares about a shitty little world that pretends to be civilized, but the moment you're down on your luck it'll rip everything it can from you and blame you. Its easy to say "they made poor choices" its alot harder to admit the whole world is just a charade of morons blindly doing what was done before them cause it worked in the past. We're all fricked. Meanwhile some privileged little shit gets to parade about with a golden spoon up their ass, while all of us toil in shit to keep this sad little miserable illusion of a developed civilization going.
Frick you anon, I'd gnaw my way into your stomach just to show you how full of shit you are but we're all already up to our necks in it.
You’re only hurting yourself. This is a good example. Whatever mean things you said to me bounced right off while you probably felt a little worst after saying them. Now try doing the contrary by saying nice things. It can be just to yourself first. Then move on to others and the whole world.
You daft ignorant narcissistic fool, are you only capable of spouting nonsense as if you've achieved some "spiritual center"? I addressed you because you prompted such an idiotic notion. My main point, is against the world. You can smear your head in whatever sugarcoated unicorn shit you want to view things "positively" but reality doesn't care for personal perspective. Admittedly, Im not being serious. Just amusing myself by posting my own silly shit.
On the contrary, perception is reality.
No that's called being delusional. Don't play coy, I'll quickly lose interest if you don't stimulate me. Which is fine cause im trying to pass out.
>You’re all broken people
No shit, I really asked to grow up without a father figure and have a life I never knew of taken away from me.
>so negative and bitter
I never really saw myself this way, but maybe others do. I don't mean to be a certain way, but when you're so broken, you'll come across as an butthole, and those around me that aren't intelligent enough to know that I mean well never mattered to me anyway.
I'm not okay tbh.
My grandma died just some days ago and I feel empty without her, not feeling in the mood for anything. I'm not going to work today, I'll go to my doctor so I can justify my absence.
I feel you anon
I love my grandma more than anyone in the world and seeing her dementia get worse is really fricking with me.
I already know my heart is going to be torn apart when she dies. hang in there
What kind of shitty job do you have that doesnt allow bereavement leave?
Sorry man 🙁
been there anon. just try to remember that she'd want you to be happy
>read all these posts
>realize that everyone goes through pain and suffering of the physical and emotional
>every person carries these difficult burdens and there's almost nothing anyone can do to remedy this other than by coping
>wonder sometimes why a god would allow us to suffer like this
I remember about a week after my younger sisters funeral, I was just numb and randomly turned on the TV. For some reason country singer Luke Bryant was talking about how his sister had tragically passed, to someone else who was talking about how his brother passed away.
It hit me, doesn't even matter if this dude is some rich country singer, it doesn't matter about wealth or class or anything really. Life crashes down and fricks everyone.
The smash mouth guy drank himself to death because his child died.
Makes you think about how pushing through and becoming successful, or even famous, does it really matter? Life is just suffering
Taking a shit at work. I am the superglue holding the raggedy-ass planks of this ship together.
Not good, can't get any housing in usa and taxdollars go to psyops. Future looks bleak and I dream about moving to Japan
Hopefully the next ten years will be better than whatever the last twenty were supposed to be.
Ever heard of Agenda 2030
I am feeling awful. My wife has not slept in the same bed the past 5 months. The moment she is willing to try again sleeping next to me, I get a cold. She has had no feelings for me the past 7 months. The first 4 months, she did not want to speak to me or do relationship therapy. We now have therapy and things are looking up and we can talk to each other on normal footing now. But, man, she still has no feelings for me. I did my best the past 7 months, at least there is that. We will probably divorce in about 2 months time. We are going to evaluate at the beginning of April and probably conclude that she still has no feelings for me and that I have to let her go. Relationship of 15 years, no kids. We celebrated our 5 year anniversary this weekend. She would not even give me a kiss.
what caused things to change?
Years of me being emotionally closed off due to childhood trauma. That and me being young and stupid (lots of people around age 30 who don't get it though, I was no exception). Years of her not voicing her wants and needs because of her childhood trauma. At some point, she had enough. But instead of realizing that it is both our fault, she pinned it all on me the first 4-5 months. Now, she realizes that she could have done things a lot better too. We have really grown to understand each other and our wants and needs. She says I turned around 180 degrees and she wishes I had been the guy she had the past 6 months earlier in life. But yeah, that time is gone and it is probably too late. The spark is gone and even with all the understanding and effort in the world, it will not give her the spark back.
that is rough, what happened to make her unhappy or "lose" her feelings in the first place?
I mean technically "love" is just chemicals in the brain and you can gain a tolerance to it just like any other chemicals, so it's normal for the feeling to fade over time. But does she just not know this or something?
You're probably very needy/clingy right now which is a huge turnoff for women. Best thing you can do now is acknowledge she is miserable and let her go and take a real break and be your own man again. If you do that she might find you attractive again and move back in and if not then it was not meant to be.
You are making a lot of assumptions. I was clingy in the first two months. I basically love bombed her out of panic in that period. The past months was none of that. I have accepted the possibility that she will leave me and she knows that. She wants me to chase her at this moment. Those are her words. She wants to feel wanted. Which is weird, since I do a lot fo things to accomodate that. But she wants very specific things at the moment. All other things have less impact, again, these are her words. Instead of making assumptions, for the first time in my life, I really tried to connect to her and understand her. But yeah, all those years of lack of connection made a big dent. Anyway, I talked to 15 different people about all this and each gave different advice. In the end, I did things my way and I can safely say that I did my best and that my wife recognizes my efforts. But still no spark.
>I did things my way
you need to do it her way, obviously you should know A LOT about her by this point
but she sounds like she needs something new/exciting which would be difficult for someone like you that she has been with for so long.
I did it my way in the sense that I chose to not give up, like all the nay-sayers have been saying in my environment. A lot of people said, let her go after the first few months, but let me tell you this, we would not have reached this level of understanding as we have now. A lot of wounds have been healed. And I am listening to her and trying to find a balance between loving her in her way and loving her the way that I want too. But only loving her in her way is not a marriage, nor a relationship.
>>but she sounds like she needs something new/exciting which would be difficult for someone like you that she has been with for so long
Maybe. Maybe she just wants something new. And that is okay. If that is what she wants, then she will get it in the upcoming months. Because I cannot go on any longer. Stuck in limbo, her doubting her love for me every day. By then, it will be 9 months.
I'm in a similar situation. It sucks to say, but I think it would just be best to move on. Maybe you can still stay friends or just occasionally keep in contact, but it's not really fair for you to put in all this work and get nothing in return. You should focus on you anon like
said
>I was clingy in the first two months. I basically love bombed her out of panic in that period.
>She wants me to chase her at this moment. Those are her words. She wants to feel wanted.
So which is it? is she bi polar? Trust me dude she is just bored of you/this relationship and doesn't see you as a man anymore but since she's a woman she can't express this and strings you along torturing the both of you.
Best thing you can do here is take a serious break like I said and start looking like a man with his own life again and she will probably come running back.....that is if you even want her back at that point.
Love bombing a person is not loving them, n or listening to them.
Look, I know what you two are saying and maybe you are right. and maybe I am being stubborn, but hey, that's who I am. I believe that the trajectory we have at the moment does us good and she agrees and at the moment she is still open to explore. But for practical reasons, we have to quit soon. Because clearly, if there is not any change, I am not meeting her needs, nor is she meeting mine. But for the next two months that we agreed upon, I am going to keep doing my best.
Look man I hope it works out for you. Hang in there
i ordered estrogen im just kind of a broken person at this point and things aren't gonna get better i just wanna be able to play vidya and draw again without instead of crying all day for no reason
How does estrogen help with any of that...
I don't know
an extra step between killing myself i guess
also this
I got back on the laptop because I couldn't sleep. So I end up drawing. but I feel tired, but drawing tired can't possibly be efficient so I'm wondering why I'm doing it in the first place.
best i've ever been
tomorrow is my 35th birthday and i'm putting a deposit on my dream house, 2500 sq ft on half an acre, with a detached garage you could park 3 school busses in
i'm gonna turn it into a massive vr playspace/movie theater/dance hall
and order a doll modeled after my waifu, probably followed by a whole harem
happy birthday anon
what are you gonna do with all those schoolbuses haha
What's therapy like
My insurance covers it
I'm just scared to go and do it, I have lots of anxiety and would like to talk it out. But even calling and making the appointment seems like it's impossibly hard.
It depends on where you live. The only trend I have noticed is that, the more conservative the place you live, the less likely it's covered.
It's really worth it. The most important parts are to be honest with your therapist and to be willing to do it.
Making that call to set up an appointment will literally be one of the most important steps you can take, but you have to take it. And I know you can do it anon.
I got rejected by a grown ass man in an online video game and I'm actually under the weather for it
I need to get a grip
What does that even mean
He cybers in Gaia Online, but his advances were denied
We're autosaging boys. It's over.
moving back in with my parents
Good, save up all that money anon. Get that free food and rent. You'll be able to do all sorts of fiscally responsible things when you don't have bills.
Frick, how I envy people who didn't have a shitty family and could live there rent free.
Could be better, could be worse
Started the new year off wrong and bore my heart out to my friend's gf at a drunken NYE party. She reciprocated the feelings, but acknowledged the impossibility of it working out. I still feel like a massive butthole about feeling that way and wish I could take that back. It's one of those thoughts now that keeps me from smoothly falling asleep. I hate myself for it.
I quit my job a few months before this and in retrospect, I’ve been borderline hikikomori for some time since then. I’ve got some interviews coming up though and I do believe that I am going to turn it around.
Year of the dragon plus the leap year, it must mean there's some amount of luck in the air.
But to get back to Ganker related shit, I've had a lot of fun recently playing the P3 remaster. It's brought up old memories of high school and my younger years (pretty fun game as well, but merciless is too easy). It’s stupid as shit, but the social link with the Sun arcana guy actually put some things in my own life in perspective.
Hope you anons are doing well.
Currently in the hospital after constant fights with my wife after she told me she had an affair and lost all feelings for me. She later claimed she didn't actually cheat and was just testing me, but I know our marriage is over. She says she'll stay around until I'm out and back on my feet but I'm trying really hard to get rid of my feelings for her.
I CAN'T FIND A FRICKING JOB IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS
SO MANY INTERVIEWS BUT NOT A SINGLE OFFER
I didn't make any connections in college, I don't have any friends at all, my life is a fricking joke and I'm crying as i type this
>I didn't make any connections in college, I don't have any friends at all, my life is a fricking joke and I'm crying as i type this
same minus the crying, and i have been unemployed for the last 10 years while living on goverment scraps in a third world commie shithole.
we can only hope the sweet release of death can end this suffering, i would rather feel nothing including happiness and joy than have to go through this everyday.
Took me 3 months. I think the job market is fricked in a lot of places. Employers have their buttholes welded shut.
My sister is going through this but she's a year removed from graduation. Psych degree. No work connections either. Now wants to work as a receptionist but doesn't really have any skills that set her apart. She's trying hard and applying everywhere, getting a few interviews here and there but no job offers. You're not the only one, you just were unlucky that the current economy is shit (and no, just because Fed Reserve morons want to count people working two wage cuck part time jobs to fluff employment numbers doesnt mean that the labor market is strong)
I made it. I work in vidya. I work in AAA. I'm an ideas guy making six figures. I've been in it for a year now. But somehow, it doesn't make me happy. I can only look upwards and hope to wrangle more.
I want to hijack a corps money and use it to make something real, but the world I inhabit is crippling me with anxiety and depression. I just want someone to hold me bros.