I didn't make this particular thread but I assure it's not a matter of "pretending to be moronic", I really do dislike this game. The fact of the matter is that people who like this game are quick to get defensive about it when it is derided, an almost infantile response akin to the humor in the game itself which of course equates to many replies in a thread.
Tons of idiots play the game expecting the typical boring, childish, simple, collectothon Rare game of the N64 years. They get filtered by it being more of a linear action game, and by it's difficulty and call it shit. They also never play the multiplayer at all because they're emulating it alone in their bedroom.
You could argue that any game with a signficant multiplayer component can never be completely judged without having experienced it. Even if you enjoy the campaign, you're still missing an integral part of the full game.
I've seen numerous younger folks play it or check out some of the scenes/gameplay over the past year and all have been repulsed. Most of the negative opinions were along the lines of "it's too hard" and "these jokes haven't aged well" or are offensive. one even wanted a trigger warning for the paint can and brush scene lel
That's very odd regarding the game being "offensive", the game doesn't really have South Park levels of cheap edgy humour that falls flat on its face, its just kind of gross out toilet humour,but pretty tame, it was only edgy for its time.
Regarding the difficulty i get it, its already difficult enough for people who grew up with it, the younger lads are not used to janky controllers like the one's in many of the N64 greatest titles, they certainly haven't aged super well, HOWEVER, more modern games are clearly developed to be less of a challenge so a much more broader audience can enjoy them, this totally makes sense.
Regardless of all of this, Conker is still a great title and i still love playing Multiplayer.
I had tons of fun with friends in the multiplayer modes. They had all the movie references we recognized and had a lot of variety to their play. Organically discovering things like the sword made you stealthy invisible, or some interesting paths possible to the objectives made the split screen action interesting.
All my friends and I got a copy because they were clearanced from K-mart. It did not matter if we had the console or not, it was a pretty good deal, so it probably stayed sealed in the box for a while. I did eventually open mine once I was able to afford an N64 when the 360 just came out. Playing the game on a friend's N64 for the longest made a few great memories of its multiplayer modes.
I think people by and large don't care for this game that much anymore. If you look at the games that were going for $70-100 ten years ago they are all going for hundreds these days while Conker is still around that range. Even post-covid.
I had Pocket Tales as a kid, by the time I tried BFD on Rare Replay I couldn't understand why it was a huge deal beyond it being an adult humor game on the N64
I've played it twice and I didn't enjoy it either time. A linear platformer with slippery controls (don't get me started on the shooter levels) and doodoo jokes. I don't know who finds this kind of thing entertaining besides children, the audience it wasn't made for.
Teenagers and the people who are still mentally teenagers mostly. The mighty poo song slaps but that's mostly cause it sounds good and less cause of the lyrics.
Also the ending and movie parodies suck and felt dated even at the times. Like seriously, a fricking Matrix and Aliens parody is how you close out the entire game? It's dumb
I'm not really sure honestly. I use a LOT of strange terms in a weird mix of older slang stuff and zoomie stuff. I'm kind of a shut-in weirdo so it doesn't come up a lot.
30 btw
I can look past dated pop culture references, but the voice acting is so poorly done that the jokes don't have much of an opportunity of landing because sometimes the tone of voice doesn't fit the context. The barnyard boys scene is a good example.
>The game is fantastic.
There are a lot of amazing N64 games. This is not one of them. This is a game made for the cliffyb crowd who laughed at dick jokes in the 90s and no longer have a dick in 2022.
Still not sure why Rare thought making games where you do the most boring shit possible was a good idea.
Spyro: >running around a a small dragon and burning things is fun, lets make a game all about it
Crash: >breaking boxes and fast paced tight platforming is fun, lets make a game about it
Ape Escape: >Chasing things that fight back is fun, lets make a game about it and give it the best OST imaginable
Klonoa: >Technical but simple platforming is fun, lets make a game about it and get clever with the camera
Banjo: Umm uihh you have to deliver the pie to the old lady that looks like me mum 3 worlds over and then wash her laundry for a bauble
>Banjo: Umm uihh you have to deliver the pie to the old lady that looks like me mum 3 worlds over and then wash her laundry for a bauble
actual moronation, you've clearly never played that game. 80% of it is platforming against the clock and the rest is shooting eggs or transforming.
conker is garbage though.
Attention homosexuals. I have juicy cbfd OC that I just found in a children's book for kids. Frick this thread and reply to this post. This shit is lulzy guarantee
There is a patch someone made that removes the beeping noises on swearing. I played with it for a bit and I prefer the censored version. The fact that nintedo had to censor it adds to the experience.
That rating's not an accident; I actually straight hatebonered this. Everything about the gameplay and presentation's poorly or awkwardly designed, and confusion turned to outright contempt not even an hour or so in.
To start with: gameplay. Conker slides just far enough at the end of a run to frick you up repeatedly throughout the game, and environments are painted extremely inconsistently in a way that leaves you constantly guessing what can be jumped on/what might randomly prevent you from jumping, compounding the issue. Additionally, his hover move can only be initiated at a very specific point of a jump (and only HAVING JUMPED, not during a fall)... and in by FAR the worst sin this game has to offer, there's fall damage implemented after what's literally maybe 1.5x your body height. And it's not just a bit of it, either; Conker gets six life segments, but any given fall will take, no joke, 50%-82% of it every time, if not killing you outright.
There's more contextual stuff to the gameplay that feels off, but the general takeaway is this: it feels awkward as hell and generally isn't fun at all. Which sucks, because the environments and scenarios themselves are also super hit and miss. Health pickups are always either littered in a halfdozen infinite spawn points or completely withheld to the point of absurdity, life ups are worryingly rare until you actually lose them all and realize that said life mechanic (despite being directly hyped up in game) is completely vestigial and nonimpacting, most objectives are obfuscated or poorly conveyed - while those that aren't force you into nonsensical and tedious repetition - and despite having been prettied up from the N64, I'd actually argue that the old artstyle's more consistent with the relatively barren level layout.
There's an anachronistic uncanniness to everything that never really sat right with me, and which also obfuscated the literal poopy aesthetic in a way that makes a highly trafficed shitpile look so much more like honey I actually had trouble differentiating just which parts of the area were in fact MEANT TO BE shit.
To give a few more pointed examples of things what gave repeated issue, as an idea of just how game-spanning this shit is:
-The presentation of cutscenes is stilted as heck, with awkward pauses and strange linereads intertwining with extremely basic gestures in a way that seriously undermined whatever 'witty' banter was more than likely swinging and missing. This 100% should have been jazzed up in the years since the N64, and it consistently irked me; Ratchet npcs and line reads kept springing to mind whenever people were speaking, especially with a lategame section that reminded of R&C1's planet Battalia, and Conker never once matched up well.
-You're given a weapon early on that remains one of your only kit options from start to finish, but near the only thing it ever works on are these random armored goblins that are never contextualized and just show up once or twice an area, seemingly out of obligation to have combatible enemies? The end result of this: you'll constantly attempt to bat things in the course of figuring out what the frick the game wants from you, and you will never once be rewarded for it.
-A VERY early objective has you carting cheese to make a mouse gassy to the point of exploding; thing is, you have to cart them past a boring 30second obstacle course, and the game makes you do the exact course three times over with no variance in between runs. This sort of 'WE MUST ADHERE TO RULE OF THREE' shit then continues through to end of game, and it never once stops being tiresome.
-Additionally, you're never once given context for anything you're *doing*. Your ostensible goal is to get home, but you're given no environmental context on where that might be, and nothing around you resembles or hints at what 'home' might look like for Conker. You also never really have a reason for engaging with any given area's side objectives, beyond collecting money pickups that might at first APPEAR to be collectathon item-adjacent, but ultimately wind up bizarrely underutilized; they're only there to buy your way through completely arbitrary content gates, and you won't even be aware OF those uses until you're staring them in the face. At which point...
-The game's shitty mid/lategame signposting rears its head, as you're left to backtrack a barren and near completely linear path and scour what random corner of the very small but very obnoxiously laid out gameworld might have changed without your having been told. Did you roll the shitball to the dungbeetle, then another through the mountain, then another to allow access to the lake drain? Oh, sorry; must've slipped your mind to use it for a FOURTH objective in highjumping up to the mountaintop; gotta get our mileage out of the shoebox worth of assets we bothered making!
-Special mention also goes to the caveman bar segment, where you're forced to repeatedly rob yourself of mobility to repeatedly use ball-pushing piss mechanics that only SOMETIMES work, in a room where going through the required path, I shit you not, drops you into UNAVOIDABLE 4-foot drop fall damage - and doesn't checkpoint when you get the necessary ball into place up there, for good measure. Swear to christ I almost quit the game right here.
Honestly, I could bring up a longplay of this game, jump to any point, and angrily point at a completely different thing that pissed me off every time. It's bad to the point that most people's contention point - the shooter genre bits at the end - were actually probably my favorite, if only because dealing with your own nonsensically tiny tank missile hitboxes and rocketlaunching enemies that the drawdistance barely lets you see seemed like comically quaint divergences from the godawful platforming tediousness of prior; xbox control scheme means it's just a mediocre kind of boring rather than an infuriating one. And they really are infuriating; even now, I can barely even stop myself from typing about 'em.
-The cow-shitting segment? Yeah, I got her into position, left, fruitlessly searched for how to trigger successful shit-collection for half an hour, then came back at a loss only to find you had to also kill said just so you could do the exact same thing two more times for no goddamn reason.
-The dino-eating-cavemen segment? Gotta love how slowly the thing follows you, and how it takes like ten seconds to eat every caveman it passes, and how not an hour later you do the exact same thing again, except this time you're RIDING the dino so it's controllable and fun, except the gag stopped landing before this fun segment even started so all the fun seeps back away into the utter boredom of the rest of the game.
-And, hey, how about that final boss that would never consistently let me land the full four-combo punch needed to put her into a stun state and progress the fight? How about how I tried for a full half-hour before finding that awkwardly jiggling yourself forwards and back while punching gave you at least some measure of consistency?
So it was, so it continued, so it ended. I unironically loathe this game. If the Great mighty poo's the only thing you know if it, more power too you; it's ironically enough pretty much the best individual segment gameplay wise too... though even then there's one jump in the boss room that was having my pull my hair out up until I realized jump>hover actually gives more consistent horizontal distance than highjump>hover, which basically can't clear said gap at all. FUN, FUN, FUN gaem :,DDD
Man, you typed all that shit just to still have a garbage opinion.
2 years ago
Anonymous
Nah, I have it saved in a master post-play impressions doc forever just so I can fish for (yous) with my objectively correct hot takes until the end of time.
There's an anachronistic uncanniness to everything that never really sat right with me, and which also obfuscated the literal poopy aesthetic in a way that makes a highly trafficed shitpile look so much more like honey I actually had trouble differentiating just which parts of the area were in fact MEANT TO BE shit.
To give a few more pointed examples of things what gave repeated issue, as an idea of just how game-spanning this shit is:
-The presentation of cutscenes is stilted as heck, with awkward pauses and strange linereads intertwining with extremely basic gestures in a way that seriously undermined whatever 'witty' banter was more than likely swinging and missing. This 100% should have been jazzed up in the years since the N64, and it consistently irked me; Ratchet NPCs and line reads kept springing to mind whenever people were speaking, especially with a lategame section that reminded of R&C1's planet Battalia, and Conker never once matched up well.
-You're given a weapon early on that remains one of your only kit options from start to finish, but near the only thing it ever works on are these random armored goblins that are never contextualized and just show up once or twice an area, seemingly out of obligation to have combatible enemies? The end result of this: you'll constantly attempt to bat things in the course of figuring out what the frick the game wants from you, and you will never once be rewarded for it.
-A VERY early objective has you carting cheese to make a mouse gassy to the point of exploding; thing is, you have to cart them past a boring 30second obstacle course, and the game makes you do the exact course three times over with no variance in between runs. This sort of 'WE MUST ADHERE TO RULE OF THREE' shit then continues through to end of game, and it never once stops being tiresome.
-Additionally, you're never once given context for anything you're *doing*. Your ostensible goal is to get home, but you're given no environmental context on where that might be, and nothing around you resembles or hints at what 'home' might look like for Conker. You also never really have a reason for engaging with any given area's side objectives, beyond collecting money pickups that might at first APPEAR to be collectathon item-adjacent, but ultimately wind up bizarrely underutilized; they're only there to buy your way through completely arbitrary content gates, and you won't even be aware OF those uses until you're staring them in the face. At which point...
-The game's shitty mid/lategame signposting rears its head, as you're left to backtrack a barren and near completely linear path and scour what random corner of the very small but very obnoxiously laid out gameworld might have changed without your having been told. Did you roll the shitball to the dungbeetle, then another through the mountain, then another to allow access to the lake drain? Oh, sorry; must've slipped your mind to use it for a FOURTH objective in highjumping up to the mountaintop; gotta get our mileage out of the shoebox worth of assets we bothered making!
-Special mention also goes to the caveman bar segment, where you're forced to repeatedly rob yourself of mobility to repeatedly use ball-pushing piss mechanics that only SOMETIMES work, in a room where going through the required path, I shit you not, drops you into UNAVOIDABLE 4-foot drop fall damage - and doesn't checkpoint when you get the necessary ball into place up there, for good measure. Swear to christ I almost quit the game right here.
Honestly, I could bring up a longplay of this game, jump to any point, and angrily point at a completely different thing that pissed me off every time. It's bad to the point that most people's contention point - the shooter genre bits at the end - were actually probably my favorite, if only because dealing with your own nonsensically tiny tank missile hitboxes and rocketlaunching enemies that the drawdistance barely lets you see seemed like comically quaint divergences from the godawful platforming tediousness of prior; xbox control scheme means it's just a mediocre kind of boring rather than an infuriating one. And they really are infuriating; even now, I can barely even stop myself from typing about 'em.
-The cow-shitting segment? Yeah, I got her into position, left, fruitlessly searched for how to trigger successful shit-collection for half an hour, then came back at a loss only to find you had to also kill said just so you could do the exact same thing two more times for no goddamn reason.
-The dino-eating-cavemen segment? Gotta love how slowly the thing follows you, and how it takes like ten seconds to eat every caveman it passes, and how not an hour later you do the exact same thing again, except this time you're RIDING the dino so it's controllable and fun, except the gag stopped landing before this fun segment even started so all the fun seeps back away into the utter boredom of the rest of the game.
-And, hey, how about that final boss that would never consistently let me land the full four-combo punch needed to put her into a stun state and progress the fight? How about how I tried for a full half-hour before finding that awkwardly jiggling yourself forwards and back while punching gave you at least some measure of consistency?
So it was, so it continued, so it ended. I unironically loathe this game. If the Great mighty poo's the only thing you know if it, more power too you; it's ironically enough pretty much the best individual segment gameplay wise too... though even then there's one jump in the boss room that was having my pull my hair out up until I realized jump>hover actually gives more consistent horizontal distance than highjump>hover, which basically can't clear said gap at all. FUN, FUN, FUN gaem :,DDD
Dk64 and banjo are for NPCs. You always see the same shit, they haven't played them in 2 decades and they are going based off of corrupted childhood memories. They can't ever play the actual games again because they have to judge them for what they were the whole time as an adult, which is mindless collect a thons meant to give parents at the time the most "keep my autist busy" bang for their buck spending power that was possible. CBFD is the only one of the lot that has any kind of story, theme, or style. It's not like, the greatest game ever made but it's extremely unique and people who didn't have it when they were kids seek it out. Nobody does that for DK64 or Banjo it's just nostalgia shits who don't want to play the game and just mis-remember it because their lives after 14 were just a series of failures
It's really good rare had a lot of talented people, I feel like even their microsoft games are underrated. Banjo did the minecraft thing before minecraft.
the multiplayer is great but conker twelve tales would've been a lot more fun to play
This thread again? What is it with the CBFD hate lately?
I haven't seen any threads like that lately
There is literally one active now c**t
I've made this thread a few times it's a pretty easy to bait replies with this topic.
I didn't make this particular thread but I assure it's not a matter of "pretending to be moronic", I really do dislike this game. The fact of the matter is that people who like this game are quick to get defensive about it when it is derided, an almost infantile response akin to the humor in the game itself which of course equates to many replies in a thread.
I'm with you brother this game is fricking terrible I find it laughable when I see people listing it with actually good N64 games.
>N64
>Good games
>it's a pretty easy to bait replies with this topic.
>Agree with me or it's bait!
No one would waste their time
Tons of idiots play the game expecting the typical boring, childish, simple, collectothon Rare game of the N64 years. They get filtered by it being more of a linear action game, and by it's difficulty and call it shit. They also never play the multiplayer at all because they're emulating it alone in their bedroom.
You could argue that any game with a signficant multiplayer component can never be completely judged without having experienced it. Even if you enjoy the campaign, you're still missing an integral part of the full game.
banjo kazooie/tooie and dk64 are all much better than cbfd
None of those are even good compared to Mario 64 which itself is average compared to Mario 3.
It's bad probably
it has a pile of shit with corn for teeth as a boss. how can it be bad?
The 3rd phase of his singing was kino.
Some zoomers probably watched an e-celeb shit on it
I think Saberspark's gaming channel did a video on it recently: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwjkayGyStk
Aint clicking that SJW wanker.
I've seen numerous younger folks play it or check out some of the scenes/gameplay over the past year and all have been repulsed. Most of the negative opinions were along the lines of "it's too hard" and "these jokes haven't aged well" or are offensive. one even wanted a trigger warning for the paint can and brush scene lel
That's very odd regarding the game being "offensive", the game doesn't really have South Park levels of cheap edgy humour that falls flat on its face, its just kind of gross out toilet humour,but pretty tame, it was only edgy for its time.
Regarding the difficulty i get it, its already difficult enough for people who grew up with it, the younger lads are not used to janky controllers like the one's in many of the N64 greatest titles, they certainly haven't aged super well, HOWEVER, more modern games are clearly developed to be less of a challenge so a much more broader audience can enjoy them, this totally makes sense.
Regardless of all of this, Conker is still a great title and i still love playing Multiplayer.
boxed copies of this aren't rare
Well, this game is for people over 17. Little kids would just throw out the box and stuff, older people would reconsider.
I had tons of fun with friends in the multiplayer modes. They had all the movie references we recognized and had a lot of variety to their play. Organically discovering things like the sword made you stealthy invisible, or some interesting paths possible to the objectives made the split screen action interesting.
All my friends and I got a copy because they were clearanced from K-mart. It did not matter if we had the console or not, it was a pretty good deal, so it probably stayed sealed in the box for a while. I did eventually open mine once I was able to afford an N64 when the 360 just came out. Playing the game on a friend's N64 for the longest made a few great memories of its multiplayer modes.
I think people by and large don't care for this game that much anymore. If you look at the games that were going for $70-100 ten years ago they are all going for hundreds these days while Conker is still around that range. Even post-covid.
a lot of the big money games for retro consoles already peaked in price and are only gonna go up a little bit from here on out
probably because it's good
conker's voice is cringe
The game has its moments, its a real looker too.
kys
it was funny at the time (still is mostly)
also the shock factor of cursing on N64 created many fun multiplayer memories
I had Pocket Tales as a kid, by the time I tried BFD on Rare Replay I couldn't understand why it was a huge deal beyond it being an adult humor game on the N64
I want to frick berri
im glad people like this are self-selected out of the gene pool.
??? But anon, I got laid less than 24 hours ago
Your hand or a stuffed toy doesn't count
No, but a QT's mouth does
There is very little porn of Berri, even though she bends over and shoves her phat ass in yoga shorts right into the camera in the opening cutscene
In fact, there is about as much R34 of Berri now as there was Princess Peach and Zelda porn circa 2006
What?
Who gives a shit it's just Conker's PAS.
Squirrels frick other squirrels or so I hear.
I've played it twice and I didn't enjoy it either time. A linear platformer with slippery controls (don't get me started on the shooter levels) and doodoo jokes. I don't know who finds this kind of thing entertaining besides children, the audience it wasn't made for.
Teenagers and the people who are still mentally teenagers mostly. The mighty poo song slaps but that's mostly cause it sounds good and less cause of the lyrics.
Also the ending and movie parodies suck and felt dated even at the times. Like seriously, a fricking Matrix and Aliens parody is how you close out the entire game? It's dumb
>slaps
Was there a moment when you consciously decided to start using that term, or did it just happen on its own?
I'm not really sure honestly. I use a LOT of strange terms in a weird mix of older slang stuff and zoomie stuff. I'm kind of a shut-in weirdo so it doesn't come up a lot.
30 btw
There's about ~15 good N64 titles.
None of them are rareware trash
Alright.
Shit taste. Don't even bother to tell us your fav games. They're not good.
I can look past dated pop culture references, but the voice acting is so poorly done that the jokes don't have much of an opportunity of landing because sometimes the tone of voice doesn't fit the context. The barnyard boys scene is a good example.
You have actual autism if you dont understand that scene and think the voice acting in the game isn't fitting
>The game is fantastic.
It's not.
I agree with him so hey
>It's not
You must have not played it
Why is it so hard for you to believe the game does stuff people dislike?
It's more believable when people actually discuss what they dislike about something and vice versa really.
>The game is fantastic.
There are a lot of amazing N64 games. This is not one of them. This is a game made for the cliffyb crowd who laughed at dick jokes in the 90s and no longer have a dick in 2022.
Not sure if pleb or contrarian.
conker can't compete with the truly definitive squirrel platformer
Still not sure why Rare thought making games where you do the most boring shit possible was a good idea.
Spyro:
>running around a a small dragon and burning things is fun, lets make a game all about it
Crash:
>breaking boxes and fast paced tight platforming is fun, lets make a game about it
Ape Escape:
>Chasing things that fight back is fun, lets make a game about it and give it the best OST imaginable
Klonoa:
>Technical but simple platforming is fun, lets make a game about it and get clever with the camera
Banjo: Umm uihh you have to deliver the pie to the old lady that looks like me mum 3 worlds over and then wash her laundry for a bauble
>Banjo: Umm uihh you have to deliver the pie to the old lady that looks like me mum 3 worlds over and then wash her laundry for a bauble
actual moronation, you've clearly never played that game. 80% of it is platforming against the clock and the rest is shooting eggs or transforming.
conker is garbage though.
Xemu is getting pretty close to having good emulation for this game. Its probably "playable" from beginning to end but its still a bit too jittery
Attention homosexuals. I have juicy cbfd OC that I just found in a children's book for kids. Frick this thread and reply to this post. This shit is lulzy guarantee
Let's see anon...
You are not yet ready to bask in the glory. I tease you further.
cmon, Anon, share
>Banjo Kazookie
>Conker's Quest
for me it's banjo and kazookie
Very children's book
Much read to minors in class
yep that's the nintendo bonus
There is a patch someone made that removes the beeping noises on swearing. I played with it for a bit and I prefer the censored version. The fact that nintedo had to censor it adds to the experience.
This is a low, LOW 4/10
That rating's not an accident; I actually straight hatebonered this. Everything about the gameplay and presentation's poorly or awkwardly designed, and confusion turned to outright contempt not even an hour or so in.
To start with: gameplay. Conker slides just far enough at the end of a run to frick you up repeatedly throughout the game, and environments are painted extremely inconsistently in a way that leaves you constantly guessing what can be jumped on/what might randomly prevent you from jumping, compounding the issue. Additionally, his hover move can only be initiated at a very specific point of a jump (and only HAVING JUMPED, not during a fall)... and in by FAR the worst sin this game has to offer, there's fall damage implemented after what's literally maybe 1.5x your body height. And it's not just a bit of it, either; Conker gets six life segments, but any given fall will take, no joke, 50%-82% of it every time, if not killing you outright.
There's more contextual stuff to the gameplay that feels off, but the general takeaway is this: it feels awkward as hell and generally isn't fun at all. Which sucks, because the environments and scenarios themselves are also super hit and miss. Health pickups are always either littered in a halfdozen infinite spawn points or completely withheld to the point of absurdity, life ups are worryingly rare until you actually lose them all and realize that said life mechanic (despite being directly hyped up in game) is completely vestigial and nonimpacting, most objectives are obfuscated or poorly conveyed - while those that aren't force you into nonsensical and tedious repetition - and despite having been prettied up from the N64, I'd actually argue that the old artstyle's more consistent with the relatively barren level layout.
There's an anachronistic uncanniness to everything that never really sat right with me, and which also obfuscated the literal poopy aesthetic in a way that makes a highly trafficed shitpile look so much more like honey I actually had trouble differentiating just which parts of the area were in fact MEANT TO BE shit.
To give a few more pointed examples of things what gave repeated issue, as an idea of just how game-spanning this shit is:
-The presentation of cutscenes is stilted as heck, with awkward pauses and strange linereads intertwining with extremely basic gestures in a way that seriously undermined whatever 'witty' banter was more than likely swinging and missing. This 100% should have been jazzed up in the years since the N64, and it consistently irked me; Ratchet npcs and line reads kept springing to mind whenever people were speaking, especially with a lategame section that reminded of R&C1's planet Battalia, and Conker never once matched up well.
-You're given a weapon early on that remains one of your only kit options from start to finish, but near the only thing it ever works on are these random armored goblins that are never contextualized and just show up once or twice an area, seemingly out of obligation to have combatible enemies? The end result of this: you'll constantly attempt to bat things in the course of figuring out what the frick the game wants from you, and you will never once be rewarded for it.
-A VERY early objective has you carting cheese to make a mouse gassy to the point of exploding; thing is, you have to cart them past a boring 30second obstacle course, and the game makes you do the exact course three times over with no variance in between runs. This sort of 'WE MUST ADHERE TO RULE OF THREE' shit then continues through to end of game, and it never once stops being tiresome.
-Additionally, you're never once given context for anything you're *doing*. Your ostensible goal is to get home, but you're given no environmental context on where that might be, and nothing around you resembles or hints at what 'home' might look like for Conker. You also never really have a reason for engaging with any given area's side objectives, beyond collecting money pickups that might at first APPEAR to be collectathon item-adjacent, but ultimately wind up bizarrely underutilized; they're only there to buy your way through completely arbitrary content gates, and you won't even be aware OF those uses until you're staring them in the face. At which point...
-The game's shitty mid/lategame signposting rears its head, as you're left to backtrack a barren and near completely linear path and scour what random corner of the very small but very obnoxiously laid out gameworld might have changed without your having been told. Did you roll the shitball to the dungbeetle, then another through the mountain, then another to allow access to the lake drain? Oh, sorry; must've slipped your mind to use it for a FOURTH objective in highjumping up to the mountaintop; gotta get our mileage out of the shoebox worth of assets we bothered making!
-Special mention also goes to the caveman bar segment, where you're forced to repeatedly rob yourself of mobility to repeatedly use ball-pushing piss mechanics that only SOMETIMES work, in a room where going through the required path, I shit you not, drops you into UNAVOIDABLE 4-foot drop fall damage - and doesn't checkpoint when you get the necessary ball into place up there, for good measure. Swear to christ I almost quit the game right here.
Honestly, I could bring up a longplay of this game, jump to any point, and angrily point at a completely different thing that pissed me off every time. It's bad to the point that most people's contention point - the shooter genre bits at the end - were actually probably my favorite, if only because dealing with your own nonsensically tiny tank missile hitboxes and rocketlaunching enemies that the drawdistance barely lets you see seemed like comically quaint divergences from the godawful platforming tediousness of prior; xbox control scheme means it's just a mediocre kind of boring rather than an infuriating one. And they really are infuriating; even now, I can barely even stop myself from typing about 'em.
-The cow-shitting segment? Yeah, I got her into position, left, fruitlessly searched for how to trigger successful shit-collection for half an hour, then came back at a loss only to find you had to also kill said just so you could do the exact same thing two more times for no goddamn reason.
-The dino-eating-cavemen segment? Gotta love how slowly the thing follows you, and how it takes like ten seconds to eat every caveman it passes, and how not an hour later you do the exact same thing again, except this time you're RIDING the dino so it's controllable and fun, except the gag stopped landing before this fun segment even started so all the fun seeps back away into the utter boredom of the rest of the game.
-And, hey, how about that final boss that would never consistently let me land the full four-combo punch needed to put her into a stun state and progress the fight? How about how I tried for a full half-hour before finding that awkwardly jiggling yourself forwards and back while punching gave you at least some measure of consistency?
So it was, so it continued, so it ended. I unironically loathe this game. If the Great mighty poo's the only thing you know if it, more power too you; it's ironically enough pretty much the best individual segment gameplay wise too... though even then there's one jump in the boss room that was having my pull my hair out up until I realized jump>hover actually gives more consistent horizontal distance than highjump>hover, which basically can't clear said gap at all. FUN, FUN, FUN gaem :,DDD
Man, you typed all that shit just to still have a garbage opinion.
Nah, I have it saved in a master post-play impressions doc forever just so I can fish for (yous) with my objectively correct hot takes until the end of time.
See you next Conker thread!
The cutscenes were really good for that time.
Dk64 and banjo are for NPCs. You always see the same shit, they haven't played them in 2 decades and they are going based off of corrupted childhood memories. They can't ever play the actual games again because they have to judge them for what they were the whole time as an adult, which is mindless collect a thons meant to give parents at the time the most "keep my autist busy" bang for their buck spending power that was possible. CBFD is the only one of the lot that has any kind of story, theme, or style. It's not like, the greatest game ever made but it's extremely unique and people who didn't have it when they were kids seek it out. Nobody does that for DK64 or Banjo it's just nostalgia shits who don't want to play the game and just mis-remember it because their lives after 14 were just a series of failures
>hahahaha he said poo!!!
>this is genius, what a gripping story!!
you're a moronic homosexual.
This goes for ANY N64 title. They all suck crusty goat balls. Are you new here?
It would have been way better as a point and click adventure game in the same vein as Grim Fandango.
It's really good rare had a lot of talented people, I feel like even their microsoft games are underrated. Banjo did the minecraft thing before minecraft.