Second rule, first rule is "last out puts the chairs away and locks up". You wouldn't think we'd have to write that one down, but SOME PEOPLE need a constant reminder.
We went over this, we rob people of their money by selling licenses, if they got the license they don't get robbed this month. The system works, damn it!
We obviously keep papers with the names who paid for the month exactly for those cases, if we did that they wouldn't keep paying monthly, its how we secure a steady income.
You're confusing us with the tax guild pal.
It's down the hallway, then the third door to your right. It happens.
What you mean, the tax guild is our cover up front!
political science anon here
The fundamental difference between mobsters running a protection racket and the IRS+the cops backing them up is 'the monopoly on violence', i.e. the social contract gives the government the property of being the only entity within its jurisdiction with the legitimate right to use force (or to determine who is legitimately right in using force). Everything else is basically window dressing to make the fact that you're getting robbed with the threat of gunpoint softer.
Bibliography:
Bodin, Jean (1576). Les Six livres de la République.
Hobbes, Thomas (1651). Leviathan.
the best thieves guild I saw was the Cerulean society in Pathfinder Korvosa, and even then, I felt like it was just more serious take on the Ankh Morpork thieves guild, which is just an absurd concept overall
Then why does she get to have her own private latrine that is cleaned daily and we shit in the communal hole that is cleaned once a month if we are lucky?
9 months ago
Anonymous
What's wrong with the communal hole, bourgie?
9 months ago
Anonymous
The guys with the sticks trying to push you in while chanting "Shiteboy, Shitboy, our toy, ahoy, ahoy!".
I got mine at the costume parlour. They're the ones that they use in the theatre that when you 'stab' someone with it, the blade goes right into the hilt. Nifty, huh?
Talking about that sign..
Don't you guys think it's kinda racist?
Don't get me wrong.
I'm cool with the rule itself but isn't the eyepatch a little much?
>has a jolly roger but don't even own a boat
YARRR, THIS BE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION
WE'LL BE RAIDIN' YER TOWN AND FEEDIN THE LOT OF YE TO THE SHARKS BY THE MORROW, YE FILTHY LANDLUBBERS
"Yeah you think you can get into our by just STEALING A PUNY LITTLE RING? You need to sell that to a fence first, then we will accept you as one of our own."
Hey team, qq. Do I have to pay taxes on the things I steal? Getting ready file and I don’t know if I include these in earned income. I’m almost into the 32% tax bracket so I’m not gonna bother stealing much more if this qualifies. Thanks.
-Bill the clueless
Yes, but not as declared theft, if you don't declare the federal tax guild will get you on evaded income, if you declare as theft you'll get caught on theft. Go to the front desk and ask Gary to set you up with the laundering department.
Remember what happened to mr. capone
Hey so, I think we got more merchants paying us for protection than not.
Shouldn't we, I dunno, have them prioritize business with each other so they keep the money flowing within out sphere? More successful they are, more we make. And that success would make other merchants want to join in.
We should probably make sure they know we're lookin out fer em, maybe we should wear some kind of recognizable clothes when we're out lookin for chumps trying to muscle in on our game.
not at all. by regulating the time at which payment is due we can have our men move about unobserved and undetered. a uniform makes them less directly effective at catching someone in an act contrary to our aims and a target with the only trade of being rapid access by the public to our organization through recognizable operatives on the street in the event we instituted some for of public service with the expenses they pay us.
I stole some fish today
To see if can I can steal
I focus on the gains
The only things that're real
What I have become my poorest friend
Everything I take is fenced away in the end
>someone stole our achievements again >frick we can't even boast around anymore >fricking neckbeards, don't we kill enough of them >another band of lvl1 hobos tried to join, thank Moot the gatekeep held >we gotta change our tactics, and these katanas are still underpowered, i'm telling you >frick off with your nu-strats, you second-grade pickpocket >god i hate non-humans >god i love snake breasts
>Boss pays me by the hour >Decides to laze around and take my time during jobs for more coins >He says I’m stealing time >I smirk and ask if I could get a raise for being able to steal from him
Now you know why I’m relocated at working for the pisspoor excuse of a tavern we have in hq
Grab your fricking swords you taffers, I caught wind of an unlicensed thief just done robbed the Gankernime store in the downtown east side.
Lets' go teach that kid a lesson.
'Ey 'ey 'ey hold on I was just sharing what's already out there, what's this about licenses? I wasn't going to sell anything anyways, what are you looking at me for like that?
>Spend all night casing a joint, watching patrols, slipping in and out without being noticed for a modest profit >Steve runs in, kicks in the door, stabs the ten guards to death, walks out with a bag of loot, then kills the twenty-five guards that show up to try and stop him
>tfw made the whole guild a whole tray of delicious donuts to get everyone nice and chipper with a sugar high for a good day of honest-to-good thiefin' >tfw I just put the tray down on the main hall and it's been stolen already
a thieves guild equivalent of /tg/ would be 40 dudes sitting at a huge table planning heists all the time despite not even knowing how to operate a lockpick while 5 dudes are out there doing normal bugrlaries for profit. all the while a few obese dudes keep interrupting the plans (that never come even close to being executed anyway) with stupid, timewasting questions: >fellow guild members, how would YOU rob a bank, theoretically? >fellow guild members, what would you do if the stolen goods smelled really nice hehe? >fellow guild members, how would an online discussion forum equivalent of our giuld look like xD?
is what nogamer shitposters think. In the generals you find good resources and quick answers. When I was a noob at TTRPGs /tg/ was a genuinely helpful place. It's exhausted quickly, sure but for entry level knowledge and stupid questions Ganker is a good place.
I also got good advice on my first firearm from /k/.
I don’t want to sound like an ingrate, and I’m very happy with the guild’s leadership of equals for the new headquarters no longer being located on the sewers but… did we really had to buy an office building in the middle of the city? Not saying the place isn’t nice, but surely the big door with two carved dudes wearing hoods and knifes was a bit too much?
Also whatever happened to the old vault? I distinctly remember it was full of gold last time back in the sewers.
How do you think we paid for all of these? plus the bribes and LLC registry? The door carving alone, do you have any idea how expensive that is? we are thieves, not slavers, full dues were paid to the woodcarver's guild.
And this is why the guildmasters are insisting on return-to-hall. If we all kept thieving from home and scrying into meetings, their big new downtown real estate would lose all its value.
No man, its cause we throw great parties and cultivate a great guild culture together, also the hall and offices are share owned, if you die your shares come back to the common trust.
>The door carving alone, do you have any idea how expensive that is? we are thieves, not slavers, full dues were paid to the woodcarver's guild.
With the amount we paid them, we ought to be calling them the thieves guild!
Is it guild policy that we HAVE to use daggers because the last time I tried to throw one the handle bounced off the guy's head, bounced back, and almost stabbed my foot
I mean, it's in the charter but it also says nothin' about throwin' e'm.
I mean, why would you do that, anyways? It's a dagger. Throwing it's only if you wanna get rid of it. What, are you one of them poncey assassins from the Eastern Lands?
Don't worry mate, the watch is totally paid off. Honestly, don't go around telling e'm I said that but they're really just a second thieves' guild, but with silver badges instead of the little brass ones we've got.
On that note, talkin' about the watch has made me really want some of those fine dwarven fried pastry rings.
Yes, it adds critical story depth. My table likes romance here and there with big focus on rare occasions. We don’t do anything sexual as a group but a few players have done erp on their own.
It started so simple.
You see a thing you really like then BAM!
It's in your hand.
Unfortunately for me...
Phat asses can't fit in my pocket.
It's how I always get caught.
I need help.
Our entire sthick is stealing shit and not following rules, why the FRICK do we have a guild.
We're just the fantasy mob, anon.
>We're just the fantasy mob, anon.
No, we're a close group of friends who just value our privacy.
And the townspeople would be wise to agree with that statement.
>"The best fantasy mob!"
That's a pretty funny joke!
THE THIEVES GUILD DOESN'T EXIST, IT'S AN OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE
I'd check the guild charter but someone appears to have stolen it
I thought we all agreed that the first rule of our thieves guild was "no thieving"
Second rule, first rule is "last out puts the chairs away and locks up". You wouldn't think we'd have to write that one down, but SOME PEOPLE need a constant reminder.
We went over this, we rob people of their money by selling licenses, if they got the license they don't get robbed this month. The system works, damn it!
and then we get a someone who *isn't* guild affiliated to steal the licences and then we steal all the stuff anyway?
We obviously keep papers with the names who paid for the month exactly for those cases, if we did that they wouldn't keep paying monthly, its how we secure a steady income.
What you mean, the tax guild is our cover up front!
>the tax guild is our cover up front!
Oh my bad. Almost send him to the towns guard lol.
You're confusing us with the tax guild pal.
It's down the hallway, then the third door to your right. It happens.
political science anon here
The fundamental difference between mobsters running a protection racket and the IRS+the cops backing them up is 'the monopoly on violence', i.e. the social contract gives the government the property of being the only entity within its jurisdiction with the legitimate right to use force (or to determine who is legitimately right in using force). Everything else is basically window dressing to make the fact that you're getting robbed with the threat of gunpoint softer.
Bibliography:
Bodin, Jean (1576). Les Six livres de la République.
Hobbes, Thomas (1651). Leviathan.
Im not reading shit. This isn't the literature guild.
I've got a guild secret sign that can tell you everything you need to know right here buddy
Short version is that our rights as independent entrepreneurs are trampled by the government because they can legally knock your teeth in.
>they can legally knock your teeth in.
Who? The townsguard? Haha, funny joke.
What? No, not our guys, the Tax Guild.
Yes.
he deserved it
Dunno. I never joined any guild. I'm just here to relax in my pool.
bunch of fences got together and networked, now we extort people as well. The name is a bit of a joke.
the best thieves guild I saw was the Cerulean society in Pathfinder Korvosa, and even then, I felt like it was just more serious take on the Ankh Morpork thieves guild, which is just an absurd concept overall
Because I'll break your legs if we don't.
Simple as.
fair enough
I'm asking the lady on the right for a date.
Been there done that.
Be careful with her.
She'll steal your heart.
Does anyone know why we wear all these blades and knives? I thought we were thieves, not assassins.
Speak for yourself, I do all of my thievin' completely naked and covered in oil so I'm harder to catch.
Yeah, look Marvin now that you bring it up yourself. Well, ... we had some complaints.
As if anyone ever doesn't complain about being robbed
Granted but this time it's coming from the Awareness Guild and we can't risk a bad rep with those guys. I'm sorry but no "oiling and toiling" anymore.
>not proudly displaying all the cutlery you've stolen on your body at all times
And maybe we should consider wearing something more inconspicuous? Like maybe just normal clothing?
These shadowy hoods just scream "thief", and the squeaking leather is making sneaking really hard.
I thought we agreed that if we do this thing we're going to do it with style.
Anyone ever get the feeling it's just because it's the guild leader's fetish?
>leader
Bruh stop using that word you'll make her angry.
We're all equal around here remember ...
Then why does she get to have her own private latrine that is cleaned daily and we shit in the communal hole that is cleaned once a month if we are lucky?
What's wrong with the communal hole, bourgie?
The guys with the sticks trying to push you in while chanting "Shiteboy, Shitboy, our toy, ahoy, ahoy!".
I like them. It's catchy.
All guilds have uniforms. It's good for recruitment.
>normal clothing
Yeah right. Let's not do that.
fricking square
What if we just made black leather and shadowy hoods more popular? I'm sure the bards college would oblige us
Knives I can tolerate, my problem are the tight leather pants, I swear they order stuff at least one size smaller for everyone
I can steal lives if I want to.
You're not the boss of me.
>Its another "Assassin wants to join the thieves guild because of better health coverage" episode
these are not knives, just very pointy climbing spikes, and you better remember that next time you see a guard.
My knives are letter openers.
idk about you guys
I have a butterknife myself
I got mine at the costume parlour. They're the ones that they use in the theatre that when you 'stab' someone with it, the blade goes right into the hilt. Nifty, huh?
You guys got knives? I just got a wooden spoon
>come on in, take a seat
I mostly just downloaded pirated copies of rule books and modules. What do you guys do?
Didn't you see the no pirates allowed sign next to our entrance? Sorry but you need to leave now. It conflicts with the aesthetic. Rules are rules.
Yarr, I've half a mind to start me own guild! With rum! And wenches!
Talking about that sign..
Don't you guys think it's kinda racist?
Don't get me wrong.
I'm cool with the rule itself but isn't the eyepatch a little much?
>has a jolly roger but don't even own a boat
YARRR, THIS BE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION
WE'LL BE RAIDIN' YER TOWN AND FEEDIN THE LOT OF YE TO THE SHARKS BY THE MORROW, YE FILTHY LANDLUBBERS
>MURR CULTURAL APPROPRIATION
The correct term would be "stealing".
You're welcome.
>The correct term would be "stealing".
That was the joke, yes.
I'm german
I am truly sorry for your loss
Thanks! :3
Good luck, we're behind 7000 secret underground vaults.
Hey dave, I did it, I went and stole that fancy ring ring like you wanted me to, can I be part of your guild now?
No! Who do you think we are? Our entry questline is much more excessive and convoluted than that. Go speak to Gary he'll tell you what to do next.
"Yeah you think you can get into our by just STEALING A PUNY LITTLE RING? You need to sell that to a fence first, then we will accept you as one of our own."
Hey team, qq. Do I have to pay taxes on the things I steal? Getting ready file and I don’t know if I include these in earned income. I’m almost into the 32% tax bracket so I’m not gonna bother stealing much more if this qualifies. Thanks.
-Bill the clueless
Yes, but not as declared theft, if you don't declare the federal tax guild will get you on evaded income, if you declare as theft you'll get caught on theft. Go to the front desk and ask Gary to set you up with the laundering department.
Remember what happened to mr. capone
Glad to be working with you, guys! Cheers to our fruitful partnership lasting forever!
t. Sly Hand the Betrayer
Hey so, I think we got more merchants paying us for protection than not.
Shouldn't we, I dunno, have them prioritize business with each other so they keep the money flowing within out sphere? More successful they are, more we make. And that success would make other merchants want to join in.
We should probably make sure they know we're lookin out fer em, maybe we should wear some kind of recognizable clothes when we're out lookin for chumps trying to muscle in on our game.
not at all. by regulating the time at which payment is due we can have our men move about unobserved and undetered. a uniform makes them less directly effective at catching someone in an act contrary to our aims and a target with the only trade of being rapid access by the public to our organization through recognizable operatives on the street in the event we instituted some for of public service with the expenses they pay us.
YOINK!
Hey what do you get when you cross an elephant and a peanut butter sandwich?
A peanut butter sandwich that never forgets.
WHO THE FRICK STOLE MY BALLS
Someone cute just stole my virginity 🙁
I want to rejoice but I feel like an idiot for being stolen from
Just steal it back [/spoiler]by marrying her
I stole some fish today
To see if can I can steal
I focus on the gains
The only things that're real
What I have become my poorest friend
Everything I take is fenced away in the end
Guys, I think someone stole my heart, what do
>someone stole our achievements again
>frick we can't even boast around anymore
>fricking neckbeards, don't we kill enough of them
>another band of lvl1 hobos tried to join, thank Moot the gatekeep held
>we gotta change our tactics, and these katanas are still underpowered, i'm telling you
>frick off with your nu-strats, you second-grade pickpocket
>god i hate non-humans
>god i love snake breasts
>Boss pays me by the hour
>Decides to laze around and take my time during jobs for more coins
>He says I’m stealing time
>I smirk and ask if I could get a raise for being able to steal from him
Now you know why I’m relocated at working for the pisspoor excuse of a tavern we have in hq
Grab your fricking swords you taffers, I caught wind of an unlicensed thief just done robbed the Gankernime store in the downtown east side.
Lets' go teach that kid a lesson.
'Ey 'ey 'ey hold on I was just sharing what's already out there, what's this about licenses? I wasn't going to sell anything anyways, what are you looking at me for like that?
Rent's due you layabouts.
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS THREAD
Welcome to the shady-looking-but-honest dudes club. Want to join?
Can I join?
Hell no.
dudes AND gals
Legitimate business
It fell of the back of a cart
feeling cute, might delet later
>Spend all night casing a joint, watching patrols, slipping in and out without being noticed for a modest profit
>Steve runs in, kicks in the door, stabs the ten guards to death, walks out with a bag of loot, then kills the twenty-five guards that show up to try and stop him
>steve gets hunted down by the kingsguard
Puckee you autist. Stop shilling your shitty art here.
>tfw made the whole guild a whole tray of delicious donuts to get everyone nice and chipper with a sugar high for a good day of honest-to-good thiefin'
>tfw I just put the tray down on the main hall and it's been stolen already
Come on guys, fess up. Who was it?
I ain't stealin', am 'elping out, dropped some off in the launderin' hall, rest with gary at the front desk.
a thieves guild equivalent of /tg/ would be 40 dudes sitting at a huge table planning heists all the time despite not even knowing how to operate a lockpick while 5 dudes are out there doing normal bugrlaries for profit. all the while a few obese dudes keep interrupting the plans (that never come even close to being executed anyway) with stupid, timewasting questions:
>fellow guild members, how would YOU rob a bank, theoretically?
>fellow guild members, what would you do if the stolen goods smelled really nice hehe?
>fellow guild members, how would an online discussion forum equivalent of our giuld look like xD?
one of the burglars comes back with a decent haul
>uhmmm have you tried NOT doing burglaries? Anyways what do elves look like in your heists?
>stupid, timewasting questions
you already forfeited all value of your time by navigating onto www.Ganker.org, don't pretend otherwise
is what nogamer shitposters think. In the generals you find good resources and quick answers. When I was a noob at TTRPGs /tg/ was a genuinely helpful place. It's exhausted quickly, sure but for entry level knowledge and stupid questions Ganker is a good place.
I also got good advice on my first firearm from /k/.
Also that one guy who keeps coming upw with lewder and lewder versions of the female guild uniform.
I don’t want to sound like an ingrate, and I’m very happy with the guild’s leadership of equals for the new headquarters no longer being located on the sewers but… did we really had to buy an office building in the middle of the city? Not saying the place isn’t nice, but surely the big door with two carved dudes wearing hoods and knifes was a bit too much?
Also whatever happened to the old vault? I distinctly remember it was full of gold last time back in the sewers.
How do you think we paid for all of these? plus the bribes and LLC registry? The door carving alone, do you have any idea how expensive that is? we are thieves, not slavers, full dues were paid to the woodcarver's guild.
And this is why the guildmasters are insisting on return-to-hall. If we all kept thieving from home and scrying into meetings, their big new downtown real estate would lose all its value.
No man, its cause we throw great parties and cultivate a great guild culture together, also the hall and offices are share owned, if you die your shares come back to the common trust.
>The door carving alone, do you have any idea how expensive that is? we are thieves, not slavers, full dues were paid to the woodcarver's guild.
With the amount we paid them, we ought to be calling them the thieves guild!
Believe you me the carved dudes with hoods and knives was ESSENTIAL to our branding going forwards.
It's gonna pay dividends. You'll see.
Bros… I tried stealing on the marketplace but people immediately called the guards I don't get what I'm doing wrong…
I think it's because they can see the intent in your moustache, you should cover up the rest of your face to hide it
Is it guild policy that we HAVE to use daggers because the last time I tried to throw one the handle bounced off the guy's head, bounced back, and almost stabbed my foot
I mean, it's in the charter but it also says nothin' about throwin' e'm.
I mean, why would you do that, anyways? It's a dagger. Throwing it's only if you wanna get rid of it. What, are you one of them poncey assassins from the Eastern Lands?
I throw wooden spoons at people and kick them in the nuts
Guys, you know having matching uniforms makes us really conspicuous and easy to find for immediate arrest right?
Don't worry mate, the watch is totally paid off. Honestly, don't go around telling e'm I said that but they're really just a second thieves' guild, but with silver badges instead of the little brass ones we've got.
On that note, talkin' about the watch has made me really want some of those fine dwarven fried pastry rings.
Yes, it adds critical story depth. My table likes romance here and there with big focus on rare occasions. We don’t do anything sexual as a group but a few players have done erp on their own.
You responded to the wrong thread anon
Guys, who stole my virginity? I had it on me when I walked in here and I kind of need it to get married.
>I had it on me when I walked in here
sure thing pal
Can someone here translate this shit?
I don't speak Schnitzel
Do Bandits have their own guild or are they welcome here aswell?
Bandits are riff raff and too unprofessional for the likes of us.
rude
as long as they shower
so no?
we have standards
It started so simple.
You see a thing you really like then BAM!
It's in your hand.
Unfortunately for me...
Phat asses can't fit in my pocket.
It's how I always get caught.
I need help.
>I need help.
Improve your pocket game