The Sauron, the Morgoth, the Thoth Amon, what if the quintessential fantasy Dark Lord reappeared in the modern world?
Scenario: the Dark Lord returns?
The Sauron, the Morgoth, the Thoth Amon, what if the quintessential fantasy Dark Lord reappeared in the modern world?
He'd probably start looking for investors
I mean modern humans are basically just Orcs by Sauron's standards so he'd feel right at home.
It'd actually be pretty easy for Sauron, in his Elf twink form, to gain a lot of power. The modern-day Capitalist economic systems make blind ambition an absolute necessity for the upper classes, so he'll very easily be able to influence the higher echelons of society. A One-World-Government straight from the Book of Revelations is a very dangerous possibility here.
I think a pre-modern person would be shocked by our society's obsession with sex. While money would be a close second, it's not hard to see not!Sauron becoming the most powerful man in Washington by 'sucking up.' Becoming the go-to pool boy for the big wigs in Washington.
>Joe: with enough makeup and just enough perfume, not!Sauron's Twink form would lure Joe's nostrils to his hair.
>Hunter: do I even need to start?
>Natalie: a perfect 'gay but not gay' best friend for all her three-ways.
>Obama: ever since Pizza Island got shut down, Obama's been depressed, and Michael won't leave him alone... Then comes this Elfin pool-boy.
>The Squad: all batshit and into some weird crap, not!Sauron will do fine here.
>Mitch Romney: has some skeletons in the closet. Just ask his son, Scumbag Steve.
>Jeff Bezos: just tell Jeff he's better than Elon and he'll fall into your lap.
>Donald Trump Jr.: why not? Mordor had a bunch of shit too.
>Elizabeth Warren: known cougar.
There are exceptions of course.
>Podesta: not!Sauron's too old.
>Elon Musk: too risky, too dangerous.
>Jaydubya: he's broken already.
>Mike Pence: as weird as it sounds, he's way too Christian.
The Christians who advocate electrocuting the gay out of people are Sauron's bread and butter. Pence wouldn't stand a chance.
But didn't Sauron frick that one Elf in the ass?
Maybe. Would that be relevant?
Because Sauron likes dick. Pence wants to pray the gay away. It's pretty hard to reconcile the two viewpoints even if Sauron would gladly retrofit gay conversion camps in order to suit his own purposes.
The Biden defense force even protects tabletop from wrong think, apparently. Guess Joe needs the grognard vote.
>sauron likes dick
away ye homosexual
That fruit was so low hanging you tripped over it before you posted.
>pre-modern people didn't have sex
How does someone become this moronic?
They weren't as obsessed with sex as we are today.
Yes they were, tes they fricking were. We're unironically less obsessed with sex than they were.
Yeah... No. I doubt it anon. I genuinely do.
You know, if you run with the King Arthur angle, it reminds me of Myth.
>The world goes through cycles: a time of light and a time of darkness.
>There's always a great hero who becomes corrupted, becoming the 'Leveler': a primordial force that destroys civilization.
>He's usually a necromancer, but not always... That's just the latest kind.
>Arthur was a great hero, the greatest leader of his time though many of his contemporaries would disagree and now he's the Leveler.
>His 'might makes right' philosophy, while attractive to the unhappy people of modernity, also leads to great bloodshed.
I guess Alric is Lancelot here.
Anon you can go to any beach and see a woman in a bikini, we're way more sex obsessed.
they also had beaches back the, and they would often just skinny dip
In gender-segregated groups.
People had a lot more sex back then than we do now. They just didn't talk about it like you broccoli hair freaks.
False. People waited for marriage to have sex back then.
They got married young and fricked constantly. The poorer they were, the more they bumped nasties.
It's actually a myth that they married young. There were fewer teen marriages than today.
People remember the nobility more than the lower classes. The nobility tended to marry young for reasons, so later people just assume that everyone did.
What fairytale childhood did you grow up in?
People also tend to forget though that you'd get married if you knocked up a girl fooling around the first time, and the divorce laws were pretty nonexistent (even then only women from rich families to go back to could really afford a divorce).
Also lead to a lot of women resorting to murder when they were married to an abusive husband. Or heck- just one spending all their budget on drinking or gambling.
Anyone who complains about inflation hasn't the first clue what inflation means.
Prices inflated because of problems in the supply chain- that's supply and demand. The less there is of something or the harder it is to get to, the more expensive it is. Likewise gas prices went up cause the Saudi's wanna cheat OPEC to make some extra money on their oil.
People also don't understand that inflation isn't the problem. It's the gap between the price of money and wages. As an example- a Hamburger costs like 500 Yen in Japan, but only 5 Dollars in America. Does this mean that Japan is incredibly impovershed? No, it just means that they inflated the shit out of the Yen back in the day, but since wages kept up with inflation, people can buy hamburgers. Now we wanna complain about how wages haven't been keeping up with inflation and the minimum wage, I'm totally with you there. We need to unionize and strike more.
Sauron and Morgoth are very different already. One would want to dominate all aspects of life, other would desire total living being death, as he hates all tyat was created
He'd take a look around, say frick, and go back to sleep.
Seriously. Everything he knew... It's gone. The Orcs are dead. The Elves are gone. The Dwarves are extinct. The humans now live in a multitude of bland interchangeable nation states, in buildings that all look like giant boxes with very little differentiation. Humans b***h about race? Come on. You all look the same. He remembers Trolls and the Fairy Folk. Humans b***h about Socialism and Capitalism? He doesn't even know what those words even MEAN and when he learns, he fails to see the difference.
The great warriors of old are gone, or they're Special Forces for one of the bland nation states that disinterest him. There's no challenge even... Those old buzzards sitting in that oversized white house would become his puppets in a week if he really wanted to. Elon Musk? That idiot can't keep his sign from blowing up. All so he could rule over humans in metal boxes.
Why bother conquering the world?
I think the stereotypical Dark Lord would be a little depressed.
>The world is wrong... Where are the Kingdoms and Empires of the world?
>The Gods are silent.
>The Humans are everywhere; they've built massive cities and made it to the moon.
>Your old enemies, the Elves and the Dwarves, are pathetic shades of their former glory... If they're even still around.
>Seriously, you can't sense them- all you can find about the Hobbits are some weird jungle pygmies that went extinct millennia ago.
>What the hell is an Neanderthal? When did they die?
>The Last Dragon died centuries ago, killed by some literal who named George... You raised him when he was a welp.
>The Wizards are all gone too.
>The Witches are nowhere to be seen.
>Who the hell is this 'Yahweh' fellow? Who the hell is Buddha? Who the hell is this Jesus guy or Confucuis or Lenin or... What's with all these totems that do piss-all? Back in your day they'd hit you with a lightning bolt.
It wouldn't be enough to stop the local Dark Lord from doing his thing but... Yeah. He'd be a little bummed.
A stereotypical dark lord perhaps, but not Sauron. Keep in mind Sauron's whole thing was that he wanted the world orderly, he was a control freak. The modern world is basically order and efficiency to the extreme and exclusion of all else. He'd probably love it, and see no need to conquer it.
People flock to his banner. He might demand your service, but he does value you. You might be expendable to him but you are not disposable on a whim.
He might be the merciless iron fist but he isn't the eternal HR department.
People would hate him and love him and serve him.
I mean Sauron is pretty much described as an eternal HR department.
I'm a bit interested in how the Dark Lord (TM) would react to our modern religions. They're a far cry from the paganism of his time where individual cultures or 'races' were tied with their own pantheon.
>Jesus? Turn the other cheek? He would look at the poor squatting in the streets and shake his head. Blind pacifism leads to servitude. The meek are meant to serve, as he believes.
>Muhammad? Yeah... No. This 'prophet' has a harem with a literal kid in it. The Dark Lord wouldn't be impressed.
>Yahweh? This 'God,' if he ever existed, was clearly the product of a race winning a few battles then saying their city's idol was the chief god of them all. The Dark Lord has seen it before.
>Buddha: a loser who abandoned his strong father to live as a failure.
>Confucius: excellent social control. A genius philosopher.
>The Tao: 'balance?' Who cares? His axe breaks the Tao.
>Atheists: "you want a girlfriend? Come here, fatty. Break enough rocks and I MAY allow you to mate. Fricking Dollar Store slaves."
That's a good one.
>"Dark" Lord
>using wrongspeak in 1984+39
Mr. Anon #5857, I'm referring you to Miniluv sector 7-G for behavioral correction.
Have a doubleplusgood day.
Amazon warehouses would give Sauron a boner, and he’d try to implement that leadership style into every facet of human existence
we already had this convo anon
I'd probably join him if he let me kill people.
If he reappeared in America, the ADL would add him to the list of terrorists and symbols of white supremacy, and mexicans would convert to him as the savior of the white race.
If he reappeared anywhere else, America would use it as an excuse to invade so they can continue protecting the petrodollar.
He'd spawn in Tel'Aviv funded by Blackrock/Vanguard and realize he's already got Uruk'Hai pumping out of Detroit.
>The Dark Lord of legend returns.
>All the great Kingdoms, the mighty Empires, the Theocracies and Thalassocracies... All gone.
>The Elves and Dwarves are pale shadows of their former selves.
>Only humans living in steel boxes, many just bum off the nobles of this land.
>Three whole continents are missing, what happened?
>The Dark Lands are now lush and verdant.
>His fortress fell into ruin ages ago, now it's a summer retreat for something called 'Spring Break.'
>The Gods are quiet, the very Gods he worked so hard to usurp, are nowhere to be seen... Have they left for the great beyond?
>The City of Beggars is now a disgusting city in this 'America,' a dying Empire in all but name.
>Appears in what was the City of Scholars, now a decrepit shanty town in a war-torn kingdom.
>Expects people to flee but instead, they flock to him begging for help even as the undead tear through the soldiers like they're mincemeat.
>The Nobles live in decadence, the Kings old and weak, the great heroes all gone... The Age of Darkness has started once more.
He already did back in 2016, thankfully his reign only lasted 4 years.
You're giving him too much credit I think.
He was better at managing the economy than the other guy.
A real dark lord would have a feudal economy.
>He was better at managing the economy than the other guy
That's funny because the recession we're in right now is a direct result of his economic policy.
Doubtful. The inflation started with Joe printing money en masse in order to buy votes.
The TV blared on as the emergency broadcast syste kicked in. "Shhh! President Obama is talking." Grandpa snarled as the former president took over the screen.
>"My fellow Americans... Uh... Good afternoon. The nuclear bombardment of Europe has... Uh... Failed and now we're... Probably going to get invaded. By glowing zombies."
"Then what's your plan man?!"
>First of all, I would like to thank all of you that have called and written letters about the safety of the first family. You'll be happy to know that Michelle, Sasha, Melea, and Beu are all fine. Everything is going to be ok. For us. We're currently in our super-secret underground bunker with enough food, water, and... Entertainment to last several lifetimes."
"Nobody cares about your black ass man, what about US?"
>"In times of crisis, Americans pull together. And what's going to get us through this time is sharing. Unfortunately, there's no way to defeat the Dark Lord but... We have a more powerful weapon. Compassion for our fellow man.
"Frick compassion. We need a weapon!"
>In conclusion, I'd like to say we're all in for some tough times ahead... For you. But Micha-uh Michelle, Sasha, Melea, Beau... and Hunter are safe. Goodnight America and godbless!"
"We all gonna die!"
>The Dark Lord looked over the smoldering ruin. His generals roared in range, his necromancers snarled, and his knights were demanding to be set against the Americans. The Eiffel Tower, once one of the wonders of the world, was now a jagged piece of metal sticking out of the grand like a pair of bent nails. The arrogance! He felt the radiation and rolled his eyes, he was already dead.
>How dare they kill his followers! He looked to the west, across the great ocean. He would bring down that accursed 'republic,' that hypocritical blight on the world. He would smash the idols of those who defied their king, he would drag their leaders on chariots 'till they were nothing but bloody bits, he would take the women as slaves and make the Americans watch as he defiled them. He would tear down that stupid statue and build a monument to him and himself alone! How dare they offend him!
>The old Kingdoms were his, the old Empire was all but gone, the oasis cities bound to his will, and the southlands had fallen into anarchy. Now it was time to end America! But... Something lurked in that continent. In the red desert, around a Salt Lake, he could sense a new group, a meeting of individuals... A new alliance? Bah! They were too small and weak; their Kings having abandoned them. Hiding in caves where they could only wait the inevitable. "Ready the navy!" He roared.
>Tomorrow he would cross the great ocean, passing over the sunken continent, and step foot on America.
Probably just get hit by a random bus on the street
Looks like he's more terrified of the AI hands than anything.
Consider reading "Once and Future" by Kieron Gillen and Dan Mora. Not quite the same thing but similar in concept.