>It is hard to believe that this is below college level writing.
This is a joke, right? This is something I'd expect out of a C-grade high school student at best. It's basically fanfic-level.
Other anon here. I can believe you it's bad ok but tell us why it's bad.
I don't ask it for contrarian purpose i'm legit wondering. I'm not native english so my experience with the langage is mostly people on the net and movies sub i dont read english literatture. What is wrong with what is written here ?
NTA. There are/were some genuinely good writers in the GW stable but the problem with this...it doesn't establish details; a few sentences are close to run-ons; it tells you how to feel (it happens a few times, but the bit about how it would be pitiful if it weren't chilling) instead of showing you what is happening and letting you come to your own conclusions. A lot of the writing is disorganized. It's not terrible but it's easy to fix to be better, too.
NTA. There are/were some genuinely good writers in the GW stable but the problem with this...it doesn't establish details; a few sentences are close to run-ons; it tells you how to feel (it happens a few times, but the bit about how it would be pitiful if it weren't chilling) instead of showing you what is happening and letting you come to your own conclusions. A lot of the writing is disorganized. It's not terrible but it's easy to fix to be better, too.
Abnett is actually pretty good at using metaphors and similes to describe scenes most of the time, plus good use of themes and other literary devices he learned at Oxford. Much better than your typical GW writer, high school student, or Tolkien/Asimov copycat anyways.
The problem is though that none of GW's writers have been able to handle the Emperor and the Primarchs without just resorting to non-stop superlatives and minor characters being reduced to gibbering idiots by their awesomeness
He asked you why and you doubled down on the hyperbole. You may not like the content of what's written [in a tiny excerpt], but the vocabulary is above 'C-Grade High School student,' and the technicalities correct.
Take a step back, and try, again, to use those words you intended to use before you gave up and became a teacher.
The flow is terrible, as soon as it gets going >he turns to the sound of the voice >he has found something >abaddon aproaches
It reads like a greentext/movie script but without the formatting. It makes it impossible difficult to tell when the author is switching between abaddon's and a third person's perspective, and what the subject of each sentence is going to be. Is the subject abbadon who is aproaching? Is sycar stating that abadon aproaches? Is the screen the subject showing abadon aproaching?
I cant tell until i reach the end of the sentence and process it as a whole, which is just uncomfortable to read
I'm going to argue against your first point since this is clearly an excerpt from something, so the setting has likely already been established prior
The rest still stand though
If I'm getting this right it's Horus at his peak of corruption, right?
yes he has a "true form" now too like the emperor
I'm an English teacher and I don't think I could give this level of writing a B- in good conscience.
Most nerds paying for those books don't see substantial difference between good writing and good enough writing.
does anyone read 40k books for high literature?
What is wrong with it? It is hard to believe that this is below college level writing
>It is hard to believe that this is below college level writing.
This is a joke, right? This is something I'd expect out of a C-grade high school student at best. It's basically fanfic-level.
>EZ-Kyle
Next big rapper for sure.
Other anon here. I can believe you it's bad ok but tell us why it's bad.
I don't ask it for contrarian purpose i'm legit wondering. I'm not native english so my experience with the langage is mostly people on the net and movies sub i dont read english literatture. What is wrong with what is written here ?
NTA. There are/were some genuinely good writers in the GW stable but the problem with this...it doesn't establish details; a few sentences are close to run-ons; it tells you how to feel (it happens a few times, but the bit about how it would be pitiful if it weren't chilling) instead of showing you what is happening and letting you come to your own conclusions. A lot of the writing is disorganized. It's not terrible but it's easy to fix to be better, too.
Abnett is actually pretty good at using metaphors and similes to describe scenes most of the time, plus good use of themes and other literary devices he learned at Oxford. Much better than your typical GW writer, high school student, or Tolkien/Asimov copycat anyways.
The problem is though that none of GW's writers have been able to handle the Emperor and the Primarchs without just resorting to non-stop superlatives and minor characters being reduced to gibbering idiots by their awesomeness
He asked you why and you doubled down on the hyperbole. You may not like the content of what's written [in a tiny excerpt], but the vocabulary is above 'C-Grade High School student,' and the technicalities correct.
Take a step back, and try, again, to use those words you intended to use before you gave up and became a teacher.
The flow is terrible, as soon as it gets going
>he turns to the sound of the voice
>he has found something
>abaddon aproaches
It reads like a greentext/movie script but without the formatting. It makes it impossible difficult to tell when the author is switching between abaddon's and a third person's perspective, and what the subject of each sentence is going to be. Is the subject abbadon who is aproaching? Is sycar stating that abadon aproaches? Is the screen the subject showing abadon aproaching?
I cant tell until i reach the end of the sentence and process it as a whole, which is just uncomfortable to read
Those who can't, teach. Not that you do that either mind.
>now
Have you already forgotten that Imperial Fist ceremonially mummify their shit?
>if a teenager turned this in they'd get great marks.
An American teenager maybe.
Chaos marines never had And They Shall Know No Fear, as far as I'm aware.
I'm going to argue against your first point since this is clearly an excerpt from something, so the setting has likely already been established prior
The rest still stand though
What are you talking about? I see no mention of shit in this passage.
Only when fighting Tau