The history of video games is littered with many majestic things; ever-increasing visuals, impressive leaps and bounds in animation, and the technology behind free-roaming camera controls. But perhaps the greatest advancement of these aforementioned technology leaps is in their combination.
The equation is simple really; impressive visuals + seamless animation + free-roaming camera = virtual boob viewing without the risk of being slapped, sued, or called a perve (unless someone in the real world catches you doing it). We’ve had to come a long way to get to the virtual sweater puppies that we have today, so kick back and enjoy our video history of virtual boobs below.
Boobs of olde
Before we had the curvaceous cuties of titles such as 2008’s Soulcalibur IV, the gaming world had to be content with pixelated pillows.
The Game: Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards
The Girl: All Larry’s Notches
The Boobs: Pixelated Pillows
The Leisure Suit Larry series has always been interested in scoring so is an obvious port of call when searching for virtual jugs. Although the series has lost a lot of its appeal of late, its humble beginnings featured some not so humble peaks (45 seconds in).
The Game: Police Quest: In Pursuit of the Death Angel
The Girl: Helen Hots
The Boobs: Pixelated Side-boob
Back in the 80s the trend wasn’t just in creating adventure titles, but for games with really long subtitles. Like an 80s action film, even Police Quest wasn’t without its unnecessary (yet awesome) depictions of lovely lady lumps (42 seconds in).
The Game: Space Quest IV: Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers
The Girl: Latex Babes of Estros
The Boobs: Swimsuit Edition
What is it with adventure games of old and their obsession with boobies? Space Quest IV is just another example of some well placed, well shaped, albeit pixelated jubblies. At least this particular adventure title has speech (2.09 and 4.26 minutes in)!
The Game: Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis
The Girl: Sophia Hapgood
The Boobs: Close-up Cleavage
Another adventure title, another set of boobs. This time it’s a close-up cleavage shot of Indiana Jones’ love interest, Sophia Hapgood. This is a good example of how a shaking screen didn’t equate to shaking love mountains in days of old (7.13 minutes in).
The Game: Golden Axe
The Girl: Tyris Flare
The Boobs: Pixelated Pleasures
Golden Axe may be dated, but it reeks of porn appeal. The game’s hero is a muscle-bound, blonde-haired warrior named Ax Battler, his dwarven counterpart is called Gilius Thunderhead, and the scantily clad lady sidekick’s name is Tyris Flare. She may have been small onscreen and pixelated, but her impractical warrior garb and sex appeal was off the hizzle.
The Game: Custer’s Revenge
The Girl: Revenge
The Boobs: Pixelated Boobs
This game has been featured on here before but that was more for the pixelated penis than the square boobs. They may be poorly rendered but they are extremely disproportionate. You gotta put a lot of imagination into this one, and it wouldn’t be worth it.
The Game: The King of Fighters ‘94
The Girl: Mia Shiranui
The Boobs: Cartoony Cans
With an impressive roster of fighters taken from developer SNK’s previous games, King of Fighters is a fighting game that’s worth its weight in digital blood. Mia Shiranui is not only a talented fighter, she also has a costume choice that features plenty of cleavage, side-boob, and jubblie jumping.
The Game: Super Metroid
The Girl: Samus Aran
The Boobs: Bikini-clad Boobies
Considering that in the original Metroid game people had no idea that they were playing as a female character makes Samus all the hotter. Check out the Super Metroid end credits below for a glimpse of the bikini-clad warrior woman without her Power Suit (sorry about the tools on the video).
The Game: Dragon’s Lair
The Girl: Princess Daphne
The Boobs: Animated Chesticles
Princess Daphne was one of the original animated dream girls that didn’t try at all to break out of the archetypal damsel in distress role. When gamers were trying to get excited about small, pixelated vixens, Daphne had them trumped with her cartoon curves.
The Game: Mortal Kombat 3
The Girl: Sonya Blade/Kitana/Jade
The Boobs: Half Animated, Half Real
Mortal Kombat 3 may well have proven to be one of the most divisive entries in the popular franchise, but it wasn’t without its character curves. They may not be physics oriented, but considering they used real actors to portray said characters, it felt less weird to have called them hot back in the day.
The Game: Double Dragon
The Girl: Marian
The Boobs: Pixelated Cleavage
Double Dragon was one of the greatest side-scrolling beat-em-ups to grace old school television screens. While most of the game was concerned with kicking the crap out of baddies, the heroes motivation for doing so was the punch in the guts and subsequent kidnapping of Billy’s busty girlfriend, Marian.
The Game: Duke Nukem 3D
The Girl: Strippers
The Boobs: Animated Titillation
Wise-cracking Duke Nukem was one of the ultimate ‘man’ games, with blood and guts, one-liners a-plenty and strippers. Limitations of the game’s Build engine aside, it’s hard to believe that this was considered digitally arousing not so many moons ago.
The Game: Dead or Alive
The Girl: Kasumi
The Boobs: Big and Bouncy
Dead or Alive made leaps and bounds in bouncing boob technology, even offering an option to allow said bouncing. Check out the result in the video below.
The Game: Final Fantasy VII
The Girl: Tifa
The Boobs: Physics at Play
Final Fantasy VII took advantage of the then-hot technology on offer for the original PlayStation and PC. Although gameplay takes place from a view-obscured top-down perspective, the cutscenes show how ridiculous early boob physics could really be (3.00 minutes in).
The Game: The Operative: No One Lives Forever
The Girl: Cate Archer
The Boobs: Curvaceous Cleavage
Smart, sassy and funny, Cate Archer was part of the tongue-in-cheek No One Lives Forever series. Her 60s fashion, English accent and cleavage revealing tops all added up to make one sexy protagonist.
Last-gen lady lumps
All of the aforementioned titles helped to take digital breast technology where it is today. But in-between the games of old and the current generation of virtual jugs, was the last-generation of gaming.
The Game: Bloodrayne
The Girl: Rayne
The Boobs: Deadly Peaks
The whole vampire mythology is infused with sexuality, nakedness and a whole lot of exchanging fluids. Bloodrayne took this to a whole new level with the Nazi slaying vampire Rayne, whose tight clothes and bust often distracted from the deadly task at hand.
The Game: God of War
The Girl: Random Horny Ladies
The Boobs: Big and Bared
Aside from having a tradition of monster-slaying awesomeness, God of War is also renowned for its sex mini-game Easter Eggs. Although they’re only on the screen briefly, these two lovely ladies are ready for some Kratos loving.
The Game: GTA: San Andreas
The Girl: CJ’s Girlfriends
The Boobs: Assorted Pillows
GTA: San Andreas featured several girlfriends for the game’s protagonist CJ. Unlike the recent GTA IV, you didn’t have to spend time constantly answering annoying phone calls from them. Check out the various boobs on offer below.
The Game: Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball
The Girl: All of Them
The Boobs: Shameless Sweaterless Puppies
As if the bouncy babes of the Dead or Alive series weren’t disproportionate and shameless enough, Team Ninja popped out Xtreme Beach Volleyball. Check out the various chesticles in the bouncy video below.
The Game: Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
The Girl: Kaileena
The Boobs: Fantasy Funbags
Before the Prince of Persia series took a different artistic direction, it rocked out on the last-generation of gaming platforms. Of the female characters in the game, Kaileena was the sexiest and bustiest backstabbing vixen encountered.
The Game: Stretch Panic
The Girl: Enormous Breasted Foe
The Boobs: Enormous Breasts
Stretch Panic was a quirky game filled with strange gameplay and artistic oddities. Perhaps one of the strangest enemies in the already weird game was the female opponents with ridiculously oversized breasts that, once defeated, turned into helicopter blades that flew the felled foe out of sight.
The Game: Rumble Roses
The Girl: All of Them
The Boobs: Jiggling Jubblies
With the ever-refining nature of breast related physics, what better way to justify busty bouncing blondes than with a wrestling game? Rumble Roses also shamelessly allowed players to customise breast size. Check out some of the breast physics in the Rumble Roses preview below.
The Game: Outlaw Golf 2
The Girl: All of Them
The Boobs: Giant Jiggly Jubblies
The Outlaw Golf games feature a host of characters, ranging from stupid guys to busty, badass blondes and brunettes. The character intro trailer below should give you a glimpse of the games large lady lumps.
The Game: The Guy Game
The Girl: Real Life Gals
The Boobs: Real Deal Ta Ta’s
The Guy Game has been branded as one of the ultimate male drinking games. Basically, you answer a bunch of trivia questions, guess whether a real life girl got the same question right or wrong, and if you win she flashes you. Simple really.
The Game: Devil May Cry
The Girl: Trish
The Boobs: Tight-clothed Tits
Blondes with big boobs seems to be a recurring theme of game developers when designing a leading lady, and Trish is no exception to this. She’s a fan of low-cut tops and showing skin and you can check her out below.
The Game: Darkwatch
The Girl: Tala
The Boobs: Busty Vampiric Brunette
Continuing on from the tradition of Vampire Vixens in Bloodrayne, comes Tala from Darkwatch. She’s feisty, sexual and likes wearing tight leather; what’s not to love?
The Game: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
The Girl: EVA
The Boobs: Bikini-clad Boobies
It’s pretty hard to look at the Metal Gear Solid 3 subtitle and not laugh at the sexual connotations. Check out the cinematic trailer below with Snake and a bikini-clad EVA for more than an eyeful’s worth of tit.
The Game: Playboy: The Mansion
The Girl: Playmates
The Boobs: Playboy Puppies
Playboy: The Mansion may have tried to be the watered down porn-esque version of the Sims, but despite its simplicity, it put plenty of scantily clad Playmates on screen. This is the kind of game that the potent combination of decent visuals, fantastic boob physics, and a rotatable camera were destined to work best on.
At long last we’ve reached the current generation of gaming boobies. Forget all that came before, for although it was necessary to get where we are today in digital tit technology, the preceding titles pale in comparison to what game developers can do today.
The Game: Tomb Raider: Legend
The Girl: Lara Croft
The Boobs: Disproportionate Double D’s
We know what you’re thinking; why haven’t we included Lady Croft in the previously listed boob chronicles? Well we could have shown you her triangular, Madonna-esque bust from games of old, but we decided to pick a more recent title where her disproportionate breasts are displayed as the original designers intended them to be. Technology be praised.
The Game: SiN Episodes: Emergence
The Girl: Elexis Sinclaire
The Boobs: Sinister Headlights
Sure the original SiN game was a blocky affair that had a few too many bugs holding it back from true greatness, but it did have a rather busty baddy. Fast-forward a few years and they redesigned the game, but more importantly, used titillating technology to further enhance Elexis’s bust.
The Game: Soulcalibur IV
The Girl: Ivy
The Boobs: Gravity Defying
Ivy may be getting a little long in the tooth, but that doesn’t stop her from having a body that she’s more than willing to show off, as impractical as it may be for fighting purposes. Of all the busty babes of Soulcalibur IV, she’s the one that has us the most tantalised.
The Game: Ninja Gaiden II
The Girl: All of Them
The Boobs: Big and Beautiful
While ninjas are generally renowned for their self-control and focus, we somehow doubt that Ryu would maintain his control around the ladies of Ninja Gaiden II. Check them out in all their busty glory in the video below.
The Game: Halo 3
The Girl: Cortana
The Boobs: Artificial Awesomeness
Cortana’s always been sorta sexy in an artificial kinda way, but it wasn’t until Halo 3 that we noticed that she had become a whole lot more… female. Sure she’d always had a woman’s figure and a girl’s voice, but the advances in technology have been kind on her curves.
The Game: Resident Evil 5
The Girl: Sheva Alomar
The Boobs: Boob Cam
Resident Evil 5 may have had a little controversy, but that doesn’t stop it from having a cool unique feature; the boob cam. The video below demonstrates how to use the boob cam if you’re playing as Chris.
The Game: Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures
The Girl: All of Them
The Boobs: Shimmy Rack
What’s better than an MMORPG that offers in-depth character customization and awesome graphics? Why, one that has a boob shimmy glitch that shows just how complimentary physics and glitches can be.
The Game: Heavenly Sword
The Girl: Nariko
The Boobs: Torn Toga Ta Ta’s
Chicks that are able to kick ass and take names generally top the list of sexy game characters for reasons beyond their looks; but that’s not to say that looks don’t help. And what better way to highlight this point than with Nariko, from Heavenly Sword.
The Game: Silent Hill Homecoming
The Girl: Nasty Nurses
The Boobs: Undead But Sexy
Call us sick, but it’s hard to look at a lady in a nurse’s outfit and not get that special feeling; even if she is a bit questionable on the fully alive front. Yeah, so the nasty nurses of Silent Hill Homecoming are a bit on the disfigured side facially, but their chests appear untainted by death’s touch.
Boobs and brains
So while we’ve come to the end of the history of boobs in terms of those that stand out as obvious ogle-worthy choices (well, for the most part), we’d like to dedicate this final section to the leading ladies that have more than just looks and large bra cup sizes going for them. We’re going to give you a look at the more recent trend of creating realistic and proportionate female game characters.
The Game: Mirror’s Edge
The Girl: Faith
The Boobs: Proportionate and Realistic
Mirror’s Edge may not have been as successful in its execution of a shooterless FP(S) game as the developers would have liked, but it did have a strong and believable female lead. She was smart, quick on her feet and surprisingly, designed with a realistically proportionate figure.
The Game: Half Life 2
The Girl: Alyx Vance
The Boobs: Practical and Proportionate
When Gordon Freeman was first introduced to Alyx Vance she was saving his life. From the get go, Alyx proved that she was intelligent and able to handle herself in a fight, often saving Mr Freeman more than he saved her. She wears jeans and a sweater, with proportionate features that make her sexy in ways beyond a large pair of breasts.
The Game: Left 4 Dead
The Girl: Zoe
The Boobs: Covered and Proportionate
Zoe may well be inspired by the lady listed before her, but she’s got her own brand of badassery that makes her a respectable character in her own right. Not only is she adept at felling throngs of the undead, but she also keeps herself covered up.
The Game: Perfect Dark Zero
The Girl: Joanna Dark
The Boobs: Practically Proportionate
If you’re going to have a lead character in a game that is expected to be believable when she’s diving around and getting into trouble, she’s got to have the sleek figure to match the premise. Joanna Dark is capable of kicking ass, dressing appropriately for her various missions and has a body that suits her character and profession.
We hope you’ve enjoyed a look at the video history of virtual boobs and if we’ve left out a pivotal breast or two, be sure to let us know in the comments below.