You are transported into OOT as you are. You bring nothing with you but the clothes on your back. Could you survive
You are transported into OOT as you are. You bring nothing with you but the clothes on your back. Could you survive
You are transported into OOT as you are. You bring nothing with you but the clothes on your back. Could you survive
OP here I forgot the link to my vid.
I saw this video in my recommended. Didn't watch it but thought it would be a fun thread. I intentionally didn't link the video because I am not here to talk about some video. I'm here to have fun with anons.
quick at least put some pants on so the police dont arrest you go see zelda
what the frick is this autistic shit
where do you think you are?
sure, everything does a quarter heart of damage.
You only have one heart moron
that's stupid, and also not indicated anywhere in the OP. we start we 3 hearts because that's the baseline, and if you disagree you're welcome to eat my butthole
How would you know
I just got back from an xray and there was only one heart in there.
they should've x-ray'd you skull so you could see that there is 0 brains in there
Only link can take that much damage. Even other humanoids like the gerudo fall over after like 4 hits.
good luck even with 3 hearts
Link is ridiculously tanky even at 3 hearts.
I'll give you that, he can roll out of a sure-death scenario and can tank landing on his feet from a height that could break his leg along with surviving slashing attacks and the most important
He has alcoholic immunity, just check a recipe for old potions, it's basically an alcoholic fruit punch
That's the baseline for the greatest hero in the world. You aren't Link.
Sure, Kakariko is pretty chill. Just make my way there and make sure I live somewhere away from the well.
>everything does a quarter heart of damage.
This ain't TP.
frick no, i wouldn't even be able to make it across hyrule field without feeling like i'd want to die, never mind before the stalchildren come out
If you stay on the dirt road they don't appear.
Was there fog? I only remember that if you get up close, the flat black disappears and shows you the next section if it's the correct path while the other three will remain black no matter how close you get. And like that other anon said, this is for all except the Sacred Meadows (because it's a new loading zone).
the incorrect ones have a white prism that you can see as you approach, they dont stay black.
they are spirits
Maybe I'm remembering the same thing but I forgot what color it is. Either way I know you can go right up to it and check if you can see through to the other side, then turn back if you can't. Also the music is louder on the correct path because you're following the sound of Saria playing this song from the Sacred Meadow.
you are correct in spirit but misremembering the details, but you are correct about the song
>you can go right up to it and check if you can see through to the other side, then turn back if you can't
this is completely right though. you can see through the correct tunnel if you walk partway into it. on fake tunnels it just stays black
I'm naked...
Assuming damage hurts you realistically no
just chill in kakariko bro
>gets killed by bongo bongo when he breaks out of the well
does he actually kill anyone doe? i thought he just had an autism hissy fit and then fricked off to the shadow temple
he does but if you were in his path it wouldnt end well
this is true up until the last one to get to the sacred forest meadow
Nah that was you
I'm going to Gerudo fortress. Nothing bad could happen to me there
nobody actually dies in this game except one guy who becomes a ghost so he's not even really gone so yeah I'd have no problem.
>nobody actually dies in this game
Everybody. Stalfos.
RIP Cucco Lady's brother.
>nobody actually dies in this game
The story generally implies that Ganondorf killed everyone that didn't run off to Kakariko, killed Zelda's personal guard besides Impa, killed the rest of the Royal Family, had dissident Gerudo killed, some Gorons were fed as sacrifices, and would've all but killed the Zoras were it not for the freezing being undoable.
getting brainwashed into being an iron knuckle is a pretty gruesome fate too
What about that soldier in the back alley?
He just went to sleep
I recently replayed OoT for the 5th time and only just realized you can tell which Lost Woods paths are dead ends by whether they have a prism of beige fog in them or not. The correct tunnels won't have any fog in them and look flat and black from any distance or angle.
Wait, there are people who DIDN'T notice that their first time playing?
Some of us didn't play it on an emulator or 3ds first time around, lil zoomy. We played it on shitty tube TVs where you couldn't make out a god damn thing.
I noticed that shit when I played it on N64 as a child.
You either had a shit TV or shit eyesight.
NTA but I would've been like 5 years old when I got my hands on the game, so the music cues were my initial guidance until I stumbled around enough over the weeks to realize the visual anomaly.
all things considered, the fact that I got to the Water Temple before I hit 6 is a testament to how well designed OoT was, though playing Final Fantasy VII and Breath of Fire 3 helped me understand english way faster than a kid my age at the time.
You have to remember that there's a generation who came in the series with TotK so stuff that core Zelda fans have known for years is new to them.
The real way to tell is the music anon. The owl tells you to listen to the music and the music stops when your in front of an entrance that isn't the right one to the meadow
I'd live off of Malon's stench
you could give her a bath. youre really going in there, not just using a machine
child or adult time?
tell me about both
Im inclined to say adult but Im curious for both of your answers
i also need to know how subject i am to the game's rules. if it were just real life but zelda, i could probably go mow grass or something until i could buy a weapon off someone and go from there
I imagine it is like the the game superimposed onto real life, but to a reasonable extent
well since i'm in awful shape i'd go for the hookshot as i could use it as a weapon and help my awful jumping ability. from there, since i know the puzzles, i could get the fairy bow from the forest temple pretty easily. or just buy a bow from hyrule castle guards, or the kakariko archery game. the swords are out of bounds because i'd have to find kokiri village (which i don't think i could do as an adult human man, even with preknowledge, because faerie magic), get the giants knife which would break, help biggoron which would be really, really difficult without warping magic, and i couldn't touch the master sword
at that point i'd be set as i could hunt for a living.
>wolfos kill you as soon as you enter
how about that bow
i forgot about them. but don't deku nuts work on them?
Assuming real world logic, literally anything to do with death mountain alone would be absolutely impossible because lava is fricking hot.
With game logic yes, just don't be a pussy.
Lava is always the deciding factor for if you could beat a game in real life
How long do I have to survive for before returning to the real world? Like if it's a day or two, then yeah, but if we're talking a month then I'm going to be fricked for food because all they got in OoT is Lon Lon Milk (costs money and needs a bottle) and Magic Beans.
you only return to the real world when the credits roll.
You can simply eat the Kokiri
I would love to eat out Saria
The carpenter's wife in Kakariko Village feeds anyone for free. She lets a bunch of people who fled from Castle Town sleep and eat at her house.
just eat fish bro
Just sing Epona's song and drink right from the teet. They love giving you milk for free. Eat deku scrubs for vegetable nutrients, enjoy smoked dodongo meat (they dislike smoke), sit back and get a zora waifu who wants to mate with a human male. Avoid the gerudo, they're nutso.
>Avoid the gerudo, they're nutso.
They only treated the carpenters poorly because they're fat betas. As long as you're tall and fit they will be more... hospitable.
They treated Link poorly too until he proved his strength. That was their thing, they worshiped Din.
The Gerudo Card is basically their way of saying you can frick them all you want. Link didn't purely because he didn't know what sex was.
Yeah so be a stud and you're good to go.
>As long as you're tall and fit
yey
You can make money by trading bugs to the beggar.
Time doesn't ever progress, just stick around the towns and only travel during the day
probably, you start out with nothing normally except as a little 8 year old kid
in the video, you get swapped out with link
it’s just regular (You)
we arent talking about the video.
>video
What video?
I die
I can't do backflips and stuff like link or survive being smashed by giant monsters.
With no game mechanics available no one is surviving.
Go to Lon Lon Ranch. For work of course.
I don't know if I'd survive but I'd make sure to plap all of the cute characters (including shota Link) before kicking the bucket.
good luck getting to them if you cant survive genius
I'd die from getting my balls drained by all of them.
Yeah duh, frick you mean could I survive? I would go immediately to kakariko and just hang out drinking milk and watching anju work. Not much is going to kill me there, dumbfrick.
no need to be so aggressive about it. I hope you get raped by a pack of feral moblins
There's no moblins in OOT lmao get jebaited hahaha idiot
>can't be Z-targeted
>Navi has nothing to say about them
always felt weird to me, even as a kid.
that's how I used to do it as a kid and was doing it this time as well before I realized there was an easier way.
>know the general inner workings of guns and bullets
>team up with bomb shop owner
>create the first guns and take over hyrule
later, gays
kino answer. if you get transported to adult timeline then you might have a harder time because ganon could destroy you easily, but in the child time you would face little resistance
I think so.
no the real tunnels are black, the fake tunnels are white.
you never even played the fricking game
me too
who said you replaced link?
>no the real tunnels are black, the fake tunnels are white.
just looked it up. you a are correct but i'm also right. if you stand partway in a tunnel (just before the trigger zone that would kick you out if you enter a fake tunnel), you can see through it completely if it's real. on fake ones you see nothing
at least that's true for the 3ds version
You just stand far enough away that the fog shows which one is real.
>go to Lon Lon Ranch
>humm Malon's song and live off of milk
Seems pretty easy to me
If you never do anything Ganondorf can never win as the door of time will never be opened.
no. I'd spend my days in hyrule castle town, stealing moldy bread from the vendors and working as a literal fricking jannie at the bombchu bowling alley. I'd talk to and develop a rapport with the receptionist, who I'd grow to love. then, I'd seethe as her chad hylian boyfriend comes to walk her home every night. I'd ruminate over how undeserving that scum is of my lovely flower, the light of my life. I'd rage at hyrule society for allowing this injustice to continue, and I'd put out anonymous pamphlets all over the city that express my complaints, and spend my life living in the grotto just outside of town near kakariko village. I'd come to realize that people are disgusting. that my father and mother are disgusting, and that you must be disgusting, too. I'd use this as the basis for my motivation to rid the world of roasties. I'd save all the rupees I earned from jannie work to buy a stock of arrows and bombs and I'd go around isla vist... er uh I mean hyrule town market and unleash my retribution upon the land, before being rendered impotent by the impaling thrust of a soldier's spear. I'd die on the cold cobblestone city streets, still angry at the world, and at the knowledge that if I had just kept my cool, had not spilled my spaghetti, I could have appreciated the receptionist from afar, like some weird elf cuck.
yeah basically it'd be pretty miserable.
Looks like I was already in OOT before this scenario even started
Kakariko village is safe as long as you don't go delving underground like a moron, and it won't be long before the Hero of Time clears up all the problems in the region and you can move back to Hyrule Town if you so wish. OOT is probably the gentlest "doomsday" scenario in videogames and there's not that much to worry about.
Should I play the PC port on my 'eck or TV?
don't look to us for decisions, look to whether you're going to be sitting in a chair towards the TV or want something more comfortable to play on
I'm a big fan of emulating retrogames on handhelds so I'd say deck, but if you want something more akin to the original game experience of playing it on a TV go for that. Really just depends on what you're playing it on controller wise, if you have a USB N64 controller TV all the way.
I'm leaning towards the deck because the older graphics will probably look better on a small screen instead of my 42" TV, but I also want to enjoy the game's music on my speaker system. Probably gonna end up playing on the deck though. Laying in bed while gayming is comfy.
'eck is pretty comfy, but I haven't tried the PC port on it.
I think they have a specific Steam Deck build, but I imagine you can also just proton the windows version. Thats what I did the SM64 PC port.
>sneak into Zelda's garden
>hum Zelda's Lullaby, a secret song that only members of the Royal Family know, to gain her trust
>tell her that Ganondorf is evil
>she executes him
>head into the forest and become a Stalfos and wait for Twilight Princess to start so I can marry Midna
Name one thing wrong with this plan.
that implies you're a boy with a fairy and the spiritual stone of the kokiris
>Name one thing wrong with this plan.
Link in TP just kills you, because youre a fricking regular ass skeleton enemy.
ANON
THE SHADE ISN'T A STALFOS, HE'S A GHOST WITH A SKULL
ANON DON'T DO IT
ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
Gets better, by the fur color as wolf link, being able to access to a mind-space and probably be able to pull a bunch of other supernatural things it's heavily implied he pulled a similar thing as Ganon to exist past his death, OoT/MM Link used some sort of Triforce power.
Like Midna would be interested in some random skelly.
Is a single dungeon possible with real world rules
Maybe Ice Cavern since "all" you have to do is break through ice in a few places, and with real world rules you wouldn't even need blue fire. But there are still icicles falling from the ceiling (which can be fatal in the real world). On the plus side, enemies blowing cold air at you might be less lethal in the real world (unless it's like -200 degrees).
Is like you're asking an EraOoT to be made or something
Considering that Link gets frozen instantly then they and the ice keese are colder that liquid nitrogen like 2 to 5 times, I'll aim for deku tree and Jabu Jabu (it's a fricking parasite surrounded by jellyfish)
Ganondorf needs you to open the temple of time and take the master sword, his real goal is the Triforce and as the king of evil he most likely knows he cannot touch that therefore he have to stall for time
He cannot touch the sword or access to the sacred realm on his own
How do you survive the fall in Deku Tree? You'd need at least a rope to lower yourself gently. Also Inside Jabu Jabu's Belly you could get electrocuted, which would probably kill you instantly under real world rules.
If we follow real life rules then they'll be lying on the ground rather that floating in the air, if they are allowed to float then... fairy bow? or any bow works too
>cannot get even wooden buckets of water to safely burn the cobweb
Eragames are text games like Era2hu or EraMegaten where people go wild with plots like being able to conquest Gensokyo on a civil war
Oh I do that in novelai sometimes
So basically /qst/?
I would simply collect every bug that I see and make infinite amounts of money from selling them to that beggar guy. Then I would buy Kakariko and live comfortably for the rest of my days.
What Zelda girls would you even collect in such a game
>EraOoT
I don't know if OOT is big enough to justify a whole game dedicated to it, might have to go all the way up to a general EraZelda.
That works too, either a large version of Hyrule or a composite one for the map and create factions, the question would come from implementing every version of a character? or just picking and choosing?
Eragames are more linear in nature
Probably, yeah
Addendum to this, you can develop poison, like, even salt past certain amount can kill and at worst you're living poison, your body carrying the memories of diseases
Child time-line is do-able with 3 hearts and shit-ton of preparing, like you can most likely find ways to at least blow King Dodongo's room and Volvagia's room, it's easier if you get bottles, with golden gauntlets you can double your health with fairy magic
Link could flatten Ganon or easily 'So long gay Bowser' him into the lava if Nintendo really understood how broken the golden gauntlets are
You don't have flesh to feel pleasure or even a wiener to put inside Midna
you cant get the golden gauntlets as a child though
In my first post I stated that I would go for the split time-line but you can also get Nayru's love, which requires to constantly drink pots of magic for physical invulnerability
I mean, there's no real limit, it would be possible to implement Ruto and the not-Ruto as different branches of the family or just recycle the warriors plot
Frick, I'm already regretting the idea of being teleported to Hyrule
>go to Hyrule just as how I am
>kill everyone with the common cold or any other simple common illness with low lethality rate for contemporary humans so fast that even the goddess cannot stop me
We've never seen a disease in Zelda have we? Outside of like magical parasites. There's a good chance the goddesses magic just prevents it.
we arent getting that realistic with it
What an interesting and well thought out post thank you for your contribution to this thread
Wait... your post seem kinda similar to a certain autist. Not trying to start shit but are you him?
I am probably autistic but if you are thinking of a certain zelda related notorious shif poster then no I am not him. Im bored and tired and want to talk about oot and anything that isn’t le zoomer le boomer troony janny is welcome as this website gets worse and worse
well was thinking you were the zelda shipping autist not THAT aubreastst but you're probably neither
My waifu is fate stay night saber I’m not a Zelda shipping autist
What’s an EraOOT
I’m sending you tokakariko
Do STDs exist in the Zelda universe?
They do now that I'm here.
you'd be out of breath just walking for 5 minutes
Im naked rn
I’m sending your directly to castle town
at what point of OoT and where?
Where do you want to start? I think I’ll send you to the middle of hyrule field at night or maybe the bottom of gerudo valley so you have to swim.
hyrule field at night during adult or child is pretty easy, just run into Lon Lon and wait for morning during Child, walk to Kakiriko if during adult the Poe don't attack quickly and you can easily avoid the flames.
Gerudo Valley river is rough, that's a fast flowing river with waterfalls, and during adult has rockfalls, surviving the river turns it into Field pretty easily Tekkites are easy to avoid as are the crows.
I have my doubts on the length of the Zora river tunnel being a viable option, that's an absurd amount of distance to cover in physical space.
>if you remember the songs you can teleport around Hyrule between the 6 Temples
I completely forgot about this. Someone smarter than me, make use of this information.
An interesting thought but in the game they don’t work unless you “learn” them first
They only work if you play them on the Ocarina of Time
There are some rather detrimental teleport spots, probalby not a great idea. Easy access to the hopefully water filled lake though
Nabooru will nurture me
How old is she anyway
Her age is never given but she’s probably in her 20s at least.
absolutely. I'm getting more athletic. I know where the sword is, where the shield is all that shit.
I mean all I have to do is just cut some grass and for like five minutes and I could get a decent meal and lodgings.
What location of OOT am I transported into?
>in a neckbrace, broken vertebra
>off work so in gym shorts and socks
>butthole itchy bc i haven't showered in days
i'd 'survive' by going into town, requesting some help and finding a job. i'd probably heal quicker thanks to potions and hearty food. i'd either go work on the farm or join the royal guard.
if i'm taking link's place, i'd pull a morrowind and fulfill the prophecy not by being the chosen one but by being the one douche bag persistent enough to do it.
I camp outside the gate of hyrule castle then before ganondorf leaves i slash his throat with a sword
I teach how to bond the nitrogen and recreate TNT to bomb makers, i fancy myself an outfit and a sabre after raping the gerudo girls, then i blow up hyrule town and make their infidel king kneel before me as i put him to the sword
Mashallah brothers
hell just shoot you with a magic ball. gerudo girls would kill you before you could rape one
Bombchu guy already figured out how to make bombs, and it doesn't matter since they just fricking grow in arid areas.
Just tell the king of Hyrule that Ganondorf didn't pay his taxes so he's sent to be executed like in the Child timeline.
If Kokiri girls have genitalia, I’ll be just fine.
>slim, toned, athletic, auburn haired, cinnamon skinned OOT gerudo girls
>tall, bulky, possibly roided out, curly haired and black as charcoal BOTW gerudo girls
which way, hylian man?
oot gerudo any day of the week
They were so much cuter than the BotW version.
OoT unless it's Urbosa or Riju.
Nabooru mogs
oh I know I would beeline to the spirit temple and get those gauntlets for her.
>human hands likely made this image
zoomers will live in an age where all fan art is AI generated. how grim.
what do you mean likely the manga grannies made that image
Autistic nips in Pixiv already make AI art that could be confused for screenshots of an anime just released this year, there are already anime fillers for 3D scenes created in certain 3D software
The future is now, old man.
>knows the names
I know the names of most supporting characters in the franchise.
they are not roided out thought, because the character designers of that game weren closeted gays
are chickens immortal?
because if not just getting one chicken basically means infinite food and infinite noise
>bring a chicken to the bosses
>watch the bosses commit suicide by proxy
>any version of Ganon gets permanently stunned
>you get rewarded anyways since no one seems to acknowledge that the chikens can do that
...Anons, what's the most goofy ideas of how to win the game?, nothing about clipping through areas or rewriting the code, just something so silly or crazy that can be done in the game that it might just win the game, for example
>uses the almighty bottles to return the magic ball at point-blank
there is zero fricking way you can get to a boss in the first place
even the deku tree is some moronic impossible free climbing and free falling endevour
best chance you got is
>get a bottle
>get the ocarina of time somehow
>find a bug
>go for picking up the bug with the bottle
>sleight of hand to ocarina mid movement to turn it into a bottle
there
temple of time is closed forever and ganondorf can eat shit
Link breaks it with his weight, the first one, the issue is that he's a child and not strong enough to break it with his hands,but an adult, specially one powered up with possibly the goron bracelet or the silver gauntlets could, even without them I already answered with
get even wooden buckets of water to safely burn the cobweb
Hell, they could be cut with the kokiri sword
>pay a kokiri to fetch the sword or bribe them with something they might desire way more that the sword
Hell, there's nothing preventing you from even carrying a bunch of dead logs and rocks to accumulate weight in the center of the cobweb until it gives, you can use the chests too.
>and not strong enough to break it with his hands
kid link can lift rocks as big as his torso, which would be like 60kg
the guy could probably 1 rep 100kg in military press easily
idk about you but I'm nowhere near that level
You won't be able to interact with the Kokiri, their magic hides them from outsiders.
lol this shit is so gay. i have PTSD flashbacks from being forced to sit in my room playing this. can you believe they force us into the 3D realm for slave labor.
Yes, I'd go to the lost woods and become a badass Stalfos
>jump out at link
>say ive got a bone to pick with you
they sell tunics
>say ive got a bone to pick with you
>I'm only in a t-shirt and underwear
>no shop in Hyrule sells pants or any other clothing
I'm fricked
You can buy a Goron/Zora tunic for an outlandish amount of rupees. If you can open up the shops they're in, of course
Zora already have their shop open don't they?
You need a lit deku stick to open Goron's
And as long as you're not an butthole you can count on Saria to take care of you
You can buy it as an adult but you need to melt the red ice covering the shop, so you need blue fire from the Ice Cavern
You can buy Blue Fire at the Potion Shop.
No because I don't have a fairy
I always figured this corner of Hyrule Field needed something of note in it so I would put my base camp here.
That’s interest. I think there’s a grotto you could occupy
I dunno, I got a pretty strong back and can farm alright, I could probably find a place to live.
Can I join the army and be one of those faceless goons that gets juggled in Hyrule Warrior?
Yes, even after Ganondorf took over that world is much safer than where I live (United States).
Don’t you dare turn this into a political thread
I would look for a job at Lon Lon Ranch, traveling around Hyrule Field is not really a problem even at night since Child Link can outrun most things also, it seems like a good way to gain strenght to lift crops, a way for reliable income and probably the safest spot besides other I will mention later. I would look for money in the road delivering Milk and spend it on the Bazaar, the only reliable way to get self-defence items.
After that trying to get the Bomchu lady to offer the Bomb Bag for some real fire power since only the Goron sword's are available (unless you kill Link) then it's only a matter of outlasting
Ganon's reign until Link frick him up.
Alternative: Try to get a job at the Fishing Spot before the time skip for a comfy live where no real danger threatens you.
Bonus: If you are strong enough to open Dodongo's Cavern getting the Bomb bag seems reasonable, you skip the right side as long as you aren't a midget.
Could you beat the 2 Lizalfos in the way?
Couldn't you wait for me to finish taking a shit?
Sure
Let me watch
That's what I've wanted since I was a kid so I'd make it work.
Am I still a human or do I now have Hylian ears?
You are you
A lot of Zelda games are chill and quite literally the plot doesn't start as long as you don't go to certain place or do certain thing so it's easy to win as long as you're not lazy, can express your intent with drawings, you're not an butthole, are savvy enough GS: and have imagination now WW or TP? now that's different, MM is literally the one teleported becoming Subaru Natsuki
>there's a closet on Lon Lon, so you can work for clothes
>you can try working for some at Kakariko
>push comes to shove you can beg Zelda
How strong he needs to get to uproot the bushes?
Nevertheless the objective doesn't change, you just need to put enough pressure on the cobweb until it gives up
3 strength upgrades and Deku sticks can hit harder that a dagger
As I stated before
>humm the Saria song which 'is a symbol of Saria's friendship'
>draw the issue even on the ground with your fingers
>Saria can easily check with the deku tree
>You're friends with the Kokiri
You have to prove you're a thief first
I'd go live with the Kokiri and spend my days researching magic in the hopes that I can find a spell to become one. Zelda knows magic to become male so maybe I can be a kokiri. Spending your days in beautiful forest with other happy children pretty much sounds like heaven.
the enemies are weak and deal almost no damage and the world is basically empty so there is no danger
Clip through the door of time. Grab the master sword. Touch the triforce and take whatever piece it gives me since there's no way I'm getting all 3.
You can’t clip or do SRM or anything like that
Then I'll slip a goron some rupees to punch it open for me.
Why clip? Isn't there a window in there? Just build a ladder and rope and break in.
*gets arrested and executed*
Does the rules include MM? because there are some parallel universe rules which imply that if one reality gets wiped, the mirror one does as well, specially if it's from a magical moon
...Imagine being able to break into a chamber blessed by 4 goddess' like it's nothing, something Ganondorf with his army couldn't do.
Someday that will be available to everyone, you know with fully immersive VR or whatever the technology in Accel World is
>someday that will be available to everyone, you know with fully immersive VR or whatever the technology in Accel World is
I've given up on this cope. I will either be dead before that or it will be a 1984 shitfest
I said OOT not MM. MM you die in 3 days without the ocarina of time
>not courageous
>not wise
>weak
so which one would be most suitable?
Well it's gotta give me one. My highest stat is probably intellect and I'd prefer the magic buff wisdom comes with.
The Golden Goddesses skull frick you if you touch the Triforce with an unbalanced heart. It's why Ganondorf refused to leave his room for seven years and had his shitty minions do everything despite having the Triforce of Frick You Strength. Zelda even goes KWAB right before the tower starts collapsing.
Supposing I lack Power, Wisdom, and Courage entitely, or only have baseline values, but they're still balanced. Do I get wishes?
He didn’t need to leave his room all 3 triforce pieces came to him.
>ganondorf spent 7 years not realizing the mysterious effeminate ninja 'boy' that would be around zelda's age was zelda
>zelda revealed her identity to link in a little cathedral not even five minutes away from ganon's castle despite him searching for her
Man these guys were basically trying to out-stupid each other.
With that chest you’d never guess
Both had a reason, Ganondorf was raised near the middle of nowhere by two creepy witches
Zelda had to flee and be trained by Impa while Ganondorf just trolls Hyrule, there's not much mental development on either side besides
>complete my objective
He fricked up a bunch of people Like getting them blown up, people who haven't awakened to ki or had training because they pissed him off or ended up crossing his friends, Tao was the most easy example of Goku 'putting down' someone
That's the job of the blade of Evil's bane, the Triforce will just latch to those who fit the minimum requirement on the vicinity
>refused to leave his room for seven years
Just like me.
I've already done this before, back when I had my "going into games" machine.
When the frick did you get yours, anon!?! Mine went missing in 2006.
Wait till Dampe dies then move into his hut.
>Currently naked
I would be a bit chilly
Totally
You mean roaming Hyrule as a regular person? Sure, money literally grows on trees there. Getting through dungeons and all that, absolutely not, no one could survive this fall.
The very first thing I would do is go grave digging and get that hylian shield, and help Anju with her cuckoos and get her bottle reward. Then I would go to Zora’s domain asap and rescue Ruto so I can marry her.
After becoming Zora royalty I would create my fish pussy harem and fricking fish pussy all day, because Zora’s are massive bawds for human wiener.
Good luck with the jellyfish
What do you think deku nuts are for? They kill them practically instantly. I can then just kill the rest with the boomerang no sword required
Good luck getting the boomerang
>forgets that boomerang only stuns larger enemies
Deku nuts for the jellyfish, have you ever tried using them on them?
>Ruto is autistically fixated on getting Zora's sapphire and making Jabu Jabu, Zora's deity get better
>forgets that must take Barinade which means engaging in an actual boss fight
>also probably would not get any action with any Zora as they're fishes, they would lay the eggs so you would jerk off to release your sperm on them
We're taking into consideration some realism so you could make them react to random shit like the claim check or Cojiro
They have mammalian features such as breasts and we don’t see any spawning pools so it’s highly likely they breed just like humans do, especially since they’re capable of being attracted to them.
I think it’s highly likely that they have a hybrid fish-human birth cycle.
They have human sex and then the eggs are later laid in pools, considering Lulu has eggs in Majora’s Mask.
That's murky territory, specially the claim of being attracted to humans, even real life animals can perceive humans to be their ideal mates
This is also flimsy, for example Goku is 'good at heart' on OG Dragon Ball despite 'incapacitating' his enemies just like how he 'got rid' of Tao Pai Pai, but he's able to fly on the nimbus because you can compare his goodness to an animal, a lot of people can be like that, they just don't need to have a sense of morality, making every action objectively good from their point of view
It’s not murky, there’s multiple examples of Zora females in the series being attracted to Hylian/human males.
Goku is good natured. Mercenary Tao was evil.
Goku just kicked back a grenade that Tao threw at him and the little indian kid. Tao just got caught in the blast.
>even real life animals can perceive humans to be their ideal mates
I never got why this happens. Yeah humans can be huge degenerates and want to frick plants and animals, but we have the added bonus of being self aware and intelligent. Meanwhile animals are (mostly) held to their instincts and yet sometimes a couple here and there will just get all hot and bothered by a human and try to have some forcey forcey fun time (like dolphins).
Animals exist in a state of survival, receiving affection or being taken care of past the infancy is extremely rare for them, even more for barely to non-social animals, captivity only exacerbate the situation.
>Then I would go to Zora’s domain asap
That depends, how well can you play the ocarina? Zora's domain won't open to you unless you give them the ambassador's sign.
What about the tunnel from lake Hylia?
I know the notes from knowledge of the game I would just get any instrument and the door will open. Also if they don’t want my help I know where to find Ruto’s message in a bottle so I can show them that to prove my dedication to helping them.
Plus
That would most likely depend on luck anon, I'm not sure anyone except the king knows and the king might be the only one that can both be able to discern if the letter is real and not take the letter as some sort of trickery/threat
He believes a random fairy boy so I think an adult with a shield bearing the crest of the knights of hyrule he would be more likely to trust.
Anon, the way you phrased it could be taken as trying to push Ruto's letter on a random Zora
True that’s my bad but the most important thing here is getting the king’s trust. The Zora in Zora’s domain don’t give a frick a random child just enters their kingdom that they’ve never seen before, can’t imagine it wouldn’t be any different for anyone else able to enter since only those who know the song can enter.
There’s only one zora in the game you give it to though so you can assume it’s the king
I wonder what’s for dinner
I think that’s the only downside of choosing fish pussy.
You can only eat fish unless you leave the domain to eat somewhere else.
… worthwhile sacrifice I’d say.
Fish is good
>Die from electrocution
Genius
I will make like Link from the Passage comic
Cum will flow like a river
Chances are if you’re not evil as frick you have a relatively balanced heart
Nah you're allowed to be evil and wield it. As long as you pass the virtues check then it'll do anything you ask of it. Even if it breaks apart, the Triforce will still obey anyone that manages to put the three parts back together.
It's how Ganon turned the Sacred Realm/Golden Land into the Dark World, and how King Daphnes obliterated Hyrule.
What a terrible time to be taking a shit
Does every zelda thread devolve in ruto egg discussions
I am a fat frick with no skills at all who has quite literally wasted my life jacking off and watching anime. What do you think?
Talon?
Why would the goddesses leave a magic golden wishing device laying around what were they thinking
It warps reality because it's what's holding reality together.
I just realized that Twinrova already developed some sort of life-extending magic as the were 400 years old
Zelda fricked up and sends Link to get the requirements to access the Master Sword chamber just because she got bad vibes from Ganondorf, Link believing that he's doing good gets the stones and after Ganondorf starts his attack, he drives Link to pull the Master Sword after getting the ocarina of time essentially the key, in turn the Master Sword works as the key to the Sacred Realm and the Triforce.
Besides that the omnipotent goddess' were lazy and dicked off leaving the Triforce so people of Hyrule could solve their problems themselves, the Triforce is just the MacGuffin which lets the one who combines get an audience with the goddess' to ask for a single all-powerful wish
>Twinrova
Who's the (un)lucky sap that sired Ganondorf with them?
>supposedly the most powerful beings in the universe
>can’t stop a simple curse from creating Ganondorf every generation
>can’t create a decent seal to hold in Ganondorf
>whenever they frick up their options are “ignore it” or “drown it”
Damn no wonder Hylia replaced them
The curse thing is stupid let’s not talk about that
Before Skyward Sword, Ganondorf was just a man on a mission.
Hylia isn't real and Demise never happened.
But why should they even care?
Yes
Marry Malon and become a rancher
And how do you plan on winning her affection
with my BWC
I’m sure whipping your wiener out to a farm girl in medieval society will go over well
I think she will be impressed by my cucco breeding abilities
They desperately need a man to take over the farm since obviously women aren't fit for that kind of work. They will marry her off to secure the farm's future as long as you seem like a decent guy. Only caveat is they might make you wait till she's 12 or something before you can stick it in.
They’d probably wait until at least 13-14 to marry her off. She’s not royalty and historically common people got married older than the aristocracy did
>13-14
cant believe even back then prime dickyism was only reserve for the elited
Mary was 14-15 when Jesus was born
Bullshit. Women got married when they could start having kids. Well-fed kids hit puberty faster, but the rich also have the luxury of holding onto their political cards until they need to use them. Malon is getting plenty of nutrition, she'll hit menarche any day now.
>Well-fed kids hit puberty faster
If kids are doing lots of physical labor/cardio, that can delay it too. Knew a girl who was in track, didn't start her period until she was 15.
if you're not completely hideous then just asking Talon for work at the ranch and being caring of the animals will win her.
I go to her ranch every day as a buyer of Lon Lon milk, get on her father’s good side. I also make sure Malon is around as I talk about my “adventures beyond Hyrule a few years back” and have peanut butter carrots in my pocket so the horses be friendly to me and she thinks I’m an amazing animal person
Then I come visit at night and hear her sing and compliment her with “I’ve never heard anything so beautiful before….” just as the sun slowly rises behind her.
We marry in 2 years. 3 kids. I take over the ranch after Papa passes away and I entertain our kids with my old adventures.
After 60 years, as we watch our grandchildren roam around freely, a heartbeat slowly fades. Whether me or her…what comes after is sorrow, mourning, grief. But through that, tears of happiness, for being able to spend a lifetime together
Life was good…..
OoT is a medieval setting, yeah? The infant mortality rate is probably really high. I wonder what the age of consent in Hyrule is.
I'll say this, things like childhood were invented around the 1900's and iirc Talon dismissed Link accepting his offer because he's 'too young'
If it's faithful to the time period, there wouldn't be one, at least not a codified one. It wasn't until the 17th century that anyone on Earth thought to put anything similar into law and another two centuries before the modern framework for age of consent came into being. Before that, what mattered wasn't the number politicians wrote down but whether parents and other close adults to the kid thought it was okay or something you should be executed for.
I get what you're trying to say, but that's not a good way of putting it. Even if there was no cushy 18-year period of no responsibilities, there was still a clear demarcation from being reliant on your parents to an independent person who makes their own decisions.
>stayed until late night
Welp, I ran out of steam but it was a nice thread, I hope at least OP had fun
Hyliachads WE STAY WINNING
hylia are you using the sheikahnet past your bedtime again
Hylia? BEAUTIFUL. KIND. WOULD NEVER HURT A FLY. HELPS THOSE WHO NEED IT
Three Goddesses? UGLY. STONE COLD. OSCAR WANNABEES. WILL FLOOD 4 FOOD. NEVER HELPS LINK ONCE
>OH GOD HYLIA HELP US
Not her fault Zelda was too busy playing games instead of studying the spells Hylia gave her to save the day
If it was the three FARTS they probably would’ve dropped a nuke on Hyrule and called it a day
Hylia can’t give Zelda anything, Zelda is Hylia. This only makes it more stupid.
>has the entire goddamn triforce (maybe)
>completely useless
Gimme my fricking divine dorito if you're not gonna use it you prostitute
Hylia LOST and Aonuma can go suck a dick
>Verification not required.
I already did that with the going into games machine and survived easily.
I need constant medication so I guess I'll have to try and impress the fairy in order to survive
I hate how BOTW removed the 3 Goddess and even regional deities (except for the new Horse god).
OOT’s religion is much richer and mysterious in comparison. The Gerudo religion retcon is the worst offender.
>reddit spacing
>prompt answers
bots are evolving
Threat seeking part of brain: can I have an imagined scenario?
Higher order part of brain: To better prepare for my safety and continued existence?
Threat seeking brain: yesss
*Actually comes up with a plan for an imaginary scenario that could never happen because it's a video game world*
Pre-timeskip? I'm going to Gerudo Fortress. They seem like lovely ladies before Ganon's rule.
Post-timeskip? Find me innawoods in the Kokiri area, hopefully not eaten or lost.
>pre-timeskip
>before ganon's rule
Anon?
>innawoods in the Kokiri area
ANON NO
Based.
If anyone’s answer to OP is not Gerudo, Fussy or dicky they’re lying.
To-do list:
>Rape Saria
>Rape Malon
>Rape Ruto
>Rape Zelda
Any questions?
yeah. why the frick is Naruto not on that list
randomizer sucks ass. i got stuck in a deku tree room because i didnt have any projectiles.
I would kill all the men in kokiri village and become king.
I will make them all give birth to chad Hylians and I will piss on the deku tree at least once a day.
MALON MY BELOVED IM COMING!
Just stay in Kakariko village and let Link do his thing.
you should at least try to frick the Cucco lady while you're there too
Depends, do I work on game logic or is it like the real world? If it's the latter, everyone is deeply fricked. Otherwise, I'm beating the shit out of Ganondorf myself.
I think it’s a bit of both. Stuff like heart containers and other gamey things like magic bars, infinite storage probably doesn’t exist. Likewise game exploits would be impossible
yeah, i'll just get a job at lon lon ranch and eventually marry malon, and once her father dies of old age, inherit the ranch, frick fighting evil
Maybe is too late but i want to clarify that i would immediately run to lon lon ranch to frick Malon
Do we each get our own parallel version? Because if we all go to the same version there will be a bloody battle over the girls.
we could just frick each other in the ass
>link, a child, breaks into the castle and gets to meet the princess completely privately
I go do exactly that and then rape Zelda, leave her on the ground motionless as I make my escape and then go live a peaceful life in Kakariko pretending it never happened.