>You WILL live in the HabBlock pod
>You WILL eat the corpse starch
>You WILL work a 15hr shift in the factorium
>You WILL pay your tithes to the Ecclesiarchy
>You WILL be happy
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 CRIME Shirt $21.68 |
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>You WILL live in the HabBlock pod. >You WILL eat the corpse starch. >You WILL work a 15hr shift in the factorium
but what if i dont
>but what if i dont
Then we'll turn you into a mindless killing machine.
Or worse, we'll turn you into a killing machine that feels fear, pain, guilt, pain, shame and pain.
I will not be happy doing any of that, no
>free housing
>free food
>guaranteed job
>tightly knit church community that supports a common cause
Why WOULDN'T I be happy?
>free housing
It isn't free, though?
>free food
It also isn't free.
>guaranteed job
It absolutely isn't, there's hundreds of other starved and miserable people who will kill you for it and if you suffer any kind of easily avoidable accident at the ridiculously unsafe workplace you have you lose it.
>tightly knit church community that supports a common cause
It isn't either, half the time the priests are basically robbing you to fund parties and doing drugs.
>Um achsully church bad
Jesus stop tipping your fedora so hard atheist moron
he's talking about the Ecclesiarchy, which is a parody of all the worst aspects of organized religion in general and catholicism (as seen from the english POV) in particular
so yes, it very much is bad
>Defending the Ecclesiarchy
Turbo-Heretic
Pump the brakes, Ricky morono, this is literally canon.
>Not doing lines with Father Nominé during your 8 hour break while he bounces sermon subjects off you.
I will not, I'll join or start a Khorne cult and die charging into Arbites gunfire.
>Anon ends up chopped up by fellow cultists during a weekly brawl
Hell yeah, violence is great.
>join the incestuous bug cult
I think not. Skulls and blood are much more compelling than chitin and ichor.
Ichor? I hardly know her!
>Khorne cult
Chaos is old news. It's all about the Sky Mommy now and how she'll one day take all her good children to heaven. Until then it's all about spreading and multiplying!
Yeah I heard that the real Emperor had four arms and I bought all of these fettucines for some reason idk, anyway wanna come to my gathering? We are just worshipping the Emperor
I would be a techpriest tbqh, that's basically my job already.
don't you have to be born into the upper class of a forge world to become a tech priest?
If you're the child of techpriests you'll probably be genetically tailored to be good at it and thus be a techpriest as well, but it is possible to join the AdMech and convert to the faith, and similarly to rise into the clergy, if you have the aptitude for it.
I have strong electrical, mechanical, and programming aptitude, and machine spirits like me (I can often fix systems that aren't working just by showing up to the site - the machine spirits are reassured and calmed by my presence) so I would have a fairly easy time being accepted into the AdMech and becoming part of the clergy.
But is your dad a tech billionaire?
>If you're the cold of a tech priest
I thought tech priests give up on family and all that jazz to live fully committed to their 'job' and they got so many upgrades I doubt they have functioning reproductive organs
Tech priests worship knowledge & discard the material, but there is plenty of wiggle room. From dudes being hypocrites while they go balls deep into pleasure servators, to experimental libertine biologis genetically editing themselves to have horse wieners (for science), to guys who are tech priests, but something like friars, who still party & drink & frick
>be born in irrelevant imperial civilized world
>live in conditions similar to earth nowadays or even more advanced, only even know about the imperium's existance because of the local church and the taxes the planet pays every now and then
>biggest danger is the occasional alien critter
>"orcs? cultists? tyranids? you should stop listening to those vox programs, they're making you paranoid"
>life is good
>Imperial cruiser turns up in orbit
>"this year, your world's tithe will be collected in men"
>anon gets drafted into the Guard and discovers that orcs, cultists, and tyranids are all real and even worse than the vox programs made them out to be
>buried in a mass grave on a distant world
Anon, that's not even accurate
1. The Tithe doesn't just suddenly change. They're probably not going to get a Manpower Tithe from a world that has been giving some other kind of good since forever when they can grab them from an actual recruitment world. This world hasn't even trained them whatsoever, if they did anon would already know.
2. The Manpower Tithe isn't a draft unless it has to. They don't care about what happens as long as the planet gives them the necessary number of men.
>85% of all imperial worlds have at least one hive on them according to the 2017 urban conquest sourcebook
>ITT: "Imperium is comfy akshully" lorelets who don't understand the authorial intent of 40k
>85% of all imperial worlds have at least one hive on them according to the 2017 urban conquest sourcebook
That is literally the most idiotic moronic thing ever
>dystopian scifi wargaming setting
>"waaaa why is it dystopian that's moronic"
No, the idea of 85% of planets having a hive is moronic.
Maybe, but it certainly fits the theming. 40k is a silly place. Also, it says "at least one hive structure, even if the world itself is not a hive world." So you could have a world that's a lot like ours, but with a single dubai-like megacity that the administratum classifies as a hive for record-keeping purposes that also serves as the planet's capital and trade hub, housing a spaceport via large spires where resources are brought in and sent out. Makes sense to me. Keep in mind that the relatively comfy worlds of ultramar only make 0.05% of all imperial worlds, and many of them have only recently been brought back into ultramar's fold and had degenerated over millennia
Ultramar is a place that's ultra-safe, but the idea that the majority of the Imperium is shit like hive citiies is just moronic. The logistics for that are far, far, far beyond anything an place as slow and inefficient as the imperium could do.
The majority of the worlds in the imperium should be civilized worlds, places that range from anywhere of feudal worlds to places that are literally just reskinned earth, or even advanced sci-fi earths. We already know that the mechanicus allows non-cogboys to produce low tech shit - they do it in fricking Necromunda.
The Imperium is supposed to be untold cruelty, but it's also supposed to be working entirely on momentum from 10,000 years ago, and that doesn't work if every single world is a blasted out warzone.
Thing is, 40k isn't really meant to be hard scifi, so it will always fall apart under scrutiny. But to some extent, I do agree, since what you describe was the status quo back when Rick Priestley wrote the setting, that humanity had reached a primitive state and fallen under the rule of the cruelest regime imaginable, but that most worlds were diverse and that the Imperium was a faraway authority for most citizens. Kind of like how in dredd (good example since 2000ad is a huge source of inspiration for 40k) the judges keep megacity one under control through cruelty, but there's so few of them and so much ground to cover that most citizens won't see a judge for years at a time and will usually be dealing with corporate security, militias etc in their day-to-day lives and be kept in line through news reports of judges doing their thing throughout the city
>Ultramar is a place that's ultra-safe, but the idea that the majority of the Imperium is shit like hive citiies is just moronic. The logistics for that are far, far, far beyond anything an place as slow and inefficient as the imperium could do.
>The majority of the worlds in the imperium should be civilized worlds, places that range from anywhere of feudal worlds to places that are literally just reskinned earth, or even advanced sci-fi earths. We already know that the mechanicus allows non-cogboys to produce low tech shit - they do it in fricking Necromunda.
>The Imperium is supposed to be untold cruelty, but it's also supposed to be working entirely on momentum from 10,000 years ago, and that doesn't work if every single world is a blasted out warzone.
Anon, what you are failing to consider is that by their nature, the worlds that are most shit (Agriworlds and Hiveworlds) are going to have the biggest populations by a massive margin. Not only would a huge city planet have by nature a massive population density and thus a ginormous population, the Imperium's reliance on manual labor would require massive populations for every agriworld.
It's not that MOST worlds are shit worlds, it's that the shit worlds would have the biggest cut of the population.
And keep in mind that Ultramar has people typically die at 30. And that's a "good" set of worlds.
>And keep in mind that Ultramar has people typically die at 30.
Is this one of those moronic takes about 'life expectancy' that forgets that it was skewed completely because of people dying as kids, or is it just more grimderp bullshit that doesn't realize how that would end in total populational collapse in like two generations?
>grimderp
That people don't even seem to realize that grimdark was already a joke term about how the settings entire angle is constant illogical suffering, so they had to make up a new word that's slightly more silly is ridiculous. Grimdark is grimderp. That's what it meant.
No the stupidest setting ever has to make sense because everything has to be wookipediad and make up a cohesive whole! I do not get parables or comparisons or exaggerations or any other figures of speech! Art is about verisimilitude not feelings!!! I love Space Marines and if I lived in the Glorious Imperium I would be BFF with Guilliman!!!!
But but 40k is the only media I have consoomed in detail and I won't read anything else! I must be autistic and try and make it into a logical setting despite it not making any amount of sense!
Grimderp is different than grimdark in that it's making fun of shitty writers, low effort lore, etc etc etc
Grimdark can be good, grimderp by it's very nature cant
Sure, but that's not people use it as. It's being used as "grimderp is when it's grimdark but not realistic and sustainable" which is also exactly what grimdark meant.
>Is this one of those moronic takes about 'life expectancy' that forgets that it was skewed completely because of people dying as kids
Yes, and it still means it has a worse child mortality rate then fricking Somalia. moron.
That's not what i'm talking about, dipshit. There's a gigantic differenc between "The average person will die by the time they're 30" and "A lot of kids die young, but if you survive you have a relatively normal life"
>the best place in the Imperium has a worse life expectancy than Black Death Europe
>"IT'S STILL COOL BECAUSE I'M A FASCIST WHO LOVES AESTHETICS AND WOULD TOTALLY NOT BE A SERVITOR"
moron
Rolled 91 (1d100)
On a 99 or less you're a servitor or any kind of underclass scum, on 100 you might be a slave with free will who didn't die at birth
Good luck
Rolled 36 (1d100)
Oh no! Let's roll to see if you're just dead as a kid, that's 70 or less
Rolled 8 (1d10)
Ah sorry anon, you made it to X years old, rolling for this too
Rolled 4 (1d100)
Emperor Protects
Frick yeah. I'll be a comfy tech priest with a large family (pretty much my life now) but on a paradise world
*Grinds off your legs and sterilizes you with gamma radiation
If only the top percent of people don't get converted then I'm safe. 40k is low roll
>A lot of kids die young, but if you survive you have a relatively normal life
Which is blantantly untrue. Hiveworlds, like I said, have the majority of the population, and "a relatively normal life" isn't being a hiveganger or working 23:59 hours a day in the giant skull factory.
You'd think that but Agriworld are perhaps the least populated planets in the setting. Only things I can think of that have smaller populations are colonies, Paradise worlds, and dead worlds.
>paradise world
>low pop
Haha. As if it's not simply crawling with nobles and staff.
It absolutely is a low population compared to a regular world.
Sure, the Palace of Versailles had thousands upon thousands of staff members, but the population density was comparatively small. If you used that same stretch of land for a regular city there would be a hell lot more people. Nevermind a hyperdense hiveworld where they stack apartments the size of a broom closet in multiple kilometer length towers.
Those Nobles aren't permanent residents, and the staff are far more spread out.
>Anon, what you are failing to consider is that by their nature, the worlds that are most shit (Agriworlds and Hiveworlds) are going to have the biggest populations by a massive margin.
Whut? Why the frick would an agriworld have a huge population?
I was imagining that the Imperium's considerable overreliance on manual labor for a lot of things that don't require manual labor would need a large population to sustain an agriworld, but it seems it's a bit more intense of a process then I anticipated, in order to sustain the Imperium's massive population.
I still mantain my point on hiveworlds.
>Agriworlds
Most agriworlds have a small population, but it they ARE quite shit
>Najan is an agri world. There are templates for such places, drawn up in the fathomless past and never altered by the Administratum. Most agri worlds are of similar size, located in similar orbital zones within their void systems and subject to specific exposure to a prescribed spectrum of solar radiation. Their soils have to be within a tight compositional range, and they have to be close to major supply worlds.
>The Imperium is not a gentle custodian of such places. After discovery of a candidate planet, the first fifty years are spent in terraforming according to well-worn Martian procedures. All pre-existing life is scrubbed from the rocks, either by the application of controlled virus-chewers or by timed flame-drops. The atmosphere is regulated, first through the actions of gigantic macro-processors and thereafter by a land-based network of control units, more commonly referred to as command nodes. Weather, as least as generally understood, disappears. Rainfall becomes a matter of controlled timing, governed by satellites in low orbit and kept in line by fleets of dirigibles. The empty landscape is divided up into colossal production zones, each patrolled by crawlers and pest-thopters. Millions of base-level servitors are imported, kept at the very lowest level of cognitive function but bulked up by a ruthless level of muscle-binders.
>Soon after this process completes, every agri world looks exactly the same–a flat, wind-rummaged plain of high-yield crops swaying towards the empty horizon. A person could walk for days and never see a distinctive feature. Not that anyone sane would choose to walk in such places– the industrial fertiliser dumps are so powerful that they turn the air orange and make it impossible to breathe unfiltered. A single growing season exhausts the soil completely, requiring continual delivery of more sprays of nitrates and phosphates, all delivered from the grimy berths of hovering despatch flyers.
>The entire world is given over to a remorseless monoculture, with orthogonal drainage channels burning with chem-residue and topsoil continually degrading into flimsier and flimsier dust.
>But that doesn’t matter. A planet can be driven like this for thousands of years before it eventually keels over and becomes a death world. The quality of the crops gets steadily worse, but the quantity can be sustained almost indefinitely, assuming that supply lines are maintained and imports remain consistent. At the end of every season, the great harvester leviathans are stoked up and dragged from their pens and let loose on the grey fields, smokestacks belching and tracked undercarriages sinking deep. These massive creatures of high-sided metal and intricate pipework, the smallest of which are a hundred metres long, crawl across the blasted prairies, sucking up every last speck of pallid grain and piping it directly to antiseptic internal hoppers. Feed-landers come down from high flight, dock with the still-trundling leviathans and extract the raw material, from where it is taken into the city-sized processor vats, blasted with antibiotics, smashed, burned, crushed, then stamped and packaged.
> Once ready for transport, containers are dragged up into orbit aboard swell-bellied landers, ready for transfer to the void-bound mass conveyers, which deliver the refined product to every starving hive world and forge world in their long circuits.
>There is a quaint tradition in the various propaganda departmentos of the Administratum of marketing agri worlds as quasi-paradises, free of the squalor and overcrowding of a standard urban station, and full of bucolic ease. Vid-cards are dropped into communal hab-warrens, extolling the virtues of a life lived outdoors with the sun on your back and a ruddy-faced boy or girl – subject to preference – by your side. In reality, life on an agri world is as unrelenting, back-breaking and monotonous as the vast majority of other Imperial vocations. There are no trees laden with glossy fruit, only kilometre after kilometre of hissing corn.
>There are no gentle strolls under the warming sun, only punishing work details in rad-suits, leaning into the dust-laden winds that howl around the equator with nothing to halt their rampage. Once the new arrivals have made planetfall and found this out, it is too late. Crew transports arrive on agri worlds full and leave empty. There is a saying among the indentured workers – you come for the soil, you end up part of it.
I liked how gaynett described the agri world full of sorghum in eisenhorn when they infiltrated the psyker sale
Ultramar is as repressive as elsewhere. Some university students try and do a nonviolent protest on Macragge against the brutal war economy strain and saying that it is harming productivity rather than helping because inefficient. Calgar sends in first company terminators to butcher them all.
Based.
Rolled 34 (1d100)
Rolling the d100 for you too fashanon, it's not looking good!
Roll for me please. I wanna be the guy who oils and massages the SOB and wears their panties to feel the emperor's love
Rolled 37 (1d100)
I'll make this one simpler - get 100 you get your dream, otherwise you're a servitor-latrine for the Death Guard
Well damn, a man can dream
If they can afford those luxury beliefs then they are repressed.
It sounds like he misread something because I could have sworn that I read somewhere that 85 percent of the imperium's population is in hive cities, but the majority of worlds are not hive worlds.
>>be born in irrelevant imperial civilized world
Yes, thats what OP described. The average civilized world is functionally a feudal slave state where the average joe lives in conditions which can charitably be described as "industrial revolution factory town on steroids".
Jokes on you the imperium doesn't give a frick if you're happy or not.
Grimderp like this is why I find some portrayals of 40k and the Imperium specifically hard to take seriously
The idea of dystopian quality of life this exaggerated continuing for literal thousands of years cripples suspension of disbelief. It only takes a couple of generations of unlivable conditions for either the working population to revolt or reforms to be implemented by new societal leaders. And if liveability is really so abysmal, you can also bet no-one is having any children, which means no new workers to replace the rapidly dying workforce.
For the record this is the same truth Schwab and his followers are ignorant of irl.
There has been one successful peasant revolt in the history of the planet
It doesn't happen
There have been many.
>It only takes a couple of generations of unlivable conditions for either the working population to revolt or reforms to be implemented by new societal leaders.
Yeah, in societies of limited scale and technology where the working class revolts can actually accomplish anything.
Now fast forward tens of thousands of years to a point where the soul-crushing scope of the dystopian society is so vast that billions of people can disappear in a rounding error on a tax form and where your life depends utterly on technology that absolutely no one knows how to operate except a highly insular ruling class of arcane techno-priests. You are up against stratified layers of power against which no momentum can ever be gained, it's strangled in the cradle.
>be a cogboy
>fix pipes
>prove I'm great worker
>get repositioned doing forgework
>upgrade by busted back with a cyber mantle
>mechadendrites baby
>prove myself to be a great mind
>get positioned working on something fun like titans, or some research station, maybe even assembling sacred bolters
>get more privileges
>ignore tithe because I am of the cult of Mars
>ignore the Ministorum priests because I am of the cult of Mars
>exchange my legs & arms for steel
>exchange most of my internal organs to be nigh Immortal
>life is good
5,000 years later, anon is still working on the bolter assembly line, because all the higher-ups are also immortal cyborgs who never die or retire, leaving no possible room for promotion no matter how hard you work.
It doesn't really matter as long as the work isn't that hard.
>5,000 years later, anon is still working on the bolter assembly line
Do you understand just how fricking good I am at working at the bolter assembly line at that point? I think I got a /k/ boner from just the thought of getting to fiddle with holy bolters for that long.
>bolter assembly line
Fricking lorelet.
>crafted by hand on a forge world
anon that doesn't discount the possibility of an assembly line, it's still handbuilt, just lots of hands
>bust back
>get made into a servitor
If you are born in 40k as a human there's a 99.9999% chance you're a peasant in a hiveworld or agriworld. Both are shit.
Your best bet (that exists in sufficient number to be a meaningful chance) is:
>born as an Ork (life shit but you won't care and will be having fun until the end)
>born as a Tyranid (idem though your emotional state doesn't involve things such as happiness or whatever, you probably just feel pleasure at doing what the hive says)
>born as an Eldar RIGHT AFTER the War in Heaven
Corpse starch was a psyop to get you to eat de poopoo. In the Imperium they eat some kind of onions based treat which is almost but not as bad.
T. Rick Priestly
>why do people turn to chaos bro, I can't understand
>Fricking off from the Imperium's pyramid scheme into another pyramid scheme that also gives you the illusion that you can eventually be the one on top
>Totally not exchanging one set of masters that can have you killed or tortured on a whim for another
>the people in the setting do not have the view of it we have and have no idea that this is the case
>globo-homosexual is okay when it politically aligns with my beliefs.
Feudal worlds sound so kino
>just read Warhammer fanta-
NO!! Feudal worlds are automatically better because of the implication that there's a galactic empire in the night sky.
Until your lord passes off the space people and they bring the machine men down to trample your home
I like knight worlds.
>Actual medieval knights dueling with giant mechs and sometimes having to go off world for decades or centuries to fight for some vague star empire ruled by a god emperor.
I will die for Chaos so that I can live for myself.
Shan't be doing any of those, I'm afraid.
>tfw I live in Eastern Europe
It's basically living in the Imperium.
>lore
Who cares, just tell us who won Warhammer 40K already
/mydudes/
Half the faction have ''nuh uh I win'' clauses
>some writer fully said chaos is a matter of when, not if
>necrons have anti chaos tech, best tech overall and numbers to back it up so they could win if they all woke up and were united
>tyranids can keep pouring in more hivefleets as the plot demands so they could win
>orks can spawn indefinitely so they can win as they get stronger from fighting anyway
>eldar have a prophecy saying if they all die slaanesh somehow blows up and reincarnates all dead eldar and their gods in a cleansed universe
>tau fans keep talking about how in the long run they'll win because of ''muh tech advancement''
Really it's anyone's guess, aside from maybe the dark eldar and imperium fans I've not really heard any good ''and thats how they win'' clauses, granted DE already have everything they want in a sense
The Imperium has that 'blow up terra and kill the emperor so he becomes a god' clause
>corpse starch
Do gue'la really?
Guys stop the Imperium are supposed to be the good guys in my super serious sci fi setting.